Pls help my husband always report any little misunderstanding we have to his Mother, and she is always using that to bear grouch against me without hearing my own explanation. What do I do please?

Na today?
I bet she was the one that chose ur wedding dress,food,venue and even wrote ur vows,LOL.
Look,its between u and ur mama's-boy husband.You have to "show" him that u are the new mama,infact the mama that has come to stay.
Try as much as possible to avoid whatever that leads to the squabbles.
Misunderstandings are bound to occur but how do u handle it?Flare up and sulk,deny him of congo or try to corner him with ur feminine powers then gently make him bend?
I tell ya,that husband of urs is verrry easy to manipulate,u should be the one manipulating him,what has mama got on u?He is a grown agbaya,treat him as one;corner him with biscuit o jare!

ifyalways:

Na today?
I bet she was the one that chose your wedding dress,food,venue and even wrote your vows,LOL.
Look,its between u and your mama's-boy husband.You have to "show" him that u are the new mama,infact the mama that has come to stay.
Try as much as possible to avoid whatever that leads to the squabbles.
Misunderstandings are bound to occur but how do u handle it?Flare up and sulk,deny him of congo or try to corner him with your feminine powers then gently make him bend?
I tell ya,that husband of urs is verrry easy to manipulate,u should be the one manipulating him,what has mama got on u?He is a grown agbaya,treat him as one;corner him with biscuit o jare!

Blame your husband for not being a man.
I am sure you saw that before marrying him.
You have to be a real woman and re-direct his inability to communicate with you before it gets worse.
You are on NL yourself to ask for help and so I think this is a perfect match made of the blind leading the blind in the journey of marriage.

You both seem helpless in your marriage with your inability to share mutual concerns.
A recipe for disaster. Start acting like a married woman and take control of your home before things get out of hand.

Why should your mother-in-law's ability to bear grudges with you pre-occupy your mind anyway? Most in-laws are like that, especially if they lived miserable lives in their own polygamous marriages of constant figjhting and case-settlements. Is she your second spouse in the marriage?
Do you want to make her your "bestest" friend in your life? :-
You need to ignore the woman and concentrate on your husband. When your husband gets the message, she will get the message too.

The way your spouse treats you, is the exact way other members of his family will treat you.
You need to start teaching him how to 'close' his mouth.
And learn to close yours too and face your problems privately.

ifyalways:

Na today?
I bet she was the one that chose your wedding dress,food,venue and even wrote your vows,LOL.
Look,its between u and your mama's-boy husband.You have to "show" him that u are the new mama,infact the mama that has come to stay.
Try as much as possible to avoid whatever that leads to the squabbles.
Misunderstandings are bound to occur but how do u handle it?Flare up and sulk,deny him of congo or try to corner him with your feminine powers then gently make him bend?
I tell ya,that husband of urs is verrry easy to manipulate,u should be the one manipulating him,what has mama got on u?He is a grown agbaya,treat him as one;corner him with biscuit o jare!

Immediately after our misunderstanding, he'll put on his cloths and head to his mum's place for complain without me knowing. Any time we have misunderstanding, whether im wrong or right, im always the first person to apologies to him through text message or phone call, we dont keep Grudge till the next day because i dont want my kids to know that we are quarreling, and personally i dont know how to keep malice generally. . For sex i have never denied him sex, except if im having my monthly flow.

As for my sisters and brothers inlaws they like/support me, They like coming to my place, they like eating my food, they like my kids. They are always against the way their mum handles me & my husband's issue. Actually we dont have misunderstanding all the time, few time we have, he will go and table it to his mother. And he will act on any advise the mother gives him. And he likes telling me, if he act on everything his mother advice him, that our marriage wouldn't have lasted to date.

ask ur husband to grow more balls and face u. its unhealthy in a relationship

Blazay:

Blame your husband for not being a man.
I am sure you saw that before marrying him.
You have to be a real woman and re-direct his inability to communicate with you before it gets worse.
You are on NL yourself to ask for help and so I think this is a perfect matchn of the blind leading the blind in the journey of marriage.

You are both seem helpless in your marriage with your inability to share mutual concerns.
A recipe for disaster. Start acting like a married woman and take control of your home before things get out of hand.

Why should your mother-in-law's ability to bear grudges with you pre-occupy your mind anyway? Most in-laws are like that, especially if they lived miserable lives in their own polygamous marriages of constant figjhting and case-settlements. Is she your second spouse in the marriage?
Do you want to make her your "bestest" friend in your life? :-
You need to ignore the woman and concentrate on your husband. When your husband gets the message, she will get the message too.

The way your spouse treats you, is the exact way other members of his family will treat you.
You need to start teaching him how to 'close' his mouth.
And learn to close yours too and face your problems privately.

Thanks for your response
This is not blind leading blind issue sir. I had told him gently not to be reporting some of our family issues to his mother. He's been advised by some elders not to be doing that, if he really want his mother to like me. His family members likes me due to the way i attend to them. I used to be closed to her, i decided to withdraw myself because of the way she handles I and my husband's matter.

mummy3:

Immediately after our misunderstanding, he'll put on his cloths and head to his mum's place for complain without me knowing. Any time we have misunderstanding, whether im wrong or right, im always the first person to apologies to him through text message or phone call, we dont keep Grudge till the next day because i dont want my kids to know that we are quarreling, and personally i dont know how to keep malice generally. . For sex i have never denied him sex, except if im having my monthly flow.

As for my sisters and brothers inlaws they like/support me, They like coming to my place, they like eating my food, they like my kids. They are always against the way their mum handles me & my husband's issue. Actually we dont have misunderstanding all the time, few time we have, he will go and table it to his mother. And he will act on any advise the mother gives him.  And he likes telling me, if he act on everything his mother advice him, that our marriage wouldn't have lasted to date.

Has he always been like this or he changed overnight?

The hard part and the truth is this:your husband is a huge part of the problem by running to mom instead of staying home and working out a problem when you argue. Your problem is not with your mother in law, but with your husband. The fact that he runs to her house when you get into an argument is very mama's boyish.
Once he begins to put the marriage in its proper place, he'll be able to put his mother in her proper place.

You need to talk with your hubby and get on the same page. He has to quit running home to mommy anytime there's a problem.You guys obviously has communication problem.
Communication and mutual respect is lacking,have u tried "teaching" him?Talking with him on a good day?
Some boys just won't become men,sadly. 

Whatever you do,don't involve ur MIL any more than this,don't cry to her or try to engage her in a discussion abt this problem.

ifyalways:

Has he always been like this or he changed overnight?

The hard part and the truth is this:your husband is a huge part of the problem by running to mom instead of staying home and working out a problem when you argue. Your problem is not with your mother in law, but with your husband. The fact that he runs to her house when you get into an argument is very mama's boyish.
Once he begins to put the marriage in its proper place, he'll be able to put his mother in her proper place.

You need to talk with your hubby and get on the same page. He has to quit running home to mommy anytime there's a problem.You guys obviously has communication problem.
Communication and mutual respect is lacking,have u tried "teaching" him?Talking with him on a good day?
Some boys just won't become men,sadly. 

Whatever you do,don't involve your MIL any more than this,don't cry to her or try to engage her in a discussion abt this problem.

Thanks im grateful

Like you said, i agreed with you 100%, my husband is the problem, he's been advised by his sisters not to be doing so, because they know the kind of mum they have.

We dont hide anything from each other, we communicate very well, . e.g our daily or monthly income, what we experienced while we were at work on daily basis, infact we play the way husband and wife should relate, but he's just fun of telling his mum everything, expecially when we have misunderstanding. I have a mother as well, i dont always table my family matter to my mother. My mum is understandable type, whether im right-o or wrong-o, she'll still support my hubby or be in the middle. but his mum, she takes anything my hubby tells her.

He is been mummy's boy, tell him to grow up.
My hubby was doing same thing befor when we were dating, I always call him mummy's boy and tell him to go back to his mum belly so thaT he can be reborn to earth, this hurt him so much. But his case his different as he is a single child.
Some men are very fund of their mum, not that they meant bad reporting to their mum, they are not aware of the damage this could course if the mother is that jobless type that will start thinking (ooo this girl won't to finish my son abi?) bun her and work on ur hubby.
How did I put a stop to it? Sat him down and talk with him maturedly, ask him if he will be happy if I do the same, he said no. I tell u since then he has grown matured, some times the mother gets updates from me now not from his son lol. So the work is in ur hands, don't use voilence. Hope this work for u too.

plappville:

He is been mummy's boy, tell him to grow up.
My hubby was doing same thing befor when we were dating, I always call him mummy's boy and tell him to go back to his mum belly so thaT he can be reborn to earth, this hurt him so much. But his case his different as he is a single child.
Some men are very fund of their mum, not that they meant bad reporting to their mum, they are not aware of the damage this could course if the mother is that jobless type that will start thinking (ooo this girl won't to finish my son abi?) bun her and work on your hubby.
How did I put a stop to it? Sat him down and talk with him maturedly, ask him if he will be happy if I do the same, he said no. I tell u since then he has grown matured, some times the mother gets updates from me now not from his son lol. So the work is in your hands, don't use voilence. Hope this work for u too.

Beautiful! You handled that well girl, poster u can as well borrow a leaf from Miss Plappville. You should ensure balance. Enlightening and teaching him (that he should man up enough to make his decisions and handle his scenes without running to mama) without demeaning him or making him feel like he is being treated like an ignorant child. In order words you will be doing the teaching without him knowing that he is actually being schooled. You should use much words of appreciation and compliments to the point that he will be feeling so good about himself that he won't realize that you are the teacher here,respecting him in the process to avoid pushing him to the other side of the extreme.

Ivynwa:

Beautiful! You handled that well girl, poster u can as well borrow a leaf from Miss Plappville. You should ensure balance. Enlightening and teaching him (that he should man up enough to make his decisions and handle his scenes without running to mama) without demeaning him or making him feel like he is being treated like an ignorant child. In order word you will be doing the teaching without him knowing that he is actually being schooled. You should use much words of appreciation and compliments to the point that he will be feeling so good about himself that he won't realize that you are the teacher her,respecting him in the process to avoid pushing him to the other side of the extreme.

Correct woman,

He reports everything to his Mum because he's a Mama's boy!

Which I'm sure you knew when you married him! So stop complaining!

mummy3:

Thanks for your response
This is not blind leading blind issue sir. I had told him gently not to be reporting some of our family issues to his mother. He's been advised by some elders not to be doing that, if he really want his mother to like me. His family members likes me due to the way i attend to them. I used to be closed to her, i decided to withdraw myself because of the way she handles I and my husband's matter.

You are concentrating too much on your husband's mother and her issues. It is important she likes you of course. But your main problem is your husband.

ifyalways:

Na today?
I bet she was the one that chose your wedding dress,food,venue and even wrote your vows,LOL.
Look,its between u and your mama's-boy husband.You have to "show" him that u are the new mama,infact the mama that has come to stay.
Try as much as possible to avoid whatever that leads to the squabbles.
Misunderstandings are bound to occur but how do u handle it?Flare up and sulk,deny him of congo or try to corner him with your feminine powers then gently make him bend?
I tell ya,that husband of urs is verrry easy to manipulate,u should be the one manipulating him,what has mama got on u?He is a grown agbaya,treat him as one;corner him with biscuit o jare!

Lmao!!!

I have been married for the last 10 months and most of the time my mother in law is very sweet with me and once I am not in front of her she starts complaining about me from her son , When our maid does not come then In front of her son she will pretend and will tell me to give my clothes to wash so that she can get sympathy from my husband and always she keeps on telling my husband not to spend money on me as, as per her if daughther in law is working it is her responsibility to bear her own expenses and she even told openly from my parents that if I want to live in their home then I need to pay 7000/- rs to them Per month , at that moment I felt so bad but for the sake of my marriage my parents got agree as they did not want to destroy my married life but from that day I am totally feeling like a tenant in their home who has to pay money to live in the house and I have no love for my husband too as he did not support me while his mother was keeping this point in front of my parents. And my husband had feeling of responsibility at the initial stage that I am his wife so he should incur my expenses but now my MIL has also changed his mentality that I am working so I will bear my expenses own and will give them money ,pls. advise what to do as I am very fed up of my mother in law interference . And in the influence of my mother in law my husband has beaten me up 3-4 times now i am leaving with my parents for the last 2.5 months , my mil is very greedy and my husband does whatever she tells him , now he called up up to come back to his home but i need to pay him money too as i am working and has to do household work too but he will not help at all as he is the man but when it comes to money then he does not remember his responsibility , my mil wants me to incur household expenses as well as household work too.
I know that I am wrong but I wish from my heart if she dies.And although my husband shows me that he loves me but whenever his mother does anything wrong with me he always supports his mother it seems that i do not have any worth in their home , he is neither interested to take financial responsibility nor household work responsibility , pls. advice what should i do as i am leaving at my parents place , even my mil has called up my relatives while i was leaving with my husband 2-3 times just to decide who will take financial responsibility of household expenses , she is a greedy women who always think about money and even my husband was supporting her while she called up my relatives, but now my parents have tired of their greediness and they want me to take divorce as they find no future and financial security with this guy ,pls. suggest i am very confused whether i should give divorce or not

Reema

@ reema pls start a new post so we can concentrate on a post @ a time
@ poster am too sure you saw the signal button of your hubby been mummys boy b4 u married him but love Ignored them now its beginning to tell. Be patient and formulate a strategy by which anytime a quarrel crops up he stays indoor with you. Sorry does kill. Even if you are not wrong tell him sorry (not everytime o) but also make sure after he calms downs you pass the message to him with wisdom in such a way his anger is not aggravated that you are hurt.
Then pray it works! You re in it already so fix it!

reema_25: I have been married for the last 10 months and most of the time my mother in law is very sweet with me and once I am not in front of her she starts complaining about me from her son , When our maid does not come then In front of her son she will pretend and will tell me to give my clothes to wash so that she can get sympathy from my husband and always she keeps on telling my husband not to spend money on me as, as per her if daughther in law is working it is her responsibility to bear her own expenses and she even told openly from my parents that if I want to live in their home then I need to pay 7000/- rs to them Per month , at that moment I felt so bad but for the sake of my marriage my parents got agree as they did not want to destroy my married life but from that day I am totally feeling like a tenant in their home who has to pay money to live in the house and I have no love for my husband too as he did not support me while his mother was keeping this point in front of my parents. And my husband had feeling of responsibility at the initial stage that I am his wife so he should incur my expenses but now my MIL has also changed his mentality that I am working so I will bear my expenses own and will give them money ,pls. advise what to do as I am very fed up of my mother in law interference . And in the influence of my mother in law my husband has beaten me up 3-4 times now i am leaving with my parents for the last 2.5 months , my mil is very greedy and my husband does whatever she tells him , now he called up up to come back to his home but i need to pay him money too as i am working and has to do household work too but he will not help at all as he is the man but when it comes to money then he does not remember his responsibility , my mil wants me to incur household expenses as well as household work too.
I know that I am wrong but I wish from my heart if she dies.And although my husband shows me that he loves me but whenever his mother does anything wrong with me he always supports his mother it seems that i do not have any worth in their home , he is neither interested to take financial responsibility nor household work responsibility , pls. advice what should i do as i am leaving at my parents place , even my mil has called up my relatives while i was leaving with my husband 2-3 times just to decide who will take financial responsibility of household expenses , she is a greedy women who always think about money and even my husband was supporting her while she called up my relatives, but now my parents have tired of their greediness and they want me to take divorce as they find no future and financial security with this guy ,pls. suggest i am very confused whether i should give divorce or not

Reema

You are Indian. I don't know what your culture is but it is totally wrong for you to pay to live in your husband's house which is essentially meant to be yours too. I can hardly project any happiness in this marriage unless your husband is willing:

1. To live separately from his mother.

2. Start taking the right decisions for himself and not being subject to every desire of his mother regarding your marriage. I am not saying he should disrespect her, but boundaries have to be agreed-on and kept.

These should be your minimum requirements for reconciliation with your husband. If he can meet them; good for you. However, if he can't I suggest you move-on with your life by seeking an amicable divorce.

Lol am datin mumys boy myself and i literarily draged him away from his mother.there have been 2 occasions where he reported me to him mom,i had to fix dat up and i told him when next he reports me to his mom,ill report him to mine.not just my mom but my dad and every member of my household and am sure u dnt want my younger ones to disrrespect u or think ure still a married baby and dat was d last day he reported to his mom wen we have quarels.somtyms sef i tease him wen we quarel dat shey u wont go n report me to mummy deborah (his mom) and he wil feel angry,ashamed and walk out.when he does som childish tins sumtyms,i remind him,ure 31 o,ure nt 12.even wen d mom ask him (cos she can b very nosy somtyms,pretendin to show concern so dat she wil have somtin to gosip about to her kids) is deola ok,he wil say,shes good,she will ask me,hope kola is not stresin u n i will say he is a nice guy.i do dis because i want to take control of my home ryt frm d foundation.i dnt want any mil to tel me wot to do in my home even though shes a nice woman,i dnt want to giv her any opportunity and it starts from courtship not marriage.everyone should b respected and put in dia place

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I brought this here because I have no one to talk to or advise me..
I have similar issue with you but mine is a little bit different.

Whenever my husband and I have an argument he calls his mom on phone so she can hear whatever it’s we are arguing about.. he reports me most times to his mom when we have an argument instead of him to face me.. I don’t know why he does this but I have a feeling he want them to see me as a bad person.. There’s no time we have an argument that he will not call his mom to tell her or sort of things.. This’s something I will never do to him. I will never even call my parent or siblings to tell them anything if we had an argument because I feel I will be staining him in front of my people but he finds it very easy to call his mom and brother to report me to them

Younglady06:
I brought this here because I have no one to talk to or advise me..
I have similar issue with you but mine is a little bit different.

Whenever my husband and I have an argument he calls his mom on phone so she can hear whatever it’s we are arguing about.. he reports me most times to his mom when we have an argument instead of him to face me.. I don’t know why he does this but I have a feeling he want them to see me as a bad person.. There’s no time we have an argument that he will not call his mom to tell her or sort of things.. This’s something I will never do to him. I will never even call my parent or siblings to tell them anything if we had an argument because I feel I will be staining him in front of my people but he finds it very easy to call his mom and brother to report me to them

This thread is 11 years old. Kindly create your own thread and post