Exciting Job Opportunities in the Niger Delta
Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with branches in strategic locations throughout all the six South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to expand its operations to Abuja , the Federal Capital territory. This expansion has brought about vacancies for qualified and experienced young officers. The positions are:

Area Head, Kidnapping:

The successful applicant who will report to the Executive Council, and the Executive Director, Abuja , is expected to possess the following competencies:

1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant agitation. (Membership of Al-qaeda, Hamas or other similar organisation will be an added advantage)

2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian and German

3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and Albinos

4) Ability to swim in deep waters

5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by sight

6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must be provided (pictures preferable)


Photographer:

1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as war zones for these purposes)

2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera lighting.

3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality pictures, is a must.

4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and Internet photo uploading software is a must.

Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples (must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in war-zones OR be nightshots in blackspots like Oshodi, 3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)


Militant Trainee:

1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50, be at least 4m tall, and may be male or female.

2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.

3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen will be given special consideration.

4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.

5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge of foreign European languages, and persons with the ability to swim.


Renumeration:

Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with industry standards (payments in foreign currencies).

Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.

Excellent training, involving offshore secondment ( Iraq , Afghanistan etc) from time to time

Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine, The Economist and other International magazines.

Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian politicians, oil magnates, and foreign businessmen.


Interested applicants should forward their applications and detailed curriculum militae within two weeks to:
militant_recruitmen t@OsamaConsulting.com

Source:  http://jobvacancyalerts..com/

d'uh
Omo, this joke has been posted soooooooooooooooooo many times, its not even funny anymore
try and be a little more creative

Raf!:

d'uh
Omo, this joke has been posted soooooooooooooooooo many times, its not even funny anymore
try and be a little more creative

Tru talk!

Solo ! pls !!!! be more serious in life, this site is 4 serious people.

umoh007:

Solo ! please !!!! be more serious in life, this site is 4 serious people.

serious people se? as in KOLO MENTAL people right?

Do not insult Nigerians and our teeming youth who are insearch of better source of living.
Do not allow me to call you a fool and a person dt is in the lost age.
Bt indeed u are an enemy of Nigeria and part of those who do not wish us well.
If u do not have any thing to state/say SHUT UP and keep off from this site

Hi solo, i kn its a joke, bt be very careful wat u cal and use as jokes. dis issue is a very peculier one affecting d N/deltans. in essence b very careful wat u use as jokes

Why now? We are serious minded and heart-boiling solution providers and collaboraors. yu can joke in the Romance , Love and dating sections of this forum but not in sensitive areas as this JOBS area. God help the unemployment rate in Nigeria. Long Live nairaland ! Long Live the Optimist and goal-getter nigerian Youth!

Seun,

Kindly delete this post.

It is a mockery of our national being. Not at this time when the nation is going through a tensed mommet.

Why now? We are serious minded and heart-boiling solution providers and collaborators. yu can joke in the Romance , Love and dating sections of this forum but not in sensitive areas as this JOBS area. God help the unemployment rate in Nigeria. Long Live nairaland ! Long Live the Optimist and goal-getter Nigerian Youth!

Collins! Thats good talk I quite agree with u-a serious minded Nigerian.