Before i begin, i want to appreciate all of my readers. Your calls, texts, chats, emails and DMs are why i keep doing this-I want to take this time to appreciate you all thank you for your kind words , support and encouragement , i am just glad my writings touch your life in the ways you say they do.

Thanks

Losing a loved one can be a huge blow, i know i have covered over various life after death the different experiences and expectations but i want us to take a more personal perspective at how it affects the lives of those who have lost someone and give some tips on how best to cope.

If you haven't lost someone close to you ,trust me when i say nothing prepares you for it- It is a devastatingly powerful experience that changes your life forever.´
Nothing prepares you for it, no amount of spiritual growth or spiritual knowledge of toughness can prepare you for seeing that body looking like it is asleep right before your eyes knowing that you will never fight with them again, you will never smell them again, you will never receive their annoying phone calls or hear their advise which most times you never really appreciated again. The realization and magnititude of this loos can be so profound it causes server traumatic and emotional shock.

Nothing worse them the pain of realizing you just wont see them again, ever.
You wont get to sit down with them or just be angry at them. Be it your mother or father or brother or sister or uncle or aunt or cousin or best friend that died the loss can be so terrible it leaves permanent effects in ones life. I cant discuss people whom i help their cases so i will try to tal from my own personal perspective.

I remember that morning when i woke to a call from my kid brother at 5 am which was odd because its a mum that usually calls at such odd hours and i was exhausted from the previous day of going to pick up my dad from the hospital (Dad had been battling cancer for years) and dropping him off at home really late so when i called back after the second call i felt like just shouting at him to say why are you calling me so early. But something was odd when he picked and it was mums voice frantic and worrying she was saying come now your dad is unconscious.

i dont know how i managed it but i went from my bed to my car in seconds and was on th road driving fast and calling at the same time asking what happened have you called the doctor etc

i got to their house rushed up stairs and dad was laying on the floor of his room my baby brother trying to do CPR mum looking like she was in a trance and i immediately screamed for the security man to come up and help me carry my dad down to the car. One thing struck me and i gripped his wrists he was cold as ice but his belly was warm i knew at that moment, my mum was watching me intensely looking for any sign of hope i lied to her mum come on he is alright, she held he chest in relief i looked at my friend with my eyes i said dont say word.

We all got into my SUV mum got into the back and laid dads head on her lap i drove us to the hospital as fast as possible, all the while i could hear mum telling dad dont leave me o, how will i do, remember i just retired and we have plans dont you dare lave me o.. She was saying this over and over again calling his pet name.

When i drove into the hospital the nurses and staff where on stand by, Dad had been getting his treatment there and another specialist hospital but this was nearest

The brought a wheel chair and immediately i opened the door one of the nurses was already shaking her head and saying AAAH Daddy is i shouted Yes he is getting better , i frowned at her and she immediately understood because my mum had rushed to her side saying my daughter is everything fine with daddy? The nurse had sharpened up and nodded yes mama dont worry we will revive him.

i told mum to wait in the waiting area with a friend who had driven there to as i called him. They took my dad to his private room and there to doctor told me after doing some checks what i already knew that dad had passed away about an hour now.

That moment was hard, i had known when i felt his body but the confirmation was hard and worst of all was how was i going to tell my mum?

This is what loosing a loved on can do it causes tremendous pain and grief and often confusion. i remember i had to be the one to first call th last born whom i had told to follow mum and my friend home we lied to my mum that dad had woken up that she needs to go get some things and Ogi native pap for him she was so excited and wanted to see him but i said she should go get the food and a change of clothes , i drew my friend aside and younger one and told them dad had passed they should take mum home and stay there. Eventually we told mum and that led to years of depression and grief, thankfully she is better now

The pain of losing a loved one is unimaginable, you wonder where do you start from, your chest feels so emptxy and hollow, sometimes you are just moving numb- you are blank and unaware.

I recall a friend who lost his mother, while we were in school. Oh my, some days this guy will be sitting down and tears will be flowing from his eyes and he isn't aware tears are flowing from his eyes its those of us around him who call his attention to it then he quickly cleans his face. sometimes he wakes up with tears all over his pillow. His grief was so severe it changed him. Nothing prepares one for the pain, i know someone who used to work for one of the popular Telco's in Nigeria, He lost his 3 year old daughter
It affected him mentally, this man would go to work sometimes without bathing, he would not go home he would go to sleep in cheap hotels after drinking , we as his friend tried all we could, he never fully recovered the company had to terminate his employment. He was messed up emotionally , he had to be put in a psychiatric hospital for almost a year before he was okay. He left his marriage and relocated abroad till today.

We all cope with pain differently, because the grief of losing someone loved to death is sometimes so great it hurts to your core. What can you do but gather yourself piece by piece each day. The pain never goes away, No it stays with you, but with time you get used to it.

You just have to find the strength in you to get up even if you couldn't sleep or not and try and face the day.

You try to get from morning to evening lay down on your bed and next day you rinse and repeat-

Here are some tips i have to help you cope

1.Bag all their belongings: Clothes, dairy, their favorite things like combs, under ware , watches , jewelry, take all thesse things and put them in bags, or Ghana must go or boxes whichever you have and lock them away.

2. Switch off them phones too , and bag them , plus their laptops too, after off course notifying their school, work or colleagues then bag all these things away.

3. If you have access to their Facebook page notify Facebook they have passed away and Facebook will turn it into a memorial page for you- Its a simple process just email Facebook the death certificate of an image of the death announcement

4. Don't be alone stay with family and friends.

5. Get ready for insomnia, you will loose sleep for a while don't worry its a natural way of your body coping with the grief, because at this point your blood pressure would be really high hence loss of sleep.

7. If they have pictures in the house , i mean framed pictures hanging on the wall turn all of them over . Taking them down is best but that's not realistic your heart may not be ready for such closure yet.

8. Yes you are going to withdraw, you are not going to be social ,you are gong to feel like you are going mad, you are going to hold onto their clothes just so you can smell them, all this is normal, this phase will pass-

9. My oh my, you are going to cry,you are going to cry and cry and cry, some days it will be hard to breath, some days your heart will pain you in your chest some days you will be a wreck, but its all going to be okay eventually-

10. Guilt: If you had fights or a difficult relationship especially close to the time of death its normal to feel regret and guilt for not trying hard enough to fix the relationship, hey, you did your best, its okay.

11. Fear: The fear of forgetting them stays with you for ever till you die. You forever try to remember how they used to sit down, how they used to laugh, shout, argue how your loved one used to smile and frown, this stays with you forever don't be afraid you will forget , you wont.

12. Try to remember how they lived, the lessons they impacted into your life , because when they are gone you realize how trivial all the disagreements and issues you used to have seem now.

I hope this post helps someone.

If you have tips or anything you want to share feel free to

I am also available via DMs if you need to talk.

Cheers

Reminded me of my late mum

EdoFirstBorn:
Reminded me of my late mum

Oh my goodness

It is well my friend