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I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? - Family - Nairaland

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I Feel Like I'm Being Bullied In My Family / Please help!! My sister is being used. / I Feel Depressed! My Cousin Beat Me Because Of N100 Biscuit (2) (3) (4)

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I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 11:17pm On Apr 21, 2021
My younger sister-Nancy (not her real name) gave birth to a child outside wedlock, for a very irresponsible man. This man is in his early forties, while my sister is in her mid twenties; she is younger than me by about 8 years.
The problem with her started from my parents who spoilt her from childhood. My other three sisters are all married and two of them are younger than Nancy, while one of the three is our first born.
My father has this superstitious belief that his mother reincarnated through this sister of mine, she became very rebellious, manner less and untouchable, my father will defend her against anybody when she is wrong, even against my mother, my father would even insult me just to please Nancy.
My mother was using Nancy to settle scores with me, because I refused to be manipulated by her. I am an irreligious humanist while my mother is a very toxic Christian, all my family members are Christian anyways, and we don’t discriminate generally. But my mum was using Christianity to cover her character flaws, she and my father practically turned Nancy against me. Now they are getting older Nancy have overpowered them, and they still interfere when I try to rebuke her.

I studied through the open and distance system of education, mostly self sponsored and occasionally by my father, I have been working since leaving secondary school, I graduated from the university about 2 years ago, I was disrespected so much at home just because I was still struggling. This is notwithstanding the fact that I still render assistance wherever I can. I started a business last year around June and I am now growing gradually. I am supporting my younger brother who is currently in the university. I have earned some respect in the family too.

I spent money on medical bills Nancy during pregnancy and after delivery; other members of the family have been contributing in taking care of her baby. But she is still meeting and having sex with the man who is responsible for her baby. I have seen Nancy trying to show me that the baby is her own on few occasions (I learnt firsthand how a childless woman feels when mothers ridicule her), she does not appreciate, love nor respect me.
I am an enemy to her now because I am against her lifestyle and choices. In fact, Nancy cannot even greet me for more than 6 years, my parents are aware but always make excuses for her like “we cannot force her”, “she is just immature”, “she will grow up’’ etc.

Now the child is almost due to be enrolled into pre nursery, everyone is expecting me to shoulder the responsibility, as the first son. My father always says that the child will be taken care of just like every one of his children as if he has any plan for her. They always let me know that a first son is an embodiment of patience, endurance and tolerance, just when they are about to blackmail me into doing their wishes.
I love this child but I feel that I shouldn’t start wasting my resources on a child whose mother hates me and may turn her against me later in my life, whose grandparents encouraged her mum to disrespect me and whose father may find his way into her heart when she gets to adulthood, making me a loser. If I find myself broke or in need tomorrow, I don't want to start regretting my past benevolent actions.
I am single and in my early thirties.
Please I need sound advice and sincere suggestions on what to do.

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Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by braine(m): 11:25pm On Apr 21, 2021
Thats unfair.. especially when the father is in the child's mothers life!

I believe the child bears your surname as the man hasn't paid any bride price nor come to claim the child.


You sef get married and have your own responsibilities. You'll have a genuine reason not to take extra responsibility.

3 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by MMotimo: 11:30pm On Apr 21, 2021
The day do-gooders allow “pregnancy carriers” to be accountable for their action is the day Naija will see progress in that area.
Some people are out there enjoying skin to skin sex because they know somebody, somewhere will take over their kaya
Skin to skin is not for people that do not have the means to raise kids.
Skin to skin is a PRIVILEGE!!! Girls, be WISE
Even millionaires/ billionaires subject themselves to birth control so what is a poor man’s excuse undecided

18 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by ipobarethieves: 11:32pm On Apr 21, 2021
sad Typing.........
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by Kylekent59: 11:36pm On Apr 21, 2021
I gat three words for you.

Be a man!
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by Ammishaddai: 11:41pm On Apr 21, 2021
My dear brother, there is a proverb that says " you can choose your friends; but you cannot choose your family ". So my advice is this :

1. You are Nancy's brother, and as it stands she is your sister ; you cannot turn your back on her irrespective of her behavior : you shall surely help her.

2. Do not look at the grudges you have against Nancy, for that would deny the child the right to an education. Remember, she is a victim of a situation that is beyond her control

3. You need Jesus. Forget what your mother has done. For if you follow the dictates of men and what men do, you will never serve God, and that would certainly do you more harm than good.


Peace

2 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by Cutehector(m): 11:53pm On Apr 21, 2021
Chase nancy away. Let life humble her then she will come back to her senses.

4 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by Nobody: 11:57pm On Apr 21, 2021
Nancy and her irresponsible baby daddy won't get their acts together if you keep shouldering their responsibilities. Since she's still sleeping with him, if she gets pregnant again, the responsibilities will also be on you, so I would suggest putting your foot down now that you'll no longer cater to them. Live your life and continue to help your younger brother who's in Uni, but let Nancy and her baby daddy sort themselves out, or tell your parents who are siding with her lifestyle to step in. All of them are capable and able-bodied; let them do the needful, otherwise they will continue to take advantage of you, while disrespecting you to boot.

21 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 12:10am On Apr 22, 2021
braine:
Thats unfair.. especially when the father is in the child's mothers life!

I believe the child bears your surname as the man hasn't paid any bride price nor come to claim the child.


You sef get married and have your own responsibilities. You'll have a genuine reason not to take extra responsibility.
Yes, the child bears my surname. thanks.
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 12:12am On Apr 22, 2021
Kylekent59:
I gat three words for you.

Be a man!
Please make it explicit.
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 12:27am On Apr 22, 2021
Cutehector:
Chase nancy away. Let life humble her then she will come back to her senses.
She does not stay in my apartment , I live close to my parents apartment, partly for my father's sake, and partly for mine. she stays with my mother.
In fact, my mother is the primary nurse of the child, I always protest she leave Nancy to play her role as a mother. She cannot respect her parents. I have told my father to send Nancy out of his home if she cannot abide by his rules, then he told me she has nowhere to go and she is still his blood, like I don't know.
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 12:32am On Apr 22, 2021
aroundtheearth:
Nancy and her irresponsible baby daddy won't get their act together if you keep shouldering their responsibilities. Since she's still sleeping with him, if she gets pregnant again, the responsibilities will also be on you, so I would suggest putting your foot down now that you'll no longer cater to them. Live your life and continue to help your younger brother who's in Uni, but let Nancy and her baby daddy sort themselves out, or tell your parents who are siding with her lifestyle to step in. All of them are capable and able-bodied, so let them do the needful, otherwise they will continue to take advantage of you, while disrespecting you to boot.

Thank you.
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by DaddyRochie1642: 12:37am On Apr 22, 2021
Oga this your case is too strong
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by Mindlog: 12:38am On Apr 22, 2021
I understand that concept of "mother re-incarnated" but sadly your parents have been your younger sister's enablers and will continue to be.

You have no business being responsible for the education of your sister's child, when the birth father and birth mother are alive and still in a sexual relationship rather let your father tell your sister to get her baby daddy to come with his kinsmen to "do something on her head" since they are still addicted to each other, so that they can go live together with their daughter, have as much sex as they want and be responsible for the resultant pregnancies.

Be assertive and focus on building your own life as you are not getting any younger.

11 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 12:42am On Apr 22, 2021
DaddyRochie1642:
Oga this your case is too strong
Lol. It is grin
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 12:54am On Apr 22, 2021
Mindlog:
I understand that concept of "mother re-incarnated" but sadly your parents have been your younger sister's enablers and will continue to be.

You have no business being responsible for the education of your sister's child, when the birth father and birth mother are alive and still in a sexual relationship rather let your father tell your sister to get her baby daddy to come with his kinsmen to "do something on her head" since they are still addicted to each other, so that can go live together with their daughter, have as much sex as they want and be responsible for the resultant pregnancies.

Be assertive and focus on building your own life as you are not getting any younger.

Thank you.
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by Matheusmartin: 12:55am On Apr 22, 2021
..
To be fair and Clear here, u do not owe that child anything...


Be a man, pls!

10 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 12:55am On Apr 22, 2021
Mindlog:
I understand that concept of "mother re-incarnated" but sadly your parents have been your younger sister's enablers and will continue to be.

You have no business being responsible for the education of your sister's child, when the birth father and birth mother are alive and still in a sexual relationship rather let your father tell your sister to get her baby daddy to come with his kinsmen to "do something on her head" since they are still addicted to each other, so that can go live together with their daughter, have as much sex as they want and be responsible for the resultant pregnancies.

Be assertive and focus on building your own life as you are not getting any younger.

Thank you.
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by bestabigaelever(f): 1:14am On Apr 22, 2021
Don't pay the child school fees at your expense, anything you can dash, give them

If anyone is stressing you too much in the family, show the person crazy
If you change am for them once everybody go respect themselves

10 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by johnkey: 3:31am On Apr 22, 2021
weak men everywhere, at this my age sef my mama no fit follow me reason nonsense talkless of when I reach 32. As long as you give your mom and dad money for their upkeep, I see no reason why you should act like a dumb hypnotized chicken. Imagine 40+ year old man and she's still sleeping with him, lol sorry to say but you are a family of fools. pray tell, you attend Lord's Chosen, right?

5 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by sisisioge: 5:10am On Apr 22, 2021
You dont owe her or the child anything. Say no and stand by it.


I honestly dont think Esther has been allowed to understand what it takes to nurture a child. You the community keeps enabling her. No thank you!

5 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by anthonyuncle(m): 5:34am On Apr 22, 2021
you better stop whatever you are doing for her and that child.
it is not wickedness, it is you being fair.

1. they will never be satisfied and it won't make her(your sister) change.

2. the little respect your family is giving you is because you are now made (without their support and influence)

3. (God forbid!) if you go broke tomorrow, they will show you hell.

start focusing on yourself more.

if you are still living in the family house, move out and get your own apartment.

start investing your money in things that can secure a better future for you and your children.
buy landed properties.
advance your education - go for masters and other advance studies.
sponsor the enrollment of people for apprenticeship.
take yourself out and relax more frequently.

9 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by Nobody: 6:15am On Apr 22, 2021
Ammishaddai:
My dear brother, there is a proverb that says " you can choose your friends; but you cannot choose your family ". So my advice is this :

1. You are Nancy's brother, and as it stands she is your sister ; you cannot turn your back on her irrespective of her behavior : you shall surely help her.

2. Do not look at the grudges you have against Nancy, for that would deny the child the right to an education. Remember, she is a victim of a situation that is beyond her control

3. You need Jesus. Forget what your mother has done. For if you follow the dictates of men and what men do, you will never serve God, and that would certainly do you more harm than good.


Peace
Bad advise,very bad advise.This is how you self acclaimed good African people drives people into depression with your holier than thou attitudes. He has his own life to live and as such he should totally cut off from responsibilities and people who do not appreciate him for his own mental balance.QED

13 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by Nobody: 6:16am On Apr 22, 2021
Cutehector:
Chase nancy away. Let life humble her then she will come back to her senses.
Exactly, best advise.

1 Like

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by DonEd(m): 7:21am On Apr 22, 2021
Its not ur obligation.

Just do ur best as a brother and uncle.

A person standing on one foot doesnt carry someone on his back.

1 Like

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 7:48am On Apr 22, 2021
johnkey:
weak men everywhere, at this my age sef my mama no fit follow me reason nonsense talkless of when I reach 32. As long as you give your mom and dad money for their upkeep, I see no reason why you should act like a dumb hypnotized chicken. Imagine 40+ year old man and she's still sleeping with him, lol sorry to say but you are a fool.


You sound like a rude boy, and you don't even know what it means to be a man.

5 Likes

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 7:49am On Apr 22, 2021
sisisioge:
You dont owe her or the child anything. Say no and stand by it.


I honestly dont think Esther has been allowed to understand what it takes to nurture a child. You the community keeps enabling her. No thank you!
The family has been enabling her, I agree with you.
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by kendological(m): 7:53am On Apr 22, 2021
bestabigaelever:
Don't pay the child school fees at your expense, anything you can dash, give them

If anyone is stressing you too much in the family, show the person crazy
If you change am for them once everybody go respect themselves

I appreciate

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by bdchange(m): 8:33am On Apr 22, 2021
sorry to tell you this, your family is in dissarray. And you seems not to know your left from your right as well. A person above 18 is an adult and should bear the consequences of their actions. The earlier you understand this, the better your life becomes. Men of these days are so weak, how then can they raise a fearful and discipline children. God help this generation of weak men everywhere.

1 Like

Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by Ammishaddai: 9:44am On Apr 22, 2021
[s]
peepydelano:
Bad advise,very bad advise.This is how you self acclaimed good African people drives people into depression with your holier than thou attitudes. He has his own life to live and as such he should totally cut off from responsibilities and people who do not appreciate him for his own mental balance.QED
[/s] This is the worst form of advise I have seen on this forum. It lacks understanding and moral obligations.
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by johnkey: 9:53am On Apr 22, 2021
[quote author=kendological post=101010447][/quote] oga it's not about being rude it's about having principles. Dude as long as I take care of my immediate family to my capacity, and live comfortably without begging anyone for money then, I'M A MAN!
Re: I Feel Like I Am Being Used ! What Should I Do? by culf: 10:23am On Apr 22, 2021
let the Child's father take care of his Responsibility, you can only support when necessary and when you have the means but don't start what you can't finish.
Don't take over the child's responsibility unless you have the means and you are capable.

its time to give your people small space, move out if you're still living with them. Support them from afar when you can.

2 Likes

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