Hello to all the house. To the priests, I honor you.
Allow me to go straight to the point. My name is Uchenna. I used my hands to dropout because of mental diarrhea. I have been suffering from this case for long and don't want to be suffering in this case again. It pours on everyone beside me or can see my face. It seems to have power over me. A man will just be passing and I will start feeling pleasure in my head to smile big smile or start laughing it's is not like as if demon possess me, and I can't focus because of this. As I am smiling in my head and in an attempt to stop, I don't pay attention to anything, the smile comes out as blush, strong blush for that matter that everyone can see it sometimes i use hate to manage it sometimes I kick it out of my mind in a manner of I don't care attitude.
My Mental Diarrhea.
I will just be having doubtfulness about God anyhow. My faith is like water (very shaky substance). There was a time in senior secondary School days, I used to believe if i masturbate that day, the stars would not shine so I stayed away from it. The days I masturbate stars wouldn't shine. The matter change from stars to rain, when I told my elder brother but didn't tell him I masturbated ( just telling him the part of the story that he should know but just told him that the stars and moon are what give me power and each day the moon shine so bright, I do well in science classes the next day) he went inside without saying a word as I haven't even finished. After that day it changed from stars to rain. That if I masturbate heavy rain would fall. Until I reported the issue to my neighbor, I only told him the star part and said I don't want to tell him what it has turned into out of fear that it might change to something worse(a married man with a wife and children). He told me to stop believing in it and encourage me to stop masturbating. I did and it worked. Then after a while I started to believe again that each time I masturbate rain would fall. And it did. I don't know what is wrong with me. Whether I was forming mutant. Yet as if that was not enough there was a day I was coming back from school, I took a different street, just for me to take the adjoining street to my street I saw sacrifice in front of it. People refused to pass it even I refuse to pass it but out of my stubbornness I dogmatically turned and took the road, the sacrifice was with red oil and animal. I was afraid when I got home that the spirits of that sacrifice would not hunt me. As soon as I got home, the weather changed within minutes, it was rain with thunder, I was washing plate in the kitchen at that time when the thunder stroke outside just right close to the kitchen window, I was shoked, and people outside shouted at it. I heard the thunder very last sound like a mighty spark plug, then I remembered the sacrifice I forced myself to pass all because of "believe in Christ and nothing can harm you". I started feeling God was angry with me. The same incident happened again at the front of the house, we were doing morning devotion while rain fell. As thunder strook. The electrical lightings and things connected to the wall on. Some things spoilt in the house. From then I feared thunder and rain and dark clouds. I would just want to put on ear piece at the Time. Terrible rainfall has been happening for few years now, am I permitted to say, it's my fault?! Even floods. I got to another level. I stopped believing in God. My faith shaked that time. Rain fell terribly during those times.
It was like:
I doubt God- weather and thunder starts tormenting me
I believe God- bad weather clears
At the end it was just for me to get God out of my conciousness and it would be alright.
I felt like if I die all those nonsense would stop. But if I die where would I go to?? Heaven or Hell?!
I looked for things to make me believe, but each time it worked, doubt would cloud me again. Making me feel like the only one who says the truth while the rest humans lie. But I doubted if my parents could lie to me, because,
My mind was like:
they are my parents. most of the things they say works fine, but if they didn't just plan it with the other person. but what of the Muslim parents? Am I also saying that they plan it too with the person outside before sending their children out.
But if men were honest, it would still be the same outcome.
That was how my mental diarrhea is. And it goes on and on and I can't make a decision. It has come to my realisation today that humans are honest people.
I still have believe issue till date about God, but not as serious as before. I don't strongly hold the things in the Bible true. I read small as I am about believing, devil snatches it away with unbelieve. It's like the seed that feel on the road and birds came and devoured it. There was a time I was doubting God, I wanted to believe. All of a sudden a dark cloud came from nowhere to cover the sun I ran to my room to ask for forgiveness, before the end of the world. The dark cloud I saw was that of a cross, a crucifixion cross, and a man with his hands stretch out on it, like the one we all know in Jesus' film. I immediately identitied it and ran for my life. As I didn't want to go to hell. I also read a place in the Bible that talked about blasphemy against the holy Spirit that is not forgivable. Since I read that verse of the Bible in the book of Luke, my mind have been tempting me to do something or say something about God even the holy spirit. Something insulting. I have been avoiding the book of Luke ever since. I have said before. Sometimes something stupid pops up in my mind. I have stopped it. But after I stopped it I began to wonder if God could ever forgive me?!
Even though I seems that he would, I would still doubt.
Lately, I have been making up my mind to serve God. But I don't think a faith like water could do anything.
There was a time, my problem stopped. My market neighbor treated me hashly that I could hardly see room to breath. It put me into perfect sense once more. Moreover both my parents travelled that is why she had the chance. I wish she could do it one more time. But I don't think she would have my time again.
I need your prayers. For God to turn me around from smiling anyone and taking pleasure in bad things.
I need your prayers for God to heal me from Bad Breath and Body Odour.

since you yourself knows the root of your predicament i don't think its a big deal or something difficult any more.
it is just all about you deciding to follow Christ


one more thing, be submissive to the spirit of God

for as many as are led by the Spirit of God, the same are the sons of God

Hi! Firstly I want you to know that God loves you unconditionally. Just like your earthly father wouldn't strike you with illnesses and sickness just to teach you a lesson or discipline you if he had that power, your heavenly Father is not out to get you nor is He angry with you...all these is cos of you're in the new covenant and not the old anymore.

When Jesus died at the cross, every judgement that you deserve, every form of anger from God that you deserve fell on Jesus at the cross. He bore everything for you. I want you to know that As He is, so are you in this world!. 1 John 4:17... however Jesus is right now, so are you!

And concerning your struggles in sin. I want you to know that there's now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)...read the below too.

LisaAnneMia:
If you're born again, try this very simple thing.

Firstly, the Bible says without faith, it is impossible to please God. When Christians are sick, they have faith and quote the scripture "by His stripe I am healed". When Christians are in need of financial need, they have faith and quote "my God shall supply all my needs..." or "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...". But when they sin or are struggling with sin, they don't know how to use faith (not their faith but Christ's faith - believing that God is good and wants you made whole).

So Op, whenever you find yourself struggling with this sin or any other sin, confess out loud "I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus". Jesus Christ, who knew no sin became sin for you that you might be righteous in Him (2 Corinthians 5:21)...Even Romans 3:22 says the righteousness of God is by faith in Jesus Christ.

So again, confess that statement out loud every time you find yourself sinning. Right in the midst of your struggles, confess it. The devil doesn't want you to believe Jesus has made you righteous. He may whisper in your ear and say you're a hypocrite...that how can you be sinning and still call yourself righteous. Well how can a sick Christian still believe by faith that he/she is healed? Cos you have to go by the Word of God and not by your circumstance. For sin shall not have dominion over you, cos you're not under law but under grace (Romans 6:14).

You may not overcome this struggle immediately but gradually, they're falling off you. One day, you'll just realize that urge isn't there anymore. Cos faith is calling those things that are not as though they are. Confess you're righteous in Christ and see miracles happen in your life. And this confession goes for your every inheritance in Christ Jesus! Since you're righteous in Him, every blessings that belong to the righteous are yours!

@JackSparrow7, have you ever considered getting help for it as though a mental Illness. It sounds a lot like your mind is running a race that will eventually exhaust you and your health if care is not taken.

I honestly think it is best to first try to get the situation with our mind under control before it further escalates or worse, you loose your mind at that pace.

You seem to have some serious case of generalized anxiety going on there and it does not sound pleasant at all up there in your noggin. I don't know how long you have been struggling with this what you seem to call "mental diarrhea" but if it persists over this weekend, I suggest you run to the nearest psychiatric hospital to get yourself some, what I call, "peace of mind" treatment. There are many effective treatments out there, so do not fret.

You state that can barely focus on an idea long enough to understand and hence accept it,so how do you expect to believe? Your mind,or the state of it, is what makes it hard to believe or accept anything as true and that is why you are filled with doubts, and plagued with so much indecision.
So, don't worry about your belief or your "faith" at this time. Instead focus on getting your mind to a state where you can at least attempt a possible save through the seeing of a doctor.

LisaAnneMia:
Hi! Firstly I want you to know that God loves you unconditionally. Just like your earthly father wouldn't strike you with illnesses and sickness just to teach you a lesson or discipline you if he had that power, your heavenly Father is not out to get you nor is He angry with you...all these is cos of you're in the new covenant and not the old anymore.

When Jesus died at the cross, every judgement that you deserve, every form of anger from God that you deserve fell on Jesus at the cross. He bore everything for you. I want you to know that As He is, so are you in this world!. 1 John 4:17... however Jesus is right now, so are you!

And concerning your struggles in sin. I want you to know that there's now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)...read the below too.

Thank you I appreciate

Kobojunkiee:
@JackSparrow7, have you ever considered getting help for it as though a mental Illness. It sounds a lot like your mind is running a race that will eventually exhaust you and your health if care is not taken.

I honestly think it is best to first try to get the situation with our mind under control before it further escalates or worse, you loose your mind at that pace.

You seem to have some serious case of generalized anxiety going on there and it does not sound pleasant at all up there in your noggin. I don't know how long you have been struggling with this what you seem to call "mental diarrhea" but if it persists over this weekend, I suggest you run to the nearest psychiatric hospital to get yourself some, what I call, "peace of mind" treatment. There are many effective treatments out there, so do not fret.

You state that can barely focus on an idea long enough to understand and hence accept it,so how do you expect to believe? Your mind,or the state of it, is what makes it hard to believe or accept anything as true and that is why you are filled with doubts, and plagued with so much indecision.
So, don't worry about your belief or your "faith" at this time. Instead focus on getting your mind to a state where you can at least attempt a possible save through the seeing of a doctor.

Thank you for the advice

WorstWanderland:
since you yourself knows the root of your predicament i don't think its a big deal or something difficult any more.
it is just all about you deciding to follow Christ


one more thing, be submissive to the spirit of God

I will