Dr FAO

This is a true life story. I was at the Eatery behind OPIC Tower (Sweet Sensation) in Abeokuta to buy bread because the loaves there are usually fresh on Wednesday June 17, 2021. I do this every other day when I am in town.

As I approached the counter I noticed there was the usual rowdy scene of those with trays at different stages of buying and collecting their ordered meals.

I had to appeal to a group of boys with Sango hairstyles ahead of me. I was clutching the N500 and a 50k to facilitate any need for change as the particular loaf only cost N450 up from N300 some months back. While I was waiting for the girl on the counter to put the bread in a paper bag one of the boys called my attention to another N500 note between my shoes where I was standing and the following was the dialogue that ensued:

1st Boy: *_"Daddy, a N500 has dropped it is yours pick it."_*

I looked between my shoes there was sure a N500 naira note. Without paying attention to the boy, I looked back and turned to collect my loaf and the N100 naira change I was expecting from the girl at the pay point.

2nd Boy: *_Daddy, it is your money I saw it fall from your pocket when you came to the counter._*

3rd Boy:. *_Iru awon daddy ba yi ko fe owo kekere ti iba mu ko fun wa. Daddy se e o fe owo yi mo ni"_*

A Woman in the Queue: *_Se agbalagba bayi ni iwo nsoro be si, Enyin yi o ma l'eko o._* (You have no good home Training to be addressing an old man like that!)

They all chorused:

All Boys: *_"Ki lo kan e nbe, Amebo?"_* (What is your own concern, Amebo, - the name of the character made famous in the Nigerian soap *"Village Headmaster"*).

At this stage I simply kicked the note still between my shoes aside with my left foot with a jump up. (Do not ask why I jumped up, _awon agba lo le ye_ [only Yoruba elders will understand]).

1st Boy:. *_"Baba e mu ke fun wa l'owo yi, ta bi e o f'owo yi ni"_*. (Old man pick the money and give us, or you do not want the money)

I then looked at the 1st Boy sternly in the face removed my black cap to show my bald head, touched my forehead as if recalling something and pretended I was intoning some Yoruba incantations in clear Yoruba dialect.

ME: *_"Ibi egun ba w'ole si...."_* (Iyoku di ojo Miran) (Meaning, where a masquerade disappears into the ground....)

Come and see the commotions as one of them with cycle riding gloves picked up the note hurriedly as they all rushed out of the hall into a waiting car in the premise with the shout:

ALL BOYS: *_"Yepa! Awon baba ogbologbo, o ti ba toni je fun wa. A o mo pe awon Alaye ni Baba yen o"_* (Oh! Strange old man, he has spoilt our game today, we did not know he is such an elder)

They could not wait to hear my second statement:

ME: *_"Bara, bara, la f'oju, kumo, kumo la d'ete...."_* (Iyoku di ojo miran). (In total, we become blind, with deformity we are afflicted with leprosy.... the rest is for another day.

Strange enough, I wish they know that I was almost pissing into my pant at this stage as I was at the brink of disaster from boys who ordinarily should be in school somewhere. I wish they know that what I was saying I owe to my primary school drama of some six-plus decades ago. But it helped sending my assailants scattering to the exit door.

*LESSONS:*

1. Beware of these boys who are eager to become rich overnight They wear assorted T-Shirts (Okrika or locally made adire) with shouting logos and spongy hairstyles.

2. Do not be greedy to pick any money that is not yours in any denomination when asked to do so. It is a ritualist method of kidnapping without gun.

3. These gangs are all over in campuses, stadia, motor parks, shopping malls, bus stops and everywhere where there is some crowd around them to give them some veneer of cover of anornimity.

God save us from the current peril of these new petty but growing criminality. Is such skills those that will bring development to Nigeria? Where and how did we get it wrong?

How can we solve the problems?

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