Marriage is a different ball game. I remember my post marriage days when we can’t wait to get to see each other, we plan and share things together. Waiting to continue the process by sealing the deal with marriage. Unfortunately for some of us, things changed drastically and some of us are regretting the union in the first place. Some are living hell and can’t wait for death to do the unbinding. Some are already contemplating divorce or separation. It’s as if a devil jumps in the middle of the fantasy and scatters the union before it even starts. For newly weds, some are even better off single. As for me I am learning and trying to adjust, but sometimes I feel sorry and sad on Saturdays, I feel sorry for those unprepared folks that jump into marriage because of the jamboree of wedding, marriage is work o, kindly share your experiences and let’s be factual. I want to know if Na only me kill Jesus.. or we plenti for there… newlyweds please, 1-5years marriage and above.

In this current age and time, people get married for various reasons. Some because of materials, some because time is catching up with them, some because of sex (to avoid sin), some because they can't put up with the pressure their family or friends is making them pass through, some because of being tired of their wayward life, some due to social media craze, some because of revenge or to entice etcetera.

Only few are actually getting married for the sake of it, i.e. for the purpose of building a strong family foundation, and that's why only few are surviving.

Let me book space to learn biko

Marriage is beautiful

I'm also here to learn.

You didn't share your experience and you want others to share theirs as per CNN wey dem be na

All of una with una negative reviews of marriage make una getat abeg

here to learn

I am coming back

Klass99:
I have always believed there are essentially 3 reasons for marriage;

1. Companionship
2. Sex
3. Children

And people can get married for all three of those reasons or just two of them or even for just one of them and there won't be anything wrong with that.

Intending couples (people who want to marry each other) need to be honest with themselves why they wanna get hitched in the first place and they should be on the same page about these things.

I disagree that getting married should be solely for the sake of building a strong family foundation. It is very okay to marry for just the companionship alone. Husband and wife will be family to each other.

Even the good books says marry if you're unable to hold body so you don't live in continuous or perpetual fornication which is a very valid reason to get married as well.

Nice counter argument, but the point is you can't build a strong family foundation without including sex or companionship.

But if it's solely for the sex, there would be a time when the sex becomes boring, this happens a lot in marriage. Another example is, if you only marry for love, there would be a time when the love wanes, so what happens when all these diminishes? Marrying solely for sex or children might be a bad reason to go into marriage.

People who got married with the sole purpose of getting the sex they wished for anytime they want it in most cases ends up being disappointed. I'm sure you've read a lot of FP stories about wives or husbands complaining about how their spouses is denying them their conjugal rights. You made good points though.

In ancient days, people don't marry for love, or just to have sex, they marry to keep their line of family going and also to pass the power possessed unto to their next generation and it lasted. So what went wrong with this generation?

Klass99:
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Make I address the points I get energy for

Some of us want marriage for the sex and companionship only, we are not interested in building a strong family foundation for ourselves or society, not interested in keeping the family line going or passing on our possessed power to the next generation. I am sure the next generation is capable of creating their own wealth and power.

Are you saying those reasons (sex & companionship) are not valid or good enough for people to marry or sustain a marriage? And the only good or valid reasons to marry is to build a strong family foundation?

Seconded. I know couples who can't have children and yet remain married. Some of them are not religious at all so sex is not the reason either. Companionship, love, stability, properties, taxes are some more reasons why marriage is favorable to them.

My personal ideology of marriage is two adults taking good care of each other, while maintaining their individuality, living out the purpose they were created for and combining forces as a couple to do good in their world, community etc.

This is beautiful.

I'm not sure what went wrong with this generation as you put it, but people evolve and some of this generation (like me) is realizing that marriage doesn't have to be about strong family foundations, for it to make sense, be good or enjoyable.

So let's say for instance, we really like each other, we enjoy each other's company, we are able to uplift and bring out the best each other, fight and still make up, and as believers we don't want to continue fornicating upandan, is it wrong to get married?

Or simply for practical reasons. Or because you want to promise each other that you will stick around no matter what. All valid reasons.

Things may wane (decrease in vigour) like you said, the sex, love etc But, you seem to think if it's not about strong family foundations then it's not worth it at all. You do realize that couples with kids and this whole idea of a strong family foundation gets ruined when couples divorce.

Family foundations, keeping the family line going, passing on possessed power, are not the sole reasons why a marriage will be good or why it will last till death do us part. People who went in with these good intentions still abandoned ship along the way for ABC or XYZ reasons.

PS I don't think companionship wanes though, if it did, friendships from childhood, secondary school wouldn't last for as long as they have. And oh yes, the sex may get boring, become less frequent but nothing beats the companionship.

Sorry, this was longer than I intended but it was the only way I could articulate my thoughts on the matter.

There is one thing I will never understand. Why would sex get boring? Does food ever get boring?

@Klass99

Of course, you are right, but don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying sex shouldn't be among the reason to get married but for me, it shouldn't be the core motive on why you are getting married. Couple who got married for the sake of having legal sex may end up getting disappointed and depressed if it doesn't turn out with the way they imagined it to be. The idea of marriage is often more romantic that the reality of it.

All other points you made are valid. As long there's a mutual understanding, but feelings change and people also change.

@Hathor5

If sex doesn't become boring amongst partners, there won't be cases of broken marriages due to cheating. A man might have an uncontrollable erection for a third party, while for his wife, it's a totally different story and vice versa.

Men are not programmed to stay with a particular woman for a life time. If a man is rich or have the means, he will either acquire more wives or have side chics. Men who stayed with a particular woman for a lifetime in most cases, it's either he doesn't have the means, or afraid of what the society or family would say. This is why the Qur'an (4v3) and Bible (Exodus 21v10) provided men with the opportunity to marry more than one wife.

Klass99:



My personal ideology of marriage is two adults taking good care of each other, while maintaining their individuality, living out the purpose they were created for and combining forces as a couple to do good in their world, community

@bold, very very important I wonder why Nigerians don't emphasize this enough instead you hear them say you no longer own yourself and the two have become one.This is why a lot of women get to lose themselves in marriage and live for their husbands alone.If only they imbibe this ideology they won't be looking worn out and having resentment.

TheUndercover:
@Hat.hor5

If sex doesn't become boring amongst partners, there won't be cases of broken marriages due to cheating. A man might have an uncontrollable erection for a third party, while for his wife, it's a totally different story and vice versa.

Men are not programmed to stay with a particular woman for a life time. If a man is rich or have the means, he will either acquire more wives or have side chics. Men who stayed with a particular woman for a lifetime in most cases, it's either he doesn't have the means, or afraid of what the society or family would say. This is why the Qur'an (4v3) and Bible (Exodus 21v10) provided men with an opportunity to marry more than one wife.

Speak for yourself. Thank you.

TheUndercover:
@Hathor5

If sex doesn't become boring amongst partners, there won't be cases of broken marriages due to cheating. A man might have an uncontrollable erection for a third party, while for his wife, it's a totally different story and vice versa.

Men are not programmed to stay with a particular woman for a life time. If a man is rich or have the means, he will either acquire more wives or have side chics. Men who stayed with a particular woman for a lifetime in most cases, it's either he doesn't have the means, or afraid of what the society or family would say. This is why the Qur'an (4v3) and Bible (Exodus 21v10) provided men with an opportunity to marry more than one wife.

You must have been there working on the program alongside the creator to know this.

It is not a gender thing stop using religion to preach BS.Choosing to stay with a particular partner for a lifetime or at a time takes choice, commitment and discipline.It is not a thing of hardwire

Ladyhippolyta88:


You must have been there working on the program alongside the creator to know this.

It is not a gender thing stop using religion to preach BS.Choosing to stay with a particular partner for a lifetime or at a time takes choice, commitment and discipline.It is not a thing of hardwire

Smiles, if you're a woman, I understand where this argument will already lead to. Women can't stomach the thought of sharing their man with other women.

Men are polygynous, women are hypergamous. It's the way it has always been. There are no two ways about it. LOL!

TheUndercover:


Smiles, if you're a woman, I understand where this argument will already lead to. Women can't stomach the thought of sharing their man with other women.

Men are polygynous, women are hypergamous. It's the way it has always been. There are no two ways about it. LOL!

Black and white thinking. It makes you look like a simpleton. It's not an insult, just an observation.

TheUndercover:


Smiles, if you're a woman, I understand where this argument will already lead to. Women can't stomach the thought of sharing their man with other women.

Men are polygynous, women are hypergamous. It's the way it has always been. There are no two ways about it. LOL!

Well here we go again with a man thinking he can speak for women.Who told you that some women cannot and are not ready to share their men some women don't even give a damn about who their husbands share the bed with as long as he is living up to the requirements of the agreement they signed on.


I am a woman and I am not hypergamous don't try to speak for me.Polygamy concerns both men and women and it is divided as polygyny for men and polyandry for women.There are actually two ways about it because there are some men who stick to one woman some women who can't stay with one man and south Africa has realised this same as Nepal and some East Asian nations hence polyandry and also in ancient times too.
And not all women are hypergamous or you nor know say some men love hypergamy too even if you never travel far and wide Google is your friend to learn about these things instead of talking like an ignoramus nor dey talk beer parlor gist

LOL, when a woman fails to provide counter logical argument, instead of coming to a conclusion, or agreeing to disagree, the next thing she would rather do is to resort to insult or shaming tactics. I didn't expect more. They just proved one of many truths altogether. Enjoy!

Rule 1: Never present logical proof to emotional beings.

Klass99:


I don't know why sex would get boring either, but quality time, cuddling and holding each other can never get boring or wane abeg. Seven blessings to you

Boring sex is the excuse some of them use to go outside the funny thing is that some of them are not that good and cannot explore different styles.When they do it everyday without restraint and spice why won't they get tired when they refuse to evolve and change.

The annoying thing is the men complaining of boring sex are not that good and since they have money to offer the side chickens will indulge them and they will work extra mile to do the do sex which they can't give their wives at home but will come and be shouting boring sex.Chai,women have suffered

TheUndercover:
LOL, when a woman fails to provide counter logical arguments, instead of coming to a conclusion, or agreeing to disagree, the next thing they would rather do is to resort to insult or shaming tactics. I didn't expect more. They just proved one of many truths altogether. Enjoy!

Rule 1: Never present logical proof to emotional beings.

So men are not emotional beings too yet they are prone to anger and violence you are not okay you obviously don't know what emotions mean.It is your type that sees crying as the only emotion there is that is why when men cry na your type go first ask whether na man him be because apparently men don't cry

When they have nothing to say they resort to beer parlor analysis again and claim to be logical whereas they don't even know what logic means.

Anyway what can one expect from a boy who doesn't know that logic and emotions have nothing to do with gender

TheUndercover:
LOL, when a woman fails to provide counter logical arguments, instead of coming to a conclusion, or agreeing to disagree, the next thing they would rather do is to resort to insult or shaming tactics. I didn't expect more. They just proved one of many truths altogether. Enjoy!

Rule 1: Never present logical proof to emotional beings.

What logical arguments have you provided in the first place?

You have thrown in your black and white world view like it is the ultimate truth.

I could equally claim that the Spaghetti monster created the world and pretend to have understood the world and how the universe works.


A woman has clearly stated that she is not hypergamous. I myself am not and I know plenty of women who earn more than their husbands.

Just because in your circles women marry up doesn't mean that all women or most women do or desire to.

I also know enough men who have enough integrity to stick to their marriage vows and who aspire to greater things in life than being a fvckboy.

So again, speak for yourself!

If you are bored with your wife, provided you have one, that's your problem.

If you find it hard to control your díck, that's your problem too. Don't console yourself by telling us that everyone is like you.

TheUndercover

Go to this thread and read the testimonies of your fellow men and how their girlfriends and wives helped them in difficult times and struggled with them through poverty and even uplifted them.

Expand your horizons. It's not by force to be a simpleton.

https://www.nairaland.com/6655209/how-when-did-realize-girlfriend

All redpillers and the Nigerian-women-are-useless-crew should go too. If you have not met a woman who has shown you true love, maybe it's time to check yourself.

Ladyhippolyta88:


Boring sex is the excuse some of them use to go outside the funny thing is that some of them are not that good and cannot explore different styles.When they do it everyday without restraint and spice why won't they get tired when they refuse to evolve and change.

The annoying thing is the men complaining of boring sex are not that good and since they have money to offer the side chickens will indulge them and they will work extra mile to do the do sex which they can't give their wives at home but will come and be shouting boring sex.Chai,women have suffered

Many times it's not about the sex being boring. Many of them need validation from outside hence the need to fvck around. It's more psychological than physical. This is what you get when a man has no greater purpose and strong values.

Hathor5:


What logical arguments have you provided in the first place?

You have thrown in your black and white world view like it is the ultimate truth.

A woman has clearly stated that she is not hypergamous. I myself am not and I know plenty of women who earn more than their husbands.

Just because in your circles women marry up doesn't mean that all women or most women do or desire to.

Well for the sake of people that's gonna read up this thread and probably learn a thing or two, I will expatiate further.

Being hypergamous isn't just only about money or how rich one is. Being hypergamous can be psychological. A woman has to believe or perceive a man is better than her in one way or the other to be attracted to him. So the fact that a woman dates a man poorer than her or less famous than her doesn't mean she isn't hypergamous, he has something else going on either physically, socially or psychologically that makes her believe he is superior. If this wasn't the case, she wouldn't be with him.

TheUndercover:

Well for the sake of people that's gonna read up this thread and probably learn a thing or two. I will expatiate further.

Being hypergamous isn't just only about money or how rich one is. Being hypergamous can be psychological. A woman has to believe or perceive a man is better than her in one way or the other to be attracted to him. So the fact that a woman dates a man poorer than her or less famous than her doesn't mean she isn't hypergamous, he has something else going on either physically, socially or psychologically that makes her believe he is superior. If this wasn't the case, she wouldn't be with him.

Here we go again, speaking for all women.

I don't know why I should think that any other human being, my husband or not, should be considered superior. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and while a man is better in one area, his partner will be better in another. In intimate relationships/marriage we do not only love because of our strengths but despite our shortcomings. Nobody is superior.