Adapapaokoye:
Revolut

I do the same with mine, just stash money there and use my Halifax and Monzo for salary and daily transactions

Funky123:
@babajeje123

If I would say, women also like to have opinions, two heads are better than 1 they say so I would advise that you always discuss with your wife and plan together.

Maybe you should hold on on the plan to bring your mum, Apparently you love your mum the same way she love hers and it's beginning to look like you are competing with her.

On sending money home to her mum, let he start working so she can do as much as she want for them but that also shouldn't stop you to include her in your budget once in a while. I sort my parents needs myself And sometimes hubby can just ask me for my dad or mum account number and send them money, I didn't ask him to do but it is voluntary and of course it earns him more respect. And I will also say even when I do my parents calls him before they call me because In their mind he is also aware and he supported me in giving them

I said this because if there is communication and mutual agreement, believe me your MIL won't care whose account the money came from
Please be easy on her, we are created differently and our understanding to life is also different.

May you both walk together In Clarity and Understanding

Thank you

Thank you all so much for these priceless advice, they are well appreciated.

babajeje123:
Thank you all for you suggestions. Apparently, she wants me to be sending her mom money every month, that is what she meant when she asked for the plan I have for her mom. Women and their wahala! You will be striving on how to make life easier for them and they will be adding to your burden. It is well!

She needs to get a job and you both sort childcare between you. Until you're both feeling the full pinch of bearing all expenses, she won't understand. Even bringing your mum will only afford you a max of 6 months childcare. Add cost of visa, flights, settling mama when she leaves and you're better off finding out a better way to make things work for both of you.

Re - divorce no, she doesn't have the upper hand however if you're on a student visa and she's your dependant it does mean she'll lose her visa. Imagine how you'll cope with childcare and work then? Idle mind is the devil's workshop no be just talk o.

canadaishome:


In my opinion and this may be unpopular, but I think giving her mom money monthly should be a choice and not an obligation especially if your wife has siblings.

I totally agree with this. She needs to get a job and send money home if that's what she wants to do.

One of the biggest mistakes we make is not being financially stable enough before we take on extended financial obligations which means people permanently keep threading water and struggling to survive.

UK wey you go starve die for your house and no one will miss your absence.

@babajeje123, I agree with Ticha's advice. That's why I quoted the comment

It is also very expensive to bring parents here. We have been bringing both mums every year for years now so I know it is not cheap. I will advice you get Skilled Worker Visa/PSW sorted out first before bringing mums into the picture. It is early days.

Asides from the peace of mind when you have your parents looking after your kids, it is usually not that cheaper on the long run. Think of passport fee, visa fees, flight cost, covid test cost, settling your mum when she is going back and all the things she will have to take back home. God help you if she falls ill while here. We bring our mums not for childcare now but just for them to spend time with their grandchildren and to leave the stress of Naija for a while.

Since she already feels bad that you are bringing your mum, I think you should put that on hold first. You need to sit with her, have a honest discussion about this. Bringing her now will only bring further resentment. To really make it here, you will need to work together as a team and combine resources and strengths. Please do not run away from your home as there are wolves in sheep clothing out there. Laslas, you will likely regret it.

As others have said, let her get a job first, preferably a night job, so you won't need to spend much on childcare except on few occasions. Also, try to network with other Nigerians, you might be able to get people that will help with childcare at a cheaper rate.

Ticha:


She needs to get a job and you both sort childcare between you. Until you're both feeling the full pinch of bearing all expenses, she won't understand. Even bringing your mum will only afford you a max of 6 months childcare. Add cost of visa, flights, settling mama when she leaves and you're better off finding out a better way to make things work for both of you.

Re - divorce no, she doesn't have the upper hand however if you're on a student visa and she's your dependant it does mean she'll lose her visa. Imagine how you'll cope with childcare and work then? Idle mind is the devil's workshop no be just talk o.

I will agree with this only if he does not see giving his own mum money monthly as an obligation as well, if he has siblings too.

Decision on giving money to parents should be based on fairness, affordability and situations of the parents.

canadaishome:


In my opinion and this may be unpopular, but I think giving her mom money monthly should be a choice and not an obligation especially if your wife has siblings.

[quote author=Iruosonobrugwhe post=109117293][/quote]

Gbam!!!

justwise:


On student visa? With family?

Well ... let her get a job first and start making that money

My brother!!!!! They want to kill the gentleman. On student visa, 20hrs work week, school fees, rent, bills, wife and two kids.

captainhoo:


From my little knowledge, this budget may get you a two bed in areas like West brom, Bordesley, aston but these places are famous for security issues( these areas are predominantly Indians, Pakistan, nigerians) . You can try search for accommodation in erdington. Schools for children are determined by the local council I think.
If you want central Birmingham, you may have to add a little more to your budget.

I would avoid Aston in the OP's shoes.

Ugool:
Good evening everyone. I and my spouse is looking for accomodation in Liverpool. This accomodation thingy is very tedious. We have used zipoola and open rent but the terms are crazy; Paying for 12months min some 6 with additional bills like unrefundable deposit etc. Please if anyone has Futher genuine recommendations or knows a landlord subletting a 1 bedroom or studio kindly let me know. Thank you

I will take it that you haven't understood the rental terms.

12 months or 6 months contract means you will sign that you will stay in the apartment for 12 or 6 months respectively. However, you pay rent monthly or weekly. So if the house rent is £500, you sign 12/6 months contract but you'll be paying £500 monthly or about £125 weekly.

You will deduct the deposit from your first month's payment if you eventually get the apartment.

If you can mention the payments in your etc, further clarification will be provided.

Pearlyfaze:
Abeg people in Edinburgh, How are you doing it with getting a accommodation. I have used Zoopla, Rightmove and Openrent to no a avail.
Please anybody with Direct Landlord should please help. I am here with my two children and Wife. We are both working in the Healthcare industry. I just got job few days ago and wifey has been here since November.

Biko make una help.

You can get direct landlords contacts from open rent. Try them

deept:


My brother!!!!! They want to kill the gentleman. On student visa, 20hrs work week, school fees, rent, bills, wife and two kids.

More like a mutual suicide pact.

Anyone living in Glasgow that might have information for a 2 bedroom to rent?
Asking for a friend that just moved there and is currently in a hotel

deept:


My brother!!!!! They want to kill the gentleman. On student visa, 20hrs work week, school fees, rent, bills, wife and two kids.

Its pure madness! The op and his family need a truck load of money to move from one visa category to another. Every visa extension will cost them thousands till they are all British citizens, so where will the money come from if you put your mother inlaw on payroll while holding visa?

babajeje123:
Thank you all for you suggestions. Apparently, she wants me to be sending her mom money every month, that is what she meant when she asked for the plan I have for her mom. Women and their wahala! You will be striving on how to make life easier for them and they will be adding to your burden. It is well!

Sit her down and ask what her plan is for the family and how she thinks you both can achieve this in the short and long term. Do not interrupt. When she finishes, help her understand where you are now, your current situation and what it will take to get to where she sees the family and how she can help you to achieve these things.

IcecoldDon:
@ TheGuyFromHR @Chreze @OSCARTM @dubaiprince

Please just reposting this here more responses to help me take a decision please.

.

If you're looking for something nice, you need to increase your budget to £700 at least.

Avoid Aston, Westbrom, Bordesley, Soho Road, Lozells...na mad ppl full these areas.

You can check Erdington, Perry bar, Kings heath, Handsworth

dupyshoo:
I will agree with this only if he does not see giving his own mum money monthly as an obligation as well, if he has siblings too.

Decision on giving money to parents should be based on fairness, affordability and situations of the parents.

I agreed with all you have said but I won't agree to the fact that giving my mother money every month is not my obligation as long as it doesn't come from our common purse. Same is applicable to her. Giving to her mom every month is not my responsibility, I already told her this morning when we discussed. It is hers and her siblings. Whatever I give at anytime is an addition. We have been married for 9 years and I have never asked whether she gave my mum anything or not.
Like everyone rightly said, I have jettisoned the idea of bringing my mom and I have told her this, although she said she doesn't have any issue in my mum coming but I will stick to it.
Thank you all once again.

justwise:


Its pure madness! The op and his family need a truck load of money to move from one visa category to another. Every visa extension will cost them thousands till they are all British citizens, so where will the money come from if you put your mother inlaw on payroll while holding visa?

I have told her I can't be giving her mom money monthly. It is not sustainable. My mom will understand if at any point I don't give her a penny for months, hers might not and I don't want to start what I can't finish. I told her I don't have any plan for her mom but she should let me know her own plans for her mom and I will support.

Apologies I might be wrong I can still sense anger in your response. Please take it easy with your wife. She might not know what you went through in bringing her and kids her if you have not had a heart to heart talk about this. Communicationis key. I think after 9yrs you both should know each other's weak point. Marriage is sweet ooo. Like someone mentioned lot of wolves in sheep's clothing out there.

babajeje123:

I have told her I can't be giving her mom money monthly.

babajeje123:

I have told her I can't be giving her mom money monthly. It is not sustainable. My mom will understand if at any point I don't give her a penny for months, hers might not and I don't want to start what I can't finish. I told her I don't have any plan for her mom but she should let me know her own plans for her mom and I will support.

please what type of Visa are you holding ? to carry this weight ? before the stoppage of the psw most student I know moved back to nijia after the 2 years psw .it seems your wife assume student visa =to British citizenship .your need to tell everyone the true picture that it a temporary status and more work need to be done to be permanent.

justwise:


Its pure madness! The op and his family need a truck load of money to move from one visa category to another. Every visa extension will cost them thousands till they are all British citizens, so where will the money come from if you put your mother inlaw on payroll while holding visa?

me am even surprise the family expectation on a student visa is more than that of a British citizen or persons with work permits .even student on ptdf scholarship or research stipends would not try this sucidal move unless they are super wealthy from Nigeria .

I understand your point but if you look at my comments, I said it should be based on affordability and needs of the parents.

You should only give if you can afford it, which it is obvious that you cannot afford.

babajeje123:

I agreed with all you have said but I won't agree to the fact that giving my mother money every month is not my obligation as long as it doesn't come from our common purse. Same is applicable to her. Giving to her mom every month is not my responsibility, I already told her this morning when we discussed. It is hers and her siblings. Whatever I give at anytime is an addition. We have been married for 9 years and I have never asked whether she gave my mum anything or not.
Like everyone rightly said, I have jettisoned the idea of bringing my mom and I have told her this, although she said she doesn't have any issue in my mum coming but I will stick to it.
Thank you all once again.

Thanks Bro. I have seen here something concerning the energy rating as A to D was considered good, so that was what I was a bit vague about. Also the 2 older kids will be 3 and 6 by April, will they both have to wait till September to get into school or is there any kind of unofficial school program for such kids that just came into the country. I have heard a lot of good things about catholic schools as well and will check them out based on your recommendations.

dubaiprince:


Happy New Year. If you are expecting them in a couple of months, now is the good time to start searching actively by calling agents. Depending on your kids ages, it may be tough getting a 2 bed with 3 kids (talking from experience with London agents and landlords) and this is because it is competitive. Where you have multiple viewings, Landlords are more inclined to give their houses to the application with lesser number of occupants because of faster wear and tear due to kids. I had to settle for 3 bed and that was after I had to agree to a slightly increased rent from what was advertised as I was running out of time.

I dont know how it is in Birmingham tho but you can go with your chase for a 2 bed. Then if you see it is not working out and you are getting pressed for time, you can consider a 3 bed.

Some of the factors you can consider for choosing good accomodation are;
The condition of the apartment, proximity to schools, bus stops, pharmacy, surgery, shops, parks and other amenities. I for one don't like noise so any apartment by the road where public buses pass or on a high street was a no for me. You can research about crime rates in the area as well.

For the school bit, I have heard a lot of people talk about how Catholic schools are but can't say much about it because my children attend a small school owned by a church and they are loving it. The OFSTED rating and reviews about the school will come handy here.

In all, it shows you already know what you want so go for it and if it needs you slightly adjusting your budget, I can tell you for free that it would be worth it.

Thanks Bro. I think Erdington is also close to Kingstanding as well. I will take a close look at it definitely. Thanks

captainhoo:


From my little knowledge, this budget may get you a two bed in areas like West brom, Bordesley, aston but these places are famous for security issues( these areas are predominantly Indians, Pakistan, nigerians) . You can try search for accommodation in erdington. Schools for children are determined by the local council I think.
If you want central Birmingham, you may have to add a little more to your budget.

Your child has to be 5 by August 31 in the year that they'll start school; that means that your 3 year old won't be able to start till the Sept following the April that he/she turns 5.
For your 6 year old, you need to check the schools that you want him/her to go to for their application details as most schools close their applications in January and make offers in April.
You can check the links below for more info:
https://www.gov.uk/schools-admissions/how-to-apply
https://www.gov.uk/apply-for-primary-school-place

IcecoldDon:
Thanks Bro. I have seen here something concerning the energy rating as A to D was considered good, so that was what I was a bit vague about. Also the 2 older kids will be 3 and 6 by April, will they both have to wait till September to get into school or is there any kind of unofficial school program for such kids that just came into the country. I have heard a lot of good things about catholic schools as well and will check them out based on your recommendations.

Below are current band 5 jobs (London- based) that offer Tier 2 sponsorship, if needed.
https://www.healthjobsuk.com/job/UK/London/London/Guys_St_Thomas_NHS_Foundation_Trust/Surgical_Oncology/Surgical_Oncology-v3774063?_ts=10714

https://www.healthjobsuk.com/job/UK/London/London/Guys_St_Thomas_NHS_Foundation_Trust/Administration/Administration-v3759603?_ts=1883

babajeje123:

I have told her I can't be giving her mom money monthly. It is not sustainable. My mom will understand if at any point I don't give her a penny for months, hers might not and I don't want to start what I can't finish. I told her I don't have any plan for her mom but she should let me know her own plans for her mom and I will support.

Bros your immediate responsibilities are your kids and your wife, anything outside that is just secondary,
I don’t know how to put this clearer to you … bro you need all the money you can get to survive here with your family. Ultimately it falls on your shoulders to provide for your family.
.

You on student visa takes home more than people with a stay because you are not taxed or pay council tax. When you are out of that visa category your take home will feel the heat and council tax comes in.

babajeje123:
This is a personal issue that is bothering me. I have decided to post it here with the hope that I would get matured advise here.

Please, I didn't post this for likes and shares. Na solution I dey find abeg

Babajeje123

Your wife has the typical Nigerian entitlement mentality and methinks her family members are encouraging her. As someone pointed out, she's probably the spokesperson. What is happening here is typical "I have a son/daughter in the abroad that should be sending pounds and dollars every month so I can live the good life and show people that we have arrived". She's probably still seeing the UK through Rose colored lens.

As a new arrival, you have no business sending money home till you find your feet and you even said you're paying off debts due to the move. Sometimes when people talk about changing numbers and limiting contact with "home" people, we shouldn't judge them. Na dem sabi as de shoe take de pinch.

Your wife isn't working but she wants her mom to be placed on monthly salary on your own account. She feels justified because you apparently "have the funds to bring your own mom to UK" so why should hers be left out? If she does nothing, her own mom would probably say bad things and poison her mind... or not. There are mothers like that.

What you should do is to sit her down. Show her the estimated child care costs, living costs, visa costs etc. Then invite her to bring suggestions on how the two of you can raise funds for these costs or at the very least what you both can do to reduce some of these costs. Let her understand that life is hard o. If possible, put your income and expenditure on a spreadsheet. There will be time for showing off later when you both must have found your feet. Let her understand that her loyalty and yours first and foremost is to your immediate family. That is, your spouse and children. Not your mother, not your brother, not your sister. Same with her. Let her understand that it's not a competition whose mom will come to the UK first. Your 5 year old can start school so you just have to figure out childcare costs for the 3 year old. This too shall pass. Remove all thoughts of separation and divorce from your mind. The real victims are your children. You wouldn't like to subject them to custody battles and the rest of that.

I'm still a student in Nigeria though so I can't really relate to the challenges of moving. In all, let love guide you. You married her for a reason. Remember that.

This country will shake you to the core as an immigrant, it could make you or mar you! @babajeje, this student journey will test you at every stage to the point of giving up on everything that matters to you. This is from 19 years experience!

Read my lips - You cant be sending money to anyone whilst you're still finding your feet. Your wife needs to work to understand why the pounds have a surname called sterling. You guys have to work together in order to get a chance of success. Get yourself a blood pressure monitor too. A word is enough for the wise!

dupyshoo:
I will agree with this only if he does not see giving his own mum money monthly as an obligation as well, if he has siblings too.

Decision on giving money to parents should be based on fairness, affordability and situations of the parents.

False equivalence. It’s his OWN mum. No one is stopping her from giving her mum money too. But that obligation shouldn’t be on her husband. Abeg.

Ugool:
Good evening everyone. I and my spouse is looking for accomodation in Liverpool. This accomodation thingy is very tedious. We have used zipoola and open rent but the terms are crazy; Paying for 12months min some 6 with additional bills like unrefundable deposit etc. Please if anyone has Futher genuine recommendations or knows a landlord subletting a 1 bedroom or studio kindly let me know. Thank you

Use right move/Facebook etc and send a message that looks like this.

Hi I am a postgraduate student (nurse whatever) and I am interested in a long term let of your property at (address) I have 3/6 months rent payment and I am available to move in immediately. Please reach me on 01234483 to arrange for a suitable time for viewing.


If you have guarantors state it as well.