I'm writing this for the sake of those who feel compelled to get married. You're going to get married soon, you're engaged and your wedding is on few months or few weeks time but...
You're scared, your partner is abusive, you want to make your parents happy, it's the church image you want to protect or for one reason or the other something is ringing that monotone high pitched bell in your head...
RUN

I have a personal story of this. My immediate elder sister! It's so painful, she's going through what I can't let another's daughter pass through.
It happened that she was living with a pastor and got proposed to buy this brother. My parents were not in support but her pastor Daddy wanted a wedding in his church after a long while.
We her siblings were after her happiness because our parents reasons were that brother is not from their church and he's not Igbo. These for us is not reason why she shouldn't marry the man she loves.
We called her to a meeting, siblings without our parents. We asked her if she was being compelled in any way. She said 'loved brother and it is God's will for her. We prevailed on our parents who very reluctantly agreed. My mother especially was having a feeling that something is not right. My sister pushed us on.

We called a second meeting some months to the wedding. Her decision was resolute. We went on with the wedding. It was a huge success. Wedding presents alone was enough to set up someone in business. She's a good girl and everyone dotted on her, also got married a virgin.
A week after the wedding trouble everywhere! Brother showed his true colors. From one church panel to another, we the siblings have to hide these whole episodes from our parents. My mother is hypertensive and my father won't keep it to himself if he gets to hear of it. Thankfully my parents are in the village while my sister and brother lives in the town.
She now opened up to us. Mommy (Pastor's wife) was compelling her to get married to that brother. "If you miss this opportunity you may never get another, Don't listen to anybody" she told her. Pastor agreed with the wife. My sister didn't want to disappoint her pastor whom she's lived with all these years. She rather pleased her pastor and displeased herself including her family.
It's been four years now, she's not living with brother because of myriad of troubles. She's a no for divorce being a strong born again Christian. We only resort to prayers and hope...

Please break the relationship now and not the marriage later.
Pause it, run away, delay it, do anything but don't get married if you're not sure. Save your peace of mind for yourself.

Ladies should stop seeing marriage as a means to escape poverty..

Search well and marry the right man..stop following money..

What did he do to your sister: be specific

garriAndsugar:
Ladies should stop seeing marriage as a means to escape poverty..

Search well and marry the right man..stop following money..

You have started

Only God go save our generation from wrongful union.

I mean, if you are scared of getting married to someone, why then do you want to get married to them?

Your sister was brainwashed!
She gave too much of herself to people to lord over.

Sometimes, I feel sorry for people who cannot make any decision without consulting their pastor.

Kai, stop allowing people live your life for you and taking critical decisions on your behalf.

Pathetic!

Same thing

proxitaly:
It's been four years now, she's not living with brother because of myriad of troubles. She's a no for divorce being a strong born again Christian. We only resort to prayers and hope...

Please break the relationship now and not the marriage later.
Pause it, run away, delay it, do anything but don't get married if you're not sure. Save your peace of mind for yourself.

So, is her husband cheating on her or what exactly is the problem with her marriage?

I mean what exactly is the problem in your sister's marriage? I get that it was an arranged marriage, but what exactly is wrong with that since she agreed to it?

Thanks for putting your story up here for people to adhere to sound reasoning especially those who are about to get married to abusive partners.

May God help your sister to overcome .

garriAndsugar:
Ladies should stop seeing marriage as a means to escape poverty..

Search well and marry the right man..stop following money..

How does this correlate with the story?

Thank God I've made my mind categorically clear to my present gf that if we're to eventually marry,that wedding mustn't be a MUST in her agenda.....I be confirmed traditional guyman,if you say the traditional marriage ain't enough to wife you,no worry,you go waka go front small because I no go fit chest both the billing and wahala wey dey involved in that so-called white wedding

mariahAngel:
Your sister was brainwashed!
She gave too much of herself to people to lord over.
Sometimes, I feel sorry for people who cannot make any decision without consulting their pastor.

I don't. Not even one tiny little bit. As fast as i am concerned, people who require the approval of others to make their decisions don't count as "adults" in my book; they're just overgrown babies.

Sonnobax15:

Thank God I've made my mind categorically clear to my present gf that if we're to eventually marry,that wedding mustn't be a MUST in her agenda.....I be confirmed traditional guyman,if you say the traditional marriage ain't enough to wife you,no worry,you go waka go front small because I no go fit chest both the billing and wahala wey dey involved in that so-called white wedding

lwkm

kay9:
I don't. Not even one tiny little bit. As fast as i am concerned, people require the approval of others to make their decisions don't count as "adults" in my book; they're just overgrown babies.

That is an insult to all babies!

Your sister only realized she was forced because her marriage didn’t work out. Why didn’t she tell you she was being pressured when you called for a family meeting? was the pastor and his wife present at those meetings? Your parents disapproval wasn’t enough to resist the pressure from her pastor and his wife?

Pastor and his wife are now bad people for looking out for your sister’s best interest. If nobody wanted to marry your sister she would have turned prayer warrior searching for a man. She got one handed to her on a platter and she couldn’t make it work, now she’s putting the blame on pastor.

Your sister went into the marriage with very clear eyes, she’s just giving excuses for her failed marriage.

Sometimes, you get scared/ nervous. Not in all cases it turn out bad.

There's more to this whole senerios than all these Scarry things been shared online.

The tribalism is crazy. Instead of you to say what the man did, now and in the past, you say it's because he's not igbo.

Mtchew.

proxitaly:
I'm writing this for the sake of those who feel compelled to get married. You're going to get married soon, you're engaged and your wedding is on few months or few weeks time but...
You're scared, your partner is abusive, you want to make your parents happy, it's the church image you want to protect or for one reason or the other something is ringing that monotone high pitched bell in your head...
RUN

I have a personal story of this. My immediate elder sister! It's so painful, she's going through what I can't let another's daughter pass through.
It happened that she was living with a pastor and got proposed to buy this brother. My parents were not in support but her pastor Daddy wanted a wedding in his church after a long while.
We her siblings were after her happiness because our parents reasons were that brother is not from their church and he's not Igbo. These for us is not reason why she shouldn't marry the man she loves.
We called her to a meeting, siblings without our parents. We asked her if she was being compelled in any way. She said 'loved brother and it is God's will for her. We prevailed on our parents who very reluctantly agreed. My mother especially was having a feeling that something is not right. My sister pushed us on.

We called a second meeting some months to the wedding. Her decision was resolute. We went on with the wedding. It was a huge success. Wedding presents alone was enough to set up someone in business. She's a good girl and everyone dotted on her, also got married a virgin.
A week after the wedding trouble everywhere! Brother showed his true colors. From one church panel to another, we the siblings have to hide these whole episodes from our parents. My mother is hypertensive and my father won't keep it to himself if he gets to hear of it. Thankfully my parents are in the village while my sister and brother lives in the town.
She now opened up to us. Mommy (Pastor's wife) was compelling her to get married to that brother. "If you miss this opportunity you may never get another, Don't listen to anybody" she told her. Pastor agreed with the wife. My sister didn't want to disappoint her pastor whom she's lived with all these years. She rather pleased her pastor and displeased herself including her family.
It's been four years now, she's not living with brother because of myriad of troubles. She's a no for divorce being a strong born again Christian. We only resort to prayers and hope...

Please break the relationship now and not the marriage later.
Pause it, run away, delay it, do anything but don't get married if you're not sure. Save your peace of mind for yourself.

garriAndsugar:
Ladies should stop seeing marriage as a means to escape poverty..

Search well and marry the right man..stop following money..

That's a wrong mindset

Marriage should be scraped.i say this with my full chest.

I dey come,let me go serve my husband's food.
Pls don't forget, marriage should be scraped.

cooooooks:
The tribalism is crazy. Instead of you to say what the man did, now and in the past, you say it's because he's not igbo.

Mtchew.

I wanted to reply you harshly but I then realized we comprehend according to our level of intelligence.
I said My parents were against because he's not Igbo, but we prevailed on them that the tribe of a man is not enough reason to deny him marrying your daughter.
Tribe was never even raised in the whole saga.
My whole write-up is never to discuss the various issues with the marriage but to admonish those who feel compelled to get married.

People should make their decisions based on their circumstances.

You brought a half baked story to make a banal point.

proxitaly:

I wanted to reply you harshly but I then realized we comprehend according to our level of intelligence.
I said My parents were against because he's not Igbo, but we prevailed on them that the tribe of a man is not enough reason to deny him marrying your daughter.
Tribe was never even raised in the whole saga.
My whole write-up is never to discuss the various issues with the marriage but to admonish those who feel compelled to get married.

eazzzy1:
Your sister only realized she was forced because her marriage didn’t work out. Why didn’t she tell you she was being pressured when you called for a family meeting? was the pastor and his wife present at those meetings? Your parents disapproval wasn’t enough to resist the pressure from her pastor and his wife?

Pastor and his wife are now bad people for looking out for your sister’s best interest. If nobody wanted to marry your sister she would have turned prayer warrior searching for a man. She got one handed to her on a platter and she couldn’t make it work, now she’s putting the blame on pastor.

Your sister went into the marriage with very clear eyes, she’s just giving excuses for her failed marriage.

I like your angle. I. Have NOT agreed to it, that that's the situation here. I just like the angle you looked at it from.

proxitaly:

I wanted to reply you harshly but I then realized we comprehend according to our level of intelligence.
I said My parents were against because he's not Igbo, but we prevailed on them that the tribe of a man is not enough reason to deny him marrying your daughter.
Tribe was never even raised in the whole saga.
My whole write-up is never to discuss the various issues with the marriage but to admonish those who feel compelled to get married.

Kai. I need this tip in my life. There's a lot laced in this.

Magnoliaa:


I like your angle. I. Have NOT agreed to it, that that's the situation here. I just like the angle you looked at it from.

Well, No one knows what really happened aside the poster’s sister. I just commented based on the picture the OP painted.

I like when people own their mistakes, She thought he was God sent, turned out he wasn’t, simple. It’s not a crime to make a judgement error. Trying to pass the buck is childish.

eazzzy1:


Well, No one knows what really happened aside the poster’s sister. I just commented based on the picture the OP painted.

I like when people own their mistakes, She thought he was God sent, turned out he wasn’t, simple. It’s not a crime to make a judgement error. Trying to pass the buck is childish.

True. Marrying is too huge a decision to be taken based on a favour or debt you feel you owe some people.

Why would she allow herself be pressurized into such when her judgment isn't impaired?

I mean. People can only suggest and make comments from whatever place. Whether good or bad; the pastor and his wife were only coming from a place of their understanding, however limited, that time is running out on her side, but na she go marry the marry. Las las, if she refused, they'll feel hurt and she might even have to move out, but she'd be doing something good for herself. Or she could have made them understand at that point, sensibly, why she wouldn't be able to marry someone she doesn't know. She's not a kid.

As she doesn't believe in divorce now, what will happen??

Some of these people will only remember the confining laws of God, they won't remember his preventive advices, so you won't land yourself in a situation you would not be able to get out of.

[quote author=proxitaly post=107048666][/quote]
out of curiosity, is the lady in question a deeper life member, amd schooled in kaduna state?

Magnoliaa:


True. Marrying is too huge a decision to be taken based on a favour or debt you feel you owe some people.

Why would she allow herself be pressurized into such when her judgment isn't impaired?

I mean. People can only suggest and make comments from whatever place. Whether good or bad; the pastor and his wife were only coming from a place of their understanding, however limited, that time is running out on her side, but na she go marry the marry. Las las, if she refused, they'll feel hurt and she might even have to move out, but she'd be doing something good for herself. Or she could have made them understand at that point, sensibly, why she wouldn't be able to marry someone she doesn't know. She's not a kid.

As she doesn't believe in divorce now, what will happen??

Some of these people will only remember the confining laws of God, they won't remember his preventive advices, so you won't land yourself in a situation you would not be able to get out of.

Exactly. There’s a Yoruba adage that says ‘’Igbeyawo dabi oja okunkun “ roughly translated as marriage is like a night market, it’s only when we get home we know what we have bought.

People can see someone as God’s will for them only to discover after marriage that the person is God’s won’t. Even people who weren’t match made.

She faced pressure from two sides, her parents were against the marriage, her guardians were for the marriage, she made a choice, unfortunately the choice turned out to be the wrong one.

Maybe it’s just the kind of person I am, once I make a decision, I hold myself solely responsible for whatever the outcome is. I take the blessings or learn the lessons.

.

kkins25:

out of curiosity, is the lady in question a deeper life member, amd schooled in kaduna state?

No sir, it happened in the south and it's not deeper life.