Hello Nairalanders

I am new in this forum I need advice from good 9ja people

i have been married for two years now, blessed with a child, but I am not enjoying my marriage. my husband who claims to be a devoted xtain and attends one of the strongest bible beliving church we have is alway cheating on me. on several ocassions i have seen love and miss u text msg in his phone. (dont query me for checking his phone, its something most married women do, we are human) anytime i challange him over such messages he is always giving excuses of , 'we are just friends, or ,i have not even met her with only chat , etc. he never stayed at home on weekends, he is either going for class(he is writing a prof exam), office or want to go and shave and will only come back late. i have caught him unaware with his phone and immediately he sight me , he deletes whatever he is doing. you can never see recent calls from his call log, he has deleted them. he now uses password for his phone and u can't find it around, he even got extra phone permanetly in his car, sometimes he will say he wants to get something from the car and if i peep through the window of the back room , he is on phone with the other phone.
ok, you will say this is a common story, abi?
hear this, we sleep on the same bed, and for months , we dont make love, i tried all my possible best, he always tired and this is the man that was on phone one night in the toilet and masturbating(i had to peep through the key hole because he had stayed long in the toilet). if i sit beside him there is nothing that attract me to him, sometimes I try forcing myself on him, he will reponse but u will knw its not from his heart

pls i had to take courage to pour out my mind, i dont no what to do, i am to young for all this , pls advice

garish:

Hello Nairalanders

I am new in this forum I need advice from good 9ja people

i have been married for two years now, blessed with a child, but I am not enjoying my marriage. my husband who claims to be a devoted xtain and attends one of the strongest bible beliving church we have is alway cheating on me. on several ocassions i have seen love and miss u text msg in his phone. (dont query me for checking his phone, its something most married women do, we are human) anytime i challange him over such messages he is always giving excuses of , 'we are just friends, or ,i have not even met her with only chat , etc. he never stayed at home on weekends, he is either going for class(he is writing a prof exam), office or want to go and shave and will only come back late. i have caught him unaware with his phone and immediately he sight me , he deletes whatever he is doing. you can never see recent calls from his call log, he has deleted them[b]. he now uses password for his phone [/b] and u can't find it around, he even got extra phone permanetly in his car, sometimes he will say he wants to get something from the car and if i peep through the window of the back room , he is on phone with the other phone.
ok, you will say this is a common story, abi?
hear this, we sleep on the same bed, and for months , we dont make love, i tried all my possible best, he always tired and this is the man that was on phone one night in the toilet and self-servicing(i had to peep through the key hole because he had stayed long in the toilet). if i sit beside him there is nothing that attract me to him, sometimes I try forcing myself on him, he will reponse but u will knw its not from his heart

pls i had to take courage to pour out my mind, i dont no what to do, i am to young for all this , pls advice

we all experience the bolded. but seriously, have you tried talking to him cos i feel 2years is too short for you to be experiencing all these.

You aint attracted to him anymore and he obviously isnt with you.
Is there a major reason why both of you are drifting apart,I mean like, did you guys 'quarell' and it took days to reconcile?stuff, anything.

he is hiding something

you prolly need to sit him down and talk

maybe you have done something wrong

or he is just a dog and you don't knw that before you got married

my people we have discussed over and over and i have ask why he married me when i will treat me this way afterall i didnt forcemyself on him, he will say im getting it wrong, he love me that's why he married me, but i wonder when ever he says i love you becos u can't hide love.

Action speaks louder than words

the truth is most men are like that. but his refusal to have sex with you while he self services bothers me. you may have to try being nice to him and try as much as you can not to nag and complain about how you feel about him. who knows, you might win him over.

@r231; Action speaks louder than words , he buys me things alot,clothes, shoes, name it, (any nice things you see on me is bought by him)what kind of action would you call this.
any way those things he buys , im sure are remnant of shopping he made with his girls outside, cos he is always on the move.
i am confuse becos i know how he use to be fond of me before we got married

garish:

@r231; Action speaks louder than words , he buys me things alot,clothes, shoes, name it, (any nice things you see on me is bought by him)what kind of action would you call this.
any way those things he buys , im sure are remnant of shopping he made with his girls outside, cos he is always on the move.
i am confuse becos i know how he use to be fond of me before we got married

you can't call buying you stuff LOVE

if he truly loves you, he won't be dealing with other girls on the side or jerking off in the toilet while you are there

and you have to beg him to touch you

there is something wrong somewhere or there is something going on in his head that is making him act like that towards you

@r231: I am on the same page with you, that's why I am confuse and I need help.

Garish, it's difficult to say but I believe your hubby is seriously in love lust with another woman. He may not have slept with her or anything but his mind is completely filled with the thoughts of this other woman. His actions show he cannot even control the feeling. He may still respect you a lot but his heart is not at home.

What you have to do is not so simple but I guess you have to do your best to get his heart back to you. You know your husband best. What are the things he likes in you? What things does he like to do with you? Find a way to rekindle this love by doing these things. Most importantly, you need to pray seriously for him. Do you pray together everyday? Make it a habit to pray together as a family. It is helps keep the family together. I hope this helps.

A certain woman friend of mine once narrated her many escapades while trying to get her rich but wayward husband off the twine of women, she went to extremes I will not recommend for anyone nor mention here but I am just remembering one of the words she said she use to tell her husband which is that "She will not use one hand but two hands in saving him from tides that are sweeping him away". I am not alluding to harshness or violence, I am only saying that you do have a place in saving your man from whatever "Mushy/lusty" feelings or other things that seem to be overwhelming him. I agree with the post of "hunkyjohn", Find ways to rekindle the waning light of the candle of your love, also check yourself and ensure that you ain't doing something that is putting him off you.

Pep things up a bit, recreate things around you two, communicate good, listen to him and perhaps you can hear where things are itching him. I also agree that there may be a problem somewhere for him to prefer to jerk off than attain gratification beautifully with you. Does he have sexual problems that makes him uncomfy and shy when he is having intercourse with you. (I'm not asking you to reply but for you to work on things)

His distractions may even result from financial,business or work worries but if you have enough proof that he is unfaithful, I am thinking that it will be a good idea to lay the cards on the table and let him know that you know what is going on and that you guys need to work on your marriage and salvage it if the marriage is also important to him, he may come to his senses.
Prayers are inestimable here, it has a great potency in welding you two together especially if you pray it together. It definitely won't be easy on you having him ignore you and not having your sexual needs met. Keep being strong dearie, don't be swayed. I pray you overcome this.

@Ivynwa and hunkyjohn thanks so much for your advice God bless

, I am pretty sure he really loves you and he always will, but he is just sexually attracted to other women. You guys should talk about it like adults, and sort it out. Transition from dating to marriage can be quite overwhelming for a guy.

Good luck

he jerks off in d toilet while urging the girl on the line to do same. Most unfaithful men masturbates as well.

get his closest friends and the family member he respects the most to talk to him

Kx:

he jerks off in d toilet while urging the girl on the line to do same. Most unfaithful men self services as well.

get his closest friends and the family member he respects the most to talk to him

@kx
The fact that he jerks off in the loo doesn't prove that he has somebody at the other end that he is urging to do the same or is having phone s.ex with. We shouldn't conclude for her, it is left for her to read her man good as she has been doing so far. It won't be nice for her to accuse her husband of something she has no proof of. [color=#000099]It's a probability that that is what he engages in.

@poster
I hope you pray with him as some have advised here, sometimes ask him to lead the prayers or just list out prayer points and give him the parts that have to do with the love of your union. Let him have deep thoughts and ask himself questions after [/color] saying such prayers for your marriage. Communication is very important here as I have noted before, express yourself for him to understand what he is putting you through by ignoring you and denying you your marital rights, give him the opportunity to express himself too that way your heart and his may draw closer.

@ omoekoni;your reply is suspicious and contradicting, how can you say he REALLY LOVES me but sextually attracted to other women?