I am married with two kids male and female 3 and 2 years old, my wife and I were living fine until her cousin sister came staying with us. She is her father sister daughter , the girl mother raised my wife and her older sister, my wife came from a poor family and her parents had to sent them to their aunty because she was doing well back then , but she had maltreated them to the extend of leaving a big scar to my wife foreheads and the day she had narrated her life story to me I have shed tears because it was very painful to hear but in everything I have pleaded her to forgive and forget which she said she has forgiven her a long time ago and I was happy with her.

The aunty and her family have also had attended our wedding back in 2013 and her two daughters were our bridesmaids just to prove that she has forgiven her and had nothing against her. It happened that her aunty had lost her husband back in 2019 and things were hard for her and her children,  my wife have decided to take one of her daughter who was 15 years and I had given her the permission to bring her to the house and since she had forgiven the mother I thought she would take good care of her but I was wrong .

She had maltreated her even worser than what her aunty had done to her,trust me this girl passed through hell in the hands of my wife and anytime I had tried stopping her she would accused me of sleeping with her and I have decided to sent her back to her mother and I have told her I will send her back to her mother she said I should not dare but I promised her to wait and see.

I call for a family meeting with my inlaws and the girl mother because I wanted the girl to be free from my wife and I have narrated everything to them , my wife dad told his sister to take her daughter back but she refused and has started blaming the girl for being stubborn that she is a bad girl for making my wife angry and she was in tears begging my wife for forgiveness and I have told her nto stop accusing her for what she is not wrong with, she had stayed with me for 2 years and I have never suspected her to be stubborn towards my wife or I. She is the most polite girl but I do understand the reason why she didn't want her back despite her being abused , she was living in poverty and she had other kids to cater for and she didn't want her daughter back to add more burden to her suffering but I had insisted that she has to take her daughter and in front of my inlaws and wife i have given her 100k to go and start something.

After the aunty had left , my parents in laws stay in to counsel my wife and I but everything they have said went to a deaf ears my wife fought me that night and she had insulted me calling me all the names under the sun, I didn't respond her so I took my car key and left the house and I return after some time. Because I didn't respond her the first time she had insulted the hell out of me so she had started again the following day early morning before leaving for work ,  this time around she went as far and has insulted my mother calling her a prostitute because she knew I would definitely react to the insult and of course I did I pinned her against the wall and I held her by her neck almost chocked her and I have told her she can insult me as much as she pleases it will not bother me but she should never try to insult my mother again because I would kill her. I let her go and she was throwing things at me , calling me names and she said she will poison me.

As shocked I was but I didn't respond to her and I immediately left the house and went to lodge to a hotel for few days because I knew that if I went home on that night maybe one of us would have been in the hospital and another in jail for my own sanity I had to distance myself from her , on day 7 her father called me because she said a lot of lies about me and he wanted to hear my side of the story to,  I have explained everything and he advised me the best way he could and ask me to go back home but I have told him I ain't going anywhere until he talk to his daughter because if she carry on with her attitudes I will land myself in jail and he call for an emergency family meeting for reconciliation.

I returned back to the house but we had no communication and we are sleeping in a separate room and everytime I remembered how she said she will poison me I don't even eat her foods even when it was our children birthday I didn't drink or ate the food she cooked. I eat out everyday and I only go home to sleep . We are living like roommate and the love I had for her is not there anymore and we are only staying together for the sake of our kids it took us 6 years to conceived our first baby and I don't want them to grow up in a broken home but I don't think we will ever be in good terms again. Thanks for reading till the end.

Women again

I just read nairaland comments

you have been dealing with the situation very well Sir, Na man you be kudos.

My dear; Plan your exist strategy if you want to live long but the signs were there before you married her.

One thing men must understand is you can change a damaged woman as a result of marriage.

Thank you

Divorce your wife if you value your sanity and life. It's really sad and unfortunate that people from the trenches are used to maltreating others when they are in better position.

I'm sure she'd do same thing to anybody living with her. It's her nature.

The ball is in ur court.

Once a woman doesn't give birth to you,be rest assured you will be maltreated as a dog

I have vowed that a day my future wife raises her hand on anybody that is staying with us that is not her child for no reason, she leaves my house that very moment I know how it feels because i have been in that situation too

.

Give her a solid punch in the throat and make her gasp for oxygen, with that she might feel half the pain she put you through. Depression ain't a joke, a whole man of the house that feeds, house and cloth the wife and children will be suffering from a mental torture from a wife whom she ought to give you respect like that of a King. I was just kidding about you punching her in the throat. That woman is passing through a trauma of domestic violence she passed through while she was being maltreated by her aunt. She's a product of where she was brought up, and it's now part of her which she embraces and can't change. You have to depart that house for like a whole month, and take care of your mental health. Depression ain't a joke, it's the worst thing ever.

Insulted your husband's mother and told him that you are going to poison him. What a reckless word.

For me, that word alone has ended the marriage, nothing on earth would make me eat that woman's food again.

Telling a spouse that one would poison him or her is never a slip of the tongue and can never be rationalized as a mistake....OP, the marriage is already broken, redirect effort on the reality of co-parenting.

Ineedtovent:
I returned back to the house but we had no communication and we are sleeping in a separate room and everytime I remembered how she said she will poison me I don't even eat her foods even when it was our children birthday I didn't drink or ate the food she cooked. I eat out everyday and I only go home to sleep . We are living like roommate and the love I had for her is not there anymore and we are only staying together for the sake of our kids it took us 6 years to conceived our first baby and I don't want them to grow up in a broken home but I don't think we will ever be in good terms again. Thanks for reading till the end.

How is the girl your wife was maltreating all this while? I hope she is not being used as a punching bag at this point? People are really cruel.

Please do not hesitate to call NAPTIP in or whatever agency can come in to help ensure that girl is no longer living a tortured existence under your wife's regime.

Since violence has already occurred in the relationship, I would advice against any direct confrontations please. Rather, I suggest you both give each other as much space as possible so it does not get any worse than it already has. Also with children between you two, I insist you both give each other as much space as possible.

What you can do at this time is engage the aide of a professional marriage counselor to help bring you and your wife together safely to have the conversation that needs to be had regarding issued and your marriage. Calling extended family in has already failed so it is time for the two people whose marriage it actually is to actually communicate and figure out a way forward for their union and I recommend a professional marriage counselor and some anger management counseling for both of you.

Op,I pray peace comeback to you house.Try and talk to your wife.Draw her to yourself and make peace bro.
If you both decide to go separate ways,your kids will be the most affected.And in the nearest future, you both will regret that decision.

Dear women,

Never ever insult your Mother-in-law.Nigeria men don’t joke with their mother.

Always control what comes out of your mind when you are angry.Telling your hubby he will be poisoned is a very dangerous word.That man will never ever trust to eat your food again.

Don’t maltreat a young chap living with you due to some circumstances their parents are facing.That’s pure wickedness.

You guys should start all over again by going out on dates again. Also, she needs sef a therapist as she's still carrying her past grudges into the future.

I think your wife is still stuck in the past, except if she is a stone cold-hearted woman . I know that's not an excuse for her extreme behavior. You have really tried honestly. Please don't give up on her. Find someone that can talk to her. She needs something to jolt her back to present.

I truly feel sad for the girl she is maltreating. The poor child is only a victim of circumstance. She didn't ask for any of this. She is paying for mistakes of the adults around her. What a shame!

I feel sad for your children too. Growing up in a toxic environment like this. Have you stopped to consider the effect all the drama would have on them? Has your wife ever paused to think that the child she is maltreating today could maltreat her own children tomorrow? And the circle of hate and corporate bullshit goes on. Smh.

Most importantly, pray! Vent your feelings to God too.

Women always hate other people living with them. Give a woman any power and see her misuse it. Since a woman ate the fruit of evil instead of good (in the garden of Eden), it shows that the only thing they know is evil but always act like a saint and like the victim. OP that woman will kill you and claim self defense

Well just tell her that she is becoming no different from her aunty aka being a monster

And in the end the girl will hate her the same way she hate her aunty

She needs to break the chain of hate in the family

Your wife needs councelling from what she went through herself

Problem with most african culture and tradition is that were taught not to confront our elders no matter how much they have hurt us and are absorbed with anger and hate. The girl is just a remember of how she was treated and i guess hence your wife has resulted of being nasty to the girl. Untill she gets councelling or the aunty apologies to your wife she will never properly heal and treat the girl nicely.

am not defending her actions of insulting you and your mum but i want you to understand the anger in her, you need to help your wife to heal. She has mental scares

First, you need to stop these family meetings. I feel that you should have sent that girl back to her mother on your instruction (and assist her financially) without the family meeting where you had to narrate your wife's excesses. It sounded like you needed the permission of the entire community to enforce an instruction in your home.

Diplomacy may earn you the respect of your in-laws but certainly not your wife's respect. While love and its attributes do not thrive in the midst of fear, you should have created a sense of fear by enforcing your instruction on a matter that's got to do with life or death. This is not a diplomatic issue but a matter of enforcing your stance as the head of the house.

Westernisation is breeding a set of weak men and you shouldn't let your home be a testing ground for a concept that will ruin generations to come. It's so bad now that some of you now drag remote control with your kids. Some of you are even scared of watching your favourite channels because your Wife or your two year old toddler will cry if you switch from Cartoon network to CNN. No balls, no respect, just clueless husbands and fathers playing the roles of dummies, while smiling sheepishly and, of course, working like elephants.

I don't mean to upset you, please. Your experience is just so annoying. Choking or beating her is not the answer here. Why wait until you get pushed to the wall before acting the HEAD and MAN that you are in your home? Why?

Very very absurd. You're even willing to go to jail because of woman! Have you ever been to the prisons to see what prisoners in Nigeria go through?

Husbands no dey send woman comot for house again. Na man dey run now to hotel and side chick's apartments (the m.umu ones call this one enjoyment). It is well with you all!

Staying together for the sake of the children is always a terrible decision. Having been the child in that situation, it's a crappy place to be knowing that your parents hate each other's guts and are only staying together out of some misguided attempt to preserve normality. Kids aren't stupid, they'll pick up on things, and will know that things are not all well in the house.

Much better to get the separation / divorce over and done with. Then your kids can spend time with each parent independently of each other. Both parents will be happier, and the kids will be happier as a result.

Look for another accommodation for the girl with you.

She is your wife greastest threat.

InTheCloudySky:
Just be patient with her, watch War Room, and also fast and pray so that she doesn't poison you, as she has threatened to do. It is well.

Another evil woman spotted, my friend keep shut.

Ineedtovent:
I am married with two kids male and female 3 and 2 years old, my wife and I were living fine until her cousin sister came staying with us. She is her father sister daughter , the girl mother raised my wife and her older sister, my wife came from a poor family and her parents had to sent them to their aunty because she was doing well back then , but she had maltreated them to the extend of leaving a big scar to my wife foreheads and the day she had narrated her life story to me I have shed tears because it was very painful to hear but in everything I have pleaded her to forgive and forget which she said she has forgiven her a long time ago and I was happy with her.

The aunty and her family have also had attended our wedding back in 2013 and her two daughters were our bridesmaids just to prove that she has forgiven her and had nothing against her. It happened that her aunty had lost her husband back in 2019 and things were hard for her and her children,  my wife have decided to take one of her daughter who was 15 years and I had given her the permission to bring her to the house and since she had forgiven the mother I thought she would take good care of her but I was wrong .

She had maltreated her even worser than what her aunty had done to her,trust me this girl passed through hell in the hands of my wife and anytime I had tried stopping her she would accused me of sleeping with her and I have decided to sent her back to her mother and I have told her I will send her back to her mother she said I should not dare but I promised her to wait and see.

I call for a family meeting with my inlaws and the girl mother because I wanted the girl to be free from my wife and I have narrated everything to them , my wife dad told his sister to take her daughter back but she refused and has started blaming the girl for being stubborn that she is a bad girl for making my wife angry and she was in tears begging my wife for forgiveness and I have told her nto stop accusing her for what she is not wrong with, she had stayed with me for 2 years and I have never suspected her to be stubborn towards my wife or I. She is the most polite girl but I do understand the reason why she didn't want her back despite her being abused , she was living in poverty and she had other kids to cater for and she didn't want her daughter back to add more burden to her suffering but I had insisted that she has to take her daughter and in front of my inlaws and wife i have given her 100k to go and start something.

After the aunty had left , my parents in laws stay in to counsel my wife and I but everything they have said went to a deaf ears my wife fought me that night and she had insulted me calling me all the names under the sun, I didn't respond her so I took my car key and left the house and I return after some time. Because I didn't respond her the first time she had insulted the hell out of me so she had started again the following day early morning before leaving for work ,  this time around she went as far and has insulted my mother calling her a prostitute because she knew I would definitely react to the insult and of course I did I pinned her against the wall and I held her by her neck almost chocked her and I have told her she can insult me as much as she pleases it will not bother me but she should never try to insult my mother again because I would kill her. I let her go and she was throwing things at me , calling me names and she said she will poison me.

As shocked I was but I didn't respond to her and I immediately left the house and went to lodge to a hotel for few days because I knew that if I went home on that night maybe one of us would have been in the hospital and another in jail for my own sanity I had to distance myself from her , on day 7 her father called me because she said a lot of lies about me and he wanted to hear my side of the story to,  I have explained everything and he advised me the best way he could and ask me to go back home but I have told him I ain't going anywhere until he talk to his daughter because if she carry on with her attitudes I will land myself in jail and he call for an emergency family meeting for reconciliation.

I returned back to the house but we had no communication and we are sleeping in a separate room and everytime I remembered how she said she will poison me I don't even eat her foods even when it was our children birthday I didn't drink or ate the food she cooked. I eat out everyday and I only go home to sleep . We are living like roommate and the love I had for her is not there anymore and we are only staying together for the sake of our kids it took us 6 years to conceived our first baby and I don't want them to grow up in a broken home but I don't think we will ever be in good terms again. Thanks for reading till the end.

From this post, your wife is very terrible and she’s evil.
Paying evil back with evil, especially on an innocent child that knows nothing about what her mother did.

Try as much as possible to not eat or even drink anything in that house for now. Make sure you don’t buy anything from outside and bring into your home to eat it, eat everything and drink everything including water outside for now, this will be very difficult to do but for your own safety please do.

Be very cautious and prayerful, but please don’t get carried away whenever you are around her.

If this continues, You can either send her back to her father’s house or you try to stay away from home, except when you want to visit your kids.

That girl is in hot Okra soup, because presently, without doubt, your wife is accusing her of causing friction in her home.
That unforgiving trait runs in their blood.

Op, don’t you have sisters? Open up to them about what you’re going through in the hands of your wife and get them to talk some sense into that wicked wife of yours.
I will never tolerate any woman treating any of my brothers in such toxic way! God forbid!

CalmElder:
That girl is in hot Okra soup, because presently, without doubt, your wife is accusing her of causing friction in her home.
That unforgiving trait runs in their blood.

And if the marriage collapses, the girl will be scapegoated by that woman. Such a terrible situation for anyone let alone a teenage girl to find herself in; abused by a family member and being made to believe you are at fault for a failed marriage. It could severely damage her self esteem.
Awful avoidable situation.

Arsenate:

And if the marriage collapses, the girl will be scapegoated by that woman. Such a terrible situation for anyone let alone a teenage girl to find herself in; abused by a family member and being made to believe you are at fault for a failed marriage. It could severely damage her self esteem.
Awful avoidable situation.

I just dey pity d gal.
Chai!

yuping:
you have been dealing with the situation very well Sir, Na man you be kudos.

I swear. It's tough but I salute you OP. I'd have done same too because when I put my foot down, I put my foot down. Don't waver, don't bend. She must bend to you, you don't bend to her.

Ineedtovent:
I am married with two kids male and female 3 and 2 years old, my wife and I were living fine until her cousin sister came staying with us. She is her father sister daughter , the girl mother raised my wife and her older sister, my wife came from a poor family and her parents had to sent them to their aunty because she was doing well back then , but she had maltreated them to the extend of leaving a big scar to my wife foreheads and the day she had narrated her life story to me I have shed tears because it was very painful to hear but in everything I have pleaded her to forgive and forget which she said she has forgiven her a long time ago and I was happy with her.

The aunty and her family have also had attended our wedding back in 2013 and her two daughters were our bridesmaids just to prove that she has forgiven her and had nothing against her. It happened that her aunty had lost her husband back in 2019 and things were hard for her and her children,  my wife have decided to take one of her daughter who was 15 years and I had given her the permission to bring her to the house and since she had forgiven the mother I thought she would take good care of her but I was wrong .

She had maltreated her even worser than what her aunty had done to her,trust me this girl passed through hell in the hands of my wife and anytime I had tried stopping her she would accused me of sleeping with her and I have decided to sent her back to her mother and I have told her I will send her back to her mother she said I should not dare but I promised her to wait and see.

I call for a family meeting with my inlaws and the girl mother because I wanted the girl to be free from my wife and I have narrated everything to them , my wife dad told his sister to take her daughter back but she refused and has started blaming the girl for being stubborn that she is a bad girl for making my wife angry and she was in tears begging my wife for forgiveness and I have told her nto stop accusing her for what she is not wrong with, she had stayed with me for 2 years and I have never suspected her to be stubborn towards my wife or I. She is the most polite girl but I do understand the reason why she didn't want her back despite her being abused , she was living in poverty and she had other kids to cater for and she didn't want her daughter back to add more burden to her suffering but I had insisted that she has to take her daughter and in front of my inlaws and wife i have given her 100k to go and start something.

After the aunty had left , my parents in laws stay in to counsel my wife and I but everything they have said went to a deaf ears my wife fought me that night and she had insulted me calling me all the names under the sun, I didn't respond her so I took my car key and left the house and I return after some time. Because I didn't respond her the first time she had insulted the hell out of me so she had started again the following day early morning before leaving for work ,  this time around she went as far and has insulted my mother calling her a prostitute because she knew I would definitely react to the insult and of course I did I pinned her against the wall and I held her by her neck almost chocked her and I have told her she can insult me as much as she pleases it will not bother me but she should never try to insult my mother again because I would kill her. I let her go and she was throwing things at me , calling me names and she said she will poison me.

As shocked I was but I didn't respond to her and I immediately left the house and went to lodge to a hotel for few days because I knew that if I went home on that night maybe one of us would have been in the hospital and another in jail for my own sanity I had to distance myself from her , on day 7 her father called me because she said a lot of lies about me and he wanted to hear my side of the story to,  I have explained everything and he advised me the best way he could and ask me to go back home but I have told him I ain't going anywhere until he talk to his daughter because if she carry on with her attitudes I will land myself in jail and he call for an emergency family meeting for reconciliation.

I returned back to the house but we had no communication and we are sleeping in a separate room and everytime I remembered how she said she will poison me I don't even eat her foods even when it was our children birthday I didn't drink or ate the food she cooked. I eat out everyday and I only go home to sleep . We are living like roommate and the love I had for her is not there anymore and we are only staying together for the sake of our kids it took us 6 years to conceived our first baby and I don't want them to grow up in a broken home but I don't think we will ever be in good terms again. Thanks for reading till the end.

What a nonsense behaviour from her

Probably wickedness runs in their family especially from the women

It's time she returns to her father's house, that will be her own correctional home

If unfortunate for her by the time she will be back, you already had one on standby, then it's her fault

For both of you to live like strangers is riskier than when you both are separated

A threat to life is not something to joke about with because the mouth just spoke what the heart is planning

InTheCloudySky:
Just be patient with her, watch War Room, and also fast and pray so that she doesn't poison you, as she has threatened to do. It is well.

#Sarcasm

War room kill you there