pocohantas:
Whatever works for her, the kids and her family.

In a place like Nigeria, it might be hard for her to get back into the system whenever she is done with childbearing.

There are husbands that make their wives feel safe. If one is blessed with a man like that, you can afford to make certain sacrifices and not feel like your very essence was taken from you.

Sadly at my last count there are just 5 of them in Nigeria.

You like vawulence

empressSkincare:
I don't support women putting their career on hold cos of their children. There should be a way a balance can be made between the two.

*A medical doctor husband that can be called upon anytime even when not on duty.
*A banker wife that can get home by 10pm depending on the situation at work.
*The husband bearing the financial responsibility at home can't quit his job.

Which balance are we talking about other than the wife putting career on hold??

BigDawsNet:
Carry on with your career
I believe she will get a maternity leave...

She always resume back to work as soon as possible...

So she'll be carry a baby to work?A baby that will be crying and distracting her?

sanpipita:


I wonder when they will even ask men if they can pause their career for their kids sef

Some questions need not be asked.
So a woman will be the bread winner of the family or what??

Komolafe89:
Capital NO

Capital WHY?

Albertone:


*A medical doctor husband that can be called upon anytime even when not on duty.
*A banker wife that can get home by 10pm depending on the situation at work.
*The husband bearing the financial responsibility at home can't quit his job.

Which balance are we talking about other than the wife putting career on hold??

What happens when the banker wife loses her job? Will she not be forced to have more time for the kids?
What happens when the medical doctor loses his license or is too fatigued to be mobile? Would he not have more time for the kids?

There's always a balance and those who refuse to find it are usually humbled by life one way or another. A medical doctor can have his own practice and dictate his hours, a banker can build her experience and have her pick between banks, I'm sure not all bankers work till 10pm every day, make we no make excuses for the inexcusable!

Albertone:


Some questions need not be asked.
So a woman will be the bread winner of the family or what??

Is the career woman not bringing money to the home, is there a law that says the breadwinner shouldn't take care of the kids

alluringsophy:
That's actually not Proper. you can still go ahead with your career and Have children. it shouldn't deprive one her career. The only reason you may think of quiting is if the career is too demanding. you can actually get a freelancing career where you will be able to work at the comfort of your home and make money.

The problem is NLC and female senators that can't back women up. In Western countries, working class women get 1 year paid maternity leave. So you don't have to stop your career.

abbey621:


What happens when the banker wife loses her job? Will she not be forced to have more time for the kids?
What happens when the medical doctor loses his license or is too fatigued to be mobile? Would he not have more time for the kids?

There's always a balance and those who refuse to find it are usually humbled by life one way or another. A medical doctor can have his own practice and dictate his hours, a banker can build her experience and have her pick between banks, I'm sure not all bankers work till 10pm every day, make we no make excuses for the inexcusable!

Not everyone has the opportunity to find a balance easily.Sometimes,the balance might still not be convenient.

Not every doctor has the ability/resources to practice privately yet.
By the time a woman builds her banking experience and is able to pick between banks, she'll have been done with child birth.
You now see things don't always go as we want them to go.

empressSkincare:
I don't support women putting their career on hold cos of their children. There should be a way a balance can be made between the two.

My mum is a great example and she reached the peak of her career but slay queens nowadays,well....

sanpipita:


Is the career woman not bringing money to the home, is there a law that says the breadwinner shouldn't take care of the kids

I don't know the family system you have in mind.
As for me,financial responsibility of the home is borne by the husband.The wife can of course assist with finances too.But financial security of the husband is more important than that of the wife.

Husband and wife should jointly take care of the kids.But since the husband plays a big role in finances, you can't expect him to sacrifice career for taking care of the kids.

Albertone:



Not everyone has the opportunity to find a balance easily.Sometimes,the balance might still not be convenient.

Not every doctor has the ability/resources to practice privately yet.
By the time a woman builds her banking experience and is able to pick between banks, she'll have been done with child birth.
You now see things don't always go as we want them to go.

It's not about being easy but practicable. A medical doctor can become disable, ill, lose his license etc, what would happen to the family if the wife had given up her career and became a stay at home mom? The problem with most of us is that we are not built for the long term, we tend to focus on the now now now and accept the fate of the future. Most whites have redundancy plans, they have life, disability and income insurance but average Nigerian man has none and still wants his wife to sit at home and play chief mrs........It works when they are wealthy but if they are average or just barely making it then you open yourself up to the fear of the unknown, the cruel game that life tends to play with us all. Nothing is guaranteed in life but don't handicap yourself by reducing your sources of income in a jungle like Nigeria.

abbey621:


It's not about being easy but practicable. A medical doctor can become disable, ill, lose his license etc, what would happen to the family if the wife had given up her career and became a stay at home mom? The problem with most of us is that we are not built for the long term, we tend to focus on the now now now and accept the fate of the future. Most whites have redundancy plans, they have life, disability and income insurance but average Nigerian man has none and still wants his wife to sit at home and play chief mrs........It works when they are wealthy but if they are average or just barely making it then you open yourself up to the fear of the unknown, the cruel game that life tends to play with us all. Nothing is guaranteed in life but don't handicap yourself by reducing your sources of income in a jungle like Nigeria.

I get your point.

Lack of planning is what makes the issue much of a problem.

Albertone:


So she'll be carry a baby to work?A baby that will be crying and distracting her?

Maternity nannies take over the baby for a while

Winneygirl:

Maternity leave is not enough.
There's 9 months of pregnancy, and maternity leave is mostly just 3 months after birth.
A 3 month old baby still requires round the clock care and monitoring.
Plus frequent hospital visits.
Where do you keep the baby while you return to work? The baby needs to be breastfed multiple times during the day, as well as at night.
Some jobs are actually very demanding. Some jobs require travelling a lot. Imagine some new mums stuck in traffic for hours while trying to get home to a crying, hungry and sick baby.
Now, add the experience of having twins, or having a toddler and nursing a child, or having 3 kids and nursing the fourth.
Women give up a lot.

I can't agree less with you. Motherhood isn't really an easy task.

Thank you. Only those who have experienced it can actually realistically talk about it.

The husband has to be more than just supportive, he has to be an integral part of that baby/infant raising stage if the mom has to actually return to work and cope well.

He has to bathe the baby, change diapers, do dishes, wake up for midnight feeds etc. nothing short of that will work. Because the mom is expected to do all that and still go to work 9-5 like the man. It’s only reasonable for the man to share her workload too.

Or they can employ a nanny (not a young child they can exploit) but a grown up maybe one of the grandmothers who can actually care for the new baby while parents go to work.

nahzyla:
Women who actually have kids or have been pregnant hardly contribute to these threads so the true situation is hardly ever known.
Its mostly men parroting the idea that their wives must work so as to bring something to the table.

Working a morning till evening job while pregnant or pregnant with kids is not a walk in the park.
Pregnancy itself is not just moving around with big belly for 9months. Many women suffer severe sickness that makes them sick and nauseated morning till evening while pregnant. It's just that some women are lucky their sickness only lasts the first three months and some few ones don't even get sick at all.
Then in the last three months there is waist pain from carrying the pregnancy and constipation and heartburn and difficulty sleeping and God know what else but the same woman is still expected to wake up every weekday and go to work, stay the whole day there, maybe sitting at a desk, and then return back in the evenings.

I can write from now till tomorrow, the truth is that people who have never been pregnant will never understand the difficulty in it.

Then when you put to bed if you are lucky and you have a job in a company where you are given three months paid maternity leave you get to focus on your baby and raise him for three months. Then what next after that? You start dropping a tender three months kid in daycare from 8 in the morning till 6 in the evening because of your job. The same baby that had not collected all their vaccines and immunizations and is still sensitive, you expose that baby to germs and infections (cataarrh and cough, diarrhea ) that children in daycare are prone to getting. You continue like that till they are old enough to go home from school and stay home by themselves, usually around 10/11years old, and at that point it's daycare that has helped you raise your child not you the mother.

The way jobs in society are structured, placed working mothers' lives and wellbeing as an afterthought. The system was arranged to favour men and fathers that don't have to worry about pregnancy and kids.

But they say women bring nothing to the table

Winneygirl:

Maternity leave is not enough.
There's 9 months of pregnancy, and maternity leave is mostly just 3 months after birth.
A 3 month old baby still requires round the clock care and monitoring.
Plus frequent hospital visits.
Where do you keep the baby while you return to work? The baby needs to be breastfed multiple times during the day, as well as at night.
Some jobs are actually very demanding. Some jobs require travelling a lot. Imagine some new mums stuck in traffic for hours while trying to get home to a crying, hungry and sick baby.
Now, add the experience of having twins, or having a toddler and nursing a child, or having 3 kids and nursing the fourth.
Women give up a lot.

Albertone:


I don't know the family system you have in mind.
As for me,financial responsibility of the home is borne by the husband.The wife can of course assist with finances too.But financial security of the husband is more important than that of the wife.

Husband and wife should jointly take care of the kids.But since the husband plays a big role in finances, you can't expect him to sacrifice career for taking care of the kids.

Financial security is important for everyone there's lots of bills to pay and things to do, the assist you talk about, how will the wife assist if she has no financial security? with the reality of things today, no serious person will think a wife sacrificing her career is way to go unless they are rich.

pocohantas:
Whatever works for her, the kids and her family.

In a place like Nigeria, it might be hard for her to get back into the system whenever she is done with childbearing.

There are husbands that make their wives feel safe. If one is blessed with a man like that, you can afford to make certain sacrifices and not feel like your very essence was taken from you.

Sadly at my last count there are just 5 of them in Nigeria.

I doubt they're up to five o. Probably one.

cococandy:
Thank you. Only those who have experienced it can actually realistically talk about it.

The husband has to be more than just supportive, he has to be an integral part of that baby/infant raising stage if the mom has to actually return to work and cope well.

He has to bathe the baby, change diapers, do dishes, wake up for midnight feeds etc. nothing short of that will work. Because the mom is expected to do all that and still go to work 9-5 like the man. It’s only reasonable for the man to share her workload too.

Or they can employ a nanny (not a young child they can exploit) but a grown up maybe one of the grandmothers who can actually care for the new baby while parents go to work.

80% of Nigerian men will NEVER do these things.
I don't know if it's insensitivity or ignorance. But many of them absolutely DO NOT want to bear the burden of catering after a small child.

Which is just unfortunate for working mothers.

nahzyla:



80% of Nigerian men will NEVER do these things.
I don't know if it's insensitivity or ignorance. But many of them absolutely DO NOT want to bear the burden of catering after a small child.

Which is just unfortunate for working mothers.

Very unfortunate. That’s why I don’t judge women who don’t want to share in the financial responsibilities with them. Unfortunately given the financial situation, they don’t have a choice but to do so. In addition to doing all the mom/wife stuff.

Those who don’t see how having a woman benefits them are more than ignorant.

If you have a husband who will not think his pubic hairs will burn while doing housework and supportive family members, why will you not juggle the 2. Emphasis on family members. E get why.

nahzyla:



80% of Nigerian men will NEVER do these things.
I don't know if it's insensitivity or ignorance. But many of them absolutely DO NOT want to bear the burden of catering after a small child.

Which is just unfortunate for working mothers.

Bad training from mothers meaning our mothers and our generation continues doing the same. How do we want them to learn when we refused to teach them from birth?
Maids this maids that. My boy my boy. The circle continues and we want change.

When we are ready, the society will know.

sanpipita:


Financial security is important for everyone there's lots of bills to pay and things to do, the assist you talk about, how will the wife assist if she has no financial security? with the reality of things today, no serious person will think a wife sacrificing her career is way to go unless they are rich.

When we are to choose evil,we choose the lesser evil.That is why I said the wife can actually forgo her career.After all,we have full house wives who aren't earning.

If husband can't forgo his career for obvious reasons and wife too can't forgo hers,what then will happen to the kids at infancy?

descarado:
If you have a husband who will not think his pubic hairs will burn while doing housework and supportive family members, why will you not juggle the 2. Emphasis on family members. E get why.

Based on what I have noticed,it is difficult for both spouses to be full time career people.They will lack in some areas like taking care of kids.

Imagine a military man marrying a female banker.
Is it a soldier that will be away on courses,duties, deployments e.t.c that she will be looking for to do house work?
Is it a banker that has to wake up really early to beat traffic yet cook, prepare kids for school,do house work e.t.c?

One must step down from career.The husband being the sole provider won't want to do that.

Albertone:


When we are to choose evil,we choose the lesser evil.That is why I said the wife can actually forgo her career.After all,we have full house wives who aren't earning.

If husband can't forgo his career for obvious reasons and wife too can't forgo hers,what then will happen to the kids at infancy?

Are you saying we don't have two career people marry and raise kids together? it's all about planning, parents being there doesn't mean kids won't lack, let people plan their lives well and I see, I don't need anyone to tell me when I need to stay with my kids especially if I have time or even make time for it while my wife works, it's just common sense

Albertone:


Based on what I have noticed,it is difficult for both spouses to be full time career people.They will lack in some areas like taking care of kids.

Imagine a military man marrying a female banker.
Is it a soldier that will be away on courses,duties, deployments e.t.c that she will be looking for to do house work?
Is it a banker that has to wake up really early to beat traffic yet cook, prepare kids for school,do house work e.t.c?

One must step down from career.The husband being the sole provider won't want to do that.

One don't necessarily have to step down if they work together.
In the morning, as madam dey kitchen, oga fo dey prepare kids for school or vise versa. The problem is which naija man fit wake up very early to do that?

Children stay in school till parents come back for them these days. As usual, oga go dey do home work and stuffs while madam dey kitchen. It takes two darling.
Kids won't remain kids forever. Before uou know it, one is already 6 to 7 and can at least bring out school clothes or keep the young ones busy by playing with them while the parents do house chores.

I am a very busy woman, so is my husband. We have perfected how to maximise our time at home and still have quality time for ourselves or me time.
As long as you two are on board, those yrs will pass.

Our mother's didn't know better. I hope we get it right.

sanpipita:


Are you saying we don't have two career people marry and raise kids together? it's all about planning, parents being there doesn't mean kids won't lack, let people plan their lives well and I see, I don't need anyone to tell me when I need to stay with my kids especially if I have time or even make time for it while my wife works, it's just common sense

Yes planning is key.

descarado:

One don't necessarily have to step down if they work together.
In the morning, as madam dey kitchen, oga fo dey prepare kids for school or vise versa. The problem is which naija man fit wake up very early to do that?

Children stay in school till parents come back for them these days. As usual, oga go dey do home work and stuffs while madam dey kitchen. It takes two darling.
Kids won't remain kids forever. Before uou know it, one is already 6 to 7 and can at least bring out school clothes or keep the young ones busy by playing with them while the parents do house chores.

I am a very busy woman, so is my husband. We have perfected how to maximise our time at home and still have quality time for ourselves or me time.
As long as you two are on board, those yrs will pass.

Our mother's didn't know better. I hope we get it right.

Succinctly put!
It actually takes two to tango.It never came across me this way.

By the way,I am shocked
Since I've been seeing your posts on NL,I thought it was a male behind the handle.

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Acidosis:


It's pretty straightforward. Career is a long-term goal while a job is a short-term position to earn money. Pregnancy will definitely affect most jobs but pregnancy should never be an issue when it comes to managing the long-term goal.

Take a female medical doctor as a case in point, will pregnancy affect her job at a community private clinic? Yes. Will the Nigerian Medical Association ban a female doctor for getting pregnant? No. So long as she has her license (i.e. skills and personal development plans), her career remains intact. She only lost her job, not her career.

Impressive analysis.