I got married sometime ago, we had a child 2021, after the birth of my child, more than 7 months ago my wife and I have barely had sex up to 3 times. We are still young and this bothers me alot.

I have jokingly said it, I have playfully pleaded with her, gotten angry but this has not resolved anything.

I love sex and was once an acute masturbator, this is driving me crazy because I do not wish to go back to it.

Also, I do not wish to visit a brothel as they are everywhere around us. This is making me regret ever getting married and I am frustrated.

The childbirth probably traumatized her and psychologically affected her interest in sex.
She may need professional therapy.

sheldonbbt:
I got married sometime ago, we had a child 2021, after the birth of my child, more than 7 months ago my wife and I have barely had sex up to 3 times. We are still young and this bothers me alot.

I have jokingly said it, I have playfully pleaded with her, gotten angry but this has not resolved anything.

I love sex and was once an acute masturbator, this is driving me crazy because I do not wish to go back to it.

Also, I do not wish to visit a brothel as they are everywhere around us. This is making me regret ever getting married and I am frustrated.

Why not talk to her parents about it. Maybe she has opened up to them about what happened and why she don't want sex

sheldonbbt:
I love sex and was once an acute masturbator, this is driving me crazy because I do not wish to go back to it.

Also, I do not wish to visit a brothel as they are everywhere around us. This is making me regret ever getting married and I am frustrated.

You didn't tell us exactly why it is your wife says , "No" to sex. What reason does she give you or don't you even bother asking her exactly what it is that is the matter.

Anyways, you both may benefit from seeing a professional counselor or a sex therapist to find out what it is your wife may be going through either mentally or physically and how you both can go about working together as a couple to get through it.

The most dangerous prison.is living in same house with the wrong partner.

Dats the origin of suicide.choose wisely.

Kobojunkie:
You didn't tell us exactly why it is your wife says , "No" to sex. What reason does she give you or don't you even bother asking her exactly what it is that is the matter.

Anyways, you both may benefit from seeing a professional counselor or a sex therapist to find out what it is your wife may be going through either mentally or physically and how you both can go about working together as a couple to get through it.

I'm surprised you still bother to ask this what is your wife's problem.. see mhen, forget that thing. in some cases, men are maltreating the wives. On the broader scale, its a cultural thing. women avoid sex after marriage. Im sure its same in western world but in Africa multiply it by 10 in civilized society and by 2 in rural areas.
poverty? no. if it were, rural women would have less kids nd rural women engage in more physical activities than urban women.. so like ive said to you before, its state of mind. there's room for more causes.. where are the married women self, you people should tell us whats wrong?

ironbody045:


Why not talk to her parents about it. Maybe she has opened up to them about what happened and why she don't want sex

is she underaged?

kkins25:
I'm surprised you still bother to ask this what is your wife's problem.. see mhen, forget that thing. in some cases, men are maltreating the wives. On the broader scale, its a cultural thing. women avoid sex after marriage. Im sure its same in western world but in Africa multiply it by 10 in civilized society and by 2 in rural areas.
poverty? no. if it were, rural women would have less kids nd rural women engage in more physical activities than urban women.. so like ive said to you before, its state of mind. there's room for more causes.. where are the married women self, you people should tell us whats wrong?

I have to ask since it makes no sense to me that a man does not understand or know the reason why he is not able to have sex with his own wife. If she were a girlfriend, the same man would come in here even telling us of her body but seems after marriage, they abandon that connection and become strangers living together.

Women don't avoid sex after marriage. Overtime, yes, due to body and hormonal changes coupled with possible psychological changes, their desire for sex may diminish but many a times, these are easily resolved when the couple come together as a team to tackle the issue together.

Now, don't get the idea that diminished sex drive only happens to women or happens more often to women - not at all. It also happens to men and the path to resolution or a workaround is pretty much the same for both sexes.

Forget culture, this is instead a measure of the health of the union in question, and it can only be properly handled when both partners are willing to engage as a team to attack the problem or finding a reasonable workaround as a couple/team.

Thank you all for your response so far. She actually mentioned when we had a talk recently that she is not actually a "sex person".

That came as a shock because when we were dating, she was always over me and the sex was great.

I have had to talk to her severally about it and sometimes I fell discouraged because it may seem like that is all I think about or it could be perceived as nagging.

Very simple. Inform her that you will be getting a side chick because you don't want to put pressure on her for sex

sheldonbbt:
Thank you all for your response so far. She actually mentioned when we had a talk recently that she is not actually a "sex person".

That came as a shock because when we were dating, she was always over me and the sex was great.

I have had to talk to her severally about it and sometimes I fell discouraged because it may seem like that is all I think about or it could be perceived as nagging.

Was she a "sex person" before your marriage? If yes, then you need to engage your wife in respectful conversation to find out when she changed changed being a "sex person" to a not a "sex person".

Something chnaged somewhere and it is important for you both to know what did, in order for you both to tackle it as a couple. You as a husband cannot and should not simply play the blame game here. This is your marriage and if communication between the both of you has broken down to the point where you don't even know what changes has taken place in your wife's psyche and body, you are partly to blame too for the current situation.

This thing of women denying their husband sex is evil and demonic.

Efewestern:
This thing of women denying their husband sex is evil and demonic.

What is equally "demonic" is the thing of a husband having absolutely no clue as to why he is being denied sex by one he claims is his wife and having no information whatsoever to offer as far as what possible stresses either mental or physical could have resulted in his wife's change of desire towards him.

Learn to keep communication happening even as it did while you were both dating and probably better so you can better Guage the health of your own marriage and better understand and know what needs resolving for you two and how best to go about it.

If she’s not a sex person then why did she get married? Threaten her with having sex with another woman and watch her response

.

I don't know why people are defending ladies that deny there husband sex, first the lady that says she is not a sex person if she is looking for a child will she deny her husband sex?
Secondly if is due to medical challenge I want to ask you if it was headache will you wait for someone to tell you to go for medication Or you will go your self, if you are not ready to treat yourself stay away from marriage.
I cannot keep myself as a bachelor and one woman will start seeing me as a sex addict when I get married no way.
Since you are not a sex person or sick of sex leave the marriage the husband too is going through psychological problem from you denying him sex. Some women just want a Mrs. To their name.

Kobojunkie:
What is equally "demonic" is the thing of a husband having absolutely no clue as to why he is being denied sex by one he claims is his wife and having no information whatsoever to offer as far as what possible stresses either mental or physical could have resulted in his wife's change of desire towards him.

Learn to keep communication happening even as it did while you were both dating and probably better so you can better Guage the health of your own marriage and better understand and know what needs resolving for you two and how best to go about it.

I totally agree with you, but you see, not everyone is open to proper communication.

Efewestern:
I totally agree with you, but you see, not everyone is open to proper communication.

How can two be said to become one when communication is terrible between both components?

sheldonbbt:
I got married sometime ago, we had a child 2021, after the birth of my child, more than 7 months ago my wife and I have barely had sex up to 3 times. We are still young and this bothers me alot.

I have jokingly said it, I have playfully pleaded with her, gotten angry but this has not resolved anything.

I love sex and was once an acute masturbator, this is driving me crazy because I do not wish to go back to it.

Also, I do not wish to visit a brothel as they are everywhere around us. This is making me regret ever getting married and I am frustrated.

Just pretend there's a competition,stop asking her.
I'm not married but when you make a woman feel less desired,just mess with her mind small.
Make her feel less whatever she is.
But keep doing your duties just stop giving her attention.
That thing dey pain.
Start talking to other women,make female friends in Church and please make many.
Ensure she is aware.
Smile and laugh at their talks,make female friends at work also.
If you make her feel you're desired by other women, she'll simply sit up.

sheldonbbt:
I got married sometime ago, we had a child 2021, after the birth of my child, more than 7 months ago my wife and I have barely had sex up to 3 times. We are still young and this bothers me alot.

I have jokingly said it, I have playfully pleaded with her, gotten angry but this has not resolved anything.

I love sex and was once an acute masturbator, this is driving me crazy because I do not wish to go back to it.

Also, I do not wish to visit a brothel as they are everywhere around us. This is making me regret ever getting married and I am frustrated.

You hva not settled down to find out what drive her sex drive away

Nursing a baby and doing house chores with out any help from you is enough for her to reject any sex offer from you

Women are like poultry that needs attention and attendant all the time

The more a man goes close to his wife and assist her in house work especially the more you create a bond between both of you

The connection will be strong and you can get a quickee in the shower or the kitchen or just any where in the house because you play together always

Women can stay without sex but men can't realy stay

Seat her down and ask her the way forward

The more you get angry and mad at her the more she becomes stone cold

If you like go out and have fun, she is not bothered because there is no synergy between you guys

Now tell me isn't it time to start preparing for another child, so how will that work with the above gap you mentioned between you guys sex life

Lucrativress:

Just pretend there's a competition,stop asking her.
I'm not married but when you make a woman feel less desired,just mess with her mind small.
Make her feel less whatever she is.
But keep doing your duties just stop giving her attention.
That thing dey pain.
Start talking to other women,make female friends in Church and please make many.
Ensure she is aware.
Smile and laugh at their talks,make female friends at work also.
If you make her feel you're desired by other women, she'll simply sit up.

Trust me, a woman who doesn't love u wouldn't feel any jealousy.
Some saying side chicks, must everything be centered around that? Oh Lord! The height men will go to destroy their homes all because of few minutes pleasure.
Mr. Op, pls, sit her down, make her comfortable so she can confide in you. Do not listen to all these useless men that failed in their responsibilities but still expect their wives to welcome them in open arms. And when they fail to welcome them, that will be their silly excuse to fornicate around.

If there is a challenge that's stopping her from having sex that the husband isn't aware of, why can't she also sit him down and discuss it with him? Isn't she an adult too? Must it be the man that'll always want to find out what is wrong with her? Why won't she initiate the conversation and tell him what is wrong?

Sometimes people just try to cause issues in their marriages... SMH.

Stargurl20:

Trust me, a woman who doesn't love u wouldn't feel any jealousy.
Some saying side chicks, must everything be centered around that? Oh Lord! The height men will go to destroy their homes all because of few minutes pleasure.
Mr. Op, pls, sit her down, make her comfortable so she can confide in you. Do not listen to all these useless men that failed in their responsibilities but still expect their wives to welcome them in open arms. And when they fail to welcome them, that will be their silly excuse to fornicate around.

Why say useless
Over what now?
They didn't say side chick
They proffered their solutions just like yours
Why go all vulgar in airing yours?
I'm sure he would have spoken to her.
If she still isn't yielding then he has to take another approach.
It's a bad thing for her to do what she is doing.
And Mr, I'm a female.
Rest..

Ask her what you can do to get you guys back to the days when the sex was great.

Immaturity is when couples have issues and refuse to communicate with each other or to each other. Most times Ladies have this attitude and they end up loosing their relationship or marriage. I have to let go of my ex Because of this nonsense of change in attitude when your partner does not obviously knows what is wrong or went wrong. Is the husband God to know what's in the mind of his wife, why can't the wife communicate, society keep blaming men for the change of wives behavior in marriage. once I discover we have issues and I am talking to an adult and the person is not willing to work or make things work after doing my best I move on. Imagine a wife who won't communicate but wants to use the man's conjugal right to punish him and she might be giving him attitude. If she communicates that will help resolve this issue but nope, immature spouse or women won't, they just keep on giving you attitude and denying you sex. How painful it is to know that your spouse is giving you attitude for reasons you don't even know. Communication is far more important than sex here... Let her communicate her grievance and the issue on her mind that will help the man to understand her better and make amends. I don't get how immature people he married this days.
I hate to be given attitudinal gesture Because it frustrates me alot... If you can't talk I walk I don't care how much I have spent in the relationship, communicating is Paramount and help resolves issues between both parties, I prefer my girlfriend telling me you did this I don't like it I all say sorry than for you to give me attitude and withdraw your care or love as itware.
Maturity maturity matters in relationship Biko... If your wife loves and value your marriage and you enough she go talk but if not my brother... God help you.
Deny a man sex for months is exposing him to devourers.

ironbody045:


Why not talk to her parents about it. Maybe she has opened up to them about what happened and why she don't want sex

Wrong answer

kepstone:
Immaturity is when couples have issues and refuse to communicate with each other or to each other. Most times Ladies have this attitude and they end up loosing their relationship or marriage. I have to let go of my ex Because of this nonsense of change in attitude when your partner does not obviously knows what is wrong or went wrong.

1. Is the husband God to know what's in the mind of his wife, why can't the wife communicate, society keep blaming men for the change of wives behavior in marriage.

2. once I discover we have issues and I am talking to an adult and the person is not willing to work or make things work after doing my best I move on.

3. Imagine a wife who won't communicate but wants to use the man's conjugal right to punish him and she might be giving him attitude.

4. If she communicates that will help resolve this issue but nope, immature spouse or women won't, they just keep on giving you attitude and denying you sex.

5. How painful it is to know that your spouse is giving you attitude for reasons you don't even know.

6. Communication is far more important than sex here...
......

All valid questions you ask here and there are very valid reasons for communication breakdown in a relationship.

1. Communication takes place when there is a valid/none null connection in existence between the two in this case. For instance, if the man does not communicate his vulnerabilities to his wife shouldn't expect her to open up to him about hers and vise versa. There needs to some level of what I prefer to call a bond between the partners in the relationship.

2. It isn't always that the person isn't ready to make things work. There could be other emotional reasons and for that reason, patience is essential to have in a relationship, this while one continues working to break down any walls that act as barrier to better communication in the relationship.

3. She probably does not use it as punishment, only that her husband sees it that way.

4. No matter how mature a person is, there are still some psychological stresses that take time and work to bounce back from. So this isn't a matter of maturity but more a mental battle that can't necessarily be put aside as you would wish.

5. Again, what you perceive as attitude may be for from it. Do not always assume your hunches right when in dealing with relationship issues.

6. Agreed!

sheldonbbt:
I got married sometime ago, we had a child 2021, after the birth of my child, more than 7 months ago my wife and I have barely had sex up to 3 times. We are still young and this bothers me alot.

I have jokingly said it, I have playfully pleaded with her, gotten angry but this has not resolved anything.

I love sex and was once an acute masturbator, this is driving me crazy because I do not wish to go back to it.

Also, I do not wish to visit a brothel as they are everywhere around us. This is making me regret ever getting married and I am frustrated.

If you are very sure she is ok physically and psychologically, then you need to change your tactic.

An average married woman is manipulative, especially with nice and caring husband. It is all about ego thing and see finish from her. She knew you cant do Jack, and will always begging whenever she denied you sex.

Here is simple tactic you should employ. During one of your happy moments,tell her you have many admirers that are always pastering you for sex, but you refused them because you love her. After this statement or next day, stop completely from asking her for sex, infact let her know from your action that you have lost interest in having sex with her. Dont get arose even if she try to seduce you. If she no change after this, come back here and call me a bastard.

Most time I do agree with the saying that "marriage is scam" why get married when you know you don't like sex ??

All these lack of sex issue is mostly common in Christian marriages,hardly will you see a Muslim man complain of such,may because they do engaged in polygamy and that brings competition in the marriage.....

This one wife stuff is a scam honestly.!!!

Tell her that she starves you with sex and that if she cannot change her attitude then you will initiate divorce in a law Court. That is the solution. Everybody will support your action.

Omo some women sef..
If you were not a sex person, you should have said it before marrying him.
Now you are married to him, you are boldly telling him that you are not a sex person, thereby toturing him.
If he has done something wrong, tell him.
If there is something he is not doing, tell him.
Even if you dont enjoy sex with him, tell him, so he can work on himself...
When he starts sleeping with girls now, you will start crying like a dying cocrodile.

Ah, if my wife try that nonsense with me, will cheat on her.. Simple.