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Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. - Family - Nairaland

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Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by AlexJustin(m): 10:54pm On Apr 06, 2022
A Nairalander pleaded with me to help him post the issues he's having in his marriage here for Advice and counsel.

This is his exact word.

"After I traveled for work. Which took me almost a year outside Nigeria
.
When I came back, I then discovered that my wife had been having an affair with the guy she called her bestie.

This was the same guy I caught her with during our courtship. But she said they were just friends. And now, after 2 years of marriage, I still caught my wife having an affair with the same guy.

When I asked her, she told me it was because of issue we had when I was around.

Please I need people's advice. I am finding it hard to forget it and it's hurting me every day."

Pls your Advise is needed. No insult please.
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by EmzyT: 10:56pm On Apr 06, 2022
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by Ammishaddai: 10:57pm On Apr 06, 2022
The marriage is over

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by tahir01(m): 10:57pm On Apr 06, 2022
Send her packing. Na play o. But are you sure of the cheating part? Report her to her family.

1 Like

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by yuping(m): 11:00pm On Apr 06, 2022
undecided he is in for a long ride he should buckle is seat belt, if that bestie head game is better than his own, he has lost the match already, they are just allowing him to participate.
Find a way to find peace within you, if not your silent will make you a walking corpse.
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by gazilion: 11:04pm On Apr 06, 2022
AlexJustin:
A Nairalander pleaded with me to help him post the issues he's having in his marriage here for Advice and counsel.

This is his exact word.

"After I traveled for work. Which took me almost a year outside Nigeria
.
When I came back, I then discovered that my wife had been having an affair with the guy she called her bestie.

This was the same guy I caught her with during our courtship. But she said they were just friends. And now, after 2 years of marriage, I still caught my wife having an affair with the same guy.

When I asked her, she told me it was because of issue we had when I was around.

Please I need people's advice. I am finding it hard to forget it and it's hurting me every day."

Pls your Advise is needed. No insult please.


If she has been begging you, please forgive her! God will also forgive and honour you more.
Tell her to promise you, that she would become the best of a wife and mother to you and your kids.
Driving her away from the house is not the best for you, for her or your children.
Receive Grace and Forgive her this time but be very strict going forward. I believe she will be much more loyal to you going forward.
Don't expose her before your people or her people. Let it die between both of you.

1 Like 2 Shares

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by PointZerom: 11:06pm On Apr 06, 2022
Bring her to me for proper questioning.

1 Like

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by PointZerom: 11:07pm On Apr 06, 2022
gazilion:



If she has been begging you, please forgive her! God will also forgive and honour you more.
Tell her to promise you, that she would become the best of a wife and mother to you and your kids.
Driving her away from the house is not the best for you, for her or your children.
Receive Grace and Forgive her this time but be very strict going forward. I believe she will be much more loyal to you going forward.
Don't expose her before your people or her people. Let it die between both of you.

Continue......

1 Like

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by Ever8090: 11:17pm On Apr 06, 2022
Do what your mind is telling you and leave us on Nairaland alone..no be we go help you brake your message...but if you insist, I will advice you to send her away!

1 Like

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by BabbanBura(m): 11:18pm On Apr 06, 2022
gazilion:



If she has been begging you, please forgive her! God will also forgive and honour you more.
Tell her to promise you, that she would become the best of a wife and mother to you and your kids.
Driving her away from the house is not the best for you, for her or your children.
Receive Grace and Forgive her this time but be very strict going forward. I believe she will be much more loyal to you going forward.
Don't expose her before your people or her people. Let it die between both of you.

Very good advise
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by DonBenny77(m): 11:21pm On Apr 06, 2022
Wait till she poisons you and marry her bestie. Then divorce her after your demise

4 Likes

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by ndukwejoe(m): 11:37pm On Apr 06, 2022
my brother if you have cogent and verifiable reasons as they say in court,you have to let her go if not just ignore and observe one day red handed will catch her.
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by judatech: 12:02am On Apr 07, 2022
No one likes to play a fool...
Marriage no easy o!
Most people advising you are not married

1 Like

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by Jennyclay(f): 12:11am On Apr 07, 2022
gazilion:



If she has been begging you, please forgive her! God will also forgive and honour you more.
Tell her to promise you, that she would become the best of a wife and mother to you and your kids.
Driving her away from the house is not the best for you, for her or your children.
Receive Grace and Forgive her this time but be very strict going forward. I believe she will be much more loyal to you going forward.
Don't expose her before your people or her people. Let it die between both of you.
@AlexJustin, In as much I know you're the person going through such trauma, but don't worry I won't bite you, just Forget about that imaginary friend and help yourself with this advice... Just follow this advice.

@gazilion, you just spoke my mind... God bless you for this advice.
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by Ecos(m): 12:14am On Apr 07, 2022
grin This one no be bestie again oh. This one don turn to best stew!! grin

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by GboyegaD(m): 12:39am On Apr 07, 2022
You need to make up your mind on what you want. If she's cheated with him in the past, cheating with him in the present, then, it isn't certain she wouldn't do the same in the future.
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by socialmediaman: 12:40am On Apr 07, 2022
Fact is, almost 7 out of 10 women in Nigeria have cheated or are still cheating on their husbands.

I don’t think you’ll be asking us for advice on what to do if you haven’t cheated on her, which she knows about and probably using as an excuse to guilt trip you. It’s difficult for a man who’s faithful to consider forgiving an unfaithful wife, unless she’s somehow a trophy wife, or there are some other deeper underlying family connections

Since you're asking us for advice on what to do, it seems that two-time cheating isn't a deal breaker for you with your wife, it seems you’re willing to give her a chance, so if she's truly repentant and you trust she has learnt her lesson, try to get some professional counseling with her to help you both review your marriage and see if you can find a path moving forward.

It will take time to forgive but it’s something you have to live with if you decide to move forward together. Couples have their ups and downs and sometimes are still able to forge ahead

You should however do DNA test(s) if you both have kids

2 Likes

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by Kobojunkie: 1:15am On Apr 07, 2022
AlexJustin:
Please I need people's advice. I am finding it hard to forget it and it's hurting me every day."
Pls your Advise is needed. No insult please.
Forgetting is not a days job.... these sort of things takes a long time... heck, I doubt a human can actually completely forget anything, let alone a hurt of the kind you described. What I will urge you focus your attention on instead is forgiving the betrayal. It is when you totally forgive that you will be able to move past those hurtful thoughts. undecided
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by duduade: 2:39am On Apr 07, 2022
Let your friend join Nairaland first

I have some girls I wanna hook him up with first
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by Nobody: 3:09am On Apr 07, 2022
Your wife cheated in courtship! Red flag, but very forgiveable, you aren’t married yet. She cheated well into marriage with thesame person, and you don’t know they really did not stop before, they only got discreet earlier, and became careless as a result of your absence. Now that you are back, she is not sorry she cheated, but sorry because she got caught, they will get discreet again. You are a weakling and those advising you to let go, knowing it’s the second time with same person are not good people, will they tolerate cheating with same person a second time?
The love child between David and Bethsheeba was killed by God because it was the product of adultery, show even God abhors adultery. The Christ even abhors it!
Your wife and her lover bestie have no regards for you, if he was so good, what stopped him from wifing her before you did? You also have no self esteem which is what they have taken advantage of. If you already have a child with her, your first call now should not be about forgiveness but rather about paternity, before you start raising bastards. By now she should be in her father’s house, you cannot try to please a woke society by tolerating and covering an abominable act. It does not make you less of a man to call a spade a spade. Some people will not stay married and the heavens will not fall because yours did not work out. Don’t allow anyone guilt trip you to eat poison. You think all these people who cry paternity fraud after 20 years didn’t see all these signs you are seeing today in the beginning? They did but were too weak to be decisive!!!


NB: I am also very married!

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by AjiBussu(m): 6:20am On Apr 07, 2022
Oga send her packing immediately. Which advice again are you looking for. Don't be a simp. She'll definitely cheat again. A stitch in time saves 9

1 Like

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by HYDEEE: 6:46am On Apr 07, 2022
gazilion:



[s]
If she has been begging you, please forgive her! God will also forgive and honour you more.
Tell her to promise you, that she would become the best of a wife and mother to you and your kids.
Driving her away from the house is not the best for you, for her or your children.
Receive Grace and Forgive her this time but be very strict going forward. I believe she will be much more loyal to you going forward.
Don't expose her before your people or her people. Let it die between both of you[/s]
Which promise? On the day of their marriage did she not promise in front of many people that she will be faithful? Yet she cheated on her husband for a very long time. Now you think empty promises with no worth is what will keep the marriage together. Op follow that advice up there at your own peril. Do DNA test on your kids, don't let her scam you with paternity fraud since that is the trendy fad among some naija girls today.

2 Likes

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by ImaIma1(f): 7:04am On Apr 07, 2022
princeeze1:
Your wife cheated in courtship! Red flag, but very forgiveable, you aren’t married yet. She cheated well into marriage with thesame person, and you don’t know they really did not stop before, they only got discreet earlier, and became careless as a result of your absence. Now that you are back, she is not sorry she cheated, but sorry because she got caught, they will get discreet again. You are a weakling and those advising you to let go, knowing it’s the second time with same person are not good people, will they tolerate cheating with same person a second time?
The love child between David and Bethsheeba was killed by God because it was the product of adultery, show even God abhors adultery. The Christ even abhors it!
Your wife and her lover bestie have no regards for you, if he was so good, what stopped him from wifing her before you did? You also have no self esteem which is what they have taken advantage of. If you already have a child with her, your first call now should not be about forgiveness but rather about paternity, before you start raising bastards. By now she should be in her father’s house, you cannot try to please a woke society by tolerating and covering an abominable act. It does not make you less of a man to call a spade a spade. Some people will not stay married and the heavens will not fall because yours did not work out. Don’t allow anyone guilt trip you to eat poison. You think all these people who cry paternity fraud after 20 years didn’t see all these signs you are seeing today in the beginning? They did but were too weak to be decisive!!!


NB: I am also very married!


You made a lot of sense. That bestie thing is always a precarious situation and very avoidable. People like to act like they can handle it. But most times they can't.

Feelings develop. So why keep sniffing food you cannot eat. They lie in the same bed, spend nights together the way girls would do and expect the emotions to be like girl to girl.

When a lady enters a serious relationship, there should be redefinition of that bestie relationship.

I'm not always quick to scream divorce but I agree that this guy has been disrespected and taken for granted. And that she's only sorry because she got caught, not that she realized her mistake, confessed and apologized.

She did not respect her marriage and her husband. Since she and the bestie love each other so much, they should be together.

3 Likes

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by nzeobi(m): 8:08am On Apr 07, 2022
You will work and toil to make money and after that you will give your wife and then she will send to her lover.

And you asking us what to do
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by heniford2: 9:14am On Apr 07, 2022
AlexJustin:
A Nairalander pleaded with me to help him post the issues he's having in his marriage here for Advice and counsel.

This is his exact word.

"After I traveled for work. Which took me almost a year outside Nigeria
.
When I came back, I then discovered that my wife had been having an affair with the guy she called her bestie.

This was the same guy I caught her with during our courtship. But she said they were just friends. And now, after 2 years of marriage, I still caught my wife having an affair with the same guy.

When I asked her, she told me it was because of issue we had when I was around.

Please I need people's advice. I am finding it hard to forget it and it's hurting me every day."

Pls your Advise is needed. No insult please.
marriage over naw haba get sense
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by Ximenez(m): 7:16pm On Apr 07, 2022
Another Literature review.
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by Okhuadams(m): 4:59am On Apr 08, 2022
AlexJustin:
A Nairalander pleaded with me to help him post the issues he's having in his marriage here for Advice and counsel.

This is his exact word.

"After I traveled for work. Which took me almost a year outside Nigeria
.
When I came back, I then discovered that my wife had been having an affair with the guy she called her bestie.

This was the same guy I caught her with during our courtship. But she said they were just friends. And now, after 2 years of marriage, I still caught my wife having an affair with the same guy.

When I asked her, she told me it was because of issue we had when I was around.

Please I need people's advice. I am finding it hard to forget it and it's hurting me every day."

Pls your Advise is needed. No insult please.
Oga you know what to do even if you forgive her she will still go back to him, cos she has been banging him during ur courtship. Save urself the heart break and walk away

1 Like

Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by LadyRosa(f): 6:06am On Apr 08, 2022
Lol...
Seems married women are on adultery loose
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by bigjackass: 6:25am On Apr 08, 2022
If only the bestie was a woman wink tongue
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by Fresno: 7:19am On Apr 08, 2022
Some men sef grin grin grin, stop allowing your wives have male best friend. Nothing like bestie between male and female, laslas bestie go still shook prick for your wife toto.

Lots of effeminate men in the world nowadays
Re: Help: My Wife Is Having An Affair With Her Bestie. by OlakunmiSMELTD: 9:10am On Apr 08, 2022
How will a married woman, even think of having a male friend as her best friend during marriage. You will now be discussing your husband or sexual issue with him.

No wonder bastard children are many presently

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