One of my cousins and I were talking earlier today after I spoke with his wife (who is my close friend). My cousin's mum is 79 and has memory loss problems. She nearly died a few days back because she was cooking in the night and left her stove on before going to bed. Her kitchen caught fire and she narrowly escaped dying and burning her house to the ground. My cousin wants his mum to move in with him because he does not think it is wise for her to live alone. He has tried to get nannies for her but they all leave within maximum two months because they claim the woman is too difficult. His wife does not want my cousin to bring his mother to live with them. I am very close to his wife and she has shared her concerns with me. My cousin thinks his wife is selfish and does not care about his mother. They got married 8 years ago and have three kids under the age of 7. The wife feels she cannot add the burden of a difficult, aged woman to what she has. It's tough. Both of them are not rich, rich.... They live in a four bedroom apartment so if the woman moves with them, she and my cousin's wife will be in each other's face. The mama is my relative too and I care about but I also understand the views of my cousin's wife. I am very interested in seeking great ideas here on how best to resolve this. Thank you.

janejjjjj5000:
One of my cousins and I were talking earlier today after I spoke with his wife (who is my close friend). My cousin's mum is 79 and has memory loss problems. She nearly died a few days back because she was cooking in the night and left her stove on before going to bed. Her kitchen caught fire and she narrowly escaped dying and burning her house to the ground. My cousin wants his mum to move in with him because he does not think it is wise for her to live alone. He has tried to get nannies for her but they all leave within maximum two months because they claim the woman is too difficult. His wife does not want my cousin to bring his mother to live with them. I am very close to his wife and she has shared her concerns with me. My cousin thinks his wife is selfish and does not care about his mother. They got married 8 years ago and have three kids under the age of 7. The wife feels she cannot add the burden of a difficult, aged woman to what she has. It's tough. Both of them are not rich, rich.... They live in a four bedroom apartment so if the woman moves with them, she and my cousin's wife will be in each other's face. The mama is my relative too and I care about but I also understand the views of my cousin's wife. I am very interested in seeking great ideas here on how best to resolve this. Thank you.

OK. What if his wife faces same situation or worse, later in life? Just saying though

Hmmmm....

1. They all know mama is difficult.
2. They all know it is dangerous for mama to live alone.

They should just bring mama in and hire a nanny that would be supervised by the wife. Mama's family can contribute for this. That way, shes not too much burden on the wife and shes well monitored. As for mama's wahala, everyone will just try to take whatever bullsheet that comes with levity. If mama makes trouble, na to manage it. As for the wife, it should be hoped that she's a good person.

My Grandma lives with a young nanny that is worshipped by all because she's filling a role no one else wants....DSTV must not finish, all her children will be running to quickly subscribe before the girl notices. She can watch Africa magic like a wall...yet we dont mind cos that's part of what it takes to get grandma a companion. Shes 83yrs.

Or simply enrol her in a retirement home. Quite a few are springing up in naija now although the idea is still a bit foreign.

Is your cousin, his mother's only child?

Is the wife a stay-at-home mom or leaves home for work/business?

Mindlog:
Is your cousin, his mother's only child?

Is the wife a stay-at-home mom or leaves home for work/business?

Yes, he is an only child.

His wife runs a catering service from home.

The mama should come.

They should get a nanny that would help the wife in taking care of her.

I don’t see the issue here. Old people are generally difficult.

A four bedroom apartment is okay for all of them if you ask me.

janejjjjj5000:


Yes, he is an only child.

His wife runs a catering service from home.

Caring for a person with dementia is a full time job on its own alongside looking after 3 under 7 minors while still running a catering business is not going to be an easy task.

The reality is that Mama can no longer live alone, let your cousin sit with his wife to come up with a care plan for Mama. Mama is likely to go live with them and they would have to hire a nanny as part of the arrangement as Mama would need round the clock attention as there are minors in the house. The wife would play the supervisory role.

janejjjjj5000:
One of my cousins and I were talking earlier today after I spoke with his wife (who is my close friend). My cousin's mum is 79 and has memory loss problems. She nearly died a few days back because she was cooking in the night and left her stove on before going to bed. Her kitchen caught fire and she narrowly escaped dying and burning her house to the ground. My cousin wants his mum to move in with him because he does not think it is wise for her to live alone. He has tried to get nannies for her but they all leave within maximum two months because they claim the woman is too difficult. His wife does not want my cousin to bring his mother to live with them. I am very close to his wife and she has shared her concerns with me. My cousin thinks his wife is selfish and does not care about his mother. They got married 8 years ago and have three kids under the age of 7. The wife feels she cannot add the burden of a difficult, aged woman to what she has. It's tough. Both of them are not rich, rich.... They live in a four bedroom apartment so if the woman moves with them, she and my cousin's wife will be in each other's face. The mama is my relative too and I care about but I also understand the views of my cousin's wife. I am very interested in seeking great ideas here on how best to resolve this. Thank you.

This is not a problem because there are solutions

Mama is stubborn, now coupled with old age, she will be more stubborn and problematic

Let the husband and wife go to Mushin if they live in Lagos and make enquiries about old people's home, there is another one at Yaba, that one belongs to Lagos state government while the one at Mushin belongs to catholic

Even if mama comes in and they have a stand by attendant for her, the am wife will still not be comfortable with her presence because she is difficult to handles especially now at old age

They can look for a two bedroom flat where the rent will be cheaper to pay and use the other part to pay for mama's admission to old people home

I believe she will be happier there

frozen70:


This is not a problem because there are solutions

Let the husband and wife go to Mushin if they live in Lagos and make enquiries about old people's home, there is another one at Yaba, that one belongs to Lagos state government while the one at Mushin belongs to catholic

The one at Mushin is called the Holy Family Home for the Elderly.

janejjjjj5000:


Yes, he is an only child.

His wife runs a catering service from home.

So you think an only child should let her mother kill herself while living alone? God will judge you and the evil wife.

Mama must come, she gets her own nanny who will be taking care of her.

janejjjjj5000:
My cousin thinks his wife is selfish and does not care about his mother. They got married 8 years ago and have three kids under the age of 7. The wife feels she cannot add the burden of a difficult, aged woman to what she has. It's tough. Both of them are not rich, rich.... They live in a four bedroom apartment so if the woman moves with them, she and my cousin's wife will be in each other's face. The mama is my relative too and I care about but I also understand the views of my cousin's wife. I am very interested in seeking great ideas here on how best to resolve this. Thank you.

Apart from possible dementia, what else does the woman struggle with?

Without indepth information available, I can suggest your cousin and his wife can move his mother into their house with agreement that a part-time nanny come in regularly to attend to her needs. There needs to be team work to make certain the woman's is able to adjust to the new arrangement and help her adjust.

You seem a very good hearted woman. Your husband is a happy and fortunate man.

pocohantas:
The mama should come.

They should get a nanny that would help the wife in taking care of her.

I don’t see the issue here. Old people are generally difficult.

A four bedroom apartment is okay for all of them if you ask me.

Neglecting his mom = no-no.

francdec4:
You seem a very good hearted woman. Your husband is a happy and fortunate man.

It is not about good heart. It is just the ideal and sensible thing to do. Mama must and should come.

frozen70:


This is not a problem because there are solutions

Mama is stubborn, now coupled with old age, she will be more stubborn and problematic

Let the husband and wife go to Mushin if they live in Lagos and make enquiries about old people's home, there is another one at Yaba, that one belongs to Lagos state government while the one at Mushin belongs to catholic

Even if mama comes in and they have a stand by attendant for her, the am wife will still not be comfortable with her presence because she is difficult to handles especially now at old age

They can look for a two bedroom flat where the rent will be cheaper to pay and use the other part to pay for mama's admission to old people home

I believe she will be happier there

If it were to be her mother she will send her to mushin or whatever abi?
No na they can do better. This is what family is all about

The elderly family member likely has dementia. In the Western world such people have caretakers or go to a nursing facility for 24 hour care. Your relative will need to hire someone to provide care at his home, because it isn't fair for him to expect his wife to take care of 3 children and his mother. This could lead to maltreatment of his mother.

It could be because mama lives alone and sees no one around to talk to, that's maybe d reason she is difficult. By the time she comes to live with them and sees people around her, she might even be the loveliest person to live with.

Medianna:

If it were to be her mother she will send her to mushin or whatever abi?
No na they can do better. This is what family is all about

Government created and opened old people's home even some private people operate too

The Post is one of the reasons while such centers are created

Retirement home.

Whatever happens, it's likely not going to be perfect first time around. find a way to manage the difficulties, make mistakes and take corrections. If we're to be honest, when we're old, would we want our children to put us in an old people's home or in theirs? Of course, some parents can be difficult, especially in this country. i try to think of what my own child will do, and do the same, when am not pissed off i guess.

Dealing with old people requires a lot of energy, but all in all, mama must come and nobody should suggest taken mama to old people's home. Why will I put mama in old people's home when we hv 4bedroom flat? I'd that not heartless and wickedness?
If na d wife mama, she fit talk say no? Women are just too selfish like their mother eve. Had it being eve thought of d implication of d apple, she won't hv giving Adam d apple to eat or she would hv told Adam d particular tree she plugged d apple