Please, read and let me know what you think.

Three months ago during the nationwide blackout, in Lagos State, I went out to a bar late in the evening to chill. Not really a bar, but more like a neighborhood liquor store with outdoor seating.

While drinking, a conversation ensued with a man there. We got talking about what we do, and I shared with him that I am in tech, and I work primarily in marketing project management. The man expressed surprise at such a setup and we got talking. I took time to explain how everything worked and encouraged him to look into switching to tech. He asked for my phone number and I gave to him. We were at the bar until like 11pm. When I got up to walk home, he followed and walked me a few meters.

The next day, this dude asked if he could come around to my place so I can show him a few things about the work, I said okay, come on over. He did and would not stop gushing about how comfortable and conducive my place was, how it was the perfect setup for work. I showed him a few stats and websites on my computer, and he took his leave.

For the next few days, this man will call me several times in a day to "check up" on me. Asking me inane questions such as "have you eaten"? or "how is work going with you"? and "how are you feeling today" and all these unrequested and unwanted prayer and adulation. I found this quite off-putting. I didn't know this man that much and I did not really care for such displays of friendship. I started to distance myself from him.

What's happening now, is that this man, age 43 years old (I am 28 years), is trying all that he can to ingratiate himself into my life. First it started with him telling his life story, how his father is turning up the heat on him and will not allow him touch anything in the house. How he has been jobless for the last 13 years since he graduated with a degree in microbiology. I promised him that I will work with him to get him a job online that he can be doing. The key takeaway is that I did not promise to give him a job: I was going to work with him to get a job.

I might have made a mistake by telling him the specifics of my business, now he sees me like his savior, the one who will finally turn his life around, and he's been very presumptuous about it. He's been to my place a few times since the first occasion, and he's begun divvying up my living room, pointing to where he will setup his computer desk and chair, how he will cook for me, run my errands etc to learn my specific line of work. He's talked about how I will provide him with a laptop and modem (I do that for my employees). As an introverted person who needs a lot of personal space, this was quite shocking to me.

I've asked him to deploy whatever is in his arsenal to go for a four months training that will put him on a professional track, but no, he wants me to teach him, hold his hand, and whatnot. However, I absolutely do not do that -- I do not train people, I hire when I need help. At this time in my career, I'm very jealous with my time, and only spend it on core activities.

Where I have a problem is -- why would a 43 year old man be comfortable living in his father's house and not have a lick of professional experience sixteen years after graduation? To me, it shows a lack of drive or imagination. It is totally unacceptable to me. If he had been fifteen years younger, I would have considered, but honestly, that a 43 year old man will be so clueless is extremely annoying and is a huge red flag.

Why do some people think they can just start utilizing another person's resources (housing, time, knowledge) if they're friendly enough? Anyways, I've just texted him I can't see him anymore and instructed the gatekeeper to not let him again.

Absolutely no one can leach on me. It took me six years to build my skills and create the type of environment I want, and I'm not opening it for anyone to come in and use as they please.

Rant over.

.

NUJABEZ:
Please, read and let me know what you think.

Three months ago during the nationwide blackout, in Lagos State, I went out to a bar late in the evening to chill. Not really a bar, but more like a neighborhood liquor store with outdoor seating.

While drinking, a conversation ensued with a man there. We got talking about what we do, and I shared with him that I am in tech, and I work primarily in marketing project management. The man expressed surprise at such a setup and we got talking. I took time to explain how everything worked and encouraged him to look into switching to tech. He asked for my phone number and I gave to him. We were at the bar until like 11pm. When I got up to walk home, he followed and walked me a few meters.

The next day, this dude asked if he could come around to my place so I can show him a few things about the work, I said okay, come on over. He did and would not stop gushing about how comfortable and conducive my place was, how it was the perfect setup for work. I showed him a few stats and websites on my computer, and he took his leave.

For the next few days, this man will call me several times in a day to "check up" on me. Asking me inane questions such as "have you eaten"? or "how is work going with you"? and "how are you feeling today" and all these unrequested and unwanted prayer and adulation. I found this quite off-putting. I didn't know this man that much and I did not really care for such displays of friendship. I started to distance myself from him.

What's happening now, is that this man, age 43 years old (I am 28 years), is trying all that he can to ingratiate himself into my life. First it started with him telling his life story, how his father is turning up the heat on him and will not allow him touch anything in the house. How he has been jobless for the last 13 years since he graduated with a degree in microbiology. I promised him that I will work with him to get him a job online that he can be doing. The key takeaway is that I did not promise to give him a job: I was going to work with him to get a job.

I might have made a mistake by telling him the specifics of my business, now he sees me like his savior, the one who will finally turn his life around, and he's been very presumptuous about it. He's been to my place a few times since the first occasion, and he's begun divvying up my living room, pointing to where he will setup his computer desk and chair, how he will cook for me, run my errands etc to learn my specific line of work. He's talked about how I will provide him with a laptop and modem (I do that for my employees). As an introverted person who needs a lot of personal space, this was quite shocking to me.

I've asked him to deploy whatever is in his arsenal to go for a four months training that will put him on a professional track, but no, he wants me to teach him, hold his hand, and whatnot. However, I absolutely do not do that -- I do not train people, I hire when I need help. At this time in my career, I'm very jealous with my time, and only spend it on core activities.

Where I have a problem is -- why would a 43 year old man be comfortable living in his father's house and not have a lick of professional experience sixteen years after graduation? To me, it shows a lack of drive or imagination. It is totally unacceptable to me. If he had been fifteen years younger, I would have considered, but honestly, that a 43 year old man will be so clueless is extremely annoying and is a huge red flag.

Why do some people think they can just start utilizing another person's resources (housing, time, knowledge) if they're friendly enough? Anyways, I've just texted him I can't see him anymore and instructed the gatekeeper to not let him again.

Absolutely no one can leach on me. It took me six years to build my skills and create the type of environment I want, and I'm not opening it for anyone to come in and use as they please.

Rant over.

As a introvert like me, the first mistake you did was bringing him into your personal space...
Moving forward tell him you have a project to deliver in the next couple of weeks and you would be very busy working remotely and most of the time not available.
Give him direction on how he can learn then maybe after a month of not seeing him you can set up a meeting outside your space to know his progress of what he can learn.

It's unfortunate that the man is being a leech but please note that life can be quite hard for some people.
There is no point helping anyone grudgingly, you either help with joy or you don't. If you don't want to help, come out out-rightly and tell him, so he'll continue his struggle. I hope you know that it takes a lot for a 43 year old man to decide to be an errand boy to a 28 year old.

Funny enough the same thing happened to me but with an Uber driver. I had to block the person eventually. I don't even have time for myself but they want you to teach and provide every resource available. It's fucking crazy.

I don't think he's being harmful though he's genuine but the way he's going about it is very wrong.

People are really going tru alot, at that his age u should be able to assess if he will be able to learn the skill fast and if not open him to other opportunities
U neva truly know what people are passing tru because for such a man at that age to still be in his father's house, is he even married ?
OP, just try in ur little capacity to help the man become a better person it will go a long way
May God help Nigeria

Security-wise, it is risky giving out one's number to a random person and even allowing them into one's apartment within a very short time after meeting them.

You don't need to hold his hands but can send him leads he can follow up via WhatsApp, if he has the drive

.

Op be very careful, very very careful. You have made a mistake of letting a stranger into your space without knowing deep about him. Nowadays, one cannot trust a friend completely let alone a stranger. Be careful the way you move around the neighbourhood and never go out at night. He might appear harmless but when he senses that you're avoiding him or pushing him away he can turn violent or start harbouring evil plans towards you. As they say an idle man is a devil Workshop.

How can a 43yrs old man still lives with his parents? You should know that kind person don't have focus and always like to depend on others. Because he didn't get a white collar jobs doesn't mean he should stay idle. What happens to learning a skill by been an apprentice? He is just a lazy somebody who have been privileged to always been fed by his parent. Imagine, he is even complaining that his father wouldn't allow him touch his things.

Op for your peace sake, avoid him in any tactical way you can. Because he will just leach on you o. All this while wen he was younger he didn't learn anything na now he won come learn something?

Don't blame him that much

Someone that read micro biology could as well read medicine but he did not get that offer in school admissions

I think you should let him know that your woman is around and you need to have private time with her

Secondly if you have any where to refer him for training do so then ask him to set up his laptop in his house and if he has any issues he can ask you for directions

Then stylishly start withdrawing from him by not picking his calls and not responding to his messages at times

Hi o.p . can I be your employee?

All I can say is that you should be very cautious. Barely 3months and he's already talking about how you're gonna provide this & that and how he'll run errands for you. A joker. I know someone who had a similar experience, if we hadn't gotten the police involved at some point, he'd be telling another story now. I just hope this isn't the same guy.

1. Nothing truly wrong in what you did. You were kind enough to expantiate on your line of business to a stranger and even proceed in trying to help him pick some stones around his life to lay a foundation for a better future.

2. Ingratiation can be two ways: a tendency to show appreciation and an act of humility. Or, a manipulative technique to get around you. If the former was the case, it wouldn't be much of a problem because he's not praising you for its sake but for an unexpected saviour. However, the later is his case.

3. Humans always look for the easy way out, none want to waste time, wait or be patient enough to jump over the complex hurdles of life. In short, life is hard, hence, humans always look for the easy way out. (Even on a daily basis, as you work as a tech personnel, you still find easy way out when using the computer).

4. Before you totally write him off, you can have a last round table talk with him. Ask him if he truly wants to learn. And if he gives a parabolic answer, forget about him. But if you have done this before, no need.

5. Age is another factor if you're to consider him in gaining a breakthrough in tech. Environmental factors are there also. Social, family, cultural, past experiences and personal factors are there also, and are greatly affecting the way he's responding to this current situation. Try to think of this too. You're already empathic enough, but this last time, try and see things from his end. Maybe he isn't passionate about tech and see his future somewhere else.

6. Except you've known someone for sometime and can be able to make good summary about their character and attitude, don't allow them to your house. (You rejecting this man, may invoke negative thoughts in him about you. Be careful)!

The world we live now is tough and rough, a wild jungle structured for the strong, wise and brave. You don't live carelessly or allow people to carelessly move around your space and properties. Your success, appearance, and way of doing things can trigger negative emotions in people and if care isn't taken, can propel them to cause you harm. Be cautious man!

7. Generally, men don't wake up to see such kind of opportunity, please help men when you can. It is not easy for the average man out there as he must struggle his way up. And unfortunately, many men will never make it to the top or level they so much desire.

Again, also watch out for the nonchalant ones that are poor in both character and attitude and unwilling to be humble enough to learning and directives; discard them immediately! Wheats must the sequestered from the chaffs.

Thanks.

That man didn't choose to be in his position, life happened to him, show empathy and teach him the tech skill, he is obviously very interested and will do anything for you to learn it, you can't just judge someone because of his age when you don't even know what he went in his younger years and what made him go back to his parents house, people are going through hell in this Buhari's era.

Nujabez, please, don't listen or heed to anyone trying to blackmail you emotionally.

You're neither his saviour nor his father.
You're being kind enough to even show him a path to follow...don't allow yourself to be yet another statistic of how an act of kindness got you maimed for life or killed.

Even one top Oga here will always advise me along the lines of, "...this is the path I chose. Go and read it up. And then choose what you want. You're a man so you should be able to choose what you want and live with the consequences of your decisions."

Bros, be careful with your space.
It's so cold outside.

O.p your are your problem
You caused all this..
Talk talk, talk talk, chu Chu Chu Chu, your mouth no dey stay one place..telling a stranger about your life and what you do for a living.

I believe you must have told him how you make millions from tech and you are now living large, hence, inviting him to your home to see for himself, now tell me, why wouldn't he cling himself on you so he can tap also..

This your mouth will put you in trouble one day.

Chu Chu Chu Chu mouth no hide yourself..you hear.

U made a mistake taken him to ur house but u can still help him from a distance



If he's ready to learn show him the way keep him at a distance cos he might sets up ...we are in a dangerous time.








U can also buy him a android POS machine for side hustle.



I'm selling android POS machine for N15K promo price...




Location is 7 n8 bus stop airport road oshodi

OP, am Backend Developer with Nodejs, Python, SQL and NoSQL experience

The first mistake is bringing a stranger into your house.

In Nigeria's present situation? Una dey take risk o