I know that I am not perfect and I am not claiming such but please I need your candid opinion especially if you are married.

My wife said she finds it difficult saying sorry even when she knows she is wrong. Initially, I was the one always wrong and I always apologized to bury the issue. One day I overheard her apologizing to someone on phone. I felt may be to some people it is easy to saysorry while I am among those she cannot say sorry to.

I took a drastic action that shook her while I was about to travel. I stopped helping her do house chores and other things that I used to do with her like cutting the vegetables while she prepared food for the family, washing dishes, cooking etc. I also threatened the D word if she did not change.  When I came back, she seemed to have changed. I did not stop providing for her like I was able to do anyway. Though she has no job her friends who have envy her. I am very romantic. I do not miss her birthdays. I compliment her. I appreciate her. I take her out and work around with her. I am proud to show her around my friends. I do not cheat on her.

I take care of the family like I should. I am saving to start up a small business for her. I have looked for job for her and could not find any. She does not like teaching job which was available and I understand why. She has difficulty reading and speaking English Language though she is a graduate and it becomes an insult to her if one suggests ways of improvement. (I am polite to a fault. I love her)

At the slightest disagreement, she claims I am disrespecting her because she has no job and brings no money to the family. I swear to God, her not bringing money to the family does not affect my decision or action at any time. I have searched for jobs but could not get one for her. I am one of those who believe that I should provide for my wife and family whether my wife is working or not. Even if she was working, I would still do the same without asking for her contribution. A working mother is an asset to the children not the husband.

I am writing this because of what happened 2 days ago.

My wife was lying in a <<censored>> during a pre-intimacy. I was <<censored>> when she deliberately farted and almost the whole thing emptied into my mouth.

I rushed to the sink and cleaned my mouth. When I came back and registered my displeasure, she laughed at it. I expected an apology because I was serious but she offered none. I was turned off and wore my boxers. She shouted and said, so because of what happened you have decided to wear our boxers etc . . . . I was the more incensed and I lied down to sleep on one side of the bed. I decided to ignore her until I get the apology which is not forthcoming anyway. NB, when the going is good, we fart around the house  and make fun of it but not into anyone's mouth. I was not as offended by the act as I was by her refusal to acknowledge that I have a right a right to be wronged.

Yesterday, while scolding our daughter, she said ' even you that I gave birth to is joining in kicking me like a ball all because I stay at home and have no job. She was shouting from the balcony so that everyone heard. Later on she continued, telling everyone who cared that she is suffering even though people wished to be her when they  see her drive by. She wished to get stick thin so that people will know she is suffering.
At night, she came to bed and told me she was going to her village. She should have gone by now probably to report me.

Too much in my mind. Sorry if you could not make any meanings out of the rubble. I do not want to talk to anyone who knows her. I am bursting and I am emptying my mind here. Tell me what you want but spare me the 'didn't you notice this during courtship?' question. I am already in it and wanna fix it.

Where am I going wrong?

Ask me any question(s) and I will answer! Thanks

hi

Am I paranoid?

What's the word Sorry going to validate? Rub your ego perhaps?
What if she says sorry but doesn't necessarily act sorry?

jay bee:

What's the word Sorry going to validate? Rub your ego perhaps?
What if she says sorry but doesn't necessarily act sorry?

I need both word and the true feeling of sorry. That's why her refusal to acknowledge that I can be wronged is annoying.

Ego rubbing is not entirely bad I think.

akiolu:

I need both word and the true feeling of sorry. That's why her refusal to acknowledge that I can be wronged is annoying.

Ego rubbing is not entirely bad I think.

Should your marriage be a competition then?
Think about it bro, what's more important to you, peace @ home or non heartfelt sorry?

jay bee:

Should your marriage be a competition then?
Think about it bro, what's more important to you, peace @ home or non heartfelt sorry?

Thanks bro. I want peace. When I married her, I told her there is not gonna be servant Lord relationship. That is what I wanted. I realized not long after that I am blamed for everything and I have no right to complain.

Do you mean I should accept it that way?


She is the one that sees it as a competition. I sat her down some time ago and told her I am not competing with her.
One of her mantra is that she will not sit and let anyone walk over her. I swear I do not want to do that. I only want a measure of respect. Not being shouted at etc

Except you think that is me competing. I appreciate every of your opinion. I will think about it even if I do not accept it now.

Interesting story,

Personally I don't think you've done anything wrong under the circumstance. Your wife sounds like a woman frustrated by the fact that she lacks a means of livelihood (i.e a job or business) I've been there and I can remeber being moody at the time. Am glad you are working towards starting a business for her, is she aware of this?

An apology can come in different ways, a person doesn't always have to say the words "I am sorry''. These words are often abused and people utter them without sincerity. Does she try to apologize in other ways by her actions? Such as cooking your favourite meal afterwards, or just doing things to please you?

In a situation like this (as a woman) I would love for my man to put down his foot real hard and not condone my excesses or any bullshit from me. I secretly admire the men I have dated who did not put up with my bullshit and were always firm with me about, my annoying habits such as moodiness, tantraums etc

You need to whip her into shape on this one or better still try the silent treatment when she misbehaves, don't quit until she does right by you. The silent treatment has never failed to work it's magic on me.

Hey am not married, but this is my candid opinion as a single mature lady.

akiolu:

My wife was lying in a spoon position during a pre-intimacy. I was licking her labia from behind when she deliberately farted and almost the whole thing emptied into my mouth.

[img]http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2010/01/SIMON-COWELL-HAPPY-GIF.gif[/img]

you have not done anything wrong(if all you have said is the truth).

the only thing i see here is your wife takes you for granted. . . .why? probably because you have over-showered her with so much love, care and attention. this is not a bad thing to do in most cases but some women will still take advantage of you when you are extra-nice to them. give a chic an inch - she would take a mile.

if i were you, i will cut the bullshyte. . . .let her do the house chores herself. . .if she gets tired, hire a housemaid for her. yours is to provide and protect her and the family. . . .hers is to make sure your food is served and your house is clean. how she achieves that should not be your business. you gave her an incentive, she abused the opportunity. . . . .remove the incentive and see how it goes. if she proves stubborn, call her parents and tell them their daughter takes you for granted and before you disappoint them - they should sit her down and talk little sense in her head.

good luck!

akiolu:


Do you mean I should accept it that way?

Yes if the only problem with her is not uttering the overrated word "sorry".

madoba:

Interesting story,

Personally I don't think you've done anything wrong under the circumstance. Your wife sounds like a woman frustrated by the fact that she lacks a means of livelihood (i.e a job or business) I've been there and I can remeber being moody at the time. Am glad you are working towards starting a business for her, is she aware of this?

An apology can come in different ways, a person doesn't always have to say the words "I am sorry''. These words are often abused and people utter them without sincerity. Does she try to apologize in other ways by her actions? Such as cooking your favourite meal afterwards, or just doing things to please you?

In a situation like this (as a woman) I would love for my man to put down his foot real hard and not condone my excesses or any bullshit from me, I have secretly admired a few men I dated who did not put up with my bullshit and were always firm with me about annoying habits such as moodiness, tantraums etc

You need to whip her into shape on this one (i.e the apology issue) or better still try the silent treatment when she misbehaves until she does right by you. The silent treatment has never failed to work it's magic on me.

Hey am not married, but this is my candid opinion as a single mature lady.

Thanks Madoba. I thought was too soft at the beginning believing she would change but it became worse. I still do apologize when I feel I have done something wrong even when I did that unknowingly.

jay bee:

Yes if the only problem with her is not uttering the overrated word "sorry".

If that was the only problem, I would not write this epistle. But it is not. She does not accept she is at fault. I am always wrong and I am doing everything  because she has no job.

If your wife would say sorry to some other person and would not say sorry to you even when she is at fault, how would you feel?

jay bee:

Yes if the only problem with her is not uttering the overrated word "sorry".

accept wetin? if he accepts that, she will only grow wings and graduate into other vices. women don't just get up one day to slap their husbands in public.

it starts from never learning to say sorry when they wrong their spouse and to knocking him on the head playfully and to knocking his head angrily and then to slapping him at will.

if a woman cannot learn to say sorry - then she's a dangerous snake to live with. i will not tolerate such nonsense. even my parents say sorry to me when they wrong me. . . . .how much less a woman i married.

coogar:

[img]http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2010/01/SIMON-COWELL-HAPPY-GIF.gif[/img]

you have not done anything wrong(if all you have said is the truth).

the only thing i see here is your wife takes you for granted. . . .why? probably because you have over-showered her with so much love, care and attention. this is not a bad thing to do in most cases but some women will still take advantage of you when you are extra-nice to them. give a chic an inch - she would take a mile.

if i were you, i will cut the bullshyte. . . .let her do the house chores herself. . .if she gets tired, hire a housemaid for her. yours is to provide and protect her and the family. . . .hers is to make sure your food is served and your house is clean. how she achieves that should not be your business. you gave her an incentive, she abused the opportunity. . . . .remove the incentive and see how it goes. if she proves stubborn, call her parents and tell them their daughter takes you for granted and before you disappoint them - they should sit her down and talk little sense in her head.

good luck!

Thanks for your contribution. I realized that late but I still find it difficult lying down on a couch while she runs around to fix dinner when I can easily lend a finger. She is a human like me. If I was not tired, there would be nothing wrong in helping her after all she is not my slave.

However, I do understand the point in some women abusing privileges. I withdrew all the house support initially but then . . . .
When she told me she was travelling, I was happy because I felt it is better she reports herself to her parents assuming that's what she is going to do.

I feel like standing my ground on this ocassion.

akiolu:

Thanks for your contribution. I realized that late but I still find it difficult lying down on a couch while she runs around to fix dinner when I can easily lend a finger. She is a human like me. If I was not tired, there would be nothing wrong in helping her after all she is not my slave.

However, I do understand the point in some women abusing privileges. I withdrew all the house support initially but then . . . .
When she told me she was travelling, I was happy because I felt it is better she reports herself to her parents assuming that's what she is going to do.

I feel like standing my ground on this ocassion.

some women love the iron hand. . . . .that's the only way they can be assured you are the man! of course, we all want to treat women the way we want our female siblings or future daughters to be treated but then it doesn't always apply. some of them still want to abuse these incentives and take you for granted and i will not stand for it. . . . .you should not stand for it as well.

cut out the lovey dovey - if you cannot stand watching her do everything - go out into the garden with your guardian newspaper or hire houseboys to aid her. there has to be a demarcation. . . .your roles should be defined, hers should be defined. no questions! you provide the raw materials, she turns the materials into products.

coogar:

some women love the iron hand. . . . .that's the only way they can be assured you are the man! of course, we all want to treat women the way we want our female siblings or future daughters to be treated but then it doesn't always apply. some of them still want to abuse these incentives and take you for granted and i will not stand for it. . . . .you should not stand for it as well.

cut out the lovey dovey - if you cannot stand watching her do everything - go out into the garden with your guardian newspaper or hire houseboys to aid her. there has to be a demarcation. . . .your roles should be defined, hers should be defined. no questions! you provide the raw materials, she turns the materials into products.

Thanks for your contribution. I really appreciate it

Any other angle will be appreciated

wow.

Trying so hard to get over the  "hot fart phase" 

If what you have typed here is true then I co-sign what Coogar said.

btw,how did you know for sure that she deliberately farted?

i think you both should have laughed the farting off.

coogar:

some women love the iron hand. . . . .that's the only way they can be assured you are the man!

Ooooh! You've definitely got that right.

I can't stand a man being too soft or too easy on me when I know I am being a severe pain in the butt (like poster's wife).

I don't want a Robert Mugabe or Ghadaffi kind of man, a man who won't be too soft OR way too hard will do just fine

Just don't tolerate my excesses because that may cause me to take things for granted unconsciously or unintentionally.

Hmmm, i am learning here too o, what about a woman that likes saying "i am sorry" but still does the same things all over again?

honeric01:

Hmmm, i am learning here too o, what about a woman that likes saying "i am sorry" but still does the same things all over again?

admitting one is wrong is the first step to recovery. . . .

Am sorry, i could not, but laugh, when i got to the 'fart' side, lol, that was so funny,

Ok back to the issue at hand, let me tell you!, some people find it very difficult to sya they are sorry, it could be from 'ego' or just the environment, they grew up in.

I would suggest, you talk to her candidly, not by quarelling, or becoming too controlling, (that will not work ooo), it would only result to a big gulf in your relationship. Just let her know that once she is wrong she should admit it and apologise, it is as simple as that. or better still, fart in her mouth too, and don't apologise,

armyofone:

i think you both should have laughed the farting off.

Farting get levels ke  
Fart directly in an open mouth and on an expectant koboko?chai that one na serious offense and turn off.I agree however,they could have just laughed that off,a lil'teasing here and there and go on with the gbadun.

ifyalways don dey categorize farting now
very funny to me lol. oh lordy OP take it easy

Ok She doesnt have a job and stays home, Why are you still the one washing plates, cutting veggies etc?

Well your wife probably thinks you are a wussy and she is treating you as such.

Fact is you are too nice and soft, toughen up better still smoke weed.

Are you in lagos? I can introduce you to Sir Kay my weed supplier for over a decade. When you wife sees you face she go behave

^^^^^^ seriously

Whilst I emphatise with the OP and wish him a happy married life I cannot but ROTFLMAO reading thru his story

@Dayokanu
Una wan kill persin with laff? oh my dear NL

disgusting op.

why do we need to know where your mouth goes.

keep your secrets secret, thank you.

s.tupid thread.

Very disgusting thing for your Wife to do. WTF! Big turn off there. Maybe she does not like it and did not know how to tell you. Hence the fart. WTF though

2mch:

Very disgusting thing for your Wife to do. WTF! Big turn off there. Maybe she does not like it and did not know how to tell you. Hence the fart. WTF though

ewoooo large fart for that matter. the lady is so

tpia@:

disgusting op.

why do we need to know where your mouth goes.

keep your secrets secret, thank you.

s.tupid thread.