MY FIRST COURT APPEARANCE AS A LAWYER

The funny story I’m about to tell you happened to me in 2008 in faraway Ilorin, Kwara State. If you laugh me eeh, me and you go get problem. This was shortly after I passed the Law School Bar Finals exam in 2008. After I passed the exam in one sitting I swear say even sign board I no go read. I read book sotey I begin hear one kain sound inside my head. See me now, still surrounded with books.

Back to the matter. So Now Your Suffering Continues (NYSC) look me finish post me go Ilorin. PH boy wey them suppose beg to accept Abj. I took it in good faith, packed my portmanteau and faced north. The air trip to the North-Central sojourn meant either a flight to Lagos and a long road trip to Ilorin or, in the alternative, a flight to Abuja and then another log road waka to Ilorin.

Talk of being stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. This kain dilemma be as e get. The 11-hour road trip was draining. I siddon for motor sotey nyash begin pain me. This kain by force service sef. Exemption letter for make sense oh. Why 30 years come far from me na. E good? Nothing spoil sha. All follow for experience. Make I follow Chukwudi brag say I don go north before.

Presh, please go straight to the point na, you are beating around the bush. All these oversabi Lawyers sef. Sorry, is it your bush? Is the bush complaining? Proper foundation must be laid oh, as we Lawyers always say, forgetting say we nor be bricklayers. So when we got to Ede in Osun State the driver parked by the roadside and gave us this special announcement:

“Una wey dey go Kwara, make una come down make I put una for motor wey dey go that side. Na Ibadan I dey go.”
I just weak. Abeg who I offend? So this man don run me street so. What of the Ilorin boldly written on the box placed ontop of the car while it was loading at Abali park in Mile 1.

E no just hungry me to word this man, because if I tell am wetin dey my mind e fit use him fan belt commit suicide. So I mumbled some complaints under my breath. Wisdom is profitable. Me wey no know where I dey. So in my mind I was like “Baba you sure e go better for you for this life like this?”

We arrived Ilorin and Yoruba language rent the air. Presh you have come again oh. Which one be rent the air. Them dey rent air ni? Na house? You don come with your yeye grammar again. Rent kor, caution fee ni.

You too dey vex, oya no vex na. I mean say as we reach Ilorin everybody dey speak Yoruba language. I quickly drew the attention of one middle aged man and enquired:
“Excuse me Sir, please I am going to Ilorin, Kwara State in the north. But it’s like they took me to Oyo State. Please what do I do?”
Sir replied: “No, you are in the right place. This is Ilorin in Kwara State. Welcome to the State of Harmony.”

Alaye, the only harmony I want now is to be reunited with my family. I never begin the service I don tire.
NYSC this one wey una carry me come north wey dey rap Yoruba, e good? Una for kuku carry me go Ile-Ife na. Oh Chim. Nothing flyover no go see for Wike hand.

(TO BE CONTINUED)