Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

Truth is, he will never change. If you keep him, he is only going to keep causing you emotional stress. And never you attempt to advice the lady to abort, he impregnated her so whatever decision should be from him and the lady. You are even lucky that you're the one making the money cos if it were the other way round, he would have kicked you out since or worst still, would bring another woman into the house with you still around. So my advice, I wanna say run for your life but it's your house, so better kick him out asap.

PlayMaker14:
I can get nasty as well too, but I overlooked her stupidity cos of you.

You are stupid.

Beautiful and sincerely said! But in all of this narration you can see Jesus is absent in it all.Your success without Jesus is more trouble, your marriage with Jesus is more trouble, your singleness or speration without Jesus is more trouble,the space in you, the emptiness and the frustration you are going through only the size of Jesus can feel it. Love Jesus then there's nobody you cannot love, pray for your husband emotion,his sexuality,extravangancy.
Read the power of a praying wife by Omartian. You need spiritual advice not emotional advice dear sister.how i wish we can talk.

Jovialjune1:



You are stupid.

No, you are actually.... Learn how to control your emotions.

[color=#990000][/color][quote author=VeryWickedGoat post=118281101]

1. You be worwor mgbeke
2. Thought you women claim to be good advisers?
3. You need a big prick to calm you down this period

DM me.[/quote

Verywickedgoat, am watching you with one of my eye open

You re very wrong my dear

Saintmary:


You're not female

[quote author=newdays post=118311311]You re very wrong my dear

EbukaTheDrugLor:
Well Dumbo! If she deprives the man of sex because of university education, then she should not blame the man for seeking it elsewhere. My point exactly

he wanted sex and more kids but the wife refused because she wants to gain admission into the university I believe the man should be more understanding and besides the man was already having unprotected sex,as a result of he needs more sex and kids he got a girl pregnant and still told the wife to convince the girl to go for an abortion.. Omo this should be enough reasons na. Thank God she is financially independent.. Abeg

Bernice4ozodo:
he wanted sex and more kids but the wife refused because she wants to gain admission into the university I believe the man should be more understanding and besides the man was already having unprotected sex,as a result of he needs more sex and kids he got a girl pregnant and still told the wife to convince the girl to go for an abortion.. Omo this should be enough reasons na. Thank God she is financially independent.. Abeg

Total deprivation is wrong at all levels. The preeq has a mind of its own and can be shameless if deprived of basic needs.

KanuSE:


As much as the husband is a pain, I'm struggling to understand how separation or divorce would make their lives better - considering the children's wellbeing.

One thing parents routinely fail to realise is that children are also part of the marriage, therefore both should accept whatever comes with their decision to separate/divorce.

You can't eat your cake and have it.

The children are already suffering from lack of fatherly care.Wont they survive if he was dead.
I see exactly no difference between a deadbeat dad and a dead one bro!

For her own sanity she gats to move on ,build her little family with or without him bro!

I be guyman,I no go fit allow my sister dey with this kind husband.As long as she is ready to quit I will support her, ESPECIALLY when she is financially buoyant and industrious.

I will never ever understand married people bringing marital issues to Nairaland for under 16's to deliberate on. Issues of marriage are things for adults and married people to deliberate on. You should seek them out around you and it is certainly not on nairaland you find them..Please read more about marriage, learn from teachers on the topic and above all ask God to lead you on how to go. Forget these grown kids you'd have to ask help from here. It won't help you.

KanuSE:


You're not thinking straight - if the husband were your blood brother would you offer the same advice?

thanks for the insult, and yes I'll advise her to do the same .

PlayMaker14:




Madam, just say you're looking for a brand new prick....

Nobody knows the truth..

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

It's so unfortunate. Have you prayed to God about this?

Munzy14:

Nobody knows the truth..

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

An uneducated woman is indeed a poison
But a proud and uneducated one is a sniper itself

Not taking sides, but your post is drenched with pride, lack of manners; your ideas sound naive
Indeed your hubby must have realized that you’re indeed a local bomb

Is he a broke man

Sorry dear for the emotional torture you are currently undergoing. Both of you are suffering from youthful exuberance. Your husband will come normal, the only snag is him impregnating another lady but don't join hand in proferring solutions, allow him to "bury his dead" he has a bragging right already (the children), evicting him is not a good idea also, had it been he built the house in the first place, what would you have done? Are you blaming God for broaden your horizon more than his own? Pray to God to touch his heart. Your husband is your husband, there ain't better men out there anymore, it's all bits and pieces!! God will lead you through as you take the next step.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids.
.................................
Your problems started with your husband, when he said, he want more babies, and you refused it at that moment by saying later.

Madam check yourself and fix your marriage. The man is the haed of the family no matter what.. now he is about to have child outside. He love you. That is why he did not hid it from you.

Think twice and fix your family.

I rest my case.

Your story is so inspiring and touching.please don't listen to does evil guys advice.always follow your heart.if you feel like talking to someone ,just dm

What if he decides to go away with the children, have u thought of that

What if he decides to go with the children, have you thought about that and hope you know that you can't get a single guy again, you would have to break another woman's home too unless you don't want to have anything to do with a man again, madam forgive ur husband and pray alot, this is just ur marriage going through it tough time, you will both come out strong if you apply wisdom, and even if u would make any decision do not make one when you re angry.... Your husband needs you now... Marriage is for better for worse...

Life2020:


U are very wise
I thought about that and I have made up my mind that I'm not going to marry again, at least not till my girls are grown up.
I have heard stories about girls being sexually abused or even physical abused, I don't want my girls to grow up in that type of environment.
I might have a few date here and there but let's see because my girls will always be first.
Honestly I want to hear his side of the story because I'm honestly curious to hear his own side of the story.

fxexperts:
Which kind yeye mistake be that one. Mistake he pull trouser; mistake he prick erect. mistake he ejaculate. Are you kidding me?

You are all jokers. she has bought the idiot man already. why did the fool agree in the first instance.

Agree to what exactly? She bought him, but who is coming here and wailing? Not the man.

It's no mistake, but if there's anyone here, she's the fool and you are just typing with your emotions all over the place. The man will go and camp in his new baby mama's house while the wife will still be wailing, talking to whomever and their dog how he was a deadbeat. Besides, the man apparently doesn't have as much as the wife. He can sue for the children and get child support from the woman - or better still, file for divorce and they equally split their assets. Who will lose?

Have some logical sense here.. I know your emotions are running wild. Women should allow men lead. She had been the one coming up with different things throughout the marriage and not allowing the man lead. If I got a dollar for the number of "I" I read, I would become a millionaire.

Lastly, you ladies are just funny. The man wanted more babies, you said no.. But you can decide to have a baby even if the man says he doesn't want any ba? Nonsense! You calling the man names just shows how it hurts you and her. The more painful thing is, y'all know deep-down that you had a hand it it. If not, you won't feel that much pain.

Take this advice

Helpout12345:


I remember your story then. The elders did not advise you to scatter your marriage then. We told you to insist on STD tests and ensure he is no longer cheating before you continue having unprotected sex with him.

From your new narrative, he had agreed to conduct STD tests, he had come back home. The pregnancy outside is a new thing now.

About the pregnancy, I think that happened before he decided to change and come back home. I want to say it's part of his mistakes while outside.

I know you are hurting to learn about this now but don't take a decision while under anger or emotion.

If he had truly changed from cheating, you people can start rebuilding your home.

The children suffer the most in a broken home. You even have girls. I can tell you most ladies raised by single mothers end up single mothers when they grow up. Think deeply about your children welfare now and in future before you use emotion to scatter your home.

Lastly, be careful of advise you take from your fellow women irrespective of their age or status because most of them will advise from emotional perspective or outrightly lie to you when they advise you.

Dear sister becareful what you throw away and say is not good . I know you still love him. Kindly forgive and give him a chance to adjust.

Beside, you are good wife .

08064978510:
What if he decides to go away with the children, have u thought of that

On what grounds would he take away the children, as per the court granted him sole custody and their mother, denied visitations?

PlayMaker14:
No, you are actually.... Learn how to control your emotions.

Oh so now I'm the emotional one? Who insulted who first?

Jovialjune1:



Pained full, the senseless advices of men plunged this country to where it is today, bunch of daft corrupt fools, the stupid logic you all deceive yourselves of having destroyed everything in this country, e say na allow ode, women will rule you all very soon dolt, you can't stop the inevitable, oaf.

No b only pained full...na pained empty ... empty skull thinks she has an opinion

Mindlog:


Ok, accepted that wars of recent history have been led by men, list the ones centuries ago, across all continents led by women since that is your excuse.

Thats cos what women did in past centuries made men lock up...if they are given the chance, they will use nuclear weapons... women are never logical, they make decisions based on emotions...thats y they are prone to mistakes and are always regretting

You need wise counsel.

Your first problem is deciding whose counsel to follow and whose to discard?

You need counsel of elders in your families or church. There's a lot of emotional and dangerous advice you've been given so far. Most of them are not wrong, they're just incomplete. They assume that kicking your husband out of the home solves your problems.

Newsflash! It doesn't. You've just successfully poured petrol into your burning house. Since you both have children together, unless you kill your husband, you're stuck with him for the rest of both your lives.

Here's my take:
We judge decisions by the long term consequences. You should be able to look back 50 years from now at your decisions today and be confident you made the right choices.

1. Short term impact:

If you end your marriage today, what becomes of you?

Do you honestly believe that there are better men outside who will accept your twin daughters as theirs? Do you think the men outside here are any better? They're not.

2. Long term impact:

I pray God gives you long life, but what counsel will you give your daughters when their own marriages hits rocky times. Will you ask them to leave their husbands also. Do you want to have grandchildren whose fathers are uninvolved? Do you want to raise bastards in old age?

A close relation left her husband 40years ago. Her three daughters today are all single mothers. The decades of bitterness from their mom bled into their own marriages and they blamed their husbands for their father's indiscretions. Do you want that kind of history?

Also, what becomes of your twins if you fall Ill with a terminal disease? How will your daughters cope without both parents?

3. Alternatives available.

Will you find a single, faithful man who wants to be stepfather to twin daughters. What if your daughters accuse him of molestation? Will you believe him? Even worse, what if your daughters tell their father your new boyfriend molested them? Can you guarantee that your soon-to-be ex husband won't kill your new boyfriend?

4. Men who sleep with only their wives don't exist. You've been sold a Disney fairytale. Wake up from your fantasy.

I'm a physician and from my experience with married men- almost all of them have concubines. Married men are constantly chased by young girls for relationships and money. Very few men can resist the allures of a 21year old.


My Take:

Think about the impact your decisions will have on your family over the next 50 years.
Your home is yours to save or wreck. Outsiders have seen the value in your husband and want to snatch him away.

A husband is not useful for today. His use is for old age when your libidos have failed, and your daughters are married. You'll be foolish to set your house on fire.

The man you're looking for doesn't exist.

Kingcalls:


Thats cos what women did in past centuries made men lock up...if they are given the chance, they will use nuclear weapons... women are never logical, they make decisions based on emotions...thats y they are prone to mistakes and are always regretting

Reason I asked you to list the names of women that led wars that disrupted humanity and huge loss of human lives ......list them.

Life2020:


I can't kick him out of a house I built with my own money, a land I brought in my own name

And please am a dark beauty, thank u very much
Hope u have a nice day

wow black beauty, person wey get head no get cap,any decision you are going to make or step you're going to take make sure it doesn't affect your children