Afodot0022:
Well every marriage has its own issues and ours wasn't left out. The major reason for the lack of peace is due to her character of not respecting me and also reporting every of our issues to third party. The issue has been addressed but she still insist she wants to leave and me am not ready to relocate to the baracks where she works. I have my own work to and where we live now is closer to my working place . During the time we had issue, she already collected a loan from coporative to foot the house rent she just collected and its already late for her to turn back cos she has already paid for the house

The issue has obviously not been addressed and the loan can always be returned back.

You two should seek counselling abeg.

Many Nigerian men has done evil too! Who is dis fool? Get the Bleep Ofc joor. Did the wife sleep with any other man? Why term her promiscuous? Did her hubby say he has caught her numerous times? See dis useless fool. U can’t even think nor reason straight. Do u know if the hubby really pushed her? Do u know ? Are u in the marriage? U go Dey do as if u wise, na ppl like u Dey marry the worst set of women. Keep thinking with ur anus. Product of a damaged home, obviously. U think everyone is like ur parents or like ur mom dat sleeps with anything dat has an erection. I am sure ur mom was promiscuous

Zonefree:

Married Nigerian women have done more evil than this, why should I wait to hear the woman's side of the story?

The man never claimed to be a saint. His only offense is accepting and still living with a woman he caught cheating.

Ahnie, no sane man should seek marital advise from a woman. You ladies here have proved that already.

Tamilore11:
Many Nigerian men has done evil too! Who is dis fool? Get the Bleep Ofc joor. Did the wife sleep with any other man? Why term her promiscuous? Did her hubby say he has caught her numerous times? See dis useless fool. U can’t even think nor reason straight. Do u know if the hubby really pushed her? Do u know ? Are u in the marriage? U go Dey do as if u wise, na ppl like u Dey marry the worst set of women. Keep thinking with ur anus. Product of a damaged home, obviously. U think everyone is like ur parents or like ur mom dat sleeps with anything dat has an erection. I am sure ur mom was promiscuous

Coward, quote me with your real moniker!

Tamilore11:
U are just very stupid and foolish. The way he is talking, person go think say na saint. I pray ppl give ur wife bad advice to dump u fully and divorce u once u make a little mistake. See dis evil demonic being pushing a man to divorce his wife with 2 kids. Did he tell u he caught her cheating? Did she sleep with d man? Did he tell u d contents of the chat? D man even explained dat she didn’t cheat sexually, u are still pushing him to divorce her. Na ur wife? U re very stupid. I pray ppl scatter your marriage for u. Useless being.

Jesu!

U are the coward because u don’t even know me. So which moniker? Home breaker. U want everyone to be like ur parents. Son of a white. Son of a bitch. Gif forsaken mofo

Zonefree:

Coward, quote me with your real moniker!

Yes na. See him clamoring for divorce as if he is the head of their home. As if he is the saint. Despite the man was even explaining dat she never had sexual affairs with anybody. Which kyn devil be dis. And dis one go be person husband o. God forbid bad thing

LadyRosa:


Jesu!

Tamilore11:
U are the coward because u don’t even know me. So which moniker? Home breaker. U want everyone to be like ur parents. Son of a white. Son of a bitch. Gif forsaken mofo

Of course I know you. You always switch monikers to spite your hereditary bile every time.

Tamilore11:
Yes na. See him clamoring for divorce as if he is the head of their home. As if he is the saint. Despite the man was even explaining dat she never had sexual affairs with anybody. Which kyn devil be dis. And dis one go be person husband o. God forbid bad thing

You should know by now this is a faceless forum.
Again, many of these persons are from broken homes,so most times,their decision is warped.

My parents are over 45years in marriage.
My in-laws over 50 years as well...

NONE of the kids are divorced.
Now, that's part of what shaped my decisions when I was a spinster, never dated a guy from broken home,didn't marry one either.

Will never introduce such dangerous family pattern...

Also,I'm a very staunch Catholic, so I married into one.

I also encouraged my brothers not to marry a lady whose parents are no longer together. They did!

Zonefree:

Coward, quote me with your real moniker!

Zonnie forget this guy o...na kolo e be.for your own peace of mind,pls kindly ignore his tantrums .

Nor say I nor warn you,this person get serious issues.

Zonefree:

Of course I know you. You always switch monikers to spite your hereditary bile every time.

Pls ignore him for the sake of your sanity.take a sneak peek into his post history.

Leavam o.

ahnie:

Pls ignore him for the sake of your sanity.take a sneak peek into his post history.

Leavam o.

Thanks ahnie. Just went through first page of his/her post history, the person behind that moniker is a walking corpse. How come the mods don't handle him/her?

Zonefree:

Thanks ahnie. Just went through first page of his/her post history, the person behind that moniker is a walking corpse. How come the mods don't handle him/her?

Now you owe me one big time.
The guy get mental problem and every reply triggers his kolo Bula Blu bula.
No be everybody Normal for nairaland.

Afodot0022:
It was an emotional cheating that have not lead to anything sexual and this was the first time she did such a thing and her reason was that i pushed her to do such cos i wasnt given her enough thing which made her to seek attention elsewhere. Though she was still wrong but she acknowledge her wrong and i gave her a second chance

I had to go through your previous threads here on your marriage. Based on that I want to give you sincere advise.

I commend your determination not to have your children grow up in a broken home. I also commend you for admitting that you both have not been perfect.

Now I can see that all these resolutions and determination to work on this marriage is coming mainly from only you. It appears your wife doesn't share similar determination with you.

That's a big problem right there. You need to get her to that level that she will equally value your marriage and effect of broken homes on children.

I believe until both of you share similar determination and resolutions on working on your marriage and home, you cannot save what is left in there.

Talk to your wife. Let her know you don't want your home to be broken, your children facing consequences of a broken home, you also don't want it to turn to a curse of broken homes from her mother side. Her mother had a broken home, she is about to have one and she has 2 daughters that can continue the tradition if this home is broken.

If you are able to get her on same page with you, I believe you can work on all these emotional cheating, work, accommodation, loan, issues. You both will be willing to make sacrifices for your home.

ahnie:

What if the man is lying against the wife?
The way you peeps online upturn biblical excerpts eeh,na kobojunkie fit you.

You just mentioned the one who upturns the Bible. Don't tell me you follow the teachings of that fellow.

Texcyndy:
You just mentioned the one who upturns the Bible. Don't tell me you follow the teachings of that fellow.

Can you state at least one verse of scripture I have ever in fact upturned to date?

I upturn the doctrines and traditions of your pastors and mogs, lies which the lot of you gullible souls confuse with that which is instead the Truth of God. Jesus Christ warned you vehemently against such lies.

There’s no part where you talked about the sacrifices you are willing to make for your family too. Your story comes off as you are not willing to shift ground at all which may not be the best.
She’s got a govt job that gives her some form of security hence it’s not advisable to just quit without another potential offer.

If she’s still the one that comes back, cook, clean and take care of the home, it only makes sense to stay close to her place of work while you make the transport sacrifice. Compromise is a common part of marriage.

If it’s a short term plan, it’s ok though not the best to stay in different places with an arrangement for visitations but you need to have in view how long such would last.

However, trust is a core part of marriage and you both need to be able to trust each other if such arrangement must work.

Gracias

Kobojunkie:
Can you state at least one verse of scripture I have ever in fact upturned to date?

I upturn the doctrines and traditions of your pastors and mogs, lies which the lot of you gullible souls confuse with that which is instead the Truth of God. Jesus Christ warned you vehemently against such lies.

More than 70 percent of your posts are misinterpretation of the Bible.
You keep saying where did Jesus Christ say it, whereas you never accept any proof given to you from the Bible except the ones you quote to suit your ego.
You are not different from people like daddy freeze.
To begin to bring out your upturned Bible quotes, I don't have that time. Go through your posts yourself and check what people are saying about you.

Texcyndy:

More than 70 percent of posts are misinterpretation of the Bible.
You keep saying where did Jesus Christ say it, whereas you never accept anything proof given to you from the Bible except the ones you quote to suit your ego.
You are not different from people like daddy freeze.
To begin to bring out your upturned Bible quotes, I don't have that time. Go through your posts yourself and check what people are saying about you.

Again, Can you state at least one verse of scripture I have ever in fact upturned to date?

I upturn the doctrines and traditions of your pastors and mogs, lies which the lot of you gullible souls confuse with that which is instead the Truth of God. Jesus Christ warned you vehemently against such lies.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day nairalanders.

I need advice from mature and married people on this issue. Anyone that have been following me for a while can relate with few things have brought here concerning my marriage.
I and my wife had a serious issues recently and i sent her out of my apartment, i descover she was having emotional affair with a random guy which i found out. Though she apologize but i struggle to let go cos i felt heartbroken and betrayal. I never expected she could go that route even though out union hasn't been that joyous or peaceful either. When i sent her away then, she took all her loads to the parlour cos we leave in a big flat. We stop sharing room together ever since then and also she stop doing any wify duty for me.
The problem is that, she works with the nigeria correctional services and ever since she has gotten the job, she has change totally. The job is stressing her alot that she doesn't have time for the family, the worst part is that the salary she earns is low that she spend all on transportation without any leftover. I have complain about this but she told me to be patient with her that things will get better saying the job is a federal job and have a future to behold. I kept ingnoring and managing things like that which wasnt easy for me as a man. We live in lagos and she spend close tk 4 hours go and from work daily. Attimes she won't be able to do her wify responsibility. Now becos of the issue we had together recently, my wife had made attempt to leave the home and rent an apartment in her working place to live there just ro reduce stress on her.. In as much as i know it was my fault that made her to take such drastic decision, i am not ready to let her go cos i don't want to leave seperately with my family. She is ok with the move but i am not, cos i dont have that confidence in her again what she might be doing by the time she start living alone. Now i cant relocate with them to the place cos my work is closer to when we stay presently and the environment is better than staying in barracks. Also the place we live presently is very economical cos we pay very low house rent dues to family connection which has help us to save and not paying rent at the moment. Now i dont know what to do whether to allow my wife go with my kids to stay at her working place while i stay where we are now presently. I can imagine myself living like a bachelor while am married.she agree i will be coming to visit them but we all know its not easy to meet up attimes. Now pls i need advice if i should let her go, or stay . Although we have settle our issues but she still insist she wants to go.

Cc
Pansophist

Zonefree:

I wasn't the one that cheated on the husband.

giving advice as if you are married. The way you give stupid advice concerning marriage, seems your mother really dealt severely with your father, if not why would you always advise married men who are having crisis in their marriage to leave their wives? It’s not like you have been married or even married yet.

Nonsense

Afodot0022:
I just want to know if it will be easy to run the family while we live apart. Couples that leave apart, pls i need your input and how you all manage to run your home living apart.

Oga why are u asking this question when u already know the answer? Why is she desperate to move out?
If ur wife could cheat under your nose, what of when she start living alone? U think the kids living with her will prevent her from cheating? There is high chances she will continue cheating once she steps out, humans hardly change. So far from ur write up, she seem less interested in the union. She is not making any effort to stay close. If finance is not the issue, I will advice she stay.

Afodot0022:
Yes i appreciate your input. As i said, the only reason why i gave her a second chance was because of my kids. Dont want to raise them with parents living apart. They are girls and you know what this can do to them. But as it is now, i dont have any choice that to let her go maybe she will learn her lesson in a bad way. Wouldn't have had issues in her relocating but because i dont have confidence or trust in her again, i don't know what she might be capable of doing when she gets to her new location. A woman that can cheat under her husband nose can do same while she is alone. She wants me to relocate with them but i dont think that is a good idea.I dont know whether to quite the marriage and move on or just keep managing the situation because of my two girls. There is tendency when she leaves, we gonna drift apart cos i dont see the reason of the marriage again while living apart

Relocate with her for the sake of your kids. If I am in ur shoes this is what I will do. We will not stay where she rented, use ur own money to rent a new house in a place very close to her office. Give her a benefit of doubt at least she will not see something to complain about. No stress again and she won't be spending much or anything on tfare.
You are a man you can find ur square root even if u are guys are staying in a place very far to ur place of work. Remember u are not doing it for her but for your children. If I am in ur shoes that's what I will do I won't lie.

This your case is kinda messed up, complicated and multifaceted. Firstly, only say what you mean, and mean what you say. So you should not be backpedalling on your words/actions, to prevent coming off as spineless.

Since you can't live far from your wife, why did you send her out in the first place? she is your wife, you're the one person she should feel absolutely safe with. Yes she cheated, but one person must have the cool head, and it should be you. Being calm is strength.

If you sent her away genuinely, you will not have been faced with this dilemma. You're backtracking now, which makes you looks like a weakling. Your word should be your bond. If you want her, don't threaten her with a quick notice.

You just gave her more fuel to strengthen her conviction of moving out, because she can always blame you for chasing her out of the house, hence she decided to live in the barracks, which gives her all the freedom to cheat.

You use wisdom to handle things, not emotions and anger. If I'm a woman who is truly done with my marriage, then your action (chasing me out of our home) is the perfect opportunity to execute that mission.

Even if you tell me to come back, I'll argue that I can't trust you anymore, and that I don't want to live in fear of being homeless. So you see, your anger was a useful tool for her (or your enemies really). Be calm always.

Secondly, NEVER EVER move to the barracks with her. The fact you're considering this option suggest that you're loosing your masculinity. It's Eve that joined Adam in the garden, not the other way round.

How can your preek even stand when you depend on your wife for accommodation? I swear she won't even be wet. Lol. Your position of strength and to negotiate equally is by having your own place.

And you said you're living in a cheap place due to family connection, which suggests that your marriage is financially struggling. But if you married a good wife, this should not be a problem, hence the "for better for worse" pledge during weddings.

Why can't she quit her job and look/start something closer to home? It makes no sense that commuting cost eats up all her earning, alongside the time wasted during commute, stress and burden on your family life.

But all in all, I strongly believe that she has emotionally signed off the relationship. The fact she suggested to rent a place closer to her work and don't care if your marriage suffers is a proof to that.

You work to have a good life, not sacrifice marriage for work. She is sacrificing marriage for work, and you seems to be the only one sustaining the relationship. You must have a deep discussion with her, one base on truth, so you don't lie to yourself.

Finally, make sure you're meeting your husband duties. You're providing, and put their best interest in your heart. If you can beat your conscience and call yourself a good man, then you don't have to worry if she leaves.

If you are genuinely good to your wife and she leaves you, then she lost. Yes you'll be shattered, but your pain is temporary, hers will be permanent. The universe treats us good through people, and when you treat them bad, life will hardly get better for you.

So Mr man, talk to her and apologize for sending her packing. Also tell her that you've forgiving her and you guys should start a fresh. Also try to see yourself from her eyes, by asking how are you not living up to your husband duties.

This is not an ego festival, so don't feel too proud to say this. You're just rewriting history and correcting previous mistake via apologies and cancel legitimate grudges. Probably your actions will make her do the same.

But after you've done all this and she still wants to do her biddings only, then you've cleared your conscience before God and man, and will live with a clear heart. That should be your aim. Good luck mate.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day nairalanders.

I need advice from mature and married people on this issue. Anyone that have been following me for a while can relate with few things have brought here concerning my marriage.
I and my wife had a serious issues recently and i sent her out of my apartment, i descover she was having emotional affair with a random guy which i found out. Though she apologize but i struggle to let go cos i felt heartbroken and betrayal. I never expected she could go that route even though out union hasn't been that joyous or peaceful either. When i sent her away then, she took all her loads to the parlour cos we leave in a big flat. We stop sharing room together ever since then and also she stop doing any wify duty for me.
The problem is that, she works with the nigeria correctional services and ever since she has gotten the job, she has change totally. The job is stressing her alot that she doesn't have time for the family, the worst part is that the salary she earns is low that she spend all on transportation without any leftover. I have complain about this but she told me to be patient with her that things will get better saying the job is a federal job and have a future to behold. I kept ingnoring and managing things like that which wasnt easy for me as a man. We live in lagos and she spend close tk 4 hours go and from work daily. Attimes she won't be able to do her wify responsibility. Now becos of the issue we had together recently, my wife had made attempt to leave the home and rent an apartment in her working place to live there just ro reduce stress on her.. In as much as i know it was my fault that made her to take such drastic decision, i am not ready to let her go cos i don't want to leave seperately with my family. She is ok with the move but i am not, cos i dont have that confidence in her again what she might be doing by the time she start living alone. Now i cant relocate with them to the place cos my work is closer to when we stay presently and the environment is better than staying in barracks. Also the place we live presently is very economical cos we pay very low house rent dues to family connection which has help us to save and not paying rent at the moment. Now i dont know what to do whether to allow my wife go with my kids to stay at her working place while i stay where we are now presently. I can imagine myself living like a bachelor while am married.she agree i will be coming to visit them but we all know its not easy to meet up attimes. Now pls i need advice if i should let her go, or stay . Although we have settle our issues but she still insist she wants to go.

Her job is demanding and she spends all her income on transportation

I think you guys need an in house help probably from your family so that you won't be tempted to sleep with her because of family disgrace

She can rent an accommodation close to her work place and be coming home when she is off duty

You can stay with the kids if they are above 2 yrs

If she wants to flirt, she will flirt right under your roof and you may not know

In all, I hope she will save money too if this system is adopted and if she will spend more, then let her continue the way you guys are doing it

Moreover, she can take transfer to their zonal office at Alagbon, at the Lagos headquarters, they don't monitor as much as those on correctional centers

Oga you sef compromise small nau abi.

Na God go save persin for this Lagos stress wahala, it is well.