What I tell myself is never to repeat a problem, I just say what I need and trust that he has heard me. My Husband is sturborn on can have his mind one tracked, even if u repeat urself from today till next year and he doesn't feel like doing wat u want he won't, I just tell him what I feel and being a Christain I believe as a wife I have to submit to my husband I make my point and let him have the final say. When I get very angry and fear that I may say something that I could regret I send a text or BB, its funny we will be seating next to each other and texting and BBing, and soon d issue is resolved and we turn to play. We ve our issues I won't lie but I try as hard as I can to keep myself in check, my husband can be difficult but I understand who and what am working with and find ways to make sure none of us get hurt. Most of the time in making d final decisions I see my veiws are taken into consideration, 80 percent of the time he ends up doing what I suggested

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LMAO, CC I am almost choking, ur own is small. One thing I can say though is dat am sure you have tried talking and he doesn't stop so even more talking won't change him I assure u. My husband is zero when it comes to organization, you need to see our room when he comes back from work, now this is an every day process, I talked to him oh but it seems its his way of life so when I can I arrange it when am tired I ignore it, I go to work before he does when I come home, water is all over d bathroom floor, his Pjs and boxers on d floor, his bathing soup all over even though the soap dish is right in front of him, imagine coming home to that everyday, but my Sister I will take untidiness and carelessness over cheating and beating maybe cos of my past I realise that this isn't such a big deal and if u ve talked to him more than once and he doesn't stop talking more won't solve it, you just have to be careful and when u can pick and put them at the right place. I always put it in perspective that if this man was a drunk, cheating abuser will I be worried about where and how he drops his clothes or bathroom soap or will I be trying to survive. If a man makes u 90 percent happy pls accept it with joy and overlook his small shortcomings, no need to work urself up oh. If God calls my husband home today all those small things re the things I will miss about him, cleaning up after him though not fun gives me some sort of comfort that I have a man I go take care of.

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Lol, u re one of those pple who turn ur phones to mobile land lines? Its is well Madam. Thank God for good husbands oh

@Topic

I have learned a lot this past years. My husband just shuts down when I nag. So I don't, I just pass my message across once and sometimes casually and he gets it.

I believe in telling your hubby in subtle ways like when u r all cosy and all that just explain to him that he shouldnt be doing things like this and that because of this and that give him reasons.

Its so funny for me when he does that i just put those things in the trash can and when he says Sweetie am looking for this have you seen it I would say oh yes I have check the trash can, he starts laughing cos he has gotten the idea that he kept it where it should be kept in the first place.

But truth be told we are two different individuals from different backgrounds so there are some things that we cant and wont change in our spouse so instead of nagging just forget about it, cos there are some things we do too and they put up with it. Come oh why do some guys have that thing I mean lack of organisation in the house well I guess that is why they have us as wives to help put their life together.

Nice point you made debrief. Esp where you said If a man makes

u 90 percent happy pls accept it with joy and overlook his small shortcomings, no need to work urself up oh. If God calls my husband home today all those small things re the things I will miss about him, cleaning up after him though not fun gives me some sort of comfort that I have a man I go take care of.

I have always complained about my hubby dumping his files on the chair in the living room. The more I clear the place the more files he dumps on the chair. Now, I don't bother. He usually clears it whenever he knows we are having visitors. U know the thing now . . . if the house is dirty na d wife dirty. The same way he scatters the room when he is searching for something. Just like you, I leave home before him to come back with files all over the place . lol. Though, he usually calls to inform me ahead that the whole place is upside down and apologises. But, you know what, I still have to fix it.

Talking about nagging, with my hubby, you better ask nicely and less frequently or you don't get it. Although, he is usually considerate when he realises he is at fault but that doesn't mean he will stop. Well, I don't nag cos it irritates me as well. But as a woman, u can't help it sometimes.

Lovely thread here. CC, you sure have a way of bringing these things up.

I don't know why we men generally can be unkempt most times, especially with the little things! I guess that is why we need our wives! Adam must have been one miserable fella in the garden all alone, with no one to pick after him! No wonder God pitied him and exclaimed "It is not good for the man to be alone". Let's think about it- It didn't start now. Like someone said, those are the little things that makes us miss each other.

After all said that, I know how irritating it could get, for the receiving partner. I had a nasty habit of putting my toothpicks (after meals) right on the part of the bed frame where we put devotionals, bible etc! Needless to say I wasn't even aware I was doing that (so please be easy on the men- they may not even be aware of the cause of the nag!) until my wife brought it up. Apparently she has been picking them everyday. I was somehow shocked I was doing that. So I made it a point of duty to remind myself to drop the tootpicks in the trash can. It has to be a deliberate effort. Has it totally stopped? I doubt, but it has greatly reduced.

Such trivial things can cause irritation. If not handled on time, it could add up and resentment could set in.

chaircover:

I know that he doesnt deliberaly want to hurt me by placing these things on the staircase and its just habit for him. What advice do you have for me 

Like I mentioned above, I wasn't even aware I was doing that until my wife mentioned it.  Then I observed myself and I was shocked.  Sometimes I could count up to 10!  Did I set out to deliberately hurt madam?  Of course not.  But surely I was!  Advice?  Don't bring it up when angry or say it in an anger.  Remember, he is the one guy you are crazy about.  In fact turn it into a joke.  Madam used to tease me of how we would soon open a supermarket selling toothpicks in our bedroom!!  Other times, she will poke me with those toothpicks.  Of course, when that happens I know the next thing to do.

BRB

Maybe you may have to open a supermarket on your staircase soon! The truth is Mr CC may not even be conscious he does that or how regularly he does it. I give you one advice- lock them up when you pick after him next time and demand he starts paying for every time he demands for the items as 'lost but found'! I mean it. He will get the message. No nagging, no fuss, and on top of it, you get paid!!!!!

CAUTION: Make sure he is not hungry when you do that oooo!

CC my parents have been married for over 40yrs, my dad still chews like a cow, sorry to use dat word but daddy chews food so loudly and I know my mum hates it but accepts that cos he is a good and responsible husband she says as much as she hates loud chewing it won't kill her

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chaircover:

haaaaa debrief pls dont get me started o!. If only you know how the hairs on the back of my neck stand out whenI hear the sound of my husbands spoon connecting with his teeth when he is eating funny enough Ive never mentioned it to him cos I know that I have a thousand bad habits too

ROFLOL Can't stand it either wen we just started dating. I later ignored it but he stopped after a while.

Iife is too short to be nagging jare

I concur

Hmm. what exactly is nagging?  I find the way some people interpret it isn't what it is.

Telling someone off for doing something which you don't accept isn't nagging.
Asking someone not to repeat a behaviour isn't nagging.
Telling someone the best way of doing something, even repeatedly, isn't nagging

To me nagging is continuously fault finding. It is not constructive. It is like a tap that the washer is faulty - just keeps dribbling that bit of water that is annoying as hell cos no matter how you turn the tap, it won't stop running.  So if someone nags me, all I hear is "blah blah blah".  Any of the above can become nagging if you, in one sitting, continuously go on about it.  

I had a friend whose husband used to drop his clothes everywhere but the laundry basket, despite her telling him repeatedly to put them in the laundry basket. You know what she did?  She stopped mentioning it.  She let him drop his stuff anywhere he liked.  Eventually, when he started asking her where x or y was she told him it was in the same place he dropped it last time.  He was not pleased, but her message got through.  She's the most house proud person I know, but in this case, she did everything she would normally do when cleaning, lift his stuff where he left it and kept going.

I find people who nag (this is not just a woman thing) are either unhappy people or they have said something to the point where nagging is the last resort because what they have said hasn't got through.  By this stage they are usually angry or upset.  Or they simply don't feel they are being listened to.

CC, sometimes you have to spell it out explicitly.  If you have told him clearly and concisely (not in an annoyed voice), you then have two choices: either leave them where they are and kick them off the stairs every time he leaves them there using the "oops I didn't realise they were there - again" line with the innocent look (sorry but if the iPod is that valuable to him he'd put it in a better place).  When he takes them out of his pocket and puts them there put them back into his pocket again (I'm sure he'll get all excited until he realises what you're doing).  Or bite your tongue keep moving it to a sensible place.  When has asks, just say where you've put them.  Keep repeating your actions, if he asks a second time look at him a bit puzzled, shake your head and move on.

One of these will get through to him.   I don't think he's unaware of what he's doing if you've mentioned it to him before, it seems he doesn't think about it.

^^ Lol @ your friend. I love her already.

@topic

Honestly there are some habits I could not live with and I told him point blank even before marriage. He dropped a lot of them and I was pleased.

Offtopic; Lol, let me laugh small on this thread. just came across a 2yr old thread where one nlder stated that she does not reply my quotes because I challenged her opinion on some thread. Hehehehehehehehehheheh, never even noticed until now. People surely are taking nld and internet life seriously. Not that I care, abi do I look like I care? . Won't stop me from disagreeing with posts daily. .

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Action !

If he places his stuff on the stairs i wrap them in tesco bag and keep them in the loft.

if he does not replace the toilet roll after using the last one i always hide one in the toilet so i never run out and when he is stuck and calls i scram to the garden and play deaf

If he leaves the back door open for cold air to come in , i place the heater on full blast (oh how he hates that  )

If the front of our house looks like we are on holiday with weeds i get someone to do it and charge him.

In short my home is peaceful, i don't nag and once i say this is the 2nd time i am telling you my king hahaha he looks at me like a cornered dog.

cos i will roll in the action for him, my brother says this is how men communicate.

Works for me.

jennykadry:

^^ Lol @ your friend. I love her already.

@topic

Honestly there are some habits I could not live with and I told him point blank even before marriage. He dropped a lot of them and I was pleased.

Offtopic; Lol, let me laugh small on this thread. just came across a 2yr old thread where one nlder stated that she does not reply my quotes because I challenged her opinion on some thread. Hehehehehehehehehheheh, never even noticed until now. People surely are taking nld and internet life seriously. Not that I care, abi do I look like I care? . Won't stop me from disagreeing with posts daily. .

Just curious !
Is your zodiac sign Sagittarius ?
you remind me of my sis

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My husband is the nag.   Seems like i replaced my dad, a serial nag, with another one. I call him The Nagging Nagger and it gets him angry but the message is passed. However, i do need to be "nagged" into doing what i should do or i won't do it   so it has its uses.

However, just cos i need to be continously reminded does not mean i want to hear it (feel like shouting that). So many times, i don't do it cos he has told me too many times already.

chaircover:

@horny4u I tried the action regime but I felt so guilty watching him tear open the rubbish bag in the rain to look for one of his documents that I threw away because he left it on the kitchen worktop for too long

Also what is the action needed for someone who leaves the milk out after breakfast and one who leaves the lids off pots of rice and the rice is hard by the time you get to it? What is the action for someone who takes the last weetabix and leaves the empty box behind in the cupboard  

Chei !
My hubby does this one: funny i just smile, as i find it funny.
I know he will not change so i overlook some, but the wetabix one i sometimes leave the empty box there and place the new box in the cupboard where i put surplus ssupplies bought on bargain so that when he says sweetie we are out of wetabix me too i will answer innocently i bought oh darling but no space to put the new one, and he just laughs and shakes his head then says quit acting like a baby, but he removes it and bins it then replaces it.

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chaircover:

Thanks debrief. Good points raised there, but what about instances when it is not about decision making.  

[b]I give you an example. When my husband comes through the door, He also empty’s his pocket and leaves it all on the staircase; car keys, house keys, phones, Ipod, coins, receipts, pens etc. I have fallen down those stairs once when I was trying not to accidently step on his phone and it took weeks of seeing an osteopath to heal my back. He stopped putting things on the staircase for a while but now things are back on the staircase again. I’ve even given him a container by the door, one in the kitchen and one in the living room put his stuff in but it only works for a few days.[/b]I try not to nag, but sometimes I do (when I say nag I mean just bring it up in conversation again & I don’t mean blowing fire from my mouth) . . . .

I know that he doesnt deliberaly want to hurt me by placing these things on the staircase and its just habit for him. What advice do you have for me  

Your own better now,lol, mine removes his clothes once he gets back from work and dumps them on the chair, at first i used to complain like everyday, omo, i just joined him, in dumping my own clothes too, so if any of us is going upstairs later on, i use that as an opportunity to have either of us, pack the clothes upstairs. And that has helped my complaints. i allow things like that to pass, or else iwill complain forever

this is interesting - oya confess  which one of you is my wife here 

Great thread,
Best so far

blank:

My husband is the nag.   Seems like i replaced my dad, a serial nag, with another one.

lol

i hope, [img]http://s07.flagcounter.com/count/DymW/bg=ffffff/txt=ffffff/border=ffffff/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=0/[/img]
[img]http://2.s07.flagcounter.com/count/DymW/bg=ffffff/txt=ffffff/border=ffffff/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=0/[/img]
[img]http://2.s08.flagcounter.com/count/hnp/bg=Ffffff/txt=ffffff/border=ffffff/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=1.jpg[/img]
[img]http://s08.flagcounter.com/count/hnp/bg=Ffffff/txt=ffffff/border=ffffff/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=1.jpg[/img]

this is indeed the best thread ever, now who among you is my wife, confess