Hello fams sorry to bother you again i need your advice please , my son is nearly 15 last year when their father came from italy he contacted me via facebook requesting for my number. I rushed here to asked for advice and you have advised me to give him my number which I did, he called to tell me that he want to 100% support his children with the condition that I have to give them to his sister to take care of them which I refused. I didn't hide anything from my son I have explained everything to him because I don't want someday for his father to corrupt him with fake stories that I was the one who didn't allow him to see them, my son was very disappointed why would his father want them to live with the aunty who hasn't bothered to check on them for 9 years, he said my decision was right because I love them and I don't want them to go and suffer like he did when he was with my brother and his family. It is over a year now haven't heard anything from their father and on sunday my son asked for my permission if he can contact his dad on facebook, my son has a facebook account which is controlled by me , he doesn't have a smartphone so he use my phone to access his account. He said he is a big boy and he want to chat his dad to ask him why he refused to take care of them while they are still in my care , i told him he should not bother himself God will help us but the boy was begging me to please allow him to contact his father , I even shouted at him out of anger i called him ungrateful human being, he cried and apologised to me but I came to realize that he is now a big boy he only want answers from his father and to form a relationship with him only if the father will also see it the same way. I asked my brother for his opinion he said i shouldn't allow him to contact him the father may think that i am the one who sent the boy to beg him to do his duty as a father and he added nobody beg a parent to provide for their children. So far I have taken the advice my brother has given me but my mind is not in peace i keep thinking about it ,i feel like i am not being fair to my son and I should allow him to contact his father, I am taking care of all my 4 children alone as a single mother and i will never stop any of them to have a relationship with their fathers as long as things are taken to the right channel. please help me with your advices should i allow him to contact him or i should let the matter slide ?

No matter how much you try to stop it, it's gonna happen. Only time will tell.

Don't blame him.

The ❤️ always wants more.

There is a guy on here too looking for his dad, all the way from Ghana.

They will always need that closure.

There are some certain things in life that we as human don't have control over.

For instance you may deprive him of seeing his dad perhaps for years.

Then suddenly destiny will bring them back together again.

Life teaches us very important lessons.

Las las, we go dey okay

you have to open your mind and understand whats going on...

- just because your children dont go to live with his sister etc, doesnt mean he cannot have contact with the children. what are you afraid of?
- your child needs answers that you cant give him right now, only his father can.
- just because a child has contact with his father, doesnt mean he will now forget what you have done for him all along, or just abandon you.
- at 15yrs old, that child is ready to make his own decisions, dont try to control how he should think/reason (its too late anyway). just make sure you have instill in him the best value etc
- do not use your child as a pawn against his father
- even if the father is the worst human being on planet earth, he is still their father and a child will always be somehow connected to him.
- its obvious this child lacks a father figure in his life, and here is the one person that has been missing from his life all along....OF COURSE he needs to talk to him for his own sanity. thats completely normal

Let him contact him.He wants closure.

Truth is whatever made him abandon them years ago will still surface after because pregnancy can't be hidden so is evil

If you don't ,with time,with or without your permission he'll make that contact.

Foodqueen:


No matter how much you try to stop it, it's gonna happen. Only time will tell.

Don't blame him.

The ❤️ always wants more.

There is a guy on here too looking for his dad, all the way from Ghana.

They will always need that closure.

Thanks for the advice , i have seen the guy post i truly sorry for him , no matter what happened between his dad and mum the mum should tell him the truth about him because he has every right to know his dad . I hope find him soon

MrBrownJay1:
you have to open your mind and understand whats going on...

- just because your children dont go to live with his sister etc, doesnt mean he cannot have contact with the children. what are you afraid of?
- your child needs answers that you cant give him right now, only his father can.
- just because a child has contact with his father, doesnt mean he will now forget what you have done for him all along, or just abandon you.
- at 15yrs old, that child is ready to make his own decisions, dont try to control how he should think/reason (its too late anyway). just make sure you have instill in him the best value etc
- do not use your child as a pawn against his father
- even if the father is the worst human being on planet earth, he is still their father and a child will always be somehow connected to him.
- its obvious this child lacks a father figure in his life, and here is the one person that has been missing from his life all along....OF COURSE he needs to talk to him for his own sanity. thats completely normal

Thank you

Ulunne777:
Let him contact him.He wants closure.

Truth is whatever made him abandon them years ago will still surface after because pregnancy can't be hidden so is evil

If you don't ,with time,with or without your permission he'll make that contact.

Thank you, I am so proud of him for asking my permission first and I will definitely allow him to contact him

Allow him. You people don’t know that most kids would have a glorified image of the absent parent. So rather than allow them bask in that mystery, let the child see for themselves the value (or lack of it) of the other parent. He is almost an adult.

Klass99:
Vyvyan, please allow the boy contact his father. His father can think or assume whatever he likes, that's none of your business.

Let the boy satisfy his curiosity to hear what the father has to say, why are you even listening to the brother who your son suffered with, while living with him? Or is it a different brother who advised you?

Well done for laying out the truth to your son as well......I know it is the truth because truth is consistent and your stories/updates have been consistent on this platform. All of you will be alright las las.

Thank you i will allow him to talk to him, my brother is the same one you mentioned lol. i refused to pay evil with evil God will reward them

pocohantas:
Allow him. You people don’t know that most kids would have a glorified image of the absent parent. So rather than allow them bask in that mystery, allow the child see for themselves the value (or lack of it) of the other parent. He is almost an adult.

Thank you

Klass99:


At the bolded, that's true christianity and applaudable.

But please be wary of his advice too, my suspicious mind assumes he may not want the best for your son......what if the father decides to japa the son to a good life? E go pain or pepper your brother because it is something he probably can't afford to do for his own kids

Feel free to ignore me sha, I have an active and wild imagination that tends to get away from me sometimes. What's going on with you and the widower now? You don't have to answer, it is just me curiously wondering

True I didn't trust his advices that's why my mind was not at peace and I had to rushed here to seek advice from you guys i take you people as my real family your advices are helping me for the past 3 years that's why anytime i have a problem i always come here even tough sometimes i feel like you people may be tired of listening to my problems all the time but please don't because I trust you people more than my own blood siblings. Lol no worry i have no problem answering your question we are dating i told him i want to take things easy not in a rush for marriage he accepted , 2 days ago i spoke to his son that lives abroad even tough i told the father to not inform his children yet but still he called him and passed the phone to me , i was very nervous i didn't know if he will accept me as a stepmother but he was okay we spoke like we have met before he sounded cool and respectful and i am happy the son has accepted me and i haven't spoke to his daughter yet hopefully she will not have any problem with me lol

Your son is old enough to tell good from bad, pls let him reach out to his dad as he wishes. Soon enough, the guy will show him his true self. Besides, whatever he contributes towards their care is their right not a solicitation of help from you. You have more than tried!

sisisioge:
Your son is old enough to tell good from bad, pls let him reach out to his dad as he wishes. Soon enough, the guy will show him his true self. Besides, whatever he contributes towards their care is their right not a solicitation of help from you. You have more than tried!

Well said!

You have 4 children from different fathers? Why are you denying them that father and child bond?

Did you not grow up with your father?
Did you not enjoy that fatherly love and care? So why deny them all these?

Like he said, he's now a big boy. Let him connect with his father. What the father thinks about his move afterwards doesn't matter because it's his responsibility to cater for his son. That shouldn't bother you. After all, it was what you wanted.

Better to let him do it now that you still have control over him because whether you like it or not, he's still going to look for his father when he's much older and independent by what time youll no longer have control over the things he'll be discussing with his father. Some of which might be to your disfavor.

Your son needs a father figure more than ever now that he's a teenager and his body is changing.

What if he ends up mixing with the wrong crowd and he blames you for it because you'd have prevented him from having a relationship with his father? someone who'd be in a better position to advise him on how to become a better man.

How will your brother feel if his baby mama was preventing him from having access to his own child just because the baby Mama's brother would have said so?

Instead of rushing to your brother for his opinion, do what's best for your son because you're the parent here, not your brother... He wouldn't be there when your son starts blaming you for preventing him from reaching out to his father.

Vyvyanvyvy:
■ i told him he should not bother himself God will help us but the boy was begging me to please allow him to contact his father , I even shouted at him out of anger i called him ungrateful human being, he cried and apologised to me
■ but I came to realize that he is now a big boy he only want answers from his father and to form a relationship with him only if the father will also see it the same way. I asked my brother for his opinion he said i shouldn't allow him to contact him the father may think that i am the one who sent the boy to beg him to do his duty as a father and he added nobody beg a parent to provide for their children. So far I have taken the advice my brother has given me but my mind is not in peace i keep thinking about it ,i feel like i am not being fair to my son and I should allow him to contact his father, I am taking care of all my 4 children alone as a single mother and i will never stop any of them to have a relationship with their fathers as long as things are taken to the right channel.
■ please help me with your advices should i allow him to contact him or i should let the matter slide ?

1. You should apologize to the boy for hurting his feelings as you did abeg. He is not being ungrateful. He is simply curious like curious George. There is no evil in that. And he does have a right to want to know and communicate with his own biological parent i.e. his father.

2. I believe your brother is wrong in this too. The boy is the one who is seeking his father out and if the father were to misconstrue his attempt, then the boy would at least learn something about how his father thinks. It is all part of the process of understanding others.

3. He is 15. Don't s-mother him. Let him engage his father abeg!

let him contact him, it’s good for him. Then in future, he can make his own mind up about his efforts.

if/when he lets him down just be there to support him.

Let him contact, let him chat him up if not for any reason just so that you won't be accused of alienating him from his father.

4 children from different fathers? Am i getting this right? How exactly did you fail in life that all the men you have given birth for never considered you worthy enough to be a wife?

Your problem is not that your son wants relate with his dad. Your problem is that you have created conflict in your home already. Those children will go looking for their fathers and whatever bond your kids have with each other, will be broken.

EriMma1:
You have 4 children from different fathers? Why did you go about popping out children and denying them that father and child bond?

Did you not grow up with your father?
Did you not enjoy that fatherly love and care? So why deny them all these?

Madam check her post history first to understand the backstory before commenting. Ndi deputy Jesus

Let him wait until he becomes 18 years, then he would be matured enough to state his case. For now, he is under your care, restrict any form of contact he wants to establish with his dad.

Klass99:


Slow your roll and quit your sanctimonious bullshit. For your information she was married and her first husband japa-ed to Italy. After a few years there he told her to move on because he had moved on.....leaving her with their two children in Naija.

Her second hubby knew about her two kids, he vowed up and down the place that he still wanted to marry her and he would do right by her children from the previous marriage.....only to do a 360 degree turn later and she bounced with the two kids she had with the second husband.

Interestingly, a single mother with kids has been married twice and some single folks without kids have never been married. Isn't that a fifth wonder of the world? For her to have been married twice shows that she was considered worthy enough to be wifed as you put it.

Without knowing the full story you people jump to conclusions and say jack shit. Oh and one more thing she is single handedly taking care of her four kids without the help or input of the deadbeat simps because responsible parenting is not a priority for them.

Oh my my i love the way you write sis, anytime i come across your comment on any thread i make sure i read to the end because you're usually apt with your advices and suggestions. ❤

fyzaila:

Oh my my i love the way you write sis, anytime i come across your comment on any thread i make sure i read to the end because you're usually apt with your advices and suggestions. ❤

Thanks Fyz I appreciate your sweet words. One love❤

Klass99 the defender

“ I called him ungrateful human being”
Women and emotional manipulation are 5 n 6.
Imagine trying to gaslight a 15 years old boy.