Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. - Family - Nairaland
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| Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by justin04(m): 11:25pm On Sep 04, 2011 |
I am resigned to the fact that at any moment my mother would pass away due to terminal and too weak cancer. She is currently in an hospice in US too weak to make a trip back to Nigeria. One of her last wishes she communicated to me and all her other kids is that all six children are in the US or have access to come to US, so she wants to be buried in the States. She has told everyone that is her wish including her siblings back in Nigeria. The pressure I am now facing as her first son is that I get calls daily from her sisters and brothers that I can't give in to her wish. They tell me I should respect the fact that they are her family too and they can't come to the States which means they can't attend the funeral. I have never went against the wish of my my mum but the pressure is so much that in this case I am confused. If the inevitable happens today, I will give in to her wish, I want to give her the last respect or wish. I should add, money to get her to Nigeria is not the issue. I need advise. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by Sissy3(f): 11:45pm On Sep 04, 2011 |
so sorry about your mom  it is a tough decision to make especially giving the possible after-effect and strained relationship that would possibly occur between you people and your mothers family but it shouldn't matter because your mom has made her wishes known and it is one that must be respected. she is very aware that her family is back home and would like them to be a part of her burial but she choose to be buried near her children for a reason. home is where the heart is and your mother has chosen to be interred where her heart is surrounded by her children. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by Russialane(m): 12:03am On Sep 05, 2011 |
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| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by justin04(m): 12:07am On Sep 05, 2011 |
Thanks. I guess it is the strained relationship is what I am worried about that is making me want to bow their wish. After posting the topic, I know in my heart, I will give her her wish. I will deal with the strained relationship later. Thanks for the advise, well taken. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by Sissy3(f): 12:15am On Sep 05, 2011 |
the only thing you could do is try to make them understand as much as possible because giving in to their wishes wouldnt be easy for you to live with fully knowing that you dishonored an important wish that your mother requested of you/siblings on her death bed. did you/siblings suggest/ed to her to be buried at home where her family can participate in, since you guys also have the means to travel back home for the burial? |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by justin04(m): 11:08am On Sep 05, 2011 |
We did, I offered to go back to Nigeria with her before it got to the stage that she can't travel anymore, but her wish was to be buried here. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by maclatunji: 11:48am On Sep 05, 2011 |
Put her on the phone with her siblings and let them thrash it out. After that fulfill your mother's wish. Selecting a place of burial is personal and should be respected by all. There is no dilemma here. Let your mother's siblings know that you love and respect them but your mum's dying wish takes precedence. Sorry that you have to go through this, may God grant you additional strength. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by iaabc(f): 12:24pm On Sep 05, 2011 |
So sorry about your situation and having to deal with what the family will think inspite of the pains you all must be going through at this time. Like has been said, fulfil your ma's wish, but try and carry your relations along. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by iv4real(f): 2:24pm On Sep 05, 2011 |
Sry about you mother's health. Your mum has her reasons for wanting to be buried in the US. She probably does not want to you guys to go through to much stress . I think you should take your mums wish. You can always settle with her relatives. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by Bawss1(m): 3:04pm On Sep 05, 2011 |
maclatunji: You forget that the woman is presently in a hospice and is in no condition to thrash anything out. Still I agree with you, the woman's wish should take precedence here. The rest of the family should respect that. The OP will be doing the right thing in doing what his mother wants here, we should always strive to make the transition to the afterlife for our loved ones as smooth as possible. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by ayomifull(f): 4:56pm On Sep 05, 2011 |
Sorry about your mum's health, good u hv your mind made up already to respect her wish. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by justin04(m): 6:16pm On Sep 05, 2011 |
Thank you all for the contribution. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by Nobody: 6:30pm On Sep 05, 2011 |
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| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by Nobody: 6:36pm On Sep 05, 2011 |
Awwwww. God be with you and your family. Hospice is not a place I always look forward to visiting especially when you have to put them on morphine. Respect your mother's wish. The pressure is going to be tough but just respect it. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by Nobody: 2:24am On Sep 06, 2011 |
It is a must for you to respect the wish of the dead or dying in this case! I am sorry, but her siblings can shove it! How can they even suggest you go against your mother's wishes  ? Your mom's wishes is much more important! |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by seedord247(m): 2:57am On Sep 06, 2011 |
Guy. . . It better for you to follow your mum's wish or else death go dey follow you for dream. shey you dey watch LABE ORUN or NkAN BEEEEE. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by veron007: 3:53am On Sep 06, 2011 |
Talk to your mother now she is still alive and find out why she wants to be buried in US. Maybe she does not want you to spend more money sending her body back to Nigeria. You can reassure her that it will not cripple either you or your siblings financially. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by PresidKing(m): 4:50am On Sep 06, 2011 |
Just like Veron007 said, talk to your mum while she wants to be buried in US, and if she says it is not becuase of money/cost, that she wants to be buried there and she is institing, my friend, make no mistake by going against her wish, pls, just do as she has requested, am first also and if I am in ur shoe, I will do just that. no more flogging this issue, put ur mother on the line with her people, let her speak and make her mind known to them, and when she instist, go ahead and do what ever she wants. shikina, full stop. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by toptop: 5:27am On Sep 06, 2011 |
It is your mum that will be buried and not her relatives. Please respect and honour your parents even at death. You cannot please every body in life. Even our perfect saviour Jesus Christ still had relatives that hated him. Be guided. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by strangest(m): 6:07am On Sep 06, 2011 |
Since money is not the issue, bury her in the States according to her wish and have a funeral mass for her in Nigeria. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by itiswell1(m): 6:27am On Sep 06, 2011 |
maclatunji: |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by nassiwa: 6:31am On Sep 06, 2011 |
Sorry about your mom's health. Here i think its better you do what she wants. talk to her relatives and let them know what your mother really wants. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by lanrefront1(m): 7:22am On Sep 06, 2011 |
Hey sorry about your mum. Some guys have already given great advice, the reply/suggestion of chaircover and Verno are especially good. But there is one thing that you must do in addition. People make no mistake about it. This a serious issue, one which you can be blamed for and used as point of reference against you even in 20years time. Even those who are in support of you now may change their later down the line of time and say you had a personam motive for doing what u did; that they just did't realize it then. So this is my advice. If mum insist she wants ve be buried, tell her no problem, that as her son, u are ready to carry not her wish, but the problem is her family will not believe that it was really her wish, that it was really what u her son wanted. Tell her to allow u to make a video recording of her, in which she will address everyone, stating and explaining her wish clearly, making it explict that she commanded this of you. This video will be your defence against the swarm of accusations that will definitly come to u for years. Make sure you put it a back-up of it in several storage devices. Let a copy always be in your phone whenever u come home. Anytime u are questioned by any person who has been told about the matter, u merely show them the video. This will save u lot trouble: explaining the same things over and over again through time, and yet people still believing what some other person has told them or what they have decided in their own mind is the truth. The video will shut the mouth of everyone up. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by deols(f): 9:09am On Sep 06, 2011 |
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| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by splitnaija(m): 9:40am On Sep 06, 2011 |
Since your mum is still alive, let her talk to her siblings and re-iterate her wish to them. That way, you will be exhonerated from any blame for doing your mother's wish. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by Greenslim: 10:00am On Sep 06, 2011 |
Your mummy wishes supersede the family. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by brixton: 10:23am On Sep 06, 2011 |
You will not forgive yourself if you betray your mum's last wish in her sick bed. Just make her family understand and be a strongman. God help u |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by pynkspyce: 11:22am On Sep 06, 2011 |
respect ur mothers wishes. If possible document them. simple. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by ZIMDRILL(m): 12:55pm On Sep 06, 2011 |
justin04: something is not right those in nigeria know thats mum is sic and might die any time soon but they never bothered even to send one representive to see and talk to her before the lord takes her |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by N101: 1:36pm On Sep 06, 2011 |
Sadly this does not seem to be about the sick sibling who has made her request known, nor her distraught children who will be losing their mother, but the demands of her siblings who are far removed from the situation, who's contribution is their demands be met. Selfish but not surprising. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by omi247(f): 3:01pm On Sep 06, 2011 |
@OP I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I shall pray for you and your mother. I think like everyone here seems to agree, you need to follow your mother's wishes. I can understand what her relatives will be feeling by not being able to attend her funeral so maybe you can remedy this by doing as chaircover suggested and holding a separate memorial/service for her in Nigeria for the rest of the family. Also, it could be an idea to in addition film the actual funeral so those who could not attend can see it and feel a part of the event a bit. |
| Re: Caught Between Mother's Wish And Her Sibblings Want. by Nobody: 3:06pm On Sep 06, 2011 |
hey, sorry to hear that, buh i think you should stick to what your mum wants. |
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