My mum is unemployed, thanks to my deadbeat dad, I'm a middle child in my family, the siblings before me aren't doing well, and the two after me are just secondary school kids, my dad never invested in us educationally and in other relevant areas he's obligated to perform, infact he bailed on us and start living on his own, he even stopped financing my education I had to drop out, so I'm a uni drop out rn, he believes taking care of your children is not his responsibility and he doesn't owe us anything, that after secondary school he has tried and doesn't owe you university or anything, he always tell us that helping us isn't his obligation that his little contribution which is primary school education is mercy enough, he made it clear we won't inherit anything from him that we should go and hustle on our own, he actually loved his first kids more, he gave them everything and neglected me and my siblings, he always lament on how he prefers his first wife to my mum and we're liabilities, this is because his first children are well to do and they send him money from time to time with a stern warning that he shouldn't feed us with the money they sent, and they told him that if he wants to keep recieving the money he should alienate himself from us (me and my siblings) so he did that, my dad is a terrible person, everything I have said is just the tip of an iceberg but I won't go into everything in detail.
My problem is everything fell on me due to my dad alienating us and my mum being unemployed, among my siblings I'm the only one doing well financially, it's not enough but I make average money from time to time with freelancing.
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing, because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me, even my older brother rely on me for recharge card, that's how bad it is, so I'm the only one carrying everything, my problem now is since family issues won't let me invest in myself, will I be in this endless circle of redundancy and turn out to be a failure later in life? Because at my age I should have savings or move forward in life, I'm always broke because any money I get goes into family problem, I don't do anything for myself and I'm close to 30.

As long as you have an income, trust me, it gets better. Just trust God and keep pushing. Your elder bro, is he sick or why doesn't he have a job? Even if it's something menial or was he sacked? You have to motivate him to get a job. What field are you in, freelancing?

Mrlance15:
■ My problem is everything fell on me due to my dad alienating us and my mum being unemployed, among my siblings I'm the only one doing well financially, it's not enough but I make average money from time to time with freelancing.
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing, because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me, even my older brother rely on me for recharge card, that's how bad it is, so I'm the only one carrying everything, my problem now is since family issues won't let me invest in myself, will I be in this endless circle of redundancy and turn out to be a failure later in life? Because at my age I should have savings or move forward in life, I'm always broke because any money I get goes into family problem, I don't do anything for myself and I'm close to 30.

1. I understand you claim your father is the reason why your mother is unemployed but it is a good enough excuse for why your mother would put you and your siblings through this kind of existence abeg.

Cry for the neck of your mama abeg and let her know that the weight wey she put on your head is weighing you down. You need to let her and your siblings know all of this so she can understand how terrible the weight she helped place on your head is causing you anxieties as early as your 20s. So long as she is less than $65 and able to walk, she should be able to do work and pay off some of her own loans. You should all come together to find a way to help yourselves before this begins to cause you some serious depression abeg! The one's wey fit farm, make them go begin farm immediately.

Olasyke:
As long as you have an income, trust me, it gets better. Just trust God and keep pushing. Your elder bro, is he sick or why doesn't he have a job? Even if it's something menial or was he sacked? You have to motivate him to get a job. What field are you in, freelancing?

He isn't sick or anything, just that he doesn't have anything doing, no job because he isn't educated, plus he's not technologically savvy as I am, so the whole idea of making money online is unreal to him, I paid for him to learn a skill and the skill isn't marketable because people aren't bringing jobs, he's just there, I don't look down on him though, he's not as ambitious as I am with his carefree personality, as for the freelancing, it's UI and ux niche.

Kobojunkie:
1. I understand you claim your father is the reason why your mother is unemployed but it is a good enough excuse for why your mother would put you and your siblings through this kind of existence abeg.

Cry for the neck of your mama abeg and let her know that the weight wey she put on your head is weighing you down. You need to let her and your siblings know all of this so she can understand how terrible the weight she helped place on your head is causing you anxieties as early as your 20s. So long as she is less than $65 and able to walk, she should be able to do work and pay off some of her own loans. You should all come together to find a way to help yourselves before this begins to cause you some serious depression abeg!

My dad is the reason why she's jobless, he promised to get her an education but he failed as usual, she has tried business and they all end up crumbling, she's trying her best, it's just not enough.

Mrlance15:
My mum is unemployed, thanks to my deadbeat dad, I'm a middle child in my family, the siblings before me aren't doing well, and the two after me are just secondary school kids, my dad never invested in us educationally and in other relevant areas he's obligated to perform, infact he bailed on us and start living on his own, he even stopped financing my education I had to drop out, so I'm a uni drop out rn, he believes taking care of your children is not his responsibility and he doesn't owe us anything, that after secondary school he has tried and doesn't owe you university or anything, he always tell us that helping us isn't his obligation that his little contribution which is primary school education is mercy enough, he made it clear we won't inherit anything from him that we should go and hustle on our own, he actually loved his first kids more, he gave them everything and neglected me and my siblings, he always lament on how he prefers his first wife to my mum and we're liabilities, this is because his first children are well to do and they send him money from time to time with a stern warning that he shouldn't feed us with the money they sent, and they told him that if he wants to keep recieving the money he should alienate himself from us (me and my siblings) so he did that, my dad is a terrible person, everything I have said is just the tip of an iceberg but I won't go into everything in detail.
My problem is everything fell on me due to my dad alienating us and my mum being unemployed, among my siblings I'm the only one doing well financially, it's not enough but I make average money from time to time with freelancing.
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing, because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me, even my older brother rely on me for recharge card, that's how bad it is, so I'm the only one carrying everything, my problem now is since family issues won't let me invest in myself, will I be in this endless circle of redundancy and turn out to be a failure later in life? Because at my age I should have savings or move forward in life, I'm always broke because any money I get goes into family problem, I don't do anything for myself and I'm close to 30.

lets get some facts, was you mother a side chick or 2nd wife ? you mentioned thats he loves the children from the first wife meaning your mum came into the picture when he was married already

1 the truth might hurt you but you inheritated the problem that was started by your own mother aka either having children with married man or settling for being 2nd wife

2 your mom would have known better that being a side chic or 2nd usually doesnt end well either 1st and her kids would be blaming the new wife unfortunately in your case its you and yo mum

I think you just have to accept the mistakes from both of your parents and blame them equally and start change life for your own good and peace of mind without calling the blaming game

Yes your mum might have good reasons that made sense to marry your father at that time the reality is he ended up with children from two mothers. She might have been decieved into marrying your father but am sure there were one or two people who warned her

Accept you sitaution and stop the blaming game

Mrlance15:
My dad is the reason why she's jobless, he promised to get her an education but he failed as usual, she has tried business and they all end up crumbling, she's trying her best, it's just not enough.

You dad probably left because mumsy was lazy to work herself up a little bit to support the house.


In this era, you don't just fold up your sleeves and expect miracles to fall on you.

Mumsy needs to start up something, even if it's provisions or food stuffs..... It will go a long way to keep the house.

Also, your elder brother is not helping you and you're taking excuse for him. I swear, I will never have him see a dime from me of he wouldn't work for his money. Is he blind or handicapped? If not, then it's not I. Your place to have him learn a skill. He should learn how to drive and he will get fixed up to start earning. Either taxis or trucks. There are jobs opening everywhere if he's able to drive.

Stop pointing fingers at your dad and his first kids. They're not lazy.

I dated a girl who had all the family responsibilities on her shoulder and she passed them over to me. I did everything even when she wasn't working and was always at home answering calls and waiting for me to return so she could table all the problems to me to assist....

When I noticed that she wasn't ready to learn.... I had to shift myself away from the loads....

Stop killing yourself trying to carry the responsibilities of your parents (Man and woman) to do all by yourself.. you're way too young to be in this kind of mess....

ZIMDRILL:


lets get some facts, was you mother a side chick or 2nd wife ? you mentioned thats he loves the children from the first wife meaning your mum came into the picture when he was married already

1 the truth might hurt you but you inheritated the problem that was started by your own mother aka either having children with married man or settling for being 2nd wife

2 your mom would have known better that being a side chic or 2nd usually doesnt end well either 1st and her kids would be blaming the new wife unfortunately in your case its you and yo mum

I think you just have to accept the mistakes from both of your parents and blame them equally and start change life for your own good and peace of mind without calling the blaming game

Yes your mum might have good reasons that made sense to marry your father at that time the reality is he ended up with children from two mothers. She might have been decieved into marrying your father but am sure there were one or two people who warned her

Accept you sitaution and stop the blaming game

From what I was told, when he came for my mom he said he's going through a divorce, and truely his first wife left him then got married to someone else (but the husband died later on) and my dad still want her back despite that, so my mom raised us with our step siblings like they were her own, as a kid I even believed they're my blood siblings, I only found out they're my step siblings during my teenage years, everything was all about deception right from the onset, he even promised to get her through higher institution, now those step siblings grew up and started hating her that she's the reason Thier mom left her husband and all of that, tbh my mom never mistreated any of them, I am very sure of this, they just started hating after reuniting with Thier mom who poisoned Thier mind against us, I can't blame her for being ignorant, she wasn't a loose girl who is exposed like girls of nowadays, she was just 20 then, very young with no exposure.

And I'm not really blaming anyone, I don't get what you mean by blaming game, I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing, I can't watch my family suffer when I know I can do something about it, perhaps that's my weakness, maybe I'm too kind, maybe I'm foolish, the truth is I can't watch them starve when I can do something about it.

Mrlance15:
■ My dad is the reason why she's jobless, he promised to get her an education but he failed as usual, she has tried business and they all end up crumbling, she's trying her best, it's just not enough.

1. I am sorry to have to tell you this, but since your mum is not developmentally challenged, she is responsible for having remained unemployed all the while. If you, your mother, and your elder brother can come together as a family to work towards clearing things off within the next 3 to 5 years, I am certain you all would be able to achieve much if you did so. Bring everyone to the table, and make a plan that has everyone—including your mother—working to contribute their individual share towards a common goal for everyone in your household. Then once you all agree, you can help each other locate employment together and then monitor progress regularly. That is how it is done in other countries, and it can also be done in Nigeria.

Mrlance15:
■ He isn't sick or anything, just that he doesn't have anything doing, no job because he isn't educated, plus he's not technologically savvy as I am, so the whole idea of making money online is unreal to him, I paid for him to learn a skill and the skill isn't marketable because people aren't bringing jobs, he's just there, I don't look down on him though, he's not as ambitious as I am with his carefree personality, as for the freelancing, it's UI and ux niche.

1. He isn't sick nor developmentally challenged, but he does not want to work what does he do with his time on an average day? He can always go get a job as a laborer somewhere so he can at least bring some money into the house if he is not technologically savvy... He does not have to do IT or white-collar work. So long as he is working and bringing something in, will that not be of help to you and your family at this time?

Mrlance15:
From what I was told, when he came for my mom he said he's going through a divorce, and truely his first wife left him then got married to someone else (but the husband died later on) and my dad still want her back despite that, so my mom raised us with our step siblings like they were her own, as a kid I even believed they're my blood siblings, I only found out they're my step siblings during my teenage years, everything was all about deception right from the onset, he even promised to get her through higher institution, now those step siblings grew up and started hating her that she's the reason Thier mom left her husband and all of that, tbh my mom never mistreated any of them, I am very sure of this, they just started hating after reuniting with Thier mom who poisoned Thier mind against us, I can't blame her for being ignorant, she wasn't a loose girl who is exposed like girls of nowadays, she was just 20 then, very young with no exposure.

And I'm not really blaming anyone, I don't get what you mean by blaming game, I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing, I can't watch my family suffer when I know I can do something about it, perhaps that's my weakness, maybe I'm too kind, maybe I'm foolish, the truth is I can't watch them starve when I can do something about it.

How was life before his 1st wife came back into the pic? was your fathet responsible at that tome ?

You now claim he a deadbeat and your mum is unemployed, was your mum working before?

ZIMDRILL:


How was life before his 1st wife came back into the pic? was your fathet responsible at that tome ?

You now claim he a deadbeat and your mum is unemployed, was your mum working before?

Like I said, he gave them everything compared to us, but this whole inclination he has towards them increased when they became financially okay, I believe he will also claim I'm his son when I get rich too, that's how he is.

Kobojunkie:
1. He isn't sick nor developmentally challenged, but he does not want to work what does he do with his time on an average day? He can always go get a job as a laborer somewhere so he can at least bring some money into the house if he is not technologically savvy... He does not have to do IT or white-collar work. So long as he is working and bringing something in, will that not be of help to you and your family at this time?

Yes you're right, but I can't force him to work na, I have done all I can, I even paid for him to learn a skill.

Kobojunkie:
1. I am sorry to have to tell you this, but since your mum is not developmentally challenged, she is responsible for remaining unemployed all this while. If you, your mother, and your elder brother can come together as a family to work towards clearing things off within the next 3 to 5 years, I am certain you all would be able to achieve much if you did so. Bring everyone to the table, and make a plan that has everyone—including your mother—working to contribute their individual share towards a common goal for everyone in your household. Then once you all agree, you can help each other locate employment together and then monitor progress regularly. That is how it is done in other countries, and it can also be done in Nigeria.

Problem is what will she do? I have talked to them about this and they're adamant, if we starve we starve, no one is lifting a finger until I bring money for food, I'm just tired.

Mrlance15:
■ Problem is what will she do? I have talked to them about this and they're adamant, if we starve we starve, no one is lifting a finger until I bring money for food, I'm just tired.

1. Now, you have finally arrived at the major source of the problem in your current life. It is not your father or your step brothers but your mother and your own siblings sitting back with mouths open expecting you to go out and bring food to feed them. Basically, with her husband not doing the providing, your mother has turned you into her stand-in husband, and your brother, his stand-in father. You need to let them know that you are aware and will no longer be that for them.

Mrlance15:
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me,

Your mother and your brother are like roommates who contribute absolutely nothing to the household yet drain from you some of the most by existing freely under the same roof. You need to make them aware of the migraine their refusal to contribute their fair share has become. Cut them off in terms of feeding, hospital bills, and even loan payments if possible.

■ Your mother should be working to pay off her own loans. Not saddle you with it. That is the least she can do while she leaves rent and other things for you and your brother to take care of. She can even add some to the grocery every now and then since she is the woman of the house, I hope.
■ As for your brother, you need to let him know that all he is free to have is a roof over his head, and even that, for a period. Let him know you would rather rent the space he is occupying right now to someone else who will be willing to pay you something for it, if he is unwilling to get off his arse and work to help foot the bills.
■ As for the younger siblings in secondary school, well you can give them work to do in order that they earn their recharge cards. Maybe they can do some gardening around the yard or maybe even do small jobs on the weekends to make pocket money for themselves. Time hard and it is never too early for them to start learning the importance of earning their keep so they do not turn out like your older brother at least.

No kill yourself before your time! And whatever you all do, do not, I repeat, do not think of marriage until you are at least 33 years of age. Also, no matter what you do, never date or marry an unemployed woman or any woman who plans to sit at home making babies expecting you to save her from unemployment as your mother did. Your mother should be prime example #1 that such women are not good for marriage for you at all.

Mrlance15:
■ Yes you're right, but I can't force him to work na, I have done all I can, I even paid for him to learn a skill.

1. You don't need to force him to work. Just wash your hands off of him and his affairs and let him fend for himself whichever way he wants to. If he dares to steal from you, get the police involved abeg!

You will end up a failure at this rate if you guys dont come together and deliberately break the circle by:

1. Your mom should get something doing to support her family. After all, she was the one who had 5 kids for a previously married man who didnt entirely like, let alone love, her. This will be one stream of income into the family. It is nolonger your fathers fault that she doesn't work. Even if it's to start selling roasted bottled groundnut, na work o.

2. Your older siblings need to get something doing too. Even if it's something small that would at least take away recharge cards from your many responsibilities. No shame here, you guys owe one another the will to succeed. Help them put CVs together, coach one another on interviews and make sure they get the jobs. Do you know how often eateries/restaurants/supermarkets recruit? People do security jobs and eventually move up the ladder.

3. Your younger ones need to start apprenticeships towards independence as soon as they finish secondary school so they could at least support themselves towards continued education or life.

You can't be waiting on a man that didnt care about your upkeep when you were less than 18yrs....you are adults now and need to man up. Meanwhile, you need to know that one rich person amongst several poor people is as good as poor. You need to find a way to empower the others, otherwise, 10yrs from now will see you embittered. It is well.

Mrlance15:
Problem is what will she do? I have talked to them about this and they're adamant, if we starve we starve, no one is lifting a finger until I bring money for food, I'm just tired.

Hian! You sef no try. I pity your entitled clan and you! People that did what you're doing now end up being resentful in the future. Even your siblings wont be grateful then. Everyman for himself, God for us all. The best for you all is to get busy contributing towards your progress. Good luck fa.

Mrlance15:
Like I said, he gave them everything compared to us, but this whole inclination he has towards them increased when they became financially okay, I believe he will also claim I'm his son when I get rich too, that's how he is.

wait a minute

Lets restart

Your mum married yo daddy when he was going through divorce right

The 1st wife then remarried and your mum raised you including your half siblings right during this period who wad financially looking after the family

When 1st 2nd marriage ended, then poped back into your fathers live and your half siblings

Now father loves kids fro 1st marriage than you guys

so my question still remains when your mother was raising you including your half siblings who was the breadwinner ?

Women ought to be careful with the type of men they marry and procreate with. If you don't care about yourself, at least consider your future kids. It's them who will face the consequences of your carelessness and refusal to choose an appropriate candidate as their Father.

They’ve told you everything and I don’t have anything to add. My only advise is for ladies , please before accepting to be a second wife make sure there’s plenty money and as soon as you get in , start to milk your own and secure your future and that of your children. First wives are always at advantage, so be very smart.

IyaebeTheGreat:
■ They’ve told you everything and I don’t have anything to add. My only advise is for ladies , please before accepting to be a second wife make sure there’s plenty money and as soon as you get in , start to milk your own and secure your future and that of your children. First wives are always at advantage, so be very smart.

1. According to OP, his own mother did not have the skills to successfully run a business is the problem. So, even if she had milked money, it would probably have ended up the same way it did. Rather, please advise such women to make sure to establish themselves before seeking entry into any relationship and to hold on to what they have no matter what promises were made to them. If a man promises you a car, do not give up what you have but simply add it on top of what you already have. That is what it means to be a responsible individual.

What I'm trying to understand is how your deadbeat dad stopped your mum from earning a living. Did he bind her hands in chains and prevented her from finding something to do? Sadly your mum is one of those women who see themselves as dependents for pretty much their entire lives; from parents to boyfriends to husband to kids, a very sad way to live, mounting financial pressure on the kids too. Your story about your dad favouring his kids from his first wife is not adding up too. It's either you left out some parts or your parents did not tell you the full story about what truly ended his first marriage. If your mum played a part in it, it could be where the resentment is coming from. If your mum didn't, then your dad is a typical Nigerian man who blames everyone else for his fuckups but himself. Either ways your mum knowing she has an unsupportive husband should not have left herself redundant for this long. You have to explain the reality of your situation to her that the financial burden is getting to you, she and her other children need to get their hands on something except they feel certain jobs are beneath them. Don't burn yourself out. God forbid if you quench today, your mum and siblings will continue their lives.

sisisioge:


Hian! You sef no try. I pity your entitled clan and you! People that did what you're doing now end up being resentful in the future. Even your siblings wont be grateful then. Everyman for himself, God for us all. The best for you all is to get busy contributing towards your progress. Good luck fa.

The person I pity most is his future wife whoever or wherever she is. At some point he will want to settle down and if his mum and siblings situation remains like this, his future wife won't find it easy at all. Women that marry men with plenty baggages like this op are always hated by his people no matter how hard she tries to pleases them. They will always assume she's the one eating up their brother/son's money even if she has their own job. Ladies shine your 👀 ooo

Mrlance15:
My mum is unemployed, thanks to my deadbeat dad, I'm a middle child in my family, the siblings before me aren't doing well, and the two after me are just secondary school kids, my dad never invested in us educationally and in other relevant areas he's obligated to perform, infact he bailed on us and start living on his own, he even stopped financing my education I had to drop out, so I'm a uni drop out rn, he believes taking care of your children is not his responsibility and he doesn't owe us anything, that after secondary school he has tried and doesn't owe you university or anything, he always tell us that helping us isn't his obligation that his little contribution which is primary school education is mercy enough, he made it clear we won't inherit anything from him that we should go and hustle on our own, he actually loved his first kids more, he gave them everything and neglected me and my siblings, he always lament on how he prefers his first wife to my mum and we're liabilities, this is because his first children are well to do and they send him money from time to time with a stern warning that he shouldn't feed us with the money they sent, and they told him that if he wants to keep recieving the money he should alienate himself from us (me and my siblings) so he did that, my dad is a terrible person, everything I have said is just the tip of an iceberg but I won't go into everything in detail.
My problem is everything fell on me due to my dad alienating us and my mum being unemployed, among my siblings I'm the only one doing well financially, it's not enough but I make average money from time to time with freelancing.
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing, because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me, even my older brother rely on me for recharge card, that's how bad it is, so I'm the only one carrying everything, my problem now is since family issues won't let me invest in myself, will I be in this endless circle of redundancy and turn out to be a failure later in life? Because at my age I should have savings or move forward in life, I'm always broke because any money I get goes into family problem, I don't do anything for myself and I'm close to 30.

Good that you have realized it now. What you need to do is to use the next few months to hustle and start up something for your mum that you are sure she can make work. For the first three or so months of the business be involved as a supervisor, teach her what she needs to know about managing the business as well as financial management skills.

As soon as you are certain the business is stable and she can successfully keep managing it, go and rent far away from them. You can then recognize your life and start investing in yourself, saving and reinvesting some part of your funds.

You can still send an affordable monthly upkeep to your mum both for the family up and for her to reinvest the rest into the business.

Kobojunkie:
1. According to OP, his own mother did not have the skills to successfully run a business is the problem. So, even if she had milked money, it would probably have ended up the same way it did. Rather, please advise such women to make sure to establish themselves before seeking entry into any relationship and to hold on to what they have no matter what promises were made to them. If a man promises you a car, do not give up what you have but simply add it on top of what you already have. That is what it means to be a responsible individual.

You are right sha, op is suffering from his mother's mistakes

Mrlance15:
My mum is unemployed, thanks to my deadbeat dad, I'm a middle child in my family, the siblings before me aren't doing well, and the two after me are just secondary school kids, my dad never invested in us educationally and in other relevant areas he's obligated to perform, infact he bailed on us and start living on his own, he even stopped financing my education I had to drop out, so I'm a uni drop out rn, he believes taking care of your children is not his responsibility and he doesn't owe us anything, that after secondary school he has tried and doesn't owe you university or anything, he always tell us that helping us isn't his obligation that his little contribution which is primary school education is mercy enough, he made it clear we won't inherit anything from him that we should go and hustle on our own, he actually loved his first kids more, he gave them everything and neglected me and my siblings, he always lament on how he prefers his first wife to my mum and we're liabilities, this is because his first children are well to do and they send him money from time to time with a stern warning that he shouldn't feed us with the money they sent, and they told him that if he wants to keep recieving the money he should alienate himself from us (me and my siblings) so he did that, my dad is a terrible person, everything I have said is just the tip of an iceberg but I won't go into everything in detail.
My problem is everything fell on me due to my dad alienating us and my mum being unemployed, among my siblings I'm the only one doing well financially, it's not enough but I make average money from time to time with freelancing.
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing, because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me, even my older brother rely on me for recharge card, that's how bad it is, so I'm the only one carrying everything, my problem now is since family issues won't let me invest in myself, will I be in this endless circle of redundancy and turn out to be a failure later in life? Because at my age I should have savings or move forward in life, I'm always broke because any money I get goes into family problem, I don't do anything for myself and I'm close to 30.

Sorry bro...let analyse some issues here...

1) U did not say what Ur mother did to Ur father that cus the tension.....see, women are terrible as well, do u know how many emotional damages Ur mama might have caused Ur father that u children are not aware of?? And this is how this tins work, if a man hate his wife from young, he would probably not have feelings for her children (but I keep wondering, if u don't have feelings for her while having so much children with her?). This is dicey!.

2)U said Ur mama is unemployed due to Ur deadbeat dad, how?? Na Ur dad go find work for Ur mama ni?? ABI he dey hold her for hand say make she no work since he won't provide?? E no clear.

3)If u want to do better tins in life u better tell Ur eldest brothers to man up and face responsibilities so that u can have the chance to move ahead...lol, only u wan dey carry family in this era...I pity u

Mrlance15:
My mum is unemployed, thanks to my deadbeat dad, I'm a middle child in my family, the siblings before me aren't doing well, and the two after me are just secondary school kids, my dad never invested in us educationally and in other relevant areas he's obligated to perform, infact he bailed on us and start living on his own, he even stopped financing my education I had to drop out, so I'm a uni drop out rn, he believes taking care of your children is not his responsibility and he doesn't owe us anything, that after secondary school he has tried and doesn't owe you university or anything, he always tell us that helping us isn't his obligation that his little contribution which is primary school education is mercy enough, he made it clear we won't inherit anything from him that we should go and hustle on our own, he actually loved his first kids more, he gave them everything and neglected me and my siblings, he always lament on how he prefers his first wife to my mum and we're liabilities, this is because his first children are well to do and they send him money from time to time with a stern warning that he shouldn't feed us with the money they sent, and they told him that if he wants to keep recieving the money he should alienate himself from us (me and my siblings) so he did that, my dad is a terrible person, everything I have said is just the tip of an iceberg but I won't go into everything in detail.
My problem is everything fell on me due to my dad alienating us and my mum being unemployed, among my siblings I'm the only one doing well financially, it's not enough but I make average money from time to time with freelancing.
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing, because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me, even my older brother rely on me for recharge card, that's how bad it is, so I'm the only one carrying everything, my problem now is since family issues won't let me invest in myself, will I be in this endless circle of redundancy and turn out to be a failure later in life? Because at my age I should have savings or move forward in life, I'm always broke because any money I get goes into family problem, I don't do anything for myself and I'm close to 30.

Get some your siblings to start freelancing like you

Your mom has nobody to blame except herself.Uneducated women have raised upto 10kids to uni single handedly .what's her excuse?
I don't know where she hung herself.She can work as a minder in church or school creches or as a cleaner if her businesses failed.

Anything to bring in money and support you
Your elder siblings should do same .

ZIMDRILL:


How was life before his 1st wife came back into the pic? was your fathet responsible at that tome ?

You now claim he a deadbeat and your mum is unemployed, was your mum working before?

Well, at first he raised us until secondary school and stopped, my mum owned a big supermarket then, when he stopped with schooling, he started being abusive, fought my mum so many times and I didn't do anything about it, he would get drunk and come home and start fighting anyone wether you provoke him or not, he started bringing his girlfriends home, until I stood up to him and almost beat him, but people intervened and he stopped the abuse, he stopped taking care of his responsibilities, stopped feeding, stopped paying bills, electricity and all, neglected everything and pushed the weight on my mom, she took care of us until her shop died, cuz she paid everything from the shop until we grew up, you see why I feel I can't blame her? When she has money she did for me without questions, now that things are bad for her I should turn my back on her, I don't care much about my brother because he's an adult, but what about my mum who did all she could when my dad started withdrawing.

tonicyril:


Sorry bro...let analyse some issues here...

1) U did not say what Ur mother did to Ur father that cus the tension.....see, women are terrible as well, do u know how many emotional damages Ur mama might have caused Ur father that u children are not aware of?? And this is how this tins work, if a man hate his wife from young, he would probably not have feelings for her children (but I keep wondering, if u don't have feelings for her while having so much children with her?). This is dicey!.

2)U said Ur mama is unemployed due to Ur deadbeat dad, how?? Na Ur dad go find work for Ur mama ni?? ABI he dey hold her for hand say make she no work since he won't provide?? E no clear.

3)If u want to do better tins in life u better tell Ur eldest brothers to man up and face responsibilities so that u can have the chance to move ahead...lol, only u wan dey carry family in this era...I pity u

Whatever my mum did is Thier business, he is a man that is known for bailing and abandoning his responsibility, refusing to finance my university education is because of my mom too? So because my mom wronged him her children should pay for it? I dropped out cuz he refused to fund my uni education, I was very brilliant and promising, he let all that potential die because he's someone who flees from responsibility, he did the same for my brother and he also did diploma and stopped schooling.

He stopped her from doing anything, don't travel, don't get a job in another place, don't do this don't do that, you'll cheat, etc infact he was so paranoid that he stopped my mom from doing anything, this caused issues that our extended family had to interfere and his excuse was he can't let her work elsewhere or far from home that she would cheat and become a loose wife, and her kids will grow without a mother watching them, that he is capable of taking care of her that she is not supposed to work that she should be a stay at home wife, that was when my mum was agitating to earn on her own, now he has forgotten all that and withdrawn after making my mom spend years doing nothing, he also refused to finance her schooling for same reason, you won't understand sha until you meet this man.

dominique:
What I'm trying to understand is how your deadbeat dad stopped your mum from earning a living. Did he bind her hands in chains and prevented her from finding something to do? Sadly your mum is one of those women who see themselves as dependents for pretty much their entire lives; from parents to boyfriends to husband to kids, a very sad way to live, mounting financial pressure on the kids too. Your story about your dad favouring his kids from his first wife is not adding up too. It's either you left out some parts or your parents did not tell you the full story about what truly ended his first marriage. If your mum played a part in it, it could be where the resentment is coming from. If your mum didn't, then your dad is a typical Nigerian man who blames everyone else for his fuckups but himself. Either ways your mum knowing she has an unsupportive husband should not have left herself redundant for this long. You have to explain the reality of your situation to her that the financial burden is getting to you, she and her other children need to get their hands on something except they feel certain jobs are beneath them. Don't burn yourself out. God forbid if you quench today, your mum and siblings will continue their lives.

Ok lemme clarify things, his first wife was a kleptomaniac, she stole things everywhere she went and most times they bring the issues home and the embarrassment was constant, I left out that part because it doesn't matter, and it will look like I'm painting my mom in a good light, my mom was an ignorant child who listens to her parents, her parents just catch her and gave her away to this monster at the age of 20, now my pain is, she didn't realize she's in soup until she dropped three kids, its too late to run to another man then, when she came to his house the first wife was gone, and even married to someone else who later died, now when my mom was still young and could get another man if she wanted, my dad guarded her like a hawk, he won't let her do anything, he was so paranoid that he fought my mom anytime my mom get friendly with anyone outside the family, he beat her so many times in our presence, I wasn't even a teenager then, my mom tried severally to get a job outside our state and he shot it down, that my mom would start cheating if she's living and working from another state, okay she should be buying and selling food stuff from states to states now because that's what her mother did, my dad fought her for this until my extended family got involved, and they all supported him that my mom should stay with her kids that what is she looking for when my dad is capable of taking care of the family, the first wife left her kids, my mom singlehandedly raised all of us I even thought they were my older siblings, we were kids then, but as we started growing up and he started feeling the brunt of raising us he started withdrawing, he first started with unnecessary anger issues and transfer of aggression, he will leave home early and come back drunk, and when he does he will fight everyone and mostly my mom till dawn, until I became and adult and stood up to him, when he realized he can't raise his hand on us anymore, he started doing something else, avoid responsibility, if you have school fee to pay, he will watch them drive you home until someone else pays or u get tired and drop out, same applies to other bills, my mom tried to open a supermarket, she raised us with it for over 20yrs and the supermarket died because it was what she was paying everything from, now there's no supermarket, and she's not educated enough to get a job, I can't turn my back on someone who took care of me throughout my childhood till adulthood.
And the simple reason he prefers his first kids now is they're sending him money, he can sell his life for money, if I get rich and start sending him money I'll be the favorite son too, it is well.