I am one year and three month old in marriage , my husband elder sister has her shop in front of our house , somehow the land belongs to there late mother who gave it to them .
The problem is my sister inlaw is very intrusive, always trying to have a say in the marriage , one time I have resisted her interference, she reported me to their father who came to the house to warn me that the elder sister is there to be leading both me and my husband in the marriage as an experience woman who is ten years old in marriage , I find this annoying but I just had to keep quiet .her workers do come into my house to pick anything from my kitchen or the room and use it carelessly . One time I got back home and I saw one of the wrapper I use in backing my baby tied arround the waist of one of her workers and I wasn't so cool with it , I told her to wash it and return it for me that I do not joke with that wrapper , she refuses , the next day I saw the wrapper on the floor very dirty and I was very angry I told her to go wash it and return it , she told me she can't cos she's not the only one that uses it and that it's my sister in law that brought it out, I told the girl that she should never enter my house to pick anything again when my sister in law arrived she started blackmailing me with so u cannot leave ordinary wrapper , if you say she shouldn't enter the house that means u pursued me and all..I had to stand my ground it's not just about the wrapper anymore , it's the fact that the girl was rude to me I am 10 years older than this girl and that I insist that she shouldn't enter my house again, she said stuffs like i am rude to her as well so I shouldn't bother about the girl being rude and left . Now she started acting up , but I make sure I greet her everyday and move on , I no longer sit with her or discuss with her sometimes she doesn't answer and sometimes she answer somehow , this girl of hers never greeted me again after that day .
Now the challenge is she had gone to report me to the father as usual , the father calls my husband and I don't know what they discuss but he has stopped talking to me in the house , he's always supporting his family anyway and his father has stopped calling me as well all of the calls themselves from time to time discussing me most times my husband run outside to answer there calls ..was I wrong in my approach, what could I have done better it looks like I am living among people that hate me they all stay close

Have you tried rubbing minds with your husband?

Or have you also checked yourself if you aren’t overly territorial?


In every report, the teller doesn’t always highlight the roles they played that may have caused or fueled the problem…until we hear the other side of the story.

I don’t support anyone’s interference in my marriage anyways. Meanwhile, while you can try talking to your husband, also make sure you are accommodating. It’s too early you know..

Your husband is somewhat responsible for this. He ought to be the one to draw the lines with his family. What is your own family saying about this?

Hmm. For me. Na my wife and my children matters. Most of these problems occurs mostly in a family where the husband is the first child.

Discuss the issue with your husband quietly....

Make him see reasons why you took the action of barring the stubborn girl from entering your house

Na wa.

Olamidegal:
I am one year and three month old in marriage , my husband elder sister has her shop in front of our house , somehow the land belongs to there late mother who gave it to them .
The problem is my sister inlaw is very intrusive, always trying to have a say in the marriage , one time I have resisted her interference, she reported me to their father who came to the house to warn me that the elder sister is there to be leading both me and my husband in the marriage as an experience woman who is ten years old in marriage , I find this annoying but I just had to keep quiet .her workers do come into my house to pick anything from my kitchen or the room and use it carelessly . One time I got back home and I saw one of the wrapper I use in backing my baby tied arround the waist of one of her workers and I wasn't so cool with it , I told her to wash it and return it for me that I do not joke with that wrapper , she refuses , the next day I saw the wrapper on the floor very dirty and I was very angry I told her to go wash it and return it , she told me she can't cos she's not the only one that uses it and that it's my sister in law that brought it out, I told the girl that she should never enter my house to pick anything again when my sister in law arrived she started blackmailing me with so u cannot leave ordinary wrapper , if you say she shouldn't enter the house that means u pursued me and all..I had to stand my ground it's not just about the wrapper anymore , it's the fact that the girl was rude to me I am 10 years older than this girl and that I insist that she shouldn't enter my house again, she said stuffs like i am rude to her as well so I shouldn't bother about the girl being rude and left . Now she started acting up , but I make sure I greet her everyday and move on , I no longer sit with her or discuss with her sometimes she doesn't answer and sometimes she answer somehow , this girl of hers never greeted me again after that day .
Now the challenge is she had gone to report me to the father as usual , the father calls my husband and I don't know what they discuss but he has stopped talking to me in the house , he's always supporting his family anyway and his father has stopped calling me as well all of the calls themselves from time to time discussing me most times my husband run outside to answer there calls ..was I wrong in my approach, what could I have done better it looks like I am living among people that hate me they all stay close

let your husband deal with this, if not they will always bring that family land/authority issue in your face.

faithfull18:
Na wa.

ROFLMAO

MrBrownJay1:


let your husband deal with this, if not they will always bring that family land/authority issue in your face.

he's supporting his family by keeping malice with me in the house, he always supports his family , his sister can never do any wrong in his eyes. I live like an outsider in this marriage because my husband believes his father and sister are his family and they must be satisfied if I want ti see his good side

Olamidegal:
he's supporting his family by keeping malice with me in the house, he always supports his family , his sister can never do any wrong in his eyes. I live like an outsider in this marriage because my husband believes his father and sister are his family and they must be satisfied if I want ti see his good side

Given that the marriage is very young, can you maybe work towards being accepting of the situation to see where it likely leads, only for as long as you can stomach it by the way.

You can maybe think to distract yourself by focusing on your business, your kid or even your studies in the meantime. Do you think that is doable, at least until this all maybe passes?

burp18:
Your husband is somewhat responsible for this. He ought to be the one to draw the lines with his family. What is your own family saying about this?

my husband does not want my family to interfere in our marriage at all, he does not like any member of my family because when I was pregnant, there was a time we had issue and my mother called him to take things easy with me and all he got really angry and was rude to my mom he said my mom was supposed to instruct me to come beg him not preach to him to thread softly because whenever we have little issue he takes it to his family and his sister and dad are there the next day compelling me to kneel and Beg him. He told me that day that my family does not matter in the marriage that its only his family that matters cause they are husbands family. I try not to involve my family in any issue after that cos i really hate the way he spoke to my mom

Kobojunkie:
Given that the marriage is young still, can you maybe work towards being accepting of the situation to see where it likely leads?

You can maybe think to distract yourself by focusing on your business, your kid or even your studies in the meantime. Do you think that is doable, at least until this all maybe passes?

thank you so much , I will keep trying.

chatinent:
Have you tried rubbing minds with your husband?

Or have you also checked yourself if you aren’t overly territorial?


In every report, the teller doesn’t always highlight the roles they played that may have caused or fueled the problem…until we hear the other side of the story.

I don’t support anyone’s interference in my marriage anyways. Meanwhile, while you can try talking to your husband, also make sure you are accommodating. It’s too early you know..

seriously this people has access to the house , I don't see any reason why I should be territorial , my sister in law goes to my shoe rack wear my best shoes casually , she takes my best jewellery and I just let it slide ,one thing I realise is that my sister in law discuss all sort of things in front of her workers who are 10 years and 12 years younger than me and those girls started reacting based on that, I left work when I got married because of distance and I start applying for job that will be of close proximity to my husband house but I got pregnant immediately after marriage which marred my search for job so I started learning fashion designing anyway , my baby is 4 month now and I have started applying for job again, my sister in law is always going on and on about how I couldn't get something doing making reference to hiw hardworking she was when she was pregnant and all, this is a woman that shamed me that I gave birth through cs because i am lazy . Even while learning my fashion designing and as I was pregnant I cook for my husband 2 times daily atleast, do his laundry , iron hus clothes and clean the house everyday . She and my husband still sit to say stuffs like I am too relaxed because he is making me too comfortable

Olamidegal:
he's supporting his family by keeping malice with me in the house, he always supports his family , his sister can never do any wrong in his eyes. I live like an outsider in this marriage because my husband believes his father and sister are his family and they must be satisfied if I want ti see his good side

then your problem is not your in law family, the problem is YOUR HUSBAND and no wonder his family keep treating you like shiit.

You married a boy aunty. Tell your boyfriend to man up and be a husband to you. Encourage him to move out of the family house to somewhere far from that his poke nosing sister.
But you too reduce your domineering tendency and learn to submit to your boyfriend sorry husband.

I haven't read half of ur post when I stopped reading, having realised that indeed u need marital tutorials, I pray ur marriage won't scatter before 5 years of ur marriage, I noticed of high ego in you and a wife who will not accommodate in-laws for whatever reason,and above all anger issues.

AN HUMBLE WIFE WOULD HAVE PICKED UP HER WRAPPER AND WASHED IT HERSELF AND LET THE SLEEPING DOG LIES.

I biliv that 70% of marital issues that are coming up in ur marriage are caused by you, because of ur domineering tendency.

if ur story is true, I will tell ur husband that he has succeeded wifed" his boss.


ANYBODY CAN SAY WHATEVER FROM NOW TILL TOMORROW, IF YOU ARE A WIFE AND YOU FIND IT HARD TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR IN LAWS , YOU WONT HAVE PEACE.

REASONS WHY SINGLE MOTHERS LITTER EVERYWHERE.

buttlover:
Hmm. For me. Na my wife and my children matters. Most of these problems occurs mostly in a family where the husband is the first child.

So your family does not mattef

Lifestone:
So your family does not mattef

A marriage is between a man and a woman. Relatives are by law third parties who have no legal business interfering in the affairs of the contract between husband and wife.

Kobojunkie:
A marriage is between a man and a woman. Relatives are by law third parties who have no legal business interfering in the affairs of the contract between husband and wife.

Good. No problem, Street will teach you

Lifestone:

So your family does not mattef

Once you're married, your family of birth becomes your extended family not your nuclear family that consists of the man, his wife and children.

The family members of the husband and that of the wife, should not be intrusive in the marriage, they should respect boundaries, privacy and respect the fact that their son/daughter/,brother/sister is married and no longer a minor that needs to be directed on how to live their lives

Fiscus105:
I haven't read half of ur post when I stopped reading, having realised that indeed u need marital tutorial, I pray ur marriage won't scatter before 5 years of ur marriage, I noticed of high ego in you and a wife who will not accommodate in laws for whatever reason and above all anger issues.

AN HUMBLE WIFE WOULD HAVE PICKED UP HER WRAPPER AND WASHED IT HERSELF AND LET THE SLEEPING DOG LIES.

I biliv that 70% of marital issues that are coming up in ur marriage are caused by you, because of ur domineering tendency.

if ur story is true, I will tell ur husband that he has succeeded wifed" his boss.

Are you naturally like this or it just happened today? Nna eehn, i pity people who seeks advice from you, walai, they are doomed.. Now i truly agrre that not all elders are sensible...
So your definition of a HUMBLE WIFE is she going to pick up and wash a wrapper that a silly sister in law who doesn't know the meaning of boundary went into her room and pick , used then dirty it? If she really wanted a wrapper, why did she not pick one from her home, then use it as she wishes? I pity your wife..
I, AS A FEMALE, WILL NEVER IN THIS LIFE OR NEXT ALLOW ANY OF MY SISTER NOR FAMILY MEMBER, TREAT ANY OF MY BROTHER'S WIFE THIS WAY...

Lifestone:

Good. No problem, Street will teach you

Which street? Will the street teach you when your in-laws demand that you do as they command in your marriage that they are in the wrong? Instead make you welcome commonsense, dey there make even gutter dey teach you.

Based on your story, everyone except you is wrong but this is just your side of the story, there will definitely be others.

My advice to every married woman is this; see yourself as member of the family you are married to and make sure they know you see them as such.

If they know you see them as family and not as inlaws, they too will start seeing you as family member and not just as daughter in law or sister in law.

When this happens, most of problems and misunderstandings associated with inlaws will be put to rest.

Many wives today see themselves as strangers in their husbands' homes thereby giving room for unnecessary boundaries.

I still try to understand how people allow 3rd parties in their home. Talk to your husband on how he's allowing unnecessary cracks in your home and the resultant effect it could have. Let him know he's man enough to manage his home and how you don't appreciate interference.

How matured is the sister's husband? If possible, involve him if he is on the need he should caution his wife in how she meanders in your family and how you do not appreciate it.

JeffreyJunior:
Based on your story, everyone except you is wrong but this is just your side of the story, there will definitely be others.

My advice to every married woman is this; see yourself as member of the family you are married to and make sure they know you see them as such.

If they know you see them as family and not as inlaws, they too will start seeing you as family member and not just as daughter in law or sister in law.

When this happens, most of problems and misunderstandings associated with inlaws will be put to rest.

Many wives today see themselves as strangers in their husbands' homes thereby giving room for unnecessary boundaries.

Why not advocate for men to see their wife's siblings as theirs or possibly, encourage siblings to marry themselves.

Olamidegal:
seriously this people has access to the house , I don't see any reason why I should be territorial , my sister in law goes to my shoe rack wear my best shoes casually , she takes my best jewellery and I just let it slide ,one thing I realise is that my sister in law discuss all sort of things in front of her workers who are 10 years and 12 years younger than me and those girls started reacting based on that, I left work when I got married because of distance and I start applying for job that will be of close proximity to my husband house but I got pregnant immediately after marriage which marred my search for job so I started learning fashion designing anyway , my baby is 4 month now and I have started applying for job again, my sister in law is always going on and on about how I couldn't get something doing making reference to hiw hardworking she was when she was pregnant and all, this is a woman that shamed me that I gave birth through cs because i am lazy . Even while learning my fashion designing and as I was pregnant I cook for my husband 2 times daily atleast, do his laundry , iron hus clothes and clean the house everyday . She and my husband still sit to say stuffs like I am too relaxed because he is making me too comfortable

Work hard on keeping yourself distracted with work abeg! Try to work as hard as you can to be the best at what you do and be the best mother to your child. You have a baby and no job and that kind of looks like you are not standing on strong footing in your marriage at this point. So do all you can to ignore the talk in the background, concentrate on getting yourself work and a purpose other than that of a wife and a mother at this point. Please try to do this at least until your husband decides he is ready to grow up and be a part of his own marriage. Hopefully, that happens before you get tired of it all.

Olamidegal:
seriously this people has access to the house , I don't see any reason why I should be territorial , my sister in law goes to my shoe rack wear my best shoes casually , she takes my best jewellery and I just let it slide ,one thing I realise is that my sister in law discuss all sort of things in front of her workers who are 10 years and 12 years younger than me and those girls started reacting based on that, I left work when I got married because of distance and I start applying for job that will be of close proximity to my husband house but I got pregnant immediately after marriage which marred my search for job so I started learning fashion designing anyway , my baby is 4 month now and I have started applying for job again, my sister in law is always going on and on about how I couldn't get something doing making reference to hiw hardworking she was when she was pregnant and all, this is a woman that shamed me that I gave birth through cs because i am lazy . Even while learning my fashion designing and as I was pregnant I cook for my husband 2 times daily atleast, do his laundry , iron hus clothes and clean the house everyday . She and my husband still sit to say stuffs like I am too relaxed because he is making me too comfortable

She shamed you for giving birth through CS and your husband did nothing? You are a very nice fellow that you still talk to her. Did he experience your labor moments? I think he needs to grow up and understand what it means to be a husband.

You have not done wrong because every relationship should have boundaries. I for one do not like my stuff being rifled through by anybody. I hate it.
They have ganged up against you as per the outsider. Use your tongue to count your teeth and know that you cannot be borning anyhow in such a 'marriage'.
The SIL worker also does not respect you / your boundaries because of your gossip which she has heard from your SIL, and she has also observed that you are not valued. So she has joined the hate-train.
Keep empowering yourself.

Lots of inconsistencies in your story but I will not talk nor take side. You women mostly talk bad about your hubby and Inlaw, una no Dey ever gree say una wrong.

You keep on hammering on “ my husband always support his family “ , this alone shows the kind of person you are, you sha want to paint him bad so that we go condemn him for u, Abi?
Truth is when everyone complains about you, then you’re the problem..


Anyway, Talk to your lovely husband, deflate your ego and kneel before him ( if you like say lai lai u no fit kneel down !), don’t make it seem like you hate his family , make him understand the importance of privacy in una marriage .. trust me , he’ll listen to you , he loves you .


He should be man enough to take charge of his home .
he’s in the right position to do that not you. Even though you people need privacy, still be less domineering , be more accommodating especially when it involves your in law.
except the marriage don tire you o,

Forget social media, our expectations don’t always match the reality and most people that go through worst will come here to massage your ego by saying “ don’t take shit from anybody ” .


Don’t always use what you read on social media as a standard for your marriage.
As a smart woman, use the situation to your advantage, please there is nothing outside o.



May God bless your home and give you wisdom .



That being said, my advice to single ladies out there, always ensure the family you’re marrying to loves you ( even though they can’t hate you for no reason )

seanwilliam:
Lots of inconsistencies in your story but I will not talk nor take side. You women mostly talk bad about your hubby and Inlaw, una no Dey ever gree say una wrong.

You keep on hammering on “ my husband always support his family “ , this alone shows the kind of person you are, you sha want to paint him bad so that we go condemn him for u, Abi?
Truth is when everyone complains about you, then you’re the problem..


Anyway, Talk to your lovely husband, deflate your ego and kneel before him ( if you like say lai lai u no fit kneel down !), don’t make it seem like you hate his family , make him understand the importance of privacy in una marriage .. trust me , he’ll listen to you , he loves you .


He should be man enough to take charge of his home .
he’s in the right position to do that not you. Even though you people need privacy, still be less domineering , be more accommodating especially when it involves your in law.
except the marriage don tire you o,

Forget social media, our expectations don’t always match the reality and most people that go through worst will come here to massage your ego by saying “ don’t take shit from anybody ” .


Don’t always use what you read on social media as a standard for your marriage.
As a smart woman, use the situation to your advantage, please there is nothing outside o.



May God bless your home and give you wisdom .



That being said, my advice to single ladies out there, always ensure the family you’re marrying to loves you ( even though they can’t hate you for no reason )

If the OP happens to be Caucasian, will you offer this same advice?

Assuming that all you have written is the truth, the problem you have is not with the intrusive family, but with your husband who has no atom of respect for you. In your husband's family estimation, you are just a little girl who needs direction all the time. Stand your ground; don't give in to them. With time they would realise the error in their approach.