Please forgive my topic title. A close friend of mine got married last year. Her Husbands dad is a widower and her mom is a widow. Somehow during the wedding preaprations both parents met and formed a relationship which looked normal considering that they were now inlaw. In d last 6 months my friend was complaining that her mom was acting strange, she was secretive, taking greater care in her appearance and traveling without informing the family of her actual whereabouts, e.g she will go to london and refuse to stay with her kids who re living der and dey won't see her till like a day before she lives. Anyway my friend is her moms last born, same thing with her husband. She called me today and told me dat she went for a course in d town where her mom lives without informing her mom she was coming, only for her to get homd and find her father in law in his pajamas in her mothers room. She is hysterical and angry but I see nothing wrong, her mom is 62 her father in law is 69, both of them are healthy and nice people, dey are adults as I told her and if dey want to sleep or get married I don't think its wrong, as I told her I would rather her mom is with someone she knows and trusts dan someone she doesn't know. She hasn't told her husband or siblings yet she is too scandalised, asked me if she should tell them, I told her to let the parents break the news when they are ready. Anyway maybe its me but is der anything inappropirate about this relationship?

Looks weird to me.

debrief08:

is 62 her father in law is 69, both of them are healthy and nice people, dey are adults as I told her and[b] if dey want to sleep or get married I don't think its wrong[/b], as I told her I would rather her mom is with someone she knows and trusts dan someone she doesn't know. She hasn't told her husband or siblings yet she is too scandalised, asked me if she should tell them, I told her to let the parents break the news when they are ready. Anyway maybe its me but is der anything inappropirate about this relationship?

So if there's nothing wrong in this why are some people already feeling scandalized? Can you see what's wrong?

i think it is wierd because, the couple, will inturn be 'step', which to me is still incest, i might be wrong though.

They re not related so where does inbreeding come in? People will always be scandalised with any situation. These old people have found another chance to be happy they are not related so these pple should loose happiness cos der kids are scandalised? All der kids leave away from dem, dey are lonely, I asked my friend if she will go and stay with her mom and live ger own husband. She said no, same thing with her father in law none of d kids will leave der own family to go and keep dem company so why won't dey let them be happy. When I had to leave my ex a lot of pple were scandalised still scandalised but at the end it was my life my happiness same with these couple. As long as dey re not related me I see no issues oh

They are both consenting adults and need the company. On the flip side your friend may be feeling that they are intruding on her privacy by being together. Sometimes when there are clear lines between inlaws it makes issues a bit more manageable and objective. But this union now, both are now her parents as well as inlaw.  . They have already started the relationship. She should tell her spouse. If he is comfortable, they should make the two teenagers tell their children. They deserve a new start and happiness if that is what they have found. . No child wants to believe their parent can find someone else attractive and sleep with them after losing another parent, but life is for the living and it must go on.

I think this is just me, can't they find their happiness else where, i think if it is me ooooo, personally, my mum or dad should better be thinking straight and cub that appetite for happiness, that it has to be my FIL/ MIL? that would give him/her that happiness.

Ronke you can pick who you fall in love with. Plus at their age their choices are very limited.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. it is selfish your friend to try to make her parent feel bad. She or he has sacrificed for you all their lives. You are not married and then they find happiness with each other and you want them to feel bad about it. They are just being selfish by not giving them a chance. I hope the kids do not put pressure on them to end it. I think it is a beautiful thing to find love in their old age. I bet she would not be as upset if she hears that her father was chasing 25 year old. the man has respected himself and is with a woman who is age appropriate for him and yet she wants to whine. Selfish child

Outstrip God bless you, same thing I told her, I asked her if she was willing to relocate and keep her mom company, she said dats not the point. Her mom has been widowed for 10yrs, her father in law for 15yrs, haba, have dey not tried? Its not like dey re gonna have kids. We should really learn to be less selfish, if I had not had to face such judgement during my divorce and remarriage I probably may not have understood what they re going tru, pple want to stay in der comfy places and dictate how u will live within their sterotypes. When d chips are down dey won't be der for u. So in this life if God gives you a shot at happiness grab it, don't stay miserable for anyone

Amen to that

You should leave them alone let them keep each other company.

On the surface, there is nothing wrong in the parents dating one another, the problem however, is when / if they break up. If care is not taken, the children's marriage may break too as a result of a perceived wrong done to the MIL /FIL.
I think just for the peace and sanity of all concerned, some relationships are best left platonic.

What if, what if what if? The worst dat can happen to anybody especially at that age is dat u base ur decision on fear of negative outcome? What if they don't break up? What if they make each other happy and keep each other comapnay for d rest of der lives? Do u go into a relationship hoping for d worst? Are they 10yrs old? If dey break up they re adults and will handle der issues by demselves. They have bought been thru a lot, lost their partners, raised der kids to be good and responsible, toiled to provide for their kids, Its time for dem to receive as much support as dey have given their kids.

When I decided to leave my ex there was nothing I didn't hear: " what If you leave him now and he changes? (Goodluck to the lucky woman if he does) what if you end up alone and miserable? What if you stayed and tried harder? ( How hrder can you try to make a marriage work dan accomodating and feeding ur husbnads mistresses?). When I wanted to remarry another set they asked my husband " there are so many single available women why do u want second hand? She is barren dats why her husband kid her out, young man by marrying her you ve signed a one way ticket to hell cos you will foreve be commiting adultery. To me dey said what if this one beats you too? Go and settle with ur ex, d devil u know is better, bla bla bla. To all d questions am sure they ve their answers now. Meeting pples expectation while sacrificing ur own can only lead to pain and despair, if I had stayed bound by d fear of what ifs I would not have had dis beautiful man and smart handsome lively son. 6yrs after I still live in fear imaagine what my life would ve been like if I was still living in dat situation

debrief08:

Please forgive my topic title. A close friend of mine got married last year. Her Husbands dad is a widower and her mom is a widow. Somehow during the wedding preaprations both parents met and formed a relationship which looked normal considering that they were now inlaw. In d last 6 months my friend was complaining that her mom was acting strange, she was secretive, taking greater care in her appearance and traveling without informing the family of her actual whereabouts, e.g she will go to london and refuse to stay with her kids who re living der and dey won't see her till like a day before she lives. Anyway my friend is her moms last born, same thing with her husband. She called me today and told me dat she went for a course in d town where her mom lives without informing her mom she was coming, only for her to get homd and find her father in law in his pajamas in her mothers room. She is hysterical and angry but I see nothing wrong, her mom is 62 her father in law is 69, both of them are healthy and nice people, dey are adults as I told her and if dey want to sleep or get married I don't think its wrong, as I told her I would rather her mom is with someone she knows and trusts dan someone she doesn't know. She hasn't told her husband or siblings yet she is too scandalised, asked me if she should tell them, I told her to let the parents break the news when they are ready. Anyway maybe its me but is der anything inappropirate about this relationship?

. . . an interesting age

62 & 69, hmmm, what could possibly go wrong?
Please let them be, there's no inbreeding here. Let them keep each other company.
You can see they are happy away from you. That's a healthy old age.
They may just not marry so you don't go from "couple to steps".

69 old having sexual liason with a 62yr old,caught hand down in his pyjamas,why do I find it difficult to bliv

what a super story

ABSOLUTELY norin rong!
Let dem help each oda scratch der backs,
and get all d hapines dey can have pls.

Love must be punished for this.

I CAN UNDERSTAND HER FEELING, BUT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. FOR ONE THING THEY ARE NOT RELATED BY BLOOD, JUST BY IN-LAW STATUS AND THE WOMAN IS PASS CHILD BEARING, SO ITS NOT AS IF THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO THE BOY WHY THEY ARE IN-LAWS AND HUSBAND AND WIFE AT THE SAME TIME.
i[b] think it is wierd because, the couple, will inturn be 'step', which to me is still Inbreeding, i might be wrong though.[/b]

INBRREDING IN WHAT SENSE, PLS? THEIR CHILDREN WILL NOT BECOME BLOOD STEPS JUST COS OF THEIR AFFAIRS, BE REAL , PLS.

ronkebp:

i think it is wierd because, the couple, will inturn be 'step', which to me is still Inbreeding, i might be wrong though.

pls what's your definition of inbreeding?

Or has the dictionary definition changed over night

how did inbreeding enter this story?

frenchman2:

pls what's your definition of inbreeding?

Or has the dictionary definition changed over night

I like how he says they are not related by blood and then ends it with it is inbreeding.

I doubt that these people are irresponsible. Both of them lost their spouses over 10 years ago. Then they find themselves and not someone who is not appropriate. They were also being discrete. I applaud them. You don't see people that have that sort of respect for themselves these days. The kids are probably embarassed thinking what people will say. they are thinking about themselves not their parents happiness. Meanwhile their parents did not deny them their own happiness.

justwise:

. . . an interesting age

You are so rotten

Pls tell your friend to let these two pple be. is it better for the old man to be dating one small chic on d street or somebody, you know very well.

I think the two families should call two of them for a meeting let them know you all know what they re doing but warn that if any issue comes up between two of them they should plz not involve you guys, they should go sort it out themselves. Let them be plzzz.

Who go punish the LOVE@ Highland


THIS IS A BIG SUPER STORY, MY DEAR ALLOW THEM TO CONTINUE WITH THEIR AFFAIRS

two consenting adults should be allowed to do their thing.

Outstrip:


I like how he says they are not related by blood and then ends it with it is inbreeding.

I doubt that these people are irresponsible. Both of them lost their spouses over 10 years ago. Then they find themselves and not someone who is not appropriate. They were also being discrete. I applaud them. You don't see people that have that sort of respect for themselves these days. The kids are probably embarassed thinking what people will say. they are thinking about themselves not their parents happiness. Meanwhile their parents did not deny them their own happiness.


[b]You are so rotte[/b]n

Actually i'm well brought up

This story doesn't sound real to me but all the same here's my opinion
Loneliness is one thing i'll never wish for any of my parents. If this is their chance to find happiness god bless them. But i hope both parents will be able to withstand the storm of criticism when it comes flying in from "concerned" family members and neighbours. The typical african busy bodies you know

I see nothing wrong. Its in this part of the world that normal things like this become an issue.  What if this elderly lovebirds had met before the younger couple met? Will the affair stop the younger couple developing interest in themselves and possibly getting married? I think not.

It may not exactly be the best scenario but I will be happy about anything that would make my 62 year old mum happy. We seem not to appreciate the life the elderly lead these days. Its one of far less fun and more loneliness and a relationship like this will be celebrated in more civilized countries. There is no iota of inbreeding herein. Kudos to the elderly couple for trying to keep it secret

My cents

ronkebp:

I think this is just me, can't they find their happiness else where, i think if it is me ooooo, personally, my mum or dad should better be thinking straight and cub that appetite for happiness, that it has to be my FIL/ MIL? that would give him/her that happiness.

Thats being selfish!

@OP:

Please tell your friend to let them be. They deserve to be happy.