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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. (54836 Views)
How My Family Friend Accidentally Crushed His 4year Old Son's Hand / I’m Sad! Mum Is Having An Affair Six Month’s After Dad’s Death’ / His Friend And His Wife Are Having An Affair! (2) (3) (4)
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Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by WhyMe222(m): 6:20pm On May 08, 2013 |
I don't even know where to start. Sorrow, depression, dejection, resignation etc, all now knows me by name. The love is dead, I loath her for the betrayal, sex is dead, joy gone. It's been 8 months since I made the startling discovery, I have tried to live like It didn't happen but that didn't work. I have tried to brace it like a man and move past it, that too didn't work. We have had several talks about it hoping it will heal my wound but it ain't working too. I have lost my strength to move on, my drive for success and happiness is dead. I roam aimlessly now most times not having a clear vision cos my mind is messed up. Several times I narrowly escaped ramming into a car ahead of me. I look at women now with disdain (my apologies) and infidelity boldly carved on their foreheads. What got me all messed up like this? I found out my wife was having an affair with her senior colleague in the office who also doubles as a family friend. How did I get to know, I stumbled into an amorous email exchange between them when I wanted to help her apply for a job which has a better prospect than where she was then. It was the subject of the mail that aroused my curiosity. The subject says "Ifemi" which in Yoruba means "My Love". What is more disturbing is that they were having unprotected sex while my baby was still breast feeding (no wonder my smart girl stopped suckling at 5 months). Our marriage will be 4 years in a couple of months time and is blessed with an adorable daughter. They both claimed it was a mistake. While I am battling to believe them, it will be of interest to note that, they didn't go to bed just once which nullifies the claim of it being a mistake. And it will be foolhardy for anyone to believe that. One cannot make a mistake twice. The second time usually is a choice that is dully premeditated. I am barely sticking what is left of the marriage just because of my little girl. She will be 2 in no distant time. Separation and divorce is my only option now since every other option has left me worse off. I have lost so much weight in these few months. I also want to state here that I have never cheated on my wife before. I keep asking myself what will push me to cheat because sincerely, my wife has it all; beauty and brains. Like the few people both male and female will say when they see her picture either on my phone or ipad "Guy, you carry eye enter wife market". One question I want answers to now is: our court marriage did not happen here in Lagos, can I file for dissolution of the union here in Lagos? 4 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by phrancys001(m): 6:51pm On May 08, 2013 |
Hav U considered a DNA test on d baby ? For starter. 36 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by greatgod2012(f): 7:04pm On May 08, 2013 |
WhyMe222: I don't even know where to start. Sorrow, depression, dejection, resignation etc, all now knows me by name. The love is dead, I loath her for the betrayal, sex is dead, joy gone. It's been 8 months since I made the startling discovery, I have tried to live like It didn't happen but that didn't work. I have tried to brace it like a man and move past it, that too didn't work. We have had several talks about it hoping it will heal my wound but it ain't working too. I have lost my strength to move on, my drive for success and happiness is dead. I roam aimlessly now most times not having a clear vision cos my mind is messed up. Several times I narrowly escaped ramming into a car ahead of me. I look at women now with disdain (my apologies) and infidelity boldly carved on their foreheads. sincerely, i dont know what to say, i wish i can suggest a/some suggestions, but sincerely, this one fall my hand big-time, and since adultery is the major acceptable reason for a divorce and also, since that is what you think can heal you up from this mess, i will say......goodluck, because, i dont know how to beg on her behalf, since i know definately that i cant do it, so, i cant condone whoever commits such great abomination. However, @op, i will sincerely beg you not to allow your decision affect your child negatively, show her the love, care and protection she deserve, shes such an innocent child and should not be made to suffer for the sin which she knows nothing about. Also, never speak ill of your wife to your daughter, because, such is not good for her psychology, and her self-esteem too may be at stake, if things do not go as expected around her, so, pls, take care of this area and be a man. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people, and all that happens to we humans are lessons, i.e we learn everyday through what life throws at us. Wishing you goodluck and divine wisdom to handle this issue as expected. 24 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by MORNDEW(m): 7:06pm On May 08, 2013 |
Divorce her wit immediate effect i dnt knw y some women ar makin themselves more useless. Shame to her inform her family. 4 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by dayokanu(m): 7:14pm On May 08, 2013 |
You can dissolve the marriage anywhere in Nigeria 3 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Nobody: 7:20pm On May 08, 2013 |
Sorry about your pain. Good luck with the divorce. And like said, you should always take care of your daughter. As long as she is yours. 2 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by chymystique(f): 7:21pm On May 08, 2013 |
My dear wah ever decision u make now think thoroughly abt et.. I wnt advise u to seperate or divorce her..buh Why dnt u seek d face of God in dis matter for Direction... #mythoughts 2 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Igabe(f): 7:33pm On May 08, 2013 |
Its a pity, i don't really know what to say, the lord is your strenght. I think you should run to God in prayers, seek his face first, i'm sure the holy spirit will direct you on what to do. Take it easy, its well. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by biolabee(m): 8:15pm On May 08, 2013 |
As painful as it is, open your eyes and keep it on the ball If you die from thinking too much Who will look after your daughter Do your paternity test first Did she confess to you? Remember the child at that age is usually best with the biological mum except you strongly believe that her best interest is with you or your mothere So for her sake you will still need to be civil What has your wife said in all these matter 6 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Nobody: 9:04pm On May 08, 2013 |
Is it impossible to forgive her perhaps in time to come? Can you calm down and explore this option? 7 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by kike100: 9:30pm On May 08, 2013 |
It hurts beyond words, true! I urge to ask God for grace to forgive your wife, am sure. Still love her. Also talk with her outside your house to understand reasons for her decision ok? I pray for divine wisdom for u. 2 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by armyofone(m): 9:46pm On May 08, 2013 |
Right Andromida. OP, how about counseling and forgiveness? andromida: Is it impossible to forgive her perhaps in time to come? Can you calm down and explore this option? |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Nobody: 9:52pm On May 08, 2013 |
Poster, Sorry to hear your story. I will also say I do not think she made a mistake neither do I think she is sorry. It seems like they were still having the affair when you caught them. Trust is very important in marriage, when there is no trust, the marriage is already in great trouble. You seem a decent man and I believe you deserve better. I do not know your wife, but I think if given the opportunity, she may do it again. I will advice you divorce her and start again. You will meet someone that will make you happy and even take your daughter as her own. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have a wife that loves you. Sorry o! 12 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Tbaby4real(f): 9:53pm On May 08, 2013 |
Oh God, I don't know what to tell you now...please calm down before making any decision. Perhaps a break could help at this point...you could go and spend 2-3weeks somewhere outside your home. You need to be strong. May God guide you to handle this.....its beyond man I tell you. 1 Like |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by carmelion(f): 9:59pm On May 08, 2013 |
@Op,I bury my face in shame to hear this type of story. So sorry about what you are passing through now. it can destroy one mentally. As regards your question,am not a lawyer,so I don't really know the process but I think its do able. I have seen people do it. Please,move away from her fast!,at least for now. Have in mind that you will have to forgive her,at least as a Christian, but for now, you need to heal psychologically,and please don't ever think it was your fault. You were man enough ,for her to have married you in the first place. A new environment would help you better too. A marriage as young as 4yrs?mistake indeed!*SMH* 1 Like |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by naijabigfish: 10:12pm On May 08, 2013 |
I could feel your pain. I think the best option you have now is divorce. Yes, divorce her now and seek the custody of your daughter after you ascertain through DNA test she is your daughter. 8 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Nobody: 10:17pm On May 08, 2013 |
chymystique: My dear wah ever decision u make now think thoroughly abt et.. I wnt advise u to seperate or divorce her..buh Why dnt u seek d face of God in dis matter for Direction... #mythoughts What about seeking the face of Africa? 6 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Mustay(m): 10:38pm On May 08, 2013 |
Abeg, no let depression kill your mental state of health. You really do need to see a therapist. Time does heal when remedial efforts are embarked upon. Cases like this, especially with the man always disgusted whenever he remembers this need more than communication. You need to think things through thoroughly - whilst relocation and new lease of life may do if the woman is indeed remorseful, often times, if a party can't bear the thought of the event, separation seems inevitable! 2 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by coogar: 10:41pm On May 08, 2013 |
WhyMe222: I don't even know where to start. Sorrow, depression, dejection, resignation etc, all now knows me by name. The love is dead, I loath her for the betrayal, sex is dead, joy gone. It's been 8 months since I made the startling discovery, I have tried to live like It didn't happen but that didn't work. I have tried to brace it like a man and move past it, that too didn't work. We have had several talks about it hoping it will heal my wound but it ain't working too. I have lost my strength to move on, my drive for success and happiness is dead. I roam aimlessly now most times not having a clear vision cos my mind is messed up. Several times I narrowly escaped ramming into a car ahead of me. I look at women now with disdain (my apologies) and infidelity boldly carved on their foreheads. 18 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by cinder66(f): 10:44pm On May 08, 2013 |
I realy feel for you, what more can kill a man faster than an infidel and ungrateful wife. Divorce her asap and take ur daughter far away from her reach. Now what is her gain cos am sure the cork did not stick in her punny for more than 30min. No wonder some men call us fish brains, if she no marry now, she go D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ cry foul. Mtcheeeeeeeeew 24 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by biolabee(m): 10:54pm On May 08, 2013 |
coogar:LMAO!! Don coogar king This joey gif haba!! Are you trying to stir it up some more It looks bad though especially the unprotected s.ex after having a baby There's another story I heard like that but they reconciled I may not do the same but it is not impossible PROMOTER COOGAR 1 Like |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by coogar: 10:58pm On May 08, 2013 |
biolabee: what makes this story bizarre is the double betrayal. my friend and my wife. how does one truly forgive such? if that happens to me there would be 2 or 3 people taking a first class ticket to the hottest part of hell. the op could have been killed. 4 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by biolabee(m): 11:01pm On May 08, 2013 |
coogar: Yep really looks bad... The man should seperate himself for a bit of time to gather his thoughts It is really bad though 2 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by coogar: 11:06pm On May 08, 2013 |
biolabee: he should take his daughter n relocate...... there's no way i can trust such wife ever again. it wasn't a one-off incident and the 2 philandering coyotes work in the same office which means they are inseparable! 1 Like |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by baby124: 11:08pm On May 08, 2013 |
You can divorce her if you can boldly claim that you have been a faithful and good husband. If you have not, stay there, forgive and work through your issues as you have both canceled each other out. You are the leader of your home, if you stray, your wife has an 80percent chance of straying. Some women are so frustrated by their husband's bad behavior and lonely that they find solace in another. Who better than a friend whom you wouldn't suspect, is married so he won't want more, and has her time? If you have been an unrepentant cheat like some men, the shoe is on the other foot, and you feel what she feels everytime you cheat. If you feel like you have no life, imagine how you have killed her a 1000 times. If you are a cheat, man up and fix your home. In this day and age, it wouldn't get better. Women are hardly dying and crying to death for husband anymore. So men now are either faithful or the couple play each other till they both RIP or kill each other with diseases. If you are not a cheat and you are a good husband, divorce her. 20 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Nobody: 11:17pm On May 08, 2013 |
coogar:Dnt punish the kid for the mom's mistake. If she is a good mom to her kid, especially at such a young age, there is no reason to take the kid away. Even if the Op gets a divorce, they should at least try to remain civil for the kids sake. The child needs both her mom and dad. |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by WhyMe222(m): 11:19pm On May 08, 2013 |
Thank you everyone for your kind words and suggestions. May God bless you all. On the paternity of my daughter, I have no doubt she is my flesh and blood because of the striking resemblance. She is a replica of my mum. I want to forgive her and move past this period and work on the marriage, this is the reason why we have stayed together till this moment. I had the chance of informing both parents last Christmas but I chose not to with the hope we will survive it and move on. Yeah my wife is remorseful. She has tried in her own way to make amends but truth be told, it is not easy. I cannot lƠ̴͡Ơ̴͡k at her and not wonder how she got to that hotel, took her clothes off, slept with her colleague/our family friend, left and I possibly went to pick her up when she got closer home in our usual fashion, she came back and carried my daughter, forming mother and wife, slept on the same bed with me (Oh Lord I must have been so foolish), and lƠ̴͡Ơ̴͡k me in the face to tell me she loves me. And then they repeated same thing few days later, and again and possibly again and again and again until I made the discovery. They claim it was just a few times cos I have spoken with the devil himself. Before breaking the news to her after my discovery, I made her unlock her phone so I went straight to their BBM chats. Their BBM conversation and email correspondence lend credence to the fact that, they didn't just sleep with each other out of raging hormones, they were actually having an amorous affair. A supposed wife! I wish there is a reset button so I can reset my memory and move on in my marriage cos I ĺOVƐ my wife and for the sake of our adorable daughter. But how will I cope in this misery she has put me in? Right now I don't feel anything for her anymore. I snap sometimes no matter how much I try not to. Even the way I relate with her. Our usual pet name "НONEY" is so heavy in mouth now that I just mumble it when I need to call her attention for anything. I feel my best option is a dissolution. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. Yes I know it has its up and downs and we have had our fare share and gone past through it. This one is bigger than me. I don wanna die young or age faster than I should cos I have noticed some rapid changes. Meanwhile, I made her confess because she was trying to be economical with the details initially. Let me also mention that in all this, I never raised a finger at her. I am one with an absolute self control. I don't subscribe to violence in any form. God help me. 42 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Nobody: 11:22pm On May 08, 2013 |
baby_123: You can divorce her if you can boldly claim that you have been a faithful and good husband. If you have not, stay there, forgive and work through your issues as you have both canceled each other out. You are the leader of your home, if you stray, your wife has an 80percent chance of straying. Some women are so frustrated by their husband's bad behavior and lonely that they find solace in another. Who better than a friend whom you wouldn't suspect, is married so he won't want more, and has her time? If you have been an unrepentant cheat like some men, the shoe is on the other foot, and you feel what she feels everytime you cheat. If you feel like you have no life, imagine how you have killed her a 1000 times. If you are a cheat, man up and fix your home. In this day and age, it wouldn't get better. Women are hardly dying and crying to death for husband anymore. So men now are either faithful or the couple play each other till they both RIP or kill each other with diseases. If you are not a cheat and you are a good husband, divorce her.Hmm, how does this help the OP? smh 9 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Nobody: 11:24pm On May 08, 2013 |
It seems that you will not be able to get over this affair, no matter what it seems like things will never be the same again. If you feel a divorce will be best for you then do that, just as long as you make sure that none of this affects your child negatively. I cannot say i blame you, i despise cheating too. 3 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by biolabee(m): 11:24pm On May 08, 2013 |
Seperate for a while Sort out your feelings May God Help Us All 12 Likes |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Nobody: 11:25pm On May 08, 2013 |
What a shame. |
Re: Broken & Dejected: Found Out Wife Is Having An Affair With A Family Friend. by Nobody: 11:26pm On May 08, 2013 |
biolabee: Seperate for a whileThis is Good advice, maybe time apart will put things into better perspective and you can make a better decision with a clearer mind. 1 Like |
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