I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

Just know if you continue you will do everything by yourself until the end of your lives. He will never change and he will never take on your responsibilities seeing as you’re taking his. Instead he will consider it insulting if you ask him to. So you’ll end up married but single. Decide what you want

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

He seems irresponsible with your write up….
I suggest you take a break and go to your family….
Re negotiate your marriage contract….
Cheating is not an option.

NB: For better for worse…. You made that vow at the altar

Why did you get into a marriage both of you are not financially and emotionally prepared for?

Why bring the poor kids to come suffer when both of you are not ready financially?

I call it wickedness when you have kids without the means to take care of them.

I have no sympathy for you, I only pity the poor innocent kids. Instead of looking for ways to solve the problems you willfully created, you are looking for another man to shift your burdens.

You still will never learn and are always seeking for shortcuts.

MARRIAGE AND CHILDBEARING ARE NOT NECESSARY AND SUFFICIENT CONDITIONS FOR HAPPINESS IN LIFE!

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

"My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. "

You had the 1st child. Then 2nd child and you never worried about this.

Call your family and his family, notify them of separation and that you are tired of the irresponsibility. It is going to be a long battle because you cannot force a horse to drink water from the river. If you had only one child, I would have advised you leave totally but 2 kids is a big issue.

Giftedhands45
I'm summary, you want to activate hoelosho mode? With 2 kids, finding true love is a mare wishful thinking. Just prepare your Congo for general knacking in exchange for some change.
Your husband is lazy. Towards the expiration of your rent move your children out to your family house. Watch him get gingered to act like a man should

It is well fa..... how could you have married him! Someone who couldnt be bothered to give from the little he has will not bother when he has plenty fa. Na wa o. See your life now....hian!

Any man who refuses to take care of small bills while you're courting him will not take care of big bills when you marry him! Let them call you a gold digger... yes, you are! The same way they ask you what you bring to the table is the same way you should ask them. Na real wa o.

Biko follow the advice of the guy that suggested you call a family meeting on his head, afterwhich you could go for a recess biko. Awon stingy bfs that become stingy lazy husbands! Whew! If care is not taken, you will sponsor him and your kids till they are old enough to take care of themselves.... what a dreadful situation.

They'll say if a lady demand for money while dating, she isn't a complete wife material. Imagine! It is only stingy broke a$$ men that makes the above statement. How can you claim you love a woman and find it difficult to spend on her?

Ladies pull your ear and repeat after me "i will never start what i cannot finish"

In as much as i believe in this saying "lets grow together " that doesn't mean you should act mumuishly all because of love. The lets grow together should be after marriage. You clearly saw that he was neglecting his responsibility even before marriage so what now makes you think he was going to change after marriage? When he sees you as his problem solver, desperado. Why should you even agree to such marriage in the first place? In this 22nd century where things aren't easy for an average income earners let alone a low income earner.

Now see innocent children you brought to this world to face the circumstances created by their parents. For the sake of those children, go and report him be it family members or human right or court. Where he'll be forced to get up and start acting responsibly by providing for the kids. Because if you divorce now, the responsibility will still be on you.

Or abi you have found a lover who is willing to accept and take care of you and the kids? Hmmm my sister don't believe any son of man who says he's gonna do that o. Let's face reality, no man will accept to shoulder another man's child/children responsibility knowing fully well their father is very much alive and kicking. Think twice o, before they turn you into an after two hook up mama.

1. Cook whatever you and your children can eat, don't leave anything for him to eat again. Even if the food you cook remains, pour it inside the nylon and keep it for your children.

2. Don't allow him to have sex with you again because lazy men will have time for sex.

2. Call your family and his family to explain everything to them, their meeting will suggest your next action.

3. If the families meeting do not yield good results, pls tell your family to allow you to stay with them and your children when your house rent expired.

4. From your family house, please try to hustle more. No more men outside to cater to your responsibility, they will just Bleep you and leave you with your responsibility.

Lord Lugard would be proud at the amalgamation of frustrated feminists on this thread.

cococandy:
Just know if you continue you will do everything by yourself until the end of your lives. He will never change and he will never take in your responsibilities seeing as you’re taking his. Instead he will consider it insulting if you ask him to. So you’ll end up married but single. Decide what you want

Coco of laive,babes I love you in folds,no caps.

It's a simple case,no need for divorce.
Here's what you Will do.
Cook,give to the kids,any remainder,put in plastic takeaway pack or cooler.

Warn the kids not to ever give him their meals to eat,or they're grounded.

Try grow your business,add other streams of incomes to it.

Try give yourself peace of mind,you would need it for the Israelite journey ahead.

Madam no matter what,do not ever indulge in extra marital affairs,e get why.

Take very good care of yourself ma'am.

I told you it's a simple mara.

When house rentage expires,before e expired,look for alternative place to stay,make sure he doesn't stay with you people

@all thanks for your advice and suggestions.
I have reported to his mum and siblings severally and they're not happy about his behavior, but he refuses to change.

The advice on moving to my parents house once the house rent expires is exactly what I will do.

For those saying I bring forth children to suffer them. No, My children are not suffering. I tried to give them the best in my own power. I'm the only one suffering because I'm doing it all alone.
And sure, no more intimacy here anymore. He can't provide, he can't touch me either

Please don't cheat. He will use that against you anytime. If you have to leave, do it with a clear conscience.
Ehmmm, you say your rent is expiring abi? Let it expire, don't lift a finger. Let your Landlord kick you out, then move to your parents place or get a place of your own with your kids. Use that as a trap for continuing the marriage or not.

He's has no rights to even attain any form of erection.

A wise woman sees her future with her husband with the altitude he portrays at home she births less kids, plans her life without him,Still married to him,grows her streams of income,take care of her self n kids,provides for the kids and takes God seriously.


Women please learn not to give yourselves Hbp,it's not worth it

Carry yourself and your children and move away from him until he get sense to find work


Go back to your parents house and stay here till your husband comes looking for you
By then he'll have something doing

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

This matter is hard because you saw it before you entered. I am tempted to ask what your game plan for the marriage was/is.

Since you are tired of him (as you should be) and family meetings has not yielded results (not surprised), move to your family house after the rent expires and see what you can do to fend for yourself and two kids.

After leaving, call a family meeting of both families and humbly tell them that you came here after the landlord shamefully evicted you and you would be here till he becomes responsible (get a viable means of income, demonstrate that he is capable of taking care of you financially, leading the family and fixing every other short comings he has in terms of leadership).

DO NOT BE CAJOLED BY ANY PROMISES OF CHANGE WITHOUT AT LEAST A YEAR'S EVIDENCE. (You see wetin Baba Zahra use our eyes see for eight years under promise of change like Oshodi conductors).

Also dead that feeling of needing someone to 'love' you right now; that is the least of your problems.

All my ladies: you would know a responsible husband in future from the present. If he cannot give you N3 out of his N10, isn't concerned when you have issues he cannot solve, cannot lead spiritually (if you are) and is looking for prayer warrior wife; cannot defend your honor/protect you in your presence or absence, doesn't care about your progress, you cannot count on him to give you concrete advice; the people around you have not started seeing him as pre-husband because he is not that visible (not applicable in LDR) or useful, hanty, you never see husband.

Why are these issues always synonymous with 80% of Nigerian husbands?

bukatyne:


This matter is hard because you saw it before you entered. I am tempted to ask what your game plan for the marriage was/is.

Since you are tired of him (as you should be) and family meetings has not yielded results (not surprised), move to your family house after the rent expires and see what you can do to fend for yourself and two kids.

After leaving, call a family meeting of both families and humbly tell them that you came here after the landlord shamefully evicted you and you would be here till he becomes responsible (get a viable means of income, demonstrate that he is capable of taking care of you financially, leading the family and fixing every other short comings he has in terms of leadership).

DO NOT BE CAJOLED BY ANY PROMISES OF CHANGE WITHOUT AT LEAST A YEAR'S EVIDENCE. (You see wetin Baba Zahra use our eyes see for eight years under promise of change like Oshodi conductors).

Also dead that feeling of needing someone to 'love' you right now; that is the least of your problems.

All my ladies: you would know a responsible husband in future from the present. If he cannot give you N3 out of his N10, isn't concerned when you have issues he cannot solve, cannot lead spiritually (if you are) and is looking for prayer warrior wife; cannot defend your honor/protect you in your presence or absence, doesn't care about your progress, you cannot count on him to give you concrete advice; the people around you have not started seeing him as pre-husband because he is not that visible (not applicable in LDR) or useful, hanty, you never see husband.

HeartlessMan:
Lord Lugard would be proud at the amalgamation of frustrated feminists on this thread.

Potential deadbeat,

Pointing out the laziness of a man automatically means frustrated feminists abi? taking responsibility of an household is a herculean task for brainless men, truth is bitter.

ahnie:
Why are these issues always synonymous with 80% of Nigerian husbands?

Maybe that's the type of men the women like? Or grew up to see?

Apart from the SE, I can count the tribes/regions that believe in a husband who provides any form of leadership:

I know SW and SS regions don't. Their women provide, protect and defend the home (read a lady describing how her mother checks if the main door is locked every night), leas in prayers/spirituality, lead in child training etc.

A lot of Nigerian women need training on what a husband should be like and the men trained on the duties of a husband.

Some provide money and think that's all there is to husbandhood.

In SS abavo precisely the women are the bread winners,same with women from my tribe and extracted tribe(urhobos)we were trained to never depend on a man and we grew up with that mentality to hustle and fend for our kids,and our men 78 percent grew up with that mentality that even if they do not provide,the wife would definitely hustle and care for the kids

bukatyne:




Maybe that's the type of men the women like? Or grew up to see?

Apart from the SE, I can count the tribes/regions that believe in a husband who provides any form of leadership:

I know SW and SS regions don't. Their women provide, protect and defend the home (read a lady describing how her mother checks if the main door is locked every night), leas in prayers/spirituality, lead in child training etc.

A lot of Nigerian women need training on what a husband should be like and the men trained on the duties of a husband.

Some provide money and think that's all there is to husbandhood.

ahnie:
In SS abavo precisely the women are the bread winners,same with women from my tribe and extracted tribe(urhobos)we were trained to never depend on a man and we grew up with that mentality to hustle and fend for our kids,and our men 78 percent grew up with that mentality that even if they do not provide,the wife would definitely hustle and care for the kids

@bold:

One of the most foolish training given to Nigerian women. SW is also in this boat.

Imagine Nigerian fathers training their sons not to depend on a woman to keep the home or support him in his vision?. That even if she doesn't keep the home and do other duties, the husband should take care of himself and kids. Isn't it foolish?

Of what use is a man that you can't depend on? How would he even know what his duties are when he sees his fore-fathers loafing about and still 'fine'?

Of what use is marriage when one partner is going to be useless?

Anyways, the women are getting wiser and the men are picking up at least financially and in some cases chores. Let's ginger them to do more till they become leaders they should be.

I don't think that training is entirely useless,it has helped majority of us in the long run it helps you to be independent,strong and self reliance.

bukatyne:


@bold:

One of the most foolish training given to Nigerian women. SW is also in this boat.

Imagine Nigerian fathers training their sons not to depend on a woman to keep the home or support him in his vision?. That even if she doesn't keep the home and do other duties, the husband should take care of himself and kids. Isn't it foolish?

Of what use is a man that you can't depend on? How would he even know what his duties are when he sees his fore-fathers loafing about and still 'fine'?

Of what use is marriage when one partner is going to be useless?

Anyways, the women are getting wiser and the men are picking up at least financially and in some cases chores. Let's ginger them to do more till they become leaders they should be.

As for me....man nor go fit do yanga for me Sha,welda he provides or not,once I see how the ship dey sail,I don pick my paddle dey sailam to the direction wey I want tam.

Like I said before...the op of this thread nor get wahala,make she device away of giving her kids meals,since she has always bn the sole provider,her kids should be her priority,make the man figure his sorry arse out.

bukatyne:




Maybe that's the type of men the women like? Or grew up to see?

Apart from the SE, I can count the tribes/regions that believe in a husband who provides any form of leadership:

I know SW and SS regions don't. Their women provide, protect and defend the home (read a lady describing how her mother checks if the main door is locked every night), leas in prayers/spirituality, lead in child training etc.

A lot of Nigerian women need training on what a husband should be like and the men trained on the duties of a husband.

Some provide money and think that's all there is to husbandhood.

This is true, Madam Bukatyne though I feel this is slowly changing. My married friends and colleague are actively involved in their homes beyond provision (I belong to the 90s generation).

In my tribe (in NC), we believe a man is supposed to provide, protect and care for his family to point of laying down his life if need be. This is what I saw my dad do.

My plan when I get married is to be involved l, by shopping with them, taking them to leisure spots, attending their inter-house sports, pray with them etc. Regardless of his my (future) wife works or not, I plan to foot all the bills—no 50-50 split in my dictionary.

So help me God.

Saladdin:


This is true, Madam Bukatyne though I feel this is slowly changing. My married friends and colleague are actively involved in their homes beyond provision.

In my tribe (in NC), we believe a man is supposed to provide, protect and care for his family to point of laying down his life if need be. This is what I saw my dad do.

My plan when I get married is to be involved l, by shopping with them, taking them to leisure spots, attending their inter-house sports, pray with them etc. Regardless of his my (future) wife works or not, I plan to foot all the bills—no 50-50 split in my dictionary.

So help me God.

Awwwwwww
I shall wait for you in my next life n marry you ,I would come with silver rings.
Goodmorning.

ahnie:

Awwwwwww
I shall wait for you in my next life n marry you ,I would come with silver rings.
Goodmorning.

Madam Ahnie Abeg oooo
Top of the morning to you ma.

Saladdin:


Madam Ahnie Abeg oooo
Top of the morning to you ma.

Lolzzzzz

I was on TikTok days ago and saw how janemena n her husband plies were doing,you can tell it's not bn scripted,it's natural,dem make marriage sweet person.

The rule of the thumb is never to ignore glaring red flags in your relationship. If you do, it would hunt you in your marriage.

My best guess is that your husband has an addiction that consumes his money. Most likely betting. If that's the case, I'll suggest you move out and give him some space. Hussle for your kids and continue to pray for things. Hopefully he'll change.

ahnie:

Lolzzzzz

I was on TikTok days ago and saw how janemena n her husband plies were doing,you can tell it's bn scripted,it's natural,dem make marriage sweet person.

Those ones don turn their entire life to a money-making scheme, their marriages are usually in a bad shape. They also make married look like a bed of roses where as it's not.
Beta fight must dey but I believe if both genders bring their best to the union, challenges will be easier to solve and accommodate.

That aside, Mr. Plies na real Candaulist with strong love-vendor vibes. I'll not be surprised if it's Janemena pulling in most of the income. Wetin Dem Kardashias and co no show us finish, but in the end na divorce later end am

The MVPs and the best examples are the upright average couples all around us look, from the likes of Joke Sliver to the ordinary business people and 9-5 couples, they work hard to make their marriages move.

Saladdin:


Those ones don turn their entire life to a money-making scheme, their marriages are usually in a bad shape. They also make married look like a bed of roses where as it's not.
Beta fight must dey but I believe if both genders bring their best to the union, challenges will be easier to solve and accommodate.

That aside That Mr. Plies na real Candaulist with strong love-vendor vibes. I'll not be surprised if it's Janemena pulling in most of the income. Wetin Dem Kardashias and co no show us finish, but in the end na divorce later end am

The MVPs and the best examples are the upright average couples all around us look, from the likes of Joke Sliver to the ordinary business people and 9-5 couples, they work hard to make their marriages move.

I agree with you partially Sha.

Mothers are busy training lazy male children.

In my opinion, too much attention is being given to the ladies on how to be a good wife, but men on the other hand, are not being thought on how to become a better husband. Any unproductive young man, is advised to get a wife inorder for him to behave well, whereas, in most cases, he will later torment the woman.
What you're not as a single person, it's hard to suddenly become it in marriage.