Okay before we start the Yab section there are only three commandments:
1. One may not insult another Nairalander, unless when pissed off
2.You may not insult the poster
3. Replace "Name of nairalander here" in yabs with he or she or habeeb, Shuiab or shola (hate these guys, my classmates)

Now Let The yabs begin!

* prayin 4 him *

Shola went to buy akara and gave the woman 1000 naira for five akara when the woman was attending
to other customers, Shola stole one more akara and ran away laughing forgetting to collect change and met
his friend who asked him why he was laughing and he said that "I just cheated the akara seller!"
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Shiuab went to school to pay school fees and starting pricing the school fees with the accountant.
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Habeeb went hunting for food for one month and came back with only one lap of a bush rat
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Shiuab teeth resembles the Devil's calculator.
Shola's chest resembles demon's frying pan.
Habeeb's legs resembles a wizard's walking stick.
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See this guy's scatter-scatter teeth like James Bond's bullets.

More are on the way

bin gbagbo:

* prayin 4 him *

Now wetin be ur own? if i start with you you'll leave nairaland.

Shola was so dirty, he was walking down the street when Shuiab saw him and told Habeeb.
"That boy is so dirty, he is as dirty as a pig" the next thing that happened Shuiab recieved a hot slap from a farmers pig.
Shuiab: why did you slap me you filthy animal?
Pig: Why did you insult me you brainless animal?

Shuiab as he wur-wur reach, he no need costum to act horror movie!

Shola too black, the water way u use baff fit dye white shirt to black!

Habbeb's joke dey so dry even the CLOWNS no fit laugh!

Shola was so ugly, the devil saw his face in the night and shouted "Blood of Jesus!"

jingle bells jingle bell, jingle all da way
habeeb open yansh everybody screams "yepa"
jingle bells jingle bell, jingle all da way
habeeb open yansh everybody screams
av u seen da yansh?
na rat dey inside.

There once was a magic mirror which would kill your if you lied to it. One day Shuiab was looking at it and said to himself "I think I'm the smartest man ever!" he immediately dropped dead. The next day a habeeb was brushing hair and said to himself "I think I'm the most handsome man alive!" he immediately dropped dead. Finally, the following day, Shola was flossing his teeth. he stopped and said to himself "I think," and dropped dead.

There were three people stranded on an island, Habeeb, Shola, and Shuaib. Habeeb looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So he announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So he swam out five miles, and got really tired. he swam out ten miles from the island, and he was too tired to go on, so he drowned.

The second one, Shola, said to himself, "I wonder if he made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So he attempts to swim out. Shola had a lot more endurance than Habeeb, as he swam out 10 miles before he even got tired. After 15 miles, he was too tired to go on, so he drowned.

So Shuiab thought to himself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So he swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but he said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So he swam back.

Shola: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

Man: "It's 11:25PM."

Shola: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

Shuiab decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. he mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but Shuaib begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, he grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. he tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up hir frail grip, he leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup. he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground again and again. As his head is battered against the ground, he is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when David, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

wait first, what are u trying to do?

watched this movie with sam loco and stefany okereke , stefany was acting retarded and walked funny , when sam saw her he said , see you like flying saucer . i totally got it , her hands were stickin out and she just looked like she was hoverin ,

boring

lysaa:

wait first, what are u trying to do?

I'm trying to make a good decent section of African Yabs bcuz i enjoyed yabbing so much in my secondary school.

mashnino:

boring

You must be refering to

9ja-ninja:

watched this movie with sam loco and stefany okereke , stefany was acting slow and walked funny , when sam saw her he said , see you like flying saucer . i totally got it , her hands were stickin out and she just looked like she was hoverin ,

yeah it was kinda stale but it was an attempt.

Lucario007:

yeah it was kinda stale but it was an attempt.

i thought it was hilarious

9ja-ninja:

i thought it was hilarious

mmm, you know after giving it a second thought it's actually kind of funny.

Lucario007:

mmm, you know after giving it a second thought it's actually kind of funny.

like

*where is d joke?

@poster. Kid, if u really want to be a good comedian in life, stay off drugs.

what is a yab

xynerise:

@poster. Kid, if u really want to be a good comedian in life, stay off drugs.

Pot calling kettle black, i know you have taken marijuana before posting this and now you're here pointing fingers. I'd rather die than take drugs.

bright007:

*where is d joke?

As the old saying goes, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and if u can't see the joke go and get a pair of glasses for better eyesight or just stop being a goddamn critic. i'm new on nairaland takes time to get decent jokes and i don't see you putting up any GOOD ones.

Ajibel:

what is a yab

Guessing ur not a nigerian or you wouldn't be asking that question or you didn't attend schools in nigeria.

Yab me!!!!!

but op,habeeb is my first name,mind how u use that name
respect!!!!


let the yab continue. . .but im a naija kid

Okay after enduring a few days without internet i am back and the yabs shall continue! Enjoy!


The strongest wrestler in the village of wasa wasa was Habeeb, he defeated everyone who challenged him and could carry a car using only his pinky.
One day while walking on the street bare chested showing six-pack abs, a small boy threw a seed of an orange at his chest and instead of collapsing there he ran to his backyard and died.

Shola was the proudest and strongest man in his village, seeing his pride, the elders summoned a martial arts mosquito that had been trained for fifty years. once the day of their fight came they but a huge metal cage on top of them so no one could see the violence. Shola's wife was waiting outside and prayed for victory. they started fighting and everyone could here the mosquito screaming in pain and grunts while shola was laughing. soon there was silence. then a knock on the metal door the cage was lifted up a little and the mosquito flew out dusting his hands then he told the wife
"Wife go and pick the bones".

Shola was the pastor of his church and that sunday was a mantle service, he searched his house for his special white hankerchief
and asked his wife where it was, and she said it was in the laundry. Shola was late so he went to the pile of clothes and saw a small
white piece of cloth and puy it in his pocket thinking that it was his hankerchief unaware that it was his wife's panties . once he got to church
and the praise and worship had ended he got up to the altar and shouted as he removed his "hankerchier"
Shola the pastor: Praise The Lord!!
Church members: Hallelu-
and they all colapsed and died from laughter.

I said use the name habeeb with respect!

d way shola dull when he build house he put tiles outside, interlocking inside

Lukki's first 1k he earned 💵

He put it into a saving box and started checking your phone for alert