I wish to use this medium to humbly beg the West African Examinations Council (WAEC) to kindly release my results. My name is Innocent Odogbe. I sat for the last GCE exams at Oturkpo Senior Grammar School in Benue State. My number is 587321098762 and my seat number is 079.

I have no other means of appealing to your goodselves, my most blessed WAEC officials, than by writing to the media. I beg you to please release my results. This is my 6th time of writing GCE, and honestly sirs, I know what I wrote. You had seized my result three times in the past. The fourth and fifth time you failed me in English. But this last time I was well prepared; I went for extra classes where I studied English very hard.

Please release my results. I swear that I did not cheat. I know those who cheated and I have some of their names. Even the invigilator who supervised us, I have his name. I have everything and I am willing to talk.

I will not mention names here, but I know what happened during that examination. Even the candidate who sat beside me came into every exam with answer sheets filled with correct answers.

“Bros, you need assistance?” he had asked me the very first day I wrote a paper.

“Assistance how?” I replied.

He had strolled in casually minutes after the invigilator announced that we had only 15 minutes left to turn in our papers. His black t-shirt shirt was drenched with sweat, black fez cap and very dark sunglasses supplemented his dressing; a huge silver plated chain adorned his fat neck. He did not cut the image of a serious student and he was not. He greeted the invigilator familiarly and they stood conversing for about five minutes before he walked to the empty desk beside me, stopping now and again to greet his friends. Sitting down, he dipped hands inside his crotch and retrieved answer sheets, identical to the one I had in front of me. It was already solved. That was when he asked if I needed assistance.

“I get bullet here. Correct one.” He went on.

I searched his eyes to meet him eyeball to eyeball, but only my image reflected on the large, black screen covering his eyes.

“No, thanks.” I responded curtly, trying to focus on revising my answers.

“Na from the University I just dey come. Na Professor of Geography do this one. I no dey carry Felicia. Dem know me well for this center. Na your first paper be this?”

“Bros, how much?” The guy behind me interrupted the conversation.

“Na 15k per one paper. Last. If you want arrange more than one paper shaa, we fit go outside go yarn well well.” The two of them left the hall as the invigilator began to shout for the rest to submit their papers.

This trend continued with all the papers I wrote and it turned out that several candidates in the class were involved. The invigilator had been conveniently settled to cooperate. Those of us who did not settle were treated with a different yardstick. Our papers were collected on the time and we dared not hold conversations while writing the exams.

I did not set out to bore you with all these stories, dearly beloved WAEC officials. But perhaps, by my writing, you might be inclined to release even if it is only my English language and Literature in English results. I am inclined to think that this letter will stand as testimony of my good command of the English language, and my literary prowess.

I am not denying that there was cheating in my center, but I swear again, I was not a part of it. If I am lying, let a truck hit and kill me as soon as I step out of this cybercafé. Sir, I did not cheat during the last WAEC exams.

By writing to the press, please do not label me an arrogant candidate in search of sympathy and publicity from the general public. I am simply your humble son, a patriotic Nigerian, desperately, but honestly seeking better life for myself and 9 other orphaned siblings, the last three of who are HIV+. I am distressed, please show tender mercy on me.

I can be reached at innooturkpoforchrist@livemail.com or call me, if you may, at 08036745126. It will take about four days for me to check and respond to your mail, but please know that I will eventually respond. If you call and it does not go through, it means I have not been able to charge my phone. Kindly leave a text message with your number and I will surely get back to you in no more than two days. I trust in the Almighty who we all serve in this country that your good hearts would be turned in my favor. Long live WAEC, long live the Federal Republic of Nigeria and long live all suffering Nigerians like me.
Thank you and God bless.

This is a work of Creative non-fiction.