Please fellow nairalanderz..I have been a ghost reader for some now and seeing how issues are been treated here gave me the gut to fully join and seek advice on way forward concerning what am about to commit myself into... sorry for the typo error and bashing is welcome as well......So am a young man in my early 30s from the Eastern part of the country ... currently here in the middle belt...Yet married and there is this girl I have been nurturing to marry though from the same part of the country.. should be 21 by next year...I have been a family friend with the parents for years now and this said lady is still a virgin till date and hard working ... started going out with her last year of which the parents was against it but I don't really know all of a sudden the called me and ask about my plans towards their daughter and I replied by saying if all goes as planned I would love to marry her... since then they reduced their bashing towards the girl anytime she goes out knowing fully well she could be with me... Now the issues am seeing now are these***this very girl loves alcohol more than me being the man and can give her last card to the parent on their flimsy request... this particular habit of giving the parents cash assistance is no crime if only the established something for her, but no way I was the one that gave her cash on several occasions to start little stuff in other to cater for herself because am not the type that loves giving money every now and then for up keep.. reason being that all my life I never really dated..so see such a girl and been close to them I never felt any harm in trying to bring her up to speed of which the father per say is always against me giving her such amount of money reason that I should try and do the needful .... but in all this they always keep collecting the money until she folds up...even in my presence to the extent of going to borrow from random people just to meet her parents needs...I warned her on several occasions but to no avail.... currently she broke and I for one is not going to give her a dime again...they parents are expecting me to come and do the needful... funny parts is this very girl can be sturbone to the core... nowadays she flares up at any slightest mistake or joke....So house what should I do.... continue the relationship or find my way because it's eaten me up and I really plan on settling down by next year...so please help a soul

Why do you guys always hammer on a girl's virginity? Does being a virgin make a woman a good wife?

If you really want to settle down, must it be with someone more than 10 years your junior? Man, go out and explore and you may find your match.

Thanks..noted

It's the pressure.

Now that the girl's parents have put pressure on you about marrying her, you're beginning to see what's been there all along.
So now, you're looking for an excuse to bail.
Well, let's hope you have not already had sex with her sha. Have you?

No I promised myself never to do thatuote author=mariahAngel post=127095044]It's the pressure.
Now that the girl's parents have put pressure on you about marrying her, you're beginning to see what's been there all along.
So now, you're looking for an excuse to bail.
Well, let's hope you have not already had sex with her sha. Have you? [/quote]

Suncity1705:
■ Now the issues am seeing now are these***this very girl loves alcohol more than me being the man
■ and can give her last card to the parent on their flimsy request... this particular habit of giving the parents cash assistance is no crime if only the established something for her, but no way I was the one that gave her cash on several occasions to start little stuff in other to cater for herself because am not the type that loves giving money every now and then for up keep.. reason being that all my life I never really dated..so see such a girl and been close to them I never felt any harm in trying to bring her up to speed of which the father per say is always against me giving her such amount of money reason that I should try and do the needful .... but in all this they always keep collecting the money until she folds up...even in my presence to the extent of going to borrow from random people just to meet her parents needs...
■ I warned her on several occasions but to no avail.... currently she broke and I for one is not going to give her a dime again...they parents are expecting me to come and do the needful... funny parts is this very girl can be sturbone to the core... nowadays she flares up at any slightest mistake or joke....So house what should I do.... continue the relationship or find my way because it's eaten me up and I really plan on settling down by next year...so please help a soul

So, in your mind, na only man fit love alcohol. Women can't do that too?

2. She will be 21 years of age soon and would do anything for her parents. But somehow you have a problem with this?

3. You warned her meaning you tried to force a 20-year-old to reason according to you all so she can fit your ideals? This is 2023, you should probably find your way and look for a woman closer to your age who fits better with your views in life.

She drinks alot, right

Accept anything for the sake of virginity.

Thanks all I appreciate for your kind advices

Please guys for the record...her virginity was never my top priority but the way I do watch from afar about the lifestyle of her and that of the family...not of churchy type oh but just this humle upbringing I felt

Suncity1705:
Please guys for the record...her virginity was never my top priority but the way I do watch from afar about the lifestyle of her and that of the family...not of churchy type oh but just this humle upbringing I felt

Look, you already more than established that there are many red flags in the relationship against your union. Is it your intention to overlook them all or what?
I do hope you are not thinking those red flags which all happen to exist because of views you hold will all just go away when you finally force the girl to begin to obey you or do as you command shortly before or after marriage.

First of all, you write so incoherent, no paragraph, no full stop, poorly spelled words, you just jam packed everything together like a tin of sardine and you called yourself a graduate . Mtcheww!!!

Secondly, you are a broke man. I mean if you can’t take good care of your girlfriend then you shouldn’t be in a relationship .

Biko, leave the relationship if you want to leave, she didn’t put a gun on your head. Any little thing you men would rush and open a thread. Is not as if you have spent up to as low as 1million naira on her since you started the relationship

Shior!!

Well bro...truly the red flag is there and I don't really know whether it will go away with time, because lots of guys I shared this issue with all said I should go ahead and marry her if I truly feel for her, but I don't see them red flags going away in the nearest future, at the same time I don't think I got the nerve to walk away....So am completely confused

Funny how men of nowadays withdraw the moment money matters arise.

Before now you loved her to the extent you committed yourself to her parents by giving them your word that you want to marry her. Now you want to bow out Just because she asked you for money.

You're not ready.

[color=#006600][/color] thanks for your advice

Jennyclay:
First of all, you write so incoherent, no paragraph, no full stop, poorly spelled words, you just jam packed everything together like a tin of sardine and you called yourself a graduate . Mtcheww!!!

Secondly, you are a broke man. I mean if you can’t take good care of your girlfriend then you shouldn’t be in a relationship .

Biko, leave the relationship if you want to leave, she didn’t put a gun on your head. Any little thing you men would rush and open a thread. Is not as if you have spent up to as low as 1million naira on her since you started the relationship

Shior!!

Suncity1705:
■ Well bro...truly the red flag is there and I don't really know whether it will go away with time,
■ because lots of guys I shared this issue with all said I should go ahead and marry her if I truly feel for her,
■ but I don't see them red flags going away in the nearest future, at the same time I don't think I got the nerve to walk away....So am completely confused

Red flags do not disappear. You either accept them as your lot in your relationship or you run from the relationship.

2. Well, misery loves company, so they will tell you to go ahead and let magic handle the real issues.

3. You need to make up your mind whether you are willing to absorb— open your mind to accepting her and her supposed flaws — or whether you are not going to accept them at all. It is not her but you that needs to decide on this. So no need to remain confused.

It's a good thing you talked about her keeping her virginity, sincerely I applaud her.
2. I believe you came to really loved her when you got to find out she's a v
3. Apart from being a virgin, of which of course it will be gone one day, what else really attracted you to her?
4. You scolding her because she gives her parent the money meant for business , and you think you're doing the right is virtually wrong,.
5. What have you done in helping her limit the intake of alcohol, if not for anything for the sake of her health

Solution
Get a shop yourself and put it in your name, while she manages it, observe her for few months and do the mathematics yourself
2. Do not abuse her both emotionally or physically, guide her on what you want her to do to bring positive result, remember people are different.
3. I'll advise you not to be faster than your shoulder, watch and pray I pray God directs you.
Shalom

You sound naive.

Alcohol makes women Hot. And you say your own drinks, and she's a virgin. The family also collects money from her, like she has a job. So people just dash her money, or borrow her because she's a virgin. Dey play. Keep playing

Bleep that girl NOW.

Bleep her and move on. She's not someone you should EVER marry. Marrying a girl who's playing provider for her family when she has no job is bringing CALAMITY into your own life.

You'd be adding her ENTIRE family to your expenses. You will feed her. You will feed her family.

It'll make it IMPOSSIBLE for you to escape poverty.

Note: if you are not poor now, marrying her will your financial situation will deteriorate until you are.

Also, the girl does NOT like or respect you. That's why she flares up over some minor issues. She has someone ELSE already and she's fucking him.

You are just her and her family's personal piggy bank.

Finally, Bleep her. Bleep her good and discharge her.

Suncity1705:
Please fellow nairalanderz..I have been a ghost reader for some now and seeing how issues are been treated here gave me the gut to fully join and seek advice on way forward concerning what am about to commit myself into... sorry for the typo error and bashing is welcome as well......So am a young man in my early 30s from the Eastern part of the country ... currently here in the middle belt...Yet married and there is this girl I have been nurturing to marry though from the same part of the country.. should be 21 by next year...I have been a family friend with the parents for years now and this said lady is still a virgin till date and hard working ... started going out with her last year of which the parents was against it but I don't really know all of a sudden the called me and ask about my plans towards their daughter and I replied by saying if all goes as planned I would love to marry her... since then they reduced their bashing towards the girl anytime she goes out knowing fully well she could be with me... Now the issues am seeing now are these***this very girl loves alcohol more than me being the man and can give her last card to the parent on their flimsy request... this particular habit of giving the parents cash assistance is no crime if only the established something for her, but no way I was the one that gave her cash on several occasions to start little stuff in other to cater for herself because am not the type that loves giving money every now and then for up keep.. reason being that all my life I never really dated..so see such a girl and been close to them I never felt any harm in trying to bring her up to speed of which the father per say is always against me giving her such amount of money reason that I should try and do the needful .... but in all this they always keep collecting the money until she folds up...even in my presence to the extent of going to borrow from random people just to meet her parents needs...I warned her on several occasions but to no avail.... currently she broke and I for one is not going to give her a dime again...they parents are expecting me to come and do the needful... funny parts is this very girl can be sturbone to the core... nowadays she flares up at any slightest mistake or joke....So house what should I do.... continue the relationship or find my way because it's eaten me up and I really plan on settling down by next year...so please help a soul

Get married to a working class lady.

Find a more matured woman who is closer to your spec... virginity is no trophy

[color=#990000][/color] Getting a shop for her won't change the sole attitude of giving out money to the parents because, she has made it very clear to me that even when married she is going to keep doing that no matter what any one say or do....at first I thought it was a joke but now I feel it's a beliqq[sub][/sub]

Justkatty:
It's a good thing you talked about her keeping her virginity, sincerely I applaud her.
2. I believe you came to really loved her when you got to find out she's a v
3. Apart from being a virgin, of which of course it will be gone one day, what else really attracted you to her?
4. You scolding her because she gives her parent the money meant for business , and you think you're doing the right is virtually wrong,.
5. What have you done in helping her limit the intake of alcohol, if not for anything for the sake of her health

Solution
Get a shop yourself and put it in your name, while she manages it, observe her for few months and do the mathematics yourself
2. Do not abuse her both emotionally or physically, guide her on what you want her to do to bring positive result, remember people are different.
3. I'll advise you not to be faster than your shoulder, watch and pray I pray God directs you.
Shalom

[color=#990000][/color] Getting a shop for her won't change the sole attitude of giving out money to the parents because, she has made it very clear to me that even when married she is going to keep doing that no matter what any one say or do....at first I thought it was a joke but now I feel it's a believe she has[sub][/sub]

Justkatty:
It's a good thing you talked about her keeping her virginity, sincerely I applaud her.
2. I believe you came to really loved her when you got to find out she's a v
3. Apart from being a virgin, of which of course it will be gone one day, what else really attracted you to her?
4. You scolding her because she gives her parent the money meant for business , and you think you're doing the right is virtually wrong,.
5. What have you done in helping her limit the intake of alcohol, if not for anything for the sake of her health

Solution
Get a shop yourself and put it in your name, while she manages it, observe her for few months and do the mathematics yourself
2. Do not abuse her both emotionally or physically, guide her on what you want her to do to bring positive result, remember people are different.
3. I'll advise you not to be faster than your shoulder, watch and pray I pray God directs you.
Shalom

Scarcity mentality there are millions of women in the world nna na WA ooo.

Don't you have standards? Things you would take or overlook.

Personally if a girl or guy dey rub bleaching cream abobi abeg no carry yourself near me...


People should set standards for everything life no too hard.

Remember if you refuse to set your standards people go give you their own.

[color=#000099][/color]I got you

online4business:
Scarcity mentality there are millions of women in the world nna na WA ooo.

Don't you have standards? Things you would take or overlook.

Personally if a girl or guy dey rub bleaching cream abobi abeg no carry yourself near me...


People should set standards for everything life no too hard.

Remember if you refuse to set your standards people go give you their own.

When trouble sleep and sunny go wake am up, abeeg wetin hin day faaiind?

Wahala hin dey find!

Wahala he go get eee ooooh!

Wahala he must get!

Wahala!

Namaster:
Bleep that girl NOW.

Bleep her and move on. She's not someone you should EVER marry. Marrying a girl who's playing provider for her family when she has no job is bringing CALAMITY into your own life.

You'd be adding her ENTIRE family to your expenses. You will feed her. You will feed her family.

It'll make it IMPOSSIBLE for you to escape poverty.

Note: if you are not poor now, marrying her will your financial situation will deteriorate until you are.

Also, the girl does NOT like or respect you. That's why she flares up over some minor issues. She has someone ELSE already and she's fucking him.

You are just her and her family's personal piggy bank.

Finally, Bleep her. Bleep her good and discharge her.

I hope he gets a trophy after sleeping with her.

The lack of respect you lots place on your bodies needs to be studied in Harvard.

You will guard your money, guard your houses, degrees, jobs and other things that are not so important yet be sexually loose mingling all sorts with your body, soul & spirit.

If the OP has decided that the girl is not for him, the honorable thing is to let her go.

Suncity1705:
Please fellow nairalanderz..I have been a ghost reader for some now and seeing how issues are been treated here gave me the gut to fully join and seek advice on way forward concerning what am about to commit myself into... sorry for the typo error and bashing is welcome as well......So am a young man in my early 30s from the Eastern part of the country ... currently here in the middle belt...Yet married and there is this girl I have been nurturing to marry though from the same part of the country.. should be 21 by next year...I have been a family friend with the parents for years now and this said lady is still a virgin till date and hard working ... started going out with her last year of which the parents was against it but I don't really know all of a sudden the called me and ask about my plans towards their daughter and I replied by saying if all goes as planned I would love to marry her... since then they reduced their bashing towards the girl anytime she goes out knowing fully well she could be with me... Now the issues am seeing now are these***this very girl loves alcohol more than me being the man and can give her last card to the parent on their flimsy request... this particular habit of giving the parents cash assistance is no crime if only the established something for her, but no way I was the one that gave her cash on several occasions to start little stuff in other to cater for herself because am not the type that loves giving money every now and then for up keep.. reason being that all my life I never really dated..so see such a girl and been close to them I never felt any harm in trying to bring her up to speed of which the father per say is always against me giving her such amount of money reason that I should try and do the needful .... but in all this they always keep collecting the money until she folds up...even in my presence to the extent of going to borrow from random people just to meet her parents needs...I warned her on several occasions but to no avail.... currently she broke and I for one is not going to give her a dime again...they parents are expecting me to come and do the needful... funny parts is this very girl can be sturbone to the core... nowadays she flares up at any slightest mistake or joke....So house what should I do.... continue the relationship or find my way because it's eaten me up and I really plan on settling down by next year...so please help a soul

You are the one to tell us what you want as a man

Do you want to marry a drunk as a wife

Then if you are ok with that speed up your own drinking habit to meet up with her standard

If you can afford to keep sorting her parents for life

Then you are capable

If you can't read the hand writing on the wall, then you need help

Just Japa from this relationship.

Kobojunkie:
So, in your mind, na only man fit love alcohol. Women can't do that too?

2. She will be 21 years of age soon and would do anything for her parents. But somehow you have a problem with this?

3. You warned her meaning you tried to force a 20-year-old to reason according to you all so she can fit your ideals? This is 2023, you should probably find your way and look for a woman closer to your age who fits better with your views in life.

Kobojunkie!! You said well on the bolded part. 2000 likes for you.

@OP, that girl never mature for marriage. She never know what marriage is all about for now. If you go ahead to marry that girl, the kind wahala wey you go get hnee.. no be small. It will even get to a time , you would send her back to her parents to go learn.

Those two negative habits you noticed in her at this stage of her young life, don't take it for granted.

Dont allow the girls parent to use your likeness/love for their daughter to blackmail you.

Take a break from her.

Her reasoning never dey reach marriage side. Leave the side of her being a virgin. E get virgins wey dey give their husband serious head/heart ache.

See that sudden anger na to make you release money to her ,to appease her.

( But wait o, which kind girl at that young age go like alcohol pass anything? Is it the local one - burukutu, ogogoro?)

Which part of the middle belt are you based?

Suncity1705:
Please guys for the record...her virginity was never my top priority but the way I do watch from afar about the lifestyle of her and that of the family...not of churchy type oh but just this humle upbringing I felt

Inside the humble upbringing na him Alcoholism and stubborness dey ? Ok. Now that you came close ,you ve seen the kind of person she is proper.

Jennyclay:
First of all, you write so incoherent, no paragraph, no full stop, poorly spelled words, you just jam packed everything together like a tin of sardine and you called yourself a graduate . Mtcheww!!!

Secondly, you are a broke man. I mean if you can’t take good care of your girlfriend then you shouldn’t be in a relationship .

Biko, leave the relationship if you want to leave, she didn’t put a gun on your head. Any little thing you men would rush and open a thread. Is not as if you have spent up to as low as 1million naira on her since you started the relationship

Shior!!

Shuuu! go away from this place! Na important family/marriage discussion we dey talk here. This one no be "I want to ask her out" " My boyfriend, my girlfriend"

Suncity1705:
Well bro...truly the red flag is there and I don't really know whether it will go away with time, because lots of guys I shared this issue with all said I should go ahead and marry her if I truly feel for her, but I don't see them red flags going away in the nearest future, at the same time I don't think I got the nerve to walk away....So am completely confused

.. E be like say something dey worry you!

Better find a way to avoid seeing her for some days.