1. Set clear expectations: In this part of the world, when you hear the word discipline, what comes to your mind is punishment, sternness, in fact, you start picturing a bílálà in your mind. Meanwhile, discipline is supposed to be training someone to follow a certain code of conduct or behavior. While punishment can be a part of the process, the first step to discipline is teaching.

This we learnt from Allah and His messenger. The first thing is to tell us what to do, give us reasons to want to do it, because this results in intrinsic motivation. Then finally, he gives the rules, the reward for the doers and the punishment for the disobedient.

Example of Salah: Allah said in different place...

"Verily the prayer at fixed times has been enjoined upon the believers" 4:103

Verily, As-Salat (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahsha' (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse, etc.) and Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed, etc.) 29:45

What has landed you in Hell?” They will reply, “We were not of those who prayed. 74:42-43

And many other examples of how Allah teaches us.

Let us visit the prophets household and learn about discipline too.

Umar bin Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with them) reported:
I was a boy under the care of Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), and as my hand used to wander around in the dish, he (ﷺ) said to me once, "Mention Allah's Name (i.e., say Bismillah), eat with your right hand, and eat from what is in front of you."

In another hadith

“Tell your children to pray when they are seven years old and smack them (lightly) if they do not pray when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.”

Did you notice how we should keep telling them, admonishing them, reminding them, for good three years, before the smack came in? He didn't leave us to guess what pleases or what angers Him, he clearly told us in His book and in the tongue of His prophet.

2. Model compliance: Don't be a parent that sets rules only for the children but is free to engage in all the misbehaviours. Look at the prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, he was a worthy model to his companion. Always doing more than them in 'ibaadaat and always avoiding sins more. Same with Khalīfatu rasūlillahi Abubakr. None of his subjects could ever surpass Jim in goodness, not even Umar with all his efforts. Radhiyallahu anhum ajma'een. Their subjects didn't see them as hypocrites requesting from them the impossible.

3. Communicate rewards and punishment: This is also clear in the Quran and ahadith. No need to guess. We all know that the reward for good is goodness. And the reward for evil is evil, in different levels. Punishment in this world,in the grave and the hereafter.

4. Praise/Reward compliance: Don't be a parent that only complains when a child does something wrong but never shows approval or acknowledgement when they do well. That kind of child will think he's good for nothing. Let there be a balance.

5. Punish for defiance. Don't be a parent that overlooks your children's misdeeds. Let them know that there's a consequence to face when you don't comply with rules. It helps kids discipline themselves. Don't let us be like the oyinbos, they are facing huge consequences for their permissiveness.

Let's see this Hadith:
“Hang your whip where the members of the household can see it, for that will discipline them.”

Do we also remember the Hadith of Umar? "Jibreel said...And tell me about its signs and the prophet replied when a slave will give birth to his master..." It's unfortunate that this Hadith is coming to pass in our own generation. The kind of power many parents give to kids these days, will leave you wondering if the children are actually the parents. They dish instructions and the parents obey. Or the parents consult them before taking all decisions. The more reason we have so many entitled and easily frustrated children. They were not prepared for the real world. They suddenly realize that the world is not their mother and the next thing-suicide.

6. Pray: Only Allah can grant us success in upbringing our children, our efforts alone can't do it. People that were more righteous and more intentional were tested with defiant children, may Allah save us from such. You will find some of the prayers of prophet Ibrahim for good children in these verses of the Quran.
AL-Furqan:74
Al-Ahqaf:15
Ibrahim:40
Aali-Imraan:38
As-Saffat:100

WabiLlahit-tawfeeq!

Amin.