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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? (4809 Views)
All Akpos Jokes On NL-> Enter If U Wan Laf / Laf Ur Ribs Out. / Laf Wan Kill Me Die O (2) (3) (4)
Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 3:43am On Nov 16, 2011 |
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND, " Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy, " At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army." |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 3:47am On Nov 16, 2011 |
What is Tension? A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital. Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’ THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED. You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’ Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’ YOU HAVE MORE TENSION. Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father. EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU. Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those ?” THAT IS REAL TENSION. |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 3:50am On Nov 16, 2011 |
An American, a Nigerian and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Nigerian and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here." "That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Nigerian was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay." |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Ajibel(m): 4:12am On Nov 16, 2011 |
i was tired of reading the jokes cuz they werent funny. sowi about that joke rating 8% |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 12:04pm On Nov 16, 2011 |
At times I wonder if all people say about politicians are actually true. Are politicians truely liars? Read this short story,smile n tell what your reaction will be: A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crashed near his farm. When police came 2 the scene they asked the farmer what happened? FARMER: They crashed in my farm & I buried dem. POLICE: Are u sure they were all dead? FARMER: Some of dem said they're still alive, but u know how politicians lie, so I didn't believe dem. Pls if u were d policeman wat wil do? |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 7:05pm On Nov 17, 2011 |
An old man was makin luv 2a young lady n suddenly d old man started shakin.d young lady ask "old man wat's d problem?" d old man replied sayin " i dont no o, i dont no if am comin or going" |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by yinkalink(f): 7:29pm On Nov 17, 2011 |
lol |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Nobody: 7:41am On Nov 18, 2011 |
Lmao! I loved all d jokes. U tried. Nice one |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by BCuZiMBlaCk(m): 9:12am On Nov 18, 2011 |
Like this thread |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 9:35am On Nov 18, 2011 |
One aftanu,a wealthy lawyer was ridin in d bak of his limousine wen he saw 2 men eatin grass by d road side.He orderd his driva 2stop n he got out 2investigate."y r u eatin grass?"he askd 1 man."We dont hav any money 4food," d poor man replied."Oh, com along wit me den." "But sir,I hav a wife wit 2children!" "Bring dem along! n u,com wit us too!" he said 2d other man."But sir,I hav a wife wit 6children!" d 2nd man answered."Bring dem as wel!" They all climbed into d car,which was no easy task,even 4a car as large as d limo.once underway,one of d poor fellows says,"Sir,u r too kind.Thank u 4taking all of us wit u." d lawyer replied, "No problem,d grass at my home is abt 2feet tall." 1 Like |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 4:06pm On Nov 20, 2011 |
A particular Couple agreed that when eva they wanna hav sex dey will say let's make a fone call, 1 day, d man sent his son 2 tell d mum while she was busy in d kitchen, SON: mum, dad is asking u 2 come so he can make a fone call, MUM: go tell dad am out of coverage area, DAD: go tell ur mum dat if she cant come I will make d call elsewhere, MUM: go tell ur dad that if he does that, I will open a call centre here, Have a jolly day. |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by BCuZiMBlaCk(m): 6:41pm On Nov 20, 2011 |
Not bad |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by kodylicky(f): 8:56am On Nov 21, 2011 |
nice collection |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 12:37pm On Nov 26, 2011 |
Stella died and went to heaven , As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind her. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Stella, "whose clock is that?" "That's Bishop Ajayi Crowther's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." "Incredible," said Stella. "And whose is that one?" St Peter responded, "That's Nnamdi Azikwe's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Zik told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's my husband Obasanjo's clock?" asked Stella. "Obasanjo's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan 1 Like |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Yeske2(m): 5:15pm On Nov 26, 2011 |
Correct thread |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 7:31pm On Nov 26, 2011 |
Yeske!:Thanks man |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 8:06pm On Nov 26, 2011 |
A Nursery 1 student in a danfo bus from school was reciting the day’s lesson at school, it went thus: If my father is a cock and my mother a hen, I will be a chick, if my father is a lion and my mother is a lioness, I will be a cub, if my father is a king and my mother a queen, I will be a prince etc, etc. The bus driver was irritated by the boys ‘noise’; he shouted at the boy asking him to shut up. But the boy continued. Then the driver shouted, "what if your father is an ‘armed robber’ (thief), and your mother an ‘ashawo’ (prostitute) what will you be?" The boy replied; I will be a ‘Danfo Driver’. Frankly speaking what will u do if u were the danfo driver |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by BCuZiMBlaCk(m): 9:51pm On Nov 26, 2011 |
Thinking |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 10:24pm On Nov 26, 2011 |
BCuZiMBlaCk:Think wel n fast |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by BCuZiMBlaCk(m): 10:28pm On Nov 26, 2011 |
I go shoot im yansh wit shotgun, then stitch im lips wit broken bottle |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 4:52am On Nov 27, 2011 |
BCuZiMBlaCk:u wil b 2harsh. U don 4get say he is jus a kid. Do u no if dat was wat he was tot in d skul? |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 5:59am On Nov 27, 2011 |
Mallam Sule bought a new bullet proof jeep for N75M. While visiting Warri, he was attacked by armed robbers who rained bullets on his car. To Sule's amazement the car resisted all. So he started mouthing words at the bandits. One of them gestured that he could not hear him, so Mallam Sule wound down his window and shouted: "shege dan bura'uba, barawon banza; uwaka, " Post-script: He has since been buried according to Muslim rites! |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 3:20pm On Nov 27, 2011 |
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 3:21pm On Nov 27, 2011 |
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 3:21pm On Nov 27, 2011 |
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by BCuZiMBlaCk(m): 11:45pm On Nov 27, 2011 |
Did you copy this joke from ola or did he copy it from you? |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by kingron: 2:24am On Nov 28, 2011 |
cool |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 4:28am On Nov 28, 2011 |
BCuZiMBlaCk:I didnt copy 4rm joke 4rm any body as u rightly said i copied it 4rm Me.hav it in ma mail box. |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 7:32am On Nov 28, 2011 |
Bakari is a house boy who every day drinks the wine of his Boss and puts water in the bottle to replace what he drank. But the Boss having suspicions as for the quality of the wine, he decides to buy pastis (a French wine that changes colour if you add water). Bakari as usual, takes a mouthful and add water to replace what he drank. However, soon after he added water the pastis became milky. When the Boss came back and noticed it, he was sure he had managed to nail Bakari as thief!!! At that same moment Bakari realized he was in trouble and decided to go into the kitchen. The Boss said to his wife: 'Mary, you will see today that he will be obliged to acknowledge’. So he calls Bakari. He shouted: 'Bakari!’ Bakari answered: 'Yes, Boss'. Boss: 'Who drank my pastis?’ No answer. The Boss reiterated his question: 'who drank my wine? Still no answer. Then the Boss went to fetch Bakari from the kitchen and says to him. Are you insane or what? ; Why is it that when I call you, you say yes boss, but when I ask you a question you don't answer me; Bakari replied his boss that 'when you are in the kitchen there, you don't hear anything at all, except the name. Then to prove that Bakari lied, the Boss said to him: 'You stay beside Madam here, me I go in the kitchen, and you ask me a question '. Bakari accepted and the Boss went into the kitchen. Bakari shouted: 'Boss'. He answered: 'Yes, Bakari'. Bakari continued: 'Who goes in the maid's bedroom when the Madam is not here? '. No answer. Bakari shouted again: 'Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?' No answer. Bakari shouted again (third time): 'Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?' The Boss returned from the kitchen running and says, Bakari; it is true, you are right. When one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, only the name. |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Domwiz4all(m): 7:18pm On Dec 04, 2011 |
A Fat guy saw an advertisment "lose 5kg in a week" He cals & said i would like to join! Lady : Ok be ready tomorrow at 6am. Next morning He opens the door & finds a hot babe with shoes, underpants & shirt saying "If u catch me u can f*ck me!" & the girl starts running. Guy starts running but couldn't catch her. so during the whole week he tried to catch her bt couldn't & loses 5kg. He then asks for the 10 kg program. Next morning at 6 he opens the door & saw even hotter babe in bikini saying if u catch me u can f*ck me. He loses 10 kg dat week. so he thought this program is awesome! Lets try 25kg. but the lady said are you sure? Its really tough!! next day at 6 he opens the door expecting to see a nude babe. but finds a nude man with a huge dick saying "If i catch u i will f*ck u!!" that week he lost 30kg |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by bright007(f): 8:33pm On Dec 04, 2011 |
I no sey photocopy kooo easy!but bros try do ur own thing.Stop copying old jokes dat we hav read $ enjoyed years ago. RUGRAT! |
Re: Do You Want To Laf Urself Out? by Natasha2(f): 8:41pm On Dec 04, 2011 |
LMAO classic |
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