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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Laf Ur Ribs Out. (12199 Views)
Babalawo Agbaye Hilarious Pix Dnt Brake Ur Ribs After Watching / If U Don't Want Ur Ribs To Crack, Please Don't Read These Jokes / Dnt Over-laugh, Dnt Break Ur Ribs (2) (3) (4)
Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 6:29pm On Mar 09, 2013 |
Akpos was toasting a girl. After everything the girl asked him, "Are you in school and what course are you studying because I can't date an Illiterate o?. Akpos lied to her, and said "Yes I am in school and I'm studying food science". 2weeks later, the girl saw Akpos washing plates in a local restaurant. *Shocked*Gosh what are U doing here? Akpos smiled and said, "AM DOING MY I.T" 5 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 12:32pm On Mar 12, 2013 |
Anything For a DVD Player Akpos asked his mother whether they could buy a DVD player. "I’m afraid we can’t afford one", sighed his mother. But on the following day Akpos came in with a brand-new DVD player. "Where did you get the money to pay for that?" gasped his mother. "Easy," replied Akpos, "I sold the television!" 3 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 12:38pm On Mar 12, 2013 |
A Small Pig While eating lunch, a husband, his wife and their son, the son was eating roughly and the following conversation took place between the father and his son. FATHER: You're eating like a small pig. SON: OK daddy. FATHER: Do you know what a small pig is? SON: Yes of course, son of a big pig. 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 12:42pm On Mar 12, 2013 |
Mrs kofo Mrs kofo said 2 her maid "Oh Lizzy, I suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." The maid replied, "I don't believe it ma, you are just saying it to make me jealous" 4 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 2:06pm On Mar 13, 2013 |
Two Crazy Men Two men planned to run away from the psychiatric hospital. They started planning and agreed that they will go to the gate, beat up the watchman, open the gate and run away. When they reached the gate, the watchman was not there and the gate was wide open. They turned to each other and said "shit! our plan has failed, lets go back, we will try again tomorrow." 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 3:34pm On Mar 15, 2013 |
Police No Dey Look I was driving down the street when a police man stop my car and immediately opened the door enter and jammed it. As usual he wanted to collect "roja"money from me...Then sudenly he saw the big grown dog at the back of the seat with tongue stuck out angrily staring fiercely at him. POLICE: [shakin] Ah! You carry dog? ME: [I bone my face] Yes! POLICE: [feeling uncomfortable] Na where una come dey come from? ME: From hospital! POLICE: [feeling uneasy] Ehen! You sick? ME: No, na the dog o. POLICE: [Looks back] Why the dog come dey shake im head like dat? ME: Oh! Like that? If the dog wan bite person na so e dey shake head o. POLICE: and the dog know you o? ME: Yes na, no be me get am? POLICE: [sweating] This your door how you dey open am? ME: Open it na, abi u no know as you take enter. POLICE: Abeg! Na since I notice the dog I don dey try open am. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by angelsing(m): 11:16am On Mar 16, 2013 |
nice jokes...u tried. I hope my oga at the top can compliment u too 2 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by drsolob(m): 1:05pm On Mar 16, 2013 |
Nice joke especially the last one.But my oga at the top says u should post more ohh. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 5:19pm On Mar 17, 2013 |
A LADY'S INBOX 1.I love you dear (from vincent) 2.Can I take you out tonight? (from joseph ) 3.I always feel bad when I see you with any other man. (from alex) 4.Dear friend, dont forget to come to my birthday party tomorrow. (from anita) 5.I will do whatever it will take just to have you by my side (from peter) 6.I know that you are taken but I wunt mind being your number two (from kevin) A DUDE'S INBOX 1.You have insufficient funds to renew your daily data bundles (from MTN) 2.Hey dude! Give me a break, i told you am married! (from jane) 3.Dont you dare calling me again! you aint my type! (from stella) 4.Am warning you, let this month not be a story telling event just like the past 3months. (from landlord) 5.I never knew you could be a player! its over b2win us! (from ann) 6.I have not seen my periods for two weeks now! (neighbours wife) 7.Hey you, I want my dvd movies back (from dan). Is This True Or False? 2 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 5:19pm On Mar 17, 2013 |
A LADY'S INBOX 1.I love you dear (from vincent) 2.Can I take you out tonight? (from joseph ) 3.I always feel bad when I see you with any other man. (from alex) 4.Dear friend, dont forget to come to my birthday party tomorrow. (from anita) 5.I will do whatever it will take just to have you by my side (from peter) 6.I know that you are taken but I wunt mind being your number two (from kevin) A DUDE'S INBOX 1.You have insufficient funds to renew your daily data bundles (from MTN) 2.Hey dude! Give me a break, i told you am married! (from jane) 3.Dont you dare calling me again! you aint my type! (from stella) 4.Am warning you, let this month not be a story telling event just like the past 3months. (from landlord) 5.I never knew you could be a player! its over b2win us! (from ann) 6.I have not seen my periods for two weeks now! (neighbours wife) 7.Hey you, I want my dvd movies back (from dan). Is This True Or False? |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 5:28pm On Mar 17, 2013 |
angelsing: nice jokes...u tried. I hope my oga at the top can compliment u too Thanks. I know my oga at the top compliments it. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 5:31pm On Mar 17, 2013 |
drsolob: Nice joke especially the last one.But my oga at the top says u should post more ohh. thanks. Let me go ask my oga at the top for more. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 7:41am On Mar 19, 2013 |
Akpos just got admitted to the village school, AKPOKICINEMA GRAMMAR SCHOOL d best school in d village and it was his first day in school and an inspector was visiting. The CRS teacher was in class telling them the story of DANIEL IN THE LION'S DEN when he sighted the principal and the inspector heading towards the class. The old and forgetful CRS teacher wrote GENESIS as the topic on the board without thinking. Class: Good mooooooorning sir, we are happy to see u sir Inspector: good morning class, i can see your teacher is telling you what happened in the book of genesis? Class: yeeeeeeeees sir Inspector(pointing to Akpos): ok, you there, who killed Abel? Akpos: Sir i don't know, i have been in the class since 8am ask my friend Ofego, i didn't kill Abel sir. Inspector(angry): i said who killed Abel? Akpos: I am a christian, i can't kill. i don't even know this Abel you are talking about, is he in our class? Inspector(turning to the teacher): ok teacher can you tell the class who killed Abel? Teacher(knees down and open his hands wide): My son, How can you expect me to kill, what example will i be laying to my students if i kill a person? Inspector (disappointed and turns to the principal): ok class the principal will help to tell us who killed Abel. Mr principal, who killed Abel? Principal: when u came to my office, did'nt you see me there? Inspector: Yes, i did. Principal: Did u see blood stains in my hands? Inspector: No Principal: How could i have killed Abel? where is the proof that i did?. The whole class clapped for the principal. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by Agybabe(f): 9:26am On Mar 19, 2013 |
@poster, keep it up 1 Like |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 11:57pm On Mar 22, 2013 |
Answered Prayer AKPOS prayed so hard and one day God finally talked to Him. GOD: My Son, what do you really want? AKPOS: I want a job, a big car and lots of girls to be all around me.. GOD: Is that all? AKPOS: Yes... GOD: Your prayer has been answered. AKPOS: Thank you God. ***Now AKPOS is now A BUS DRIVER in a FEMALE SCHOOL. 4 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 11:58pm On Mar 22, 2013 |
Agybabe: @poster, keep it up Thanks |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by ogochukwunasa1: 7:51am On Mar 23, 2013 |
DONFAITH: Police No Dey na i go die get dis one nw |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 9:02am On Mar 23, 2013 |
Akpos stepped into a pub to relax his nerves one sunny afternoon. While in the bar Akpos shouted and said to the barman; "Give me a bottle of small stout and give everybody here 2 bottles of big stout let them enjoy cus wen i drink stout, everybody drinks stout." The barman obeyed and all the people in the bar started hailing Akpos while sipping on their free drinks. Akpos ordered again: Barman! Give me a bottle of small stout and give everybody here 2 bottles of big stout let them enjoy cus wen i drink stout, everybody drinks stout. At this juncture everybody cheered and hailed Akpos. After some minutes again Akpos said: barman give me a plate of fish peppersoup and give everybody here two plates of fish peppersoup each, let them eat while i eat. The barman obeyed. They were so happy and heaped praises on Akpos while they ate and drank. Some minutes later, they were shocked to the marrow when Akpos beckoned on the Barman and said to him; "Bring me my bill and also give everybody here their bill too cus when I pay my bill, everybody will pay their bills too!" Akpos is still in coma at the intensive care unit of Central Hospital in Warri. 4 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 9:07am On Mar 23, 2013 |
ogochukwunasa1: Dis 1 na d remix. 2 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 11:39am On Mar 23, 2013 |
Akpors was tired of City Girlswent to his village in search of a decent girl to pick as a Wife. He got a real village Girl, paid her bride prize and brought her to the City. When he wanted to make Love to her, he found out that her public hair was too much and asked her to shave. The Girl said," Sir, I no fit shave oo! Nah this hair make all the boys wey dey village dey call me "NKECHI AFRO" 1 Like |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 5:53pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
At a launching ceremony, an illiterate Ibo man (chief Akpors) noticed that each dignitary making a donation had two titles attached to their names. For instance, Chief (Dr.) Micheal Ohenhe, Prof (Pastor) Felix Okechukwu etc. Chief Akpors determined not to allow anyone upstage him at the occasion. When it was his turn to speak, he took the mic and announced thus: I, Late (Chief) Akpors Aramilieba Magnus Adusy donate the sum of N500, 000 cash. Late Who?? The hall was empty in 60 seconds... How many likes 4 akpors?! 5 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 6:25pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
There were three criminals about 2 be executed. They were to determine how they were going 2 be killed either by hanging, by shooting or by being injected with HIV virus. The first criminal decided to die by hanging and he was hanged. The second criminal decided to die by shooting and he was shot.The third criminal(Akpors) decided to die by being injected with HIV virus and he was injected. After he was injected, he was let go home. He said in his mind, "Look at these foolish people, they never know say I DEY USE CONDOM"... |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 2:36pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
Akpos and Jonathan(not GEJ o) lived next door to each other. Akpos owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in Jonathan's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw Jonathan pick up the egg. Akpos ran up to Jonathan and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. Jonathan disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally Akpos said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." Jonathan agreed to this and so Akpos put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward Jonathan and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles. Jonathan fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually Jonathan stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you." Akpos smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!" Hit Like if u understand 8 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 2:36pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
Akpos and Jonathan(not GEJ o) lived next door to each other. Akpos owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in Jonathan's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw Jonathan pick up the egg. Akpos ran up to Jonathan and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. Jonathan disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally Akpos said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." Jonathan agreed to this and so Akpos put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward Jonathan and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles. Jonathan fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually Jonathan stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you." Akpos smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!" Hit Like if u understand 2 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by ikechukz(m): 3:09pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
nice 1 Like |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 3:24pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
ikechukz: nice thanks. |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by mattsteve(f): 10:37pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
I liked them. KEep it up OP 1 Like |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 8:00am On Mar 25, 2013 |
Drunk akpos was with his girlfriend in a cinema and suddenly, he fell asleep.After a while, he woke up and started screaming 'MY PEN*S, MY PEN*S, MY PEN*S'! All the people in the cinema were surprised at Akpos' behaviour. He continued, 'Where is my pen*s? Someone has cut my pen*s and my nuts! Oh God what have I done to deserve this?' The embarrassed girlfriend said 'shut up,you idiot! Your hand is in my panty'! |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 8:03am On Mar 25, 2013 |
mattsteve: I liked them. KEep it up OP thanks 1 Like |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 4:17pm On Mar 25, 2013 |
PRESENTER AKPOS: What’s your contribution? CALLER: There is this lady I wanted in my life shortly after my NYSC, But all my efforts proved abortive. She wouldn't pick my calls, she would laugh at me while passing by for reasons best known to her, 5 months later, I was able to get an apartment, get a new car courtesy of a contract job I secured with a major oil company. Now most of the missed calls I have are hers, barrage of sms and all that. I am confused on what to do. Please advise me. PRESENTER AKPOS: Listen up, give her a call letting her know you will be at her house in 2hrs time. When it’s time call her up and delay for another 2hrs. Take a cool Shower, wear a nice outfit and attention catching perfume. When it’s time drive to her house, walk to her door and knock, once she opens, with d sexiest smile you've got, look stylishly into her eyes, draw her slowly to yourself, take your mouth close to her ear and whisper ''THUNDER FIRE U'. 4 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 4:24pm On Mar 25, 2013 |
Akpos' next door neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Akpos' family to come over and see their new baby. Akpos' parents were very afraid their son would have a silly words to say about the baby. So, Akpos' dad had a long talk with Akpos before going to the neighbours house. He said, "Now, son, that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behaviour and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to beat you when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Akpos. At the neighbour's house, Akpos leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at his mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother, who had braced herself for Akpos' comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Akpos." Akpos then continued, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see clearly?" The mother who was a bit surprised, replied; "Why, yes ... his doctor said he has a good vision, why do you ask?" Akpos said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause i'm very sure he can't wear glasses. 3 Likes |
Re: Laf Ur Ribs Out. by DONFAITH: 9:58am On Mar 26, 2013 |
Akpos called HEARTLAND FM OWERRI imo state and this is what went on...... Akpos : hellloooo Heartland fm: hello who is on the line ? Akpos: my name is akpos akpororo Heartland fm: ok , how can we help you ? Akpos: i picked a female bag , inside the bag is a blackberry empharty, a signed cheque of N500,000, an atm card with the secret pin atachedto it ,and the sum of N200,000 cash, and some other items Heartland fm: oh good boy, so you want to return it to the owner ? Akpos: I DEY MADT !!!!!!!!!!!! ?, i just want you to play me MAGA DON PAY by KELLY HANSOME and CHOP MY MONEY by P-SQUARE ........ Lol 7 Likes |
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