Akpos was toasting a girl.
After everything the girl asked him,
"Are you in school and what course are you studying because I can't date an Illiterate o?.
Akpos lied to her, and said "Yes I am in school and I'm studying food
science".
2weeks later, the girl saw Akpos washing plates in a local restaurant.
*Shocked*Gosh
what are U
doing here?
Akpos smiled and said, "AM DOING MY I.T"

Anything For a
DVD Player

Akpos asked his mother
whether they could buy
a DVD player. "I’m afraid
we can’t afford one",
sighed his mother.

But on the following day
Akpos came in with a
brand-new DVD player.
"Where did you get the
money to pay for that?"
gasped his mother.

"Easy," replied Akpos, "I
sold the television!"

A Small Pig

While eating lunch, a
husband, his wife and
their son, the son was
eating roughly and the
following conversation
took place between the
father and his son.

FATHER: You're eating
like a small pig.
SON: OK daddy.
FATHER: Do you know
what a small pig is?
SON: Yes of course, son
of a big pig.

Mrs kofo

Mrs kofo said 2 her maid
"Oh Lizzy, I suspect that
my husband is having
an affair with his
secretary."

The maid replied, "I
don't believe it ma, you
are just saying it to
make me jealous"

Two Crazy Men

Two men planned to
run away from the
psychiatric hospital.
They started planning
and agreed that they will
go to the gate, beat up
the watchman, open the
gate and run away.

When they reached the
gate, the watchman was
not there and the gate
was wide open. They
turned to each other and
said "shit! our plan has
failed, lets go back, we
will try again
tomorrow."

Police No Dey
Look

I was driving down the
street when a police
man stop my car and
immediately opened the
door enter and jammed
it.

As usual he wanted to
collect "roja"money
from me...Then sudenly
he saw the big grown
dog at the back of the
seat with tongue stuck
out angrily staring
fiercely at him.

POLICE: [shakin] Ah! You
carry dog?
ME: [I bone my face] Yes!
POLICE: [feeling
uncomfortable] Na
where una come dey
come from?
ME: From hospital!
POLICE: [feeling uneasy]
Ehen! You sick?
ME: No, na the dog o.
POLICE: [Looks back]
Why the dog come dey
shake im head like dat?
ME: Oh! Like that? If the
dog wan bite person na
so e dey shake head o.
POLICE: and the dog
know you o?
ME: Yes na, no be me
get am?
POLICE: [sweating] This
your door how you dey
open am?
ME: Open it na, abi u no
know as you take enter.
POLICE: Abeg! Na since I
notice the dog I don dey
try open am.

nice jokes...u tried. I hope my oga at the top can compliment u too

Nice joke especially the last one.But my oga at the top says u should post more ohh.

A LADY'S INBOX

1.I love you dear
(from vincent)

2.Can I take you
out tonight? (from
joseph )

3.I always feel bad
when I see you
with any
other man. (from
alex)

4.Dear friend, dont
forget to come to
my
birthday party
tomorrow. (from
anita)

5.I will do
whatever it will
take just to have
you by my side
(from peter)

6.I know that you
are taken but I
wunt mind
being your number
two (from kevin)

A DUDE'S INBOX
1.You have
insufficient funds
to renew your
daily data bundles
(from MTN)

2.Hey dude! Give
me a break, i told
you am
married! (from
jane)

3.Dont you dare
calling me again!
you aint my
type! (from stella)

4.Am warning you,
let this month not
be a
story telling event
just like the past
3months.
(from landlord)

5.I never knew you
could be a player!
its over
b2win us! (from
ann)

6.I have not seen
my periods for two
weeks
now! (neighbours
wife)

7.Hey you, I want
my dvd movies
back (from
dan).

Is This True Or
False?

A LADY'S INBOX

1.I love you dear
(from vincent)

2.Can I take you
out tonight? (from
joseph )

3.I always feel bad
when I see you
with any
other man. (from
alex)

4.Dear friend, dont
forget to come to
my
birthday party
tomorrow. (from
anita)

5.I will do
whatever it will
take just to have
you by my side
(from peter)

6.I know that you
are taken but I
wunt mind
being your number
two (from kevin)

A DUDE'S INBOX
1.You have
insufficient funds
to renew your
daily data bundles
(from MTN)

2.Hey dude! Give
me a break, i told
you am
married! (from
jane)

3.Dont you dare
calling me again!
you aint my
type! (from stella)

4.Am warning you,
let this month not
be a
story telling event
just like the past
3months.
(from landlord)

5.I never knew you
could be a player!
its over
b2win us! (from
ann)

6.I have not seen
my periods for two
weeks
now! (neighbours
wife)

7.Hey you, I want
my dvd movies
back (from
dan).

Is This True Or
False?

angelsing: nice jokes...u tried. I hope my oga at the top can compliment u too

Thanks. I know my oga at the top compliments it.

drsolob: Nice joke especially the last one.But my oga at the top says u should post more ohh.

thanks.

Let me go ask my oga at the top for more.

Akpos just got
admitted to the
village school,
AKPOKICINEMA
GRAMMAR SCHOOL
d best school in
d village and it was
his first day
in school and an
inspector was
visiting.
The CRS teacher
was in class
telling them the
story of DANIEL
IN THE LION'S DEN
when he
sighted the
principal and the
inspector heading
towards the
class. The old and
forgetful CRS
teacher wrote
GENESIS as the
topic on the board
without thinking.
Class: Good
mooooooorning sir,
we are happy to
see u sir
Inspector: good
morning class, i
can see your
teacher is telling
you what
happened in the
book
of genesis?
Class:
yeeeeeeeees sir
Inspector(pointing
to Akpos): ok,
you there, who
killed Abel?
Akpos: Sir i don't
know, i have
been in the class
since 8am
ask my friend
Ofego, i didn't kill
Abel sir.
Inspector(angry): i
said who killed
Abel?
Akpos: I am a
christian, i can't
kill. i don't even
know this
Abel you are
talking about, is he
in
our class?
Inspector(turning
to the
teacher): ok
teacher can you
tell the class who
killed Abel?
Teacher(knees
down and open
his hands wide): My
son, How can
you expect me to
kill, what
example will i be
laying to my
students if i kill a
person?
Inspector
(disappointed and
turns to
the principal): ok
class the
principal will help to
tell us who
killed Abel. Mr
principal, who
killed Abel?
Principal: when u
came to my
office, did'nt you
see me there?
Inspector: Yes, i
did.
Principal: Did u see
blood stains
in my hands?
Inspector: No
Principal: How could
i have killed
Abel? where is the
proof that i
did?.

The whole class
clapped for
the principal.

@poster, keep it up

Answered Prayer

AKPOS prayed so hard
and one day God finally
talked to Him.
GOD: My Son, what do
you really want?
AKPOS: I want a job, a
big car and lots of girls
to be all around me..
GOD: Is that all?
AKPOS: Yes...
GOD: Your prayer has
been answered.
AKPOS: Thank you God.

***Now AKPOS is now
A BUS DRIVER in a
FEMALE SCHOOL.

Agybabe: @poster, keep it up

Thanks

DONFAITH: Police No Dey
Look

I was driving down the
street when a police
man stop my car and
immediately opened the
door enter and jammed
it.

As usual he wanted to
collect "roja"money
from me...Then sudenly
he saw the big grown
dog at the back of the
seat with tongue stuck
out angrily staring
fiercely at him.

POLICE: [shakin] Ah! You
carry dog?
ME: [I bone my face] Yes!
POLICE: [feeling
uncomfortable] Na
where una come dey
come from?
ME: From hospital!
POLICE: [feeling uneasy]
Ehen! You sick?
ME: No, na the dog o.
POLICE: [Looks back]
Why the dog come dey
shake im head like dat?
ME: Oh! Like that? If the
dog wan bite person na
so e dey shake head o.
POLICE: and the dog
know you o?
ME: Yes na, no be me
get am?
POLICE: [sweating] This
your door how you dey
open am?
ME: Open it na, abi u no
know as you take enter.
POLICE: Abeg! Na since I
notice the dog I don dey
try open am.

na i go die get dis one nw

Akpos stepped into a
pub to relax
his nerves one sunny
afternoon.
While in the bar Akpos
shouted
and said to the barman;
"Give me a
bottle of small stout
and give
everybody here 2
bottles of big
stout let them enjoy
cus wen i
drink stout, everybody
drinks
stout."
The barman obeyed
and all the people in the
bar
started hailing Akpos
while sipping
on their free drinks.
Akpos ordered again:
Barman!
Give me a bottle of
small stout and
give everybody here 2
bottles of
big stout let them
enjoy cus wen i
drink stout, everybody
drinks
stout.
At this juncture
everybody cheered
and hailed Akpos. After
some
minutes again Akpos
said: barman
give me a plate of fish
peppersoup
and give everybody
here two
plates of fish
peppersoup each, let
them eat while i eat.
The barman
obeyed.
They were so happy
and heaped
praises on Akpos while
they ate
and drank. Some
minutes later,
they were shocked to
the marrow
when Akpos beckoned
on the
Barman and said to him;
"Bring me
my bill and also give
everybody
here their bill too cus
when I pay
my bill, everybody will
pay their
bills too!"

Akpos is still in coma at
the
intensive care unit of
Central
Hospital in Warri.

ogochukwunasa1:

na i go die get dis one nw

Dis 1 na d remix.

Akpors was tired of City Girlswent to his village in search of a decent girl to pick as a Wife.

He got a real village Girl, paid her bride prize and
brought her to the City.
When he wanted to make Love to her, he found out that her public hair was
too much and asked her to shave.

The Girl said," Sir, I no fit shave oo! Nah this hair make all the boys wey dey village dey call me "NKECHI AFRO"

At a launching
ceremony, an
illiterate Ibo man (chief
Akpors)
noticed that each
dignitary
making a donation had
two
titles attached to their
names. For instance,
Chief (Dr.)
Micheal Ohenhe, Prof
(Pastor)
Felix Okechukwu etc.
Chief Akpors
determined not to
allow anyone upstage
him at the
occasion. When it was
his turn to speak,
he took the mic and
announced
thus: I, Late (Chief)
Akpors
Aramilieba Magnus
Adusy
donate the sum of
N500, 000
cash. Late Who?? The
hall was empty
in 60 seconds... How
many likes 4 akpors?!

There were three
criminals
about 2 be
executed. They
were
to determine how
they were
going 2 be killed
either by
hanging, by
shooting or by
being injected with
HIV virus. The first
criminal decided to
die
by hanging and he
was hanged.
The second
criminal decided to
die by shooting
and he was
shot.The third
criminal(Akpors)
decided to die by
being injected with
HIV virus and he
was
injected. After he
was injected,
he was let go
home. He said in
his mind, "Look at
these foolish
people, they never
know say I
DEY USE
CONDOM"...

Akpos and
Jonathan(not GEJ
o) lived next
door to each other.
Akpos owned a
hen and each
morning he
would look in his
garden and pick up
one of
his hen's eggs for
breakfast.
One day he looked
into his garden and
saw
that the hen had
laid an egg in
Jonathan's
garden. He was
about to go next
door when
he saw Jonathan
pick up the egg.
Akpos ran up to
Jonathan and told
him that
the egg belonged
to him because he
owned
the hen.
Jonathan
disagreed because
the egg was laid
on his property.
They argued for a
while until finally
Akpos
said, "In my family
we normally solve
disputes by the
following actions: I
kick you
in the testicles and
time how long it
takes for
you to get back up.
Then you kick me
in the
testicles and time
how long it takes
for me to
get up. Whoever
gets up quicker
wins the
egg."
Jonathan agreed
to this and so
Akpos put on
the heaviest pair
of boots he could
find. He
took a few steps
back, then ran
toward
Jonathan and
kicked him as hard
as he could
in the testicles.
Jonathan fell to
the floor clutching
his groin,
howling in agony
for 30 minutes.
Eventually
Jonathan stood up
and said, "Now
it's my turn to kick
you."
Akpos smiled and
said, "Ye can keep
the
damn egg!!"

Hit Like if u
understand

Akpos and
Jonathan(not GEJ
o) lived next
door to each other.
Akpos owned a
hen and each
morning he
would look in his
garden and pick up
one of
his hen's eggs for
breakfast.
One day he looked
into his garden and
saw
that the hen had
laid an egg in
Jonathan's
garden. He was
about to go next
door when
he saw Jonathan
pick up the egg.
Akpos ran up to
Jonathan and told
him that
the egg belonged
to him because he
owned
the hen.
Jonathan
disagreed because
the egg was laid
on his property.
They argued for a
while until finally
Akpos
said, "In my family
we normally solve
disputes by the
following actions: I
kick you
in the testicles and
time how long it
takes for
you to get back up.
Then you kick me
in the
testicles and time
how long it takes
for me to
get up. Whoever
gets up quicker
wins the
egg."
Jonathan agreed
to this and so
Akpos put on
the heaviest pair
of boots he could
find. He
took a few steps
back, then ran
toward
Jonathan and
kicked him as hard
as he could
in the testicles.
Jonathan fell to
the floor clutching
his groin,
howling in agony
for 30 minutes.
Eventually
Jonathan stood up
and said, "Now
it's my turn to kick
you."
Akpos smiled and
said, "Ye can keep
the
damn egg!!"

Hit Like if u
understand

nice

ikechukz: nice

thanks.

I liked them. KEep it up OP

Drunk akpos was
with his girlfriend
in a
cinema and
suddenly, he fell
asleep.After a
while, he woke up
and started
screaming 'MY
PEN*S, MY PEN*S,
MY PEN*S'!
All the people in
the cinema were
surprised at
Akpos' behaviour.
He continued,
'Where is my pen*s?
Someone
has cut my pen*s
and my nuts! Oh
God what
have I done to
deserve this?' The
embarrassed
girlfriend said 'shut
up,you
idiot! Your hand is
in my panty'!

mattsteve: I liked them. KEep it up OP

thanks

PRESENTER AKPOS:
What’s your
contribution?

CALLER: There is
this lady I wanted
in my life shortly
after my NYSC, But
all my efforts
proved abortive.
She
wouldn't pick my
calls, she would
laugh at me while
passing by for
reasons best
known to her, 5
months
later, I was able to
get an apartment,
get a new car
courtesy of a
contract job I
secured with a
major oil company.
Now most of the
missed calls I have
are hers,
barrage of sms and
all that. I am
confused on what
to
do. Please advise
me.

PRESENTER AKPOS:
Listen up, give her
a call letting her
know you will be at
her house in 2hrs
time. When it’s
time call her up and
delay for another
2hrs. Take a cool
Shower, wear a
nice outfit and
attention catching
perfume. When it’s
time drive to her
house, walk to her
door and knock,
once she opens,
with d sexiest
smile you've got,
look stylishly into
her eyes, draw her
slowly to yourself,
take your mouth
close to her ear
and
whisper ''THUNDER
FIRE U'.

Akpos' next door
neighbour
had a baby.
Unfortunately, the
little
baby was born
with no ears.
When they
arrived home from
the hospital, the
parents invited
Akpos' family
to come over and
see their
new baby.
Akpos' parents
were very
afraid their son
would have a silly
words to
say about the
baby. So, Akpos'
dad had a long talk
with Akpos
before going to
the
neighbours house.
He said, "Now, son,
that poor
baby was born
without any ears. I
want you to be on
your best
behaviour and not
say one word
about his ears, or
I'm really going to
beat you when we
get back home."
"I promise not to
mention his ears
at all," said Akpos.
At the neighbour's
house, Akpos
leaned over the
crib and touched
the baby's
hand. He looked at
his mother and
said,
"Oh, what a
beautiful little
baby!"
The mother, who
had braced herself
for Akpos'
comment, was
pleasantly
surprised and said,
"Thank you
very
much, Akpos."
Akpos then
continued, "This
baby has perfect
little
hands and
perfect little feet.
Why, just look at
his pretty little
eyes! Did
his doctor say he
can see clearly?"
The mother who
was
a bit surprised,
replied;
"Why, yes ... his
doctor said he has
a good vision,
why do you
ask?"
Akpos said, "Well,
it's a good thing,
cause i'm very sure
he can't wear
glasses.

Akpos called
HEARTLAND FM
OWERRI imo state
and this is what
went on......
Akpos : hellloooo
Heartland fm: hello
who is on the line ?
Akpos: my name is
akpos akpororo
Heartland fm: ok ,
how can we help
you ?
Akpos: i picked a
female bag , inside
the bag is a
blackberry
empharty, a signed
cheque of
N500,000, an atm
card with the
secret pin
atachedto it ,and
the sum of
N200,000 cash, and
some other items
Heartland fm: oh
good boy, so you
want to return it to
the owner ?
Akpos: I DEY
MADT !!!!!!!!!!!! ?, i
just want you to
play me MAGA DON
PAY by KELLY
HANSOME and
CHOP MY MONEY by
P-SQUARE ........ Lol