The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs/websites


1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is
www.whorepresents.com


2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com


3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net


4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com


5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company
www.powergenitalia.com


6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com


7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com


8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com


9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

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Nelson Mandela



Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke. Push off", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it,the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, push off! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusts a clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:
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(It's a beauty)
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"You not "Nissan Maindealer?"

Socrates


In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance came upon the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter test?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, let's take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and, "
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary, "
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, and you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his wife.

Round Table


King Arthur has a beautiful wife. The problem is, the knights of the round table keep shag.ging her. He goes to Merlin, and explains the situation. Merlin says, "I've got just the thing." He pulls a out pair of metal knickers, with a hole in the bottom. Arthur says, "They're no good." But Merlin puts his wand through the hole, and a blade appears and chops his wand in half. Arthur takes them, and padlocks them to his wife. He goes away for a fortnight.
When he returns he lines up all his knights and tells them to drop their pants. All of the knights except one have half their di.cks lopped off. Arthur said, "You have disgraced the knights of the round table, Go away, and may I never see you again." He comes to the remaining knight Sir Lancelot and says, "For your loyalty, I will give you half of my empire. Lancelot said, "Fank kiou heirr."

A Classic?


A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation. They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves. "I'm an engineer" says american, "So I'll handle building a shelter". He turns to the Frenchman and says: "You French are pretty good cooks, why don't you handle the cooking?" The Frenchman agrees, and the American turns to the Japanese man "That leaves you to organise the supplies" he says. The Japanese man agrees and each man sets about his tasks.

A year passes, and the sociologists return to see how the men have done.

They expect to find three desperate men, unhappy with having to live on the island, but instead find a huge wooden house with verandas and porches and balconies. The American comes to greet them, and when they express their surprise about the house he just shrugs and says "Yeah well I had a lot of raw materials so I kind of went to town and did the place up"

The teams are amazed and are shown inside to the kitchen where they're greeted with the most amazing smell of delicious food. The Frenchman sees their surprise and just shrugs "I had lots to work with" he says, "This island has loads of edible herbs and plants."

The team sits down to eat and are about to start when one of them inquires about the Japanese man.

"Oh we don't know what happened to him" explains the American, he ran off into the woods to sort out the supplies and hasn't been seen since."

They all agree that they should find the man, and a search party is organised.

They make it about 100 yards into the woods, when the Japanese man jumps out from behind a tree, stark naked with peacock feathers sticking out of his bot.tom and shouts:

"SUPPLIES!!"

How the fight started,


I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we are, alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of his car. . .and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?


Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it. . . he was a DWARF!


He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'


So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, which one are you then?'

. . and well, that's when the fight started . .

I Need the Rake
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Honey, where is the rake?"

She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"

The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion.

The wife is not sure and says, "What?' and the man repeats his gestures. "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE"

The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left bre.ast, then she points to her b.utt, and finally to her cr.otch.

Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the friggin' hell was that?"

She replies, "EYE - LEFT TI.T - BEHIND - THE BUSH"

If you go down to the woods today


Walking through the woods, a man comes upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against it. He asks, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of this tree."

"You've gotta be kidding."

"No, not at all! Would you like to give it a try?"

"Well, this is really stupid, but, , okay , " So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against it. The other man immediately slaps a set of handcuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewellery and car keys, then strips him na.ked and leaves.

Two hours later, another nature lover strolls by, sees this man handcuffed to the tree naked and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there. While he was regaling his plight, the newcomer is shaking his head in sympathy, circling him. When the handcuffed man is finished talking, the second man walks around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says, "This just isn't your day, is it, Sugar!"

Mirror mirror
A young woman is down town searching through the market for a new mirror for her bedroom door. She find a lovely mirror and asks the stall assistant about it. He replies, 'This isn't just any mirror but this is a magic mirror!'
The woman is a bit overwhelmed and asks a bit more. The stall assistant replies, 'All you have to do for this baby to work is say, Mirror mirror on the door and something else that rhymes and it will come true.'
The woman decides to buy the mirror and heads for home.
She places the new mirror on the door to replace her old one and says, 'Mirror mirror on the door make my b.ust size 44!'
All of a sudden her bre.ast become enormous! Her husband returns home from work. 'Gosh, what on earth has happened to you?!' He says all flustered and excited.
'I bought this mirror from the market, if you say mirror mirror on the door and something that rhymes with it, it will happen!'
She turns round and there he is legging it up the stairs frantically tugging at his trousers. He gets to the bedroom,

'Mirror mirror on the door make my di.ck touch the floor!'


His legs disappeared!

The Language of Love?


A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola downa lady," said the man. Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

Hot Chocolate and Viagra



A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.

The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"

The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."

The man says, "And the Viagra?"

"Keeps him from rolling and falling out of bed."

Punk on a bus



A young punk gets on a cross-town bus.

He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple, and of course orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers.

He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles.

Finally the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man:
"What are you looking at you old fart, .didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat, the old man replies:
"Yeah. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son."

Cool jokes

i been they think lilkech was a robot. these jokes doesnt deserve human appraisal, besides they are all from the nl trash bin

AHJIBOOLE
. . YOU AGAIN!

im never tired

Dis section is dry 2day . . . so in that case

BUMP

HA HA HA

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