How to mend a marriage after an affair.
One of the most devastating, destructive events that can happen to a marriage is the heartbreak left in the wake of an affair. Now that it's over - really over - you want to try to pick up the pieces.

You will just need to go and make it right with your spouse, and asking for forgiveness, then on the other side, she/he should be ready to give a second chance.

This love thingy sounds boring to say the least.

You will need to provide more details to get any meaningful advice. Are you a guy? Who cheated? You or your spouse? Was it a one-night stand or was it a full-blown several-month affair? There is no panacea for every situation. It all depends.

You need to pray to get the strength to move on. It is very painful

Moremi is right. @poster answer her questions truthfully . . . And lastly, who initiated the break up, the cheat partner or the man/woman outside

*Eatin hot boli and granut and flushin it down with chilled coke while waitin for answer*

At postal thanks for very much for this your post @moremi and all i get one babe when i dey date for like 6years and to be honest i dey feel say when the money come we go do wedding , Now 2 weeks ago we get smal misunderstanding and for like a week communicate,because her fone off.
So few days ago when she come visiting me ,i find out say she don go run SHOW

our9ja:

At postal thanks for very much for this your post @moremi and all i get one babe when i dey date for like 6years and to be honest i dey feel say when the money come we go do wedding , Now 2 weeks ago we get smal misunderstanding and for like a week communicate,because her fone off.
So  few days ago when she come visiting me ,i find out say she don go run SHOW

Guy,how bout u,you nor run show too?lol
Abeg forgive her if you can,if you cant,just let her go.

I believe dis is the only guy that responded correctly to the topic on board so far.

Poster,

You cannot oooo. After somebody chop clean mouth, he wan come begin mend fence? Except it is a semi-open relationship.

One person has to just take the humiliation if anything. If children are involved, then ok.

If people still have an eye for somebody outside, maybe people should now start considering polygamy and polyandry officially.

All this one man, one woman thing is not working.

With Nigerian women topping prosmicuity league table recently, not a bad idea.

You will have to patiently wait for the other half to burn out the hurt and begin to trust you again.
All you can do is to repent and show it in your actions.
If you close from work at 6pm be home by 6.30pm at most with a rose , choc or jewellery, by default i prefer the "R" Range rover , Rolex etc

@ poster.
[size=8pt] First trust yourself and approach her at the right time but manners matters a lot.Apologies to her sincerely and never repeat it again,trust her always.Repeat the words i'm sorry always it hurt as a man but never mind and add some formula you will succeed.[/size]

for me, a very jealous guy, i wont even think about it the second time before she goes, wat the hell ( sorry for shouting) just trying to imagine another man entering my wife/gf cun.t GOOOOSH i will never enter it again no matter the amount of holy water use to clean it,

horny4u:

You will have to patiently wait for the other half to burn out the hurt and begin to trust you again.
All you can do is to repent and show it in your actions.
If you close from work at 6pm be home by 6.30pm at most with a rose , choc or jewellery, by default i prefer the "R" Range rover , Rolex etc

See ole!!!!! RR ko, QQ ni!!!!!!

Pray and try hard to forgive, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of GOD;” - Rom 3:23.

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"Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."
- Mat 18:21-22

Ozegbe:

for me, a very jealous guy, i wont even think about it the second time before she goes, wat the hell ( sorry for shouting) just trying to imagine another man entering my wife/gf cun.t GOOOOSH i will never enter it again no matter the amount of holy water use to clean it,

sofa u too no cheat on her, then its all well and good.

Ozegbe:

for me, a very jealous guy, i wont even think about it the second time before she goes, wat the hell ( sorry for shouting) just trying to imagine another man entering my wife/gf cun.t GOOOOSH i will never enter it again no matter the amount of holy water use to clean it,

Ozegbe that your jealousy no go do nothing, you will accept her back with lotta love in those eyes , shey!! na enter dey fear you, how about those that are living inside the gv.kunt kwa!!!!

Many unsincere comments here. In most parts of the world the mending or ending depends on the gender of the party that does the cheating. Unfortunate but true. Even Jesus acknowledges that heart of a man is too hard so Moses advised the issuance of divorce certificate in such situations.

Why is it easy to catch a man that cheats? Because the chances of the woman getting over the hurt is 90%. So the level of carefulness is like 4 on a scale of 10.

Why is it difficult to catch the a woman? Because the chances of getting forgiveness is NIL so the level of carefulness is 10 on a scale of 10.

Area-Fada:

Poster,

You cannot oooo. After somebody chop clean mouth, he wan come begin mend fence? Except it is a semi-open relationship.

One person has to just take the humiliation if anything. If children are involved, then ok.

If people still have an eye for somebody outside, maybe people should now start considering polygamy and polyandry officially.

All this one man, one woman thing is not working.

With Nigerian women topping prosmicuity league table recently, not a bad idea.

@bolded, I am not suprised that that has become the case IF it is true. Infidelity is high in Nigeria because society does not frown on a man cheating on his wife. Both naija men and women make excuses for husbands who cheat on their wives. Polygamy is also acceptable in Naija. So, it was only a matter of time before some women chose to join the game. It is a clear case of hate the game and not the player. I think that if people cannot be faithful to their spouses, they should not get married. I mean how hard can that be? but of course, most nigerians have an obnoxious habit of forcing every dick and harry to go get married as if marraige is suitable for everyone. In the end, they begin to commit adultary and pass all types of STDs to their spouse.

@Topic
Once trust (the heart beat of a relationship) is gone, then there is no need wasting time in the union anymore. I don't see why two people should remain in a "relationship" if they can no longer trust each other. It's just common sense. An affair will cause feelings of trust to disappear in the union so there really is nothing to mend. Go and hook up with the person you were cheating with and take care of your kids if you have any. Shikena!

It's not that easy.It depends on so many factors.If the partner made a mistake and fell into it and is willing to make a u turn,if their is strong love and respect it can be mended with time.

On the other hand if the spouse has made it an hobby such can never be mended.The other partner may decide to stay due to many reasons base o internal and external factors,but the spouse can never be forgiven and if forgiven such will be be a strong grace.

The bottom line is his our society has become s evil that many things that shouldn't be is in vogue.So many marriages are only a shadow of the past to due to infidelity.The bold ones were able to break free from such marriages. While the fearful ones are dying in silence.

[center][size=8pt] GOD HELP US ALL[/size][/center]

Give your spouse time to heal.

Don't force them to forgive you or go out of your way just to annoy them.
Give them the space and time they desire and ESPECIALLY answers to their questions!

no mending, no second chances, if you cheat it means you are no longer interested in the marriage

Ozegbe:

for me, a very jealous guy, i wont even think about it the second time before she goes, wat the hell ( sorry for shouting) just trying to imagine another man entering my wife/gf cun.t GOOOOSH i will never enter it again no matter the amount of holy water use to clean it,

R u saying u hv never entered other ppl's gf/wf's cu.nt?  R u aware your previous gf is a wife to smonelse?

oti-igba:

no mending, no second chances,  if you cheat it means you are no longer interested in the marriage

how can u say this?

adaphik:

R u saying u hv never entered other ppl's gf/wf's cu.nt? R u aware your previous gf is a wife to smonelse?
how can u say this?

because why would you have an affair? if you are not happy(what ever happy means to you) in your marriage, walk away quietly besides whats makes you think you wont do it again? and what are the guarrantees of happiness in having an affair? people who have an affair never stops they enjoy it. so i say no mending!! no second chances!! throw them out of your house!!

:d