I'm shutting down the thread because I believed it has served its purpose.
I appreciate all opinions and I'm sincerely grateful.
Thank you

Hmmm

want my son to grow from s broken
home, I don't want my kids to have different
fathers, this was the same mistake my niece made she doesn't want a broken home until her husband nearly killed her

Well, Veronica killed one Mohammed in Nassarrawa yesterday....

Help you with what exactly??


You can't say you didn't see the red flags before marriage. Marriage only amplifies a person'true nature and character. Marriage does not change it.

If you believe he'll change, praying and fasting cannot achieve that alone. For him to change (if there's a possibility of that happening), you need to change first. You need to change your attitude towards him and maybe someday, his conscience will come alive and then he'll realize how much of an a-hole he has been.

I'm not saying the fault is entirely yours. My point is that sometimes, the agent of change that we seek can come from us. He has been a complete a-hole, but as you have admitted (which is good), your attitude has partly propelled that behaviour from him. So you can only do your bit by refraining from the behaviours that you know can propel that, and like I said, maybe he'll come to his senses after he notices that change.

He is very good with our child, play with him sndvcuddle and laugh, I don't want to deny my snap those loving moments that's why I stay. We don't have sex unless I cry and beg before he will, I'm not even interested in the sex anymore because how can I be crying and begging for sex, I know I'm not ugly because I have admirers so many, it's by Godswill I've not cheated on him because I've been neglected and abused and I have the fear of God. Now Im dead to sex because I can't keep begging for it. So I keep myself very busy to avoid the feeling. It's not been easy but what can I ssy

I believe you both never knew each other. To say you were friends or best friends now seems to be a lie.

The signs were there that he never loved you or wanted to marry you. He prolly married you out of pity and now resents you.

This is how I know he doesn't love you.

1. He doesn't help you out in the house and only wants to press his phone and hang out.

2. He earns more than you and still lets you support the house 80%. (Unless you both agreed it should be that way so he can save up for a family project).

3. He refuses to touch you and let's you beg for sex.

Quick question, why did you marry him, what were the things that attracted you to him or convinced you he'd make a good husband?

Yes I'm reading all comments and listening.
Yes, people tell me to ignore, respect him, be loyal, endure it, pamper him, treat him like s King but I try ooøo but sometimes I'll feel frustrated and be like who is taking care of me, my dear it's not easy.
I believe he is still with me because I'm s hustler and he knows by God's grace I can never be poor.
My friends all wonder why I hustle so much when my husband is working and I'm working too but they never know.
If you ask him if he wants to end the marriage he will say no that we can be married but I can go to meet s man to make me happy.
If he sees me sitting with s man to talk, I'm sorry prostitute but when I ask him for sex, I should go and meet s man. Then I'm the prostitute

You used the "keep a n+$gga baby" trick on him and you expect him to be happy?

Romanoff:
I believe you both never knew each other. To say you were friends or best friends now seems to be a lie.

The signs were there that he never loved you or wanted to marry you. He prolly married you out of pity and now resents you.

This is how I know he doesn't love you.

1. He doesn't help you out in the house and only wants to press his phone and hang out.

2. He earns more than you and still lets you support the house 80%. (Unless you both agreed it should be that way so he can save up for a family project).

3. He refuses to touch you and let's you beg for sex.

Quick question, why did you marry him, what were the things that attracted you to him or convinced you he'd make a good husband?

He was very caring, loving and s choir member, I thought he loved me. Then we will sit and plan everything together discuss, I was in Love not until hi pregnancy.... You won't understand sometimes I feel he was pretending, sometimes I wonder if it's spiritual...

I never forced him to be married to me, told him I'll keep the pregnancy and he can even deny his not responsible and I was shocked he later said he wants to be married.
I was foolishly in love and back the he had nothing financially for me to s gold digger, I was working and doing well when he met me.

Confusedwomsn:
Yes I'm reading all comments and listening.
Yes, people tell me to ignore, respect him, be loyal, endure it, pamper him, treat him like s King but I try ooøo but sometimes I'll feel frustrated and be like who is taking care of me, my dear it's not easy.
I believe he is still with me because I'm s hustler and he knows by God's grace I can never be poor.
My friends all wonder why I hustle so much when my husband is working and I'm working too but they never know.
If you ask him if he wants to end the marriage he will say no that we can be married but I can go to meet s man to make me happy.
If he sees me sitting with s man to talk, I'm sorry prostitute but when I ask him for sex, I should go and meet s man. Then I'm the prostitute

If a man opens his mouth to tell you to meet another man to make you happy, I'm sorry to say that marriage has been over in his heart for a long time.
What are you going to do about it?
Continue to live in misery in the same place as the man who can never bother to attempt putting a smile on your face, or perhaps leave without the emotional rollercoster that comes with living together?
Its really your choice.Some women are able to live in the same house with such men and they do their own thing, are not answerable to each other and just live together because it's cheaper to do so.

Confusedwomsn:
Yes I'm reading all comments and listening.
Yes, people tell me to ignore, respect him, be loyal, endure it, pamper him, treat him like s King but I try ooøo but sometimes I'll feel frustrated and be like who is taking care of me, my dear it's not easy.
I believe he is still with me because I'm s hustler and he knows by God's grace I can never be poor.
My friends all wonder why I hustle so much when my husband is working and I'm working too but they never know.
If you ask him if he wants to end the marriage he will say no that we can be married but I can go to meet s man to make me happy.
If he sees me sitting with s man to talk, I'm sorry prostitute but when I ask him for sex, I should go and meet s man. Then I'm the prostitute

Despite the red flags, I wonder why you still want another child from him. It will be easier for you to leave the marriage with a child than with two children, you will cope fine with a child. He obviously do not love you. I wonder why some women still want to hang in there when it is obviously not working. If you were my sibling, I would have since dragged you and your child outta his house. No man should batter a woman, no matter the provocation.

I don't even care about who is right or wrong. As long as he beats you then that settles it for me. You better find a way to leave that house before you get beaten and endanger your life. Since the day I saw them take out the womb of an 8th month pregnant woman due to excessive beating I preach to any woman to never condone a violent man whether she's right or wrong. That baby didn't survive and the woman had to have her womb removed cos it would endanger her life and that of the foetus if she carried another baby.

My sister, may God forgive you for marrying the guy with trick. You both are friends but not lovers, from your narration, you changed your agreement after you conceived and trick him to the alter. You should have keep your agreement to only getting you pregnant.

Around last month, a close friend of mine confided in me how a close friend want him to get her pregnant. The lady is suffering from sickle cell and said she could die anytime but she wish to leave a child behind for her parent. I told my guy, make sure you have witnesses before going into it so tomorrow you won't be drag to come and marry her. Tell her to tell her mum atleast to avoid touching story later.

My guy thank me well well because he's already seeing her as a free server.

Confusedwomsn:


He was very caring, loving and s choir member, I thought he loved me. Then we will sit and plan everything together discuss, I was in Love not until hi pregnancy.... You won't understand sometimes I feel he was pretending, sometimes I wonder if it's spiritual...

If this story is true, then you married for the wrong reasons..

You said you were diagnosed with some cancer that will prevent you from having a baby. Then u confided in him.. and asked if he can assist you get pregnant before it was late....

Maybe he was thinking that you only wants to be a baby mama, now you were singing another song.. Marriage... from marriage, in all the chaos, u wanted a second baby... Haba!!! Are u related to Oliver twist? That always want some more?

He wanted you as a friend but u cornered and ambushed him into marriage..

Just maybe the handwriting was not clear enough for you on the wall... He likes you as a friend not as a wife.. And I don't think it's right for u to die trying...

1. You used him to test if you could get pregnant because you were diagnosed with cancer and ovarian cysts.

2. By some miracle you got pregnant and he told you not to keep it, which makes sense, considering that you told him you only wanted to test pregnancy was possible.

3. You came up with the idea of marriage because of the pregnancy, he said no, that was not the plan.

4. He finally decided to marry you, probably out of the goodwill of his heart just to avoid being a baby daddy.

5. Both of you are abusive to each other in the marriage and depending on who you ask, either of you will say the other person provoked it.

6. On top of all these problems, you still asked him to shoot into you again because you want a second child with the same man you literally hoodwinked into the first pregnancy and subsequent marriage.

7. He has told you to do whatever you want with other men since you claim to be very attractive and a good catch.



Well, my observation here is very simple - it's either you have concocted a very good story OR you have fungus growing in the space your brain ought to be in, since you still can't see what the problem is.

Thank you.

I'm reading and learning, my father and mother are still together and my sister is still married. I just feel I will be looked as s failure...

He makes my child, I see the bond and I love it, if I I lesve the won't be so close. I want to give my child s sibling, he is always crying for someone to play with.
I want to leave with two children, because I do notvwsnt to remarry if this marriage fails.

I'm reading and learning.

Sorry I did not explain well, we were best friends and lovers, we were even living together and I never told him to marry me...

We already talked about getting married the next year before the pregnancy happened and everything changed. I swear with my life this is the truth.

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you.

I'm reading and learning, my father and mother are still together and my sister is still married. I just feel I will be looked as s failure...

He makes my child, I see the bond and I love it, if I I lesve the won't be so close. I want to give my child s sibling, he is always crying for someone to play with.
I want to leave with two children, because I do notvwsnt to remarry if this marriage fails.

Confusedwomsn:
I'm reading and learning.

Sorry I did not explain well, we were best friends and lovers, we were even living together and I never told him to marry me...

We already talked about getting married the next year before the pregnancy happened and everything changed. I swear with my life this is the truth.

Oya die there and stop disturbing people this early morning

Now you need to work on your ravaging ego.

Humble yourself

Respect yourself

Re-beautify yourself

Learn how not to talk in response to every word you hear - good/bad/ugly

Find a place for him, you and your child(en) in your heart - true n sincere forgiveness pls

Learn how to LISTEN

Count your blessings

Pray for God's blessings on your these effort you want to work on

Keep calm ALWAYS

You'd see changes, may be gradual but just be patient, it'd get better

I've asked for s separation but he said no, we should live together and maybe one day thevlove will grow back.

I said okay let's have one child together while waiting for the love to grow back, he said he is not sure.
When I make move to leave, he will act nice and treat me nicely and later he will go back to normal.

Confusedwomsn:
I got married about five years ago to my friend becsuse I got pregnant...
We were really good friends, infsct best friends and I shared everything with him, I told him everything. While dating I was sick and diagnosed with cancer and ovarian cyst and I got to know that I may find it difficult to get pregnant. Stupid me confided in him that Im scarred I may not be able to get pregnant and we should try. And then I got pregnant and I was like okay fine what's the big deal we are both working and in love, let's get married and have the child but he said I should abort the baby.
I told him no but if he does not want to get married to me fine. So many bullshit later, we got married and it's been hell.
I have endured every bullshit possible beatings, neglect, insults and all that. But I have not been innocent too I've been abusive too.
If you ask me I'll say he provoked me but if you ask him he'll say I provoked him.

He says I don't respect him but I tell him he can't force me to respect him, he has to earn it.
For example, he does not do any housechore , no not even one although I don't really care much because I have someone thst helps me out but I've asked him to take care of his clothes which he does not, scatters his clothes like s child and just wants to sit and press his phone all day then hang out.
We both work and he earns better right now, but I'm 80oercent provide for the upkeep for our home, 99oercent of the furniture and appliances in our home was bought by me. He constantly accuse me of cheating when I don't go anywhere at all, I go to work, my shop and straight back home. He keeps late night and comes back to call me s prostitute and I'm like I sit at home but you go out but somehow I'm the prostitute.
When I'm angry I insult him so much and then he hits me, I insult him because I'm frustrated.
I go out there hustle so hard but I'm been ridiculed..

I told him let's have one more child to make it two but he said no that he is notsure , he is never sure about anything, very slow. I still want to have one more child with him because I want all my kids to have one Father but he says his not ready. When will you be ready, he does not know...

My family thinks I'm crazy to still be with him but I don't want my son to grow from s broken home, I don't want my kids to have different fathers, I actually still do love him and although it may be foolish of me, I somehow believe he will change.
I've prayed, cried, fasted but there is absolutely no difference. People tell me I this is how cross river men are but for how long will I continue, he is seven years older than me but behaves like s child with no future plan. I really confused and sincerely tired.

There is no respect talkless of affection.
When all the above is going on where is your child?
You want to bring another child into this mess?
Both of you need to be treated. You are both equally unwell. I suspect you are more unwell though.
You nag!
You are disrespectful!
You refer to him as very slow in the most dispecable way possible
You want him to provide for you but talk to him as if he is a child or an idiot sef
You continuously emasculate that man

My advise is dissolve that sham marriage.
Work on your attitude - you will make any man eat his young.
Respect is love.... you cannot love someone and call them slow...
I wonder what else that man hears from you and focus he will reply you with the same venom.

If you can shower your husband with love and respect for 3 months .... hold your tongue from toxic words and use your womanly charms instead..... he will serve you for life .
I doubt you will be able to. He may have been your friend but he is now your crown so stop the see finish... you are driving him mad.

If you want him to give you belle why don't you just change your behaviour to how it was before you married. But that's a short term solution to a long term problem. Read the book 5 love languages , look for someone he listen to and beg them to advise him to do same. What you are going through is normal and a lot of people are struggling with Same.

LoudlyMouthed:
Now you need to work on your ravaging ego.

Humble yourself

Respect yourself

Re-beautify yourself

Learn how not to talk in response to every word you hear - good/bad/ugly

Find a place for him, you and your child(en) in your heart - true n sincere forgiveness pls

Learn how to LISTEN

Count your blessings

Pray for God's blessings on your these effort you want to work on

Keep calm ALWAYS

You'd see changes, may be gradual but just be patient, it'd get better

Thank you my pastor told me all these and I try my best but sometimes I just flipped especially when I'm frustrated...

This kind love sef, when will I love someone like this oooo so tey he will beat me and I will still stick my head with him lol.I give it women like you out there,you the real virtuous women. Kudos

This isn't a marriage but a "MIRAGE".

Ybaby:


There is no respect talkless of affection.
When all the above is going on where is your child?
You want to bring another child into this mess?
Both of you need to be treated. You are both equally unwell. I suspect you are more unwell though.
You nag!
You are disrespectful!
You refer to him as very slow in the most dispecable way possible
You want him to provide for you but talk to him as if he is a child or an idiot sef
You continuously emasculate that man

My advise is dissolve that sham marriage.
Work on your attitude - you will make any man eat his young.
Respect is love.... you cannot love someone and call them slow...
I wonder what else that man hears from you and focus he will reply you with the same venom.

If you can shower your husband with love and respect for 3 months .... hold your tongue from toxic words and use your womanly charms instead..... he will serve you for life .
I doubt you will be able to. He may have been your friend but he is now your crown so stop the see finish... you are driving him mad.

Thank you, I know my faults and I've been working on it for one year, it's not easy sometimes I just burst out from frustration.
Trust me, I'm trying but it's not easy, I'll try harder.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the man and woman, my dear it's not been easy...

Jesus! its like they called assembly for these marriage problem folks. mehn it's getting bloody scary. what are single niggrs like us gonna do.

maybe na to fashe the marriage of a thing

damnn

Yes, I nag, I shout, I insult him but it's because I'm frustrated.
Hmmmmmmmmmm.. It's not easy ooooooo, it's not easy.
But I'm sincerely trying my best, ixmve out in all I have and my best into this home.
I want my kids with one man ooooooo, I don't want s broken home but its not easy.

I feel like I'm losing my mind, but I'll work on my attitude but please pray for me. Pray for me thank you.
I just want to pour out my soul, I feel light now.