Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? - Family - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? (3547 Views)
Before you divorce your Adulterous hubby / Why Is Divorce Not An Option For Most Nigerian Women? / On What Grounds Will You Divorce Your Partner? (2) (3) (4)
| Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by austey(m): 5:02pm On Dec 29, 2011 |
[center]  [/center]Marriage in trouble? Have you ever wondered, "How to save my marriage today?" Nobody said it was easy to save the marriage. It can also be painful. However, a fascinating set of statistics shows that the people to solve the problems of marriage, not just answer the questions, but ultimately are more satisfied than ever. If you feel uneasy in your marriage, and you're thinking about a divorce, try some options, such as getting advices on marriage, divorce, go to a marriage consultant, or have open communication with your spouse and family. But whatever you do, please do not choose divorce as an option, because it's going to completely change the rules of the game. Those couples who choose not to divorce, the only option left to deal with is their current marriage problems. It is an effective and proactive tactics lead to the recognition of the problems the couples face, and perhaps even further help them to find solutions. [center]  [/center]On the contrary, those who do not believe in keeping a marriage or solving the problems, as problems in the marriage build up, divorce could become increasingly attractive. When a couple in a marriage are aggressive in finding a solution to their problem, and both agree that divorce is not - and won't be - a chance, a solution will almost certainly be found. You and your spouse will ask each other what you can do to get things to work, instead of wondering if this is worth doing or if you must leave the marriage. Many couples find it difficult to seek a way to solve their marriage problem. However, given the long-term effects of divorce on your life, family and finance, you should commit yourself to find ways through the pain. It looks basic, but statistically, it seems to work well. Those who do not agree with divorce as a possible end to a faithful marriage will be more motivated to work on their marriage and work through their problems that can put an end to something that would be a lifetime relationship. Divorce will never be the end of your problems. Most of the time, it is only the start of a new problem to face. If you’re really looking for an solution which not only save your marriage, but also to nurture a healthier and more secure marriage relationship, do not forget to check out Save My Marriage Today! BY Hope Lin PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CHECKOUT MY BLOG BELOW AND DOWNLOAD THE 97 WAYS TO A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP! |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 5:13pm On Dec 29, 2011 |
Well divorced saved my life, am alive and happy, remarried to a great, wonderful caring man with a son and another on d way, In my previous marriage i was taunted and called barren. How do u explain this? 1 Like |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by cindylee: 7:23pm On Dec 29, 2011 |
@debrief08 I don't mean to interfere or be rude but just an observation I made about you. I am kind of a silent commentator on Nairaland but I have been following the family section for sometime now. You so much talk about your first marriage that I feel if you have really let go and forgiven him, you would let it be and not refer to it. I couldn't help but notice your comments on your first marriage most of the time. Please just let it be! Since you have moved on, stop referring to it because you are happy at present and have found a wonderful man. Like I earlier said, its just an observation I made and don't mean to be rude in anyway. I hope you take this in good faith. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 10:42pm On Dec 29, 2011 |
TRUE!!! It is getting boring,no offence! |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by tpia5: 12:41am On Dec 30, 2011 |
Debrief i have to agree- you should try to forgive your ex husband. Moreso if you're carrying a baby, you dont want all that negative energy in your thoughts. Focus on the present and let the past remain in the past. Just thank God for what you have now, and for what he allowed you to experience and overcome before. Life is a journey. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by tpia5: 12:45am On Dec 30, 2011 |
@ topic it seems the goal is a 100% divorce rate. That's my impression. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by ronkebp(f): 12:46am On Dec 30, 2011 |
I don't see anything wrong in debrief giving testimony every now and then for how God saved her from her first marraige, am sure she has soo forgotten the man that almost killed her, she is happy for where she is now and who she is with, there is nothing wrong in counting your blessings again and again. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 4:45am On Dec 30, 2011 |
Cindylee, talking about it is part of my theraphy. I don't know why talking about a bad past is a taboo in Nigeria. So many pple are in dat situation I personalise my comments to show where I have been and where am coming from. Someone comes to post a one sided information saying all d negative things I heard about divorce dat scared me into staying for years, I owe it to set the record straight. Its my life, my name and my oppionion if u re tired of reading my veiws u can ignore my posts when u see it, but I will not stop talking about it. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 4:48am On Dec 30, 2011 |
Bless u Ronke. Divorce was something no one ever talked about when I was facing my hell and it was made to look like a ticket to hell, so now dat God has dymystified divorce for me, I should be a hypocrte and shut up while I watch others die in silence, there is life and hope after a bad marriage, I will say it over and over, live with it. The only reason my friend registered me here was to share my situation and share I will. If it bothers anyone simply don't read |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by tpia5: 5:29am On Dec 30, 2011 |
true, talking about it may be therapeutic for you, but you also run the risk of harboring unforgiveness against your ex. imo, refusing to forgive him will only make you keep reliving the abuse over and over again. i could be wrong of course. but try to remember the people around you now, and consider them too. If you keep on rehashing bitter memories, you'll eventually take it out on them as well. i dont think the op is saying people should stay in marriages where they are being severely abused. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by dayokanu(m): 5:31am On Dec 30, 2011 |
Sweet words from Tpia Where have you been ? |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 6:08am On Dec 30, 2011 |
Tpia, thanks for ur concern, I may be d wrong person to judge myself but I have been here for a while, go through posts and show me anyone which exhudes bitterness. I have tried to use my experience to show others that the myths and fear that makes pple stay in bad marriages re not always true. Poster in d last sentence said divorce is not an option as outside situations are always worse. I talk about this a lot cos its a cancer eating deep and no one wants to talk about it, we make death seem more acceptable dan divorce. I believed dat too till I experinced different but many men and women who have been bound by that sterotype have not been so lucky, the man whose wife was watching TV while the pple she hired were killikng him upstairs may have been having a rough marriage but may have been told divorce is not an option, Titi whose Dad had begged her to leave must have stayed cos posters like dis made her beileve divorce is not an option, what about the pregnanat woman burnt with her kids. Please honestly tell me who else do you know that speaks openly about divorce in Nigeria? Very few, because u re expected to feel like a failure and crawl away and rot quietly. We make divorce seem so evil and staying in a horrible unhappy environment seem normal. I write about my relations with others and even how I relate to pple here, I hardly respond to insults, if I was bitter wouldn't I be screaming pple down and abusing everyone? I talk about it so much cos no one else does. Search ur heart u know d truth. 2 Likes |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by HISchild: 6:38am On Dec 30, 2011 |
Divorce is never the answer, and it is against the law of GOD - "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." -Matt 19:6 We always pray for GOD's help. Phil 4:13 |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 7:19am On Dec 30, 2011 |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 7:31am On Dec 30, 2011 |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 9:00am On Dec 30, 2011 |
What isnt meant to be, isn't meant to be.@ topic |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 11:56am On Dec 30, 2011 |
chaircover: Did you edit your post? |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 12:17pm On Dec 30, 2011 |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 12:23pm On Dec 30, 2011 |
chaircover: Lol, you edited this one too. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 12:27pm On Dec 30, 2011 |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 12:29pm On Dec 30, 2011 |
Happy new year in advance. Hope oga CC surprises you with an x5 on the 1st.  |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 12:33pm On Dec 30, 2011 |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Sarpino: 7:22pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
You can only appreciate the present when you look at the past. A person who used to be poor appreciates his wealth today when he looks back at when he had nothing. Yoruba people say bi eru Ba mo inu ro ni, a dupe. The fact that this young lady talks about her disastrous first marriage does not mean she is bitter or unforgiving, it means she has a great appreciation for what she has now. If you want her to shut up about how she escaped a bad marriage, then be ready to shut those people who bombard the board with articles that divorce is not an option, that people who put their desire to remain alive above staying in a marriage are somehow defective and they will be miserable for the rest of their lives. If no one can shut those people up, then leave debrief alone to tell her story. We need a balance and she is the only one here who can provide it because of her first hand experience. Anyone who has a problem reading a survivors story can go take a dive off a bridge and if you survive, come back here and tell us your story. Some of us will be more than happy to read it because we understand one person's experiences can be a source of inspiration for others. 1 Like |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 8:48pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
^^^ When I read this post,I had to go to your profile and found out you registered on the 28th of December. All I have to say is that for a new member,you appear to know a lot about a lot of posters on Nairaland. Yeah do the math! |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Sarpino: 9:50pm On Dec 31, 2011 |
Sorry oh, Mr long time registerer. I didn't know you have to be registered since the time of Methuselah to know what is happening on a free forum that is opened to the public. It is people like you that make the rest of us wonder how brain can be wasted on someone. So because i registered on the 28th it means I found Nairaland on the 28th ehn. This myopic way of looking at things as always been your undoing (yes, I Sabi u very well, go and hang yourself if it does not sit well with you). When they tell you to remove your head from your yansh and expand your horizon, you will be huffing like a goat. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Busybody2(f): 12:10pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
Debrief08, you have been through a lot, physically and mentally, and in the western world - medication or cognitive behaviour therapy aka talking therapy or in extreme cases Electric shock therapy, is the treatment one would be offered. What you are doing is talking, letting off steam and all the surpressed memories, seeking closure, seeking answers so you are on the right track - I have recently been been harping on about the background of the Father figure in both male and female's life, and that people need to do their homework before agreeing to sign any dotted line. . .You mentioned his Dad's influence on him, so hopefully pity is what you can only feel for such grown up person still acting under the shadow of his Dad. . . You are helping people realise they don't have to put up with BS, the grass can be greener, they are worth more, etc. . .and like RonkeBP said, all you are doing is giving testimonies and counting your blessings, and like Sarpino correctly touched on, you are providing the much needed balance this section needs. You are a breath of fresh air to the backward "what have you seen, get back to your Husband's house, we went through simillar for 10 years, keep praying, hit the gym, buy lingerie and sex him up, you have to 100% submit to your Husband, blah, blah, blah, that has been the swan song of this section for the past couple of years, even when it is glaringly obvious the jerk of a Husband is sufferring from at least one form of Personality Disorder - a mental health condition which only professional therapy and pure mother's love can cure  So keep talking, it takes a lot to be bold and be selfless enough to willingly offer yourself for such cause as this, you don't know it, but you are helping far more people than you realise, you are giving people hope to hold onto. . . Ha, how I long for such rare uplifting posts as Tolutara for her devotion and love of the good man God bestowed on her, or Spyder's dedication to his wife inspite of his greedy wandering JT. . .  |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 12:17pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
Richvkunt: Sarpino: While it is safe to say this is an old member using a new user name to get a point across. I would like to advise you to learn to be civil in your responses. You do not need to engage in abusive arguments to get your point across. Secondly you do not need to register a new Id and hide behind it to pass your message across. While I think I can hazard a guess as to who you are,I wish you a happy new year. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 12:31pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
Ahhhhhhhh BB where have you been? You really are a breathe of fresh air, when people were telling her to stop talking about her past, I shook my head, I was preparing myself for the new year so really did not have the strength to argue points here. All debrief has done and still doing is, making women who are in abusive relationship realize that he world really isnt over for them, that they need to be strong and listen to no one who tells them to sit down and be patient things will be alright. What gives anyone the right to say that her talkin about the past means she does not appreciate her present and future? I started praying before midnight last night and all I did was talk to God about my past( reminded him of my past and yea i know he does not need reminding but I did anywayz) and how far he has brought me now and how much farther he is taking me in the future . That was my own way of appreciatin him and telling him thank you. Why is everyone on debrief's case bikonu? |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 1:26pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
There's nothing wrong in Debrief letting things out. During counselling, you're adviced to let things out, as opposed to keeping them bottled up. If you're angry, you rant. Keeping things within, and quietly fuming is not healthy. It seems the norm in Nigeria to remain silent, and forget what lead to you being in a certain place in life. I don't subscribe to that. There's more negativity in being angry, and not expressing it, than letting it all out, even if it means screaming. Debrief, you just do what makes you feel better, and don't feel you have to stifle your feelings. They're better out than in. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 1:43pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
Na wa oh, it seems everytime I am away na my case dey become central. My maid got married yesterday and cos she is an orphan and has been with us for over 5 years my husband and I had to play father and mother of the bride, see my husband feeling like one don walking the sweet lady to the altar. Very beautiful ceremony but plenty tire. Anyway, I have said it before I will continue to talk about my past because others are living in dat hell and the only information dey get is dat it is worse outside, better stay married and miserable. Madam CC I talk about my present a whole lot, I ve opened few threads and they re all about my present. That I relate with my past doesn't make me bitter or unforgiving it simply means I am comfortable enough to let others in and tell others what I was not told, that u can walk away from a horrible miserable life and build a great one. If you don't like my (the key word is my) oppionion simply skip when you see my name. I will continue to talk about it, I refuse to let divorce be a stigma and I refuse to keep quiet when pple re being sent to their graves in d name of maintaining societial expectations |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Nobody: 2:05pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
debrief08: Good for you. If a relationship is becoming abusive, or unpleasant, then break it. The same goes for a marriage. If differences are irreconcilable, then it makes sense to get out of it. There's nothing smart about remaining in a miserable marriage, all in the name of "compliance". There's absolutely nothing wrong in sharing experiences, good or bad. |
| Re: Save My Marriage Today - Is Divorce Your Way Out? by Sarpino: 1:43am On Jan 02, 2012 |
Richvkunt:Clap for yourself, inspector gadget, detective of the obvious. As if I made any attempt to hide that I was an old member. If this was my first post with my new name, then your silly conclusion that I created a new name to make a point will make sense. If I had my old name, I will still post whatever I want. Nobody is feeding anyone here,.so why will I want to hide myself? Retardeen. I have thought about this issue on ground very well, it occurs to me that maybe there is more to why our resident sanctimonious our lives are so perfect because we are perfect squad is trying to shut debrief up? One would think if their lives were as perfect as they claim, they won't be bothered by the stories that is opposite to what they claim theirs. Could it be that maybe debriefs story is very familiar but since they have embraced the Naija mentality of sweeping things under the carpet, debrief talking about it makes them confront the reality of their situation abi ki lo fa lalakokofefe about someone talking about their experience. If it does not sweet you to read her story, use your scroll button. The computer makers installed it for a reason. Everybody live and let live. |
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