I wonder when women will stop this old tradition in Africa of their parents ''selling'' them in the name of Bride Price in marriages[money or property given (in some societies) by the bridegroom to the family of his bride], and willingly enter a marriage relationship as equals.

Some parents because of economic pressure use their daughters as a means of easing financial crisis and are only willing to give them out to the highest bidder. How can you equate yourself with someone who paid money/token as a pre-condition for having you live with him as a wife?

Who can speak out for our sisters?

its a reflection of the economic state in Nigeria and some ethnic nationalities are notorious for this vice.

It is a culture we are not meant to follow the western world.

I've been to a lot of Yoruba weddings and this is what they do:

The husband's family, according to culture, brings out the bride price and gives to the wife's family. The wife's family accepts it and one elder in the family will stand up and say "Thank you blah blah blah but we are not selling our daughter. Therefore, we humbly return the money." *Everybody claps*
But the husband's family must first give them the money, I wonder why that formality!!!

why adopt a foregn phrae to describe our culture? why do you term is a "price"? when a man in london buys his fiance a $50,000 wedding ring is he buying her? if not why is such an expensive ring a prerequsite for the engagement and marriage. it's the same thing. the money exchanged in our customs reflects a man's capacity to care for his family (or at least that how it started). in neither of those instance is he buying a bride.

I suppose if it's your culture to pay and accept bride price then do it,   I hate the idea of shunning one's cultural heritage just because we've been opportune to have a key-hole view into the "White man's World", even in the so called western world certain things happen and have been accepted as part of social norm which nobody questions …, so why question something that has been part or the Nigerian Culture for so many decade. All these being said, it’s nobody's culture to demean and mal-treat their wife’s just because they paid the bride price.

[b][/b]i think the time is ripe when we have to defend our culture! one we don't understand is that this white that we are copying doesn't lives their own culture to take ours. though, they like african culture but they never forget their origin! let's correct ourself about some aspects in nigerian culture that we think it's of old. we need t appreciate that we are africans and that's has always been my own joy that i am an african. the issue of bride price is not a matter of selling ladies to mens in marriage. it is one of our herotage that will remain forever!!!

A lot of Igbo communities have outlawed arbitrary high bride price. You're only expected to pay a token amount to preserve the culture.

Bunkbobo has got a real bashing in this post.I guess he would have wished he did not bring it up 
Almost everybody seem to be defending the custom of paying bride price and I fully support it.It is our culture and we don't need to do away with it simply because the whites don't do it.Afterall,the whites still have their "wedding parties" and compulsory "honeymoon". We must not copy the white in everything.They are not God.

Anyway,in my culture the bride price is twenty-four naira.Certainly cheap enough for any serious man to afford and you certainly won't be buying my sisters because you paid that. Most men come up with more than that though.What the bride's family does is to collect the twenty-four naira out of the money the man comes with and give him the rest to go and use in taking care of his new wife. Beautiful culture if you ask me. 

So Bunkbobo,if you wanna marry an african sister just look for the little bride price and pay it.It is small money to pay for all the pleasure you are going to get from her.
And no,you are not buying the woman.You are only showing you place a great deal of value and love on her.

well said, my people. we must preserve our rich cultural heritage. our traditional marraige ceremonies is always a beauty to behold. bride price is part and parcel of this beautiful culture and must be upheld. nobody is buying anybody.

even the whites had a culture of dowry payment long, long ago, if they threw theirs out of the window, must africans follow suit? abeg, abeg.
i as a lady say i love the bride-price practice.

Riight. . .

So, let me see, you pay bride price. . .and I guess for an engagement ring.

The bride's family then pays for the entire wedding ceremony. . .

You are not satisfied with the equality there?

funloving:

Bunkbobo has got a real bashing in this post.I guess he would have wished he did not bring it up 
Almost everybody seem to be defending the custom of paying bride price and I fully support it.

It is a shame!
To defend this degrading and dehumanising practice in this century on the basis of ''culture'' or ''tradition''
is like supporting Female Genital mutilation
or Child marriages
or Human sacrifices
or Slavery
on grounds of preserving your culture/tradition.

The institution of bride price has  lost its value in this modern world, be it in Africa or any part of the world.
It has far reaching negative effect on  the woman and her family,
in giving proprietary rights to the man over his wife
Any sensible person must throw overboard this senseless and repugnant practices.

Bride price to me is the modern day slave trade in all societies that practice it.
In a typical African setting,
the groom pays bride price in the form of either money or/and  items as demanded by the girls family
in exchange for the bride,
If the woman wants to divorce the man,
the material items or money paid to the
bride or wife’s father must be
returned to the husband, not withstanding the duration of their marriage, children gotten or the services she rendered to him.
If the wife’s family is unable to pay back the bride price to the husband,
the wife  remains for all time the legal wife of the man and cannot get a
divorce nor remarry.

@Bunkbobo

I think you are going over the top here, it is a cultural practice and yes in some cases some parents exploit the custom for thier own financial gain, but i dont think alot of women feel degraded by this practice. Degraded? i dont think so. i recently got married and Had a traditional and christain marriage where my husband who happens to be English paid a teeny winny bitty token bride price(as a token) and the whole traditional part of the ceremony was really awesome, i felt connected to my root, my English inlaws enjoyed the day , didnt see it as a demeaning act and my father inlaw even made a joke when presenting the silly bride price about buying one (i.e me) and getting one free(i.e my sister).

Come on its tradition , now i am not saying all traditional practices are right wont mention the ones now, but we have a rich mix of cultures and i find they are being washed away and we know that no one is really tied down by the legality of the whole affair, its all done in good faith.

You also said women should stop the tradition of being sold, i think a majority of the parties involved are not forced into the union except in some parts of Nigeria and africa where arranged marriages are the norm, even that in some cases is not a bad thing. My friend from gambia had an arranged marriage and she hated him at first but i was shocked when she called me up to say she was falling inlove with him . and he is a good husband

Bottom line , sometimes people would exploit this culture as they do other things in life. I do not feel demeaned, unworthy or a property because of this. Just dreading the day my Bambinos would watch our wedding videos and say'' oh my gosh mummy was bought''

@bettyboop:
Sweet write up and logical
but if i may ask, What is the significance of the bride price paid on your head in your culture?
Why must the man bid and haggle to pay money on someone like a chattel?
The fact that you went through it despite your exposure has not made it right and proper.
We could still have all our beautiful and colourful tradional marriage rites without paying money or goods for a human being.
And that is where i disagree with you.
The fact still remains that a lot of men living in africa or western world have exploited this practices to disrespect women
and abuse their rights.
Imagine your inlaws having a big laff at ''buying'' you. The import of this is that such culture is comparable to the slave trade of the 17th and 18th century, since abolished.

Bunkbobo, I see you just want to keep this argument up so as not to be seen as losing face.It is not necessary.This issue is not  a contest of intellectual wit or a demonstration of argumentative prowess.

Every region of the world has got its tradition and culture and that includes the Western world.For example,it is customary to give a tip when you dine at a restaurant in the US but in Britain that is not the tradition.

Not all African traditions are bad and nobody haggles and bargains over bride price.I think you either made that up or you think it is so.
Anyway,where there is haggling over bride price is one of the few exceptions where a normal thing is being exploited by some people and that happens in every aspect of life,not only bride price paying.In most cases,there is no haggling.At least in my culture there is no haggling.I know what I am saying here.My junior sister is married and there was no haggles or bargaining over her bride price.

Moreover,in India it is the brides family that pays the bride(groom ?) price.Will you now say that they are buying the man ?
The women in the forum whom you say you are trying to defend have said they are okay with it and I know the single ladies look forward to the day a man will come and pay the bride price on them.

There is no need for the outsider to cry more than the bereaved.
If the women say they are okay with it why are you still calling the practice abominable ?Who are you now defending ?

Brideprice is very important in customary law because it also signifies "rights and possession" over the other partner.
Now with statutory marriage it is very clear, this takes place as soon as the documents are signed, but what happens in a customary law?
The customary marriage goes over a period of time, infact sometimes the rites are never even completed. Sometimes the brideprice is paid before the woman even officially packs to the man.
When the brideprice is paid the interest of the woman, not only the man are protected. Otherwide there can always be an argument that the traditional rites where not completed.
I think this longer process involved, as well as the whole family adds allot more emphasis on the marriage institution. A registry wedding is over even before it has started, more like signing a contract than making a union.
I am veryproud of our tradition and I hope we can keep it alive

funloving:

Bunkbobo, I see you just want to keep this argument up so as not to be seen as losing face.

I'm not joining issues with anyone on this matter, but one thing is clear,
and that is my conviction  that this practice is long over due for the dust bin of history.
I'm not trying to impress anyone ,
believing in the saying that  ''good music makes no sense to the deaf and dumb''
neither do i engage in arguments  on mere sentiments or emotional reasons.
None of the ladies are more Africans than me,
to add to that, i have females in my family and community.
I will advice you to carefully go through my points on this issue once again,
then you may be able to see clearly that I have made sense to ''reasonable people'' 

nawah:

Brideprice is very important in customary law because it also signifies "rights and possession" over the other partner.

I am veryproud of our tradition and I hope we can keep it alive

What an abuse,
Contempt, 
Discourtesy,
Disrespect, 
Mockery,
Offense, 
Outrage,
Put-down,
Scorn, 
Slap,
Taunt,
Insult
to the Noble African Women out there!
In this year and age, when many African women  [be it in Europe/USA or Africa]
are the ones that put bread on the  tables for their so called ''Lord and Masters''
now claiming ''rights and possession over them
I don't blame you.

I'm not sure what to say here without getting my head bitten off once again.
I've read through all the posts and I wonder why whenever something like this is talked about, "white man's way" is blamed What does "white man" have to do with anything said in the original post that started this thread? So when "white man" is trying to find a way to help support the rescue and release of child soldiers in other countries, and when whites help protect and provide for other countries ravished by war and famine, are they still the enemy? Yes the white way might suck in many areas, but so do many other cultures all over the world. There is good and bad in everything.

Say it the way it is and be damned.
We have to stand against injustice where ever we find it rearing its ugly head.

o'boy if you no get money to pay i go dash you. Nairaland people make we do fund raising for the dude to marry. i know say na watin dey make am vex.

Are the hausa people into this issue as well?

@cantago

i don't think any one is blaming white man for this topic, people are just drawing relations to the thread i think

Bunkbobo, my in laws do not laugh at the idea of the bride price at all, infact they said it was refreshing to see my culture at our wedding and its a shame they in the west seem to have lost some of theirs. They were extremely involved in the ceremony and wanted to be taught a few words to speak on the day , which they did, it was a beautiful day and i was extremely proud to be a Nigerian that day.

Bunkobo darling it is not so bad, embrace it , yes there are some undesirable elements in all cultures across this globe, but should that mean we do away with what binds us as people? the sense of community and unity? come on its not that bad

There was definitely no haggling involved lol,

kajad:

o'boy if you no get money to pay i go dash you. Nairaland people make we do fund raising for the dude to marry. i know say na watin dey make am vex.

I like kajad's idea oh! shall we start the collection? (just kidding)

I would like to hear what more ladies think about this though

bettyboop:

@cantago

i don't think any one is blaming white man for this topic, people are just drawing relations to the thread i think

Bunkbobo, my in laws do not laugh at the idea of the bride price at all, infact they said it was refreshing to see my culture at our wedding and its a shame they in the west seem to have lost some of theirs. They were extremely involved in the ceremony and wanted to be taught a few words to speak on the day , which they did, it was a beautiful day and i was extremely proud to be a Nigerian that day.

Bunkobo darling it is not so bad, embrace it , yes there are some undesirable elements in all cultures across this globe, but should that mean we do away with what binds us as people? the sense of community and unity? come on its not that bad

There was definitely no haggling involved lol,

I like kajad's idea oh! shall we start the collection? (just kidding)

I would like to hear what more ladies think about this though

Darling bettyboop,
Pls look critically at this practice again and the disadvantages.
Lets join hands and kick it out of Africa.
I wish i could send to you a case study and comprehensive report on it, if only you could let me know how to do that. We need people like you to fight on and not throw blame tomorrow on the White or Brown or Green or Yellow'' man for our wows

bunkbobo,
i am a female and i have said that i love the practice.
i do not understand the thrust of your argument. what you find so repulsive about the practice is simply your own interpretation of it. you think its a buy and sell practice, i think not!
i have asked several women here and rather than your interpretation/perception of being bought we actaully feel a sense of honour and pride in having the bride price paid. no one has ever thought of herself having been sold. NO!

culture everywhere is really what the people feel. you as an ousider might think us stupid, foolish, trampled upon, etc but we feel proud and happy about this custom of ours.
we accept it and we love it.
it is ridiculous comparing this rich heritage of ours to slave trade, female genital mutilation, the killing of twins and what have you? there is absolutely no bearing with these.

someone said something about india where the practice is the reverse of ours, in that case does the woman buy the man? answer that.

really my dear its not about buying anyone but sealing a union, with the pride price as a symbol of completion.
to me its absolutely its beautiful.


by the way, are you female? you sound like you are but am not sure.

@Bagoma

Did i agree with you?

I rest my case.

I really meant by right and possession both partners, but obviously you mean to interprete it differently. I am not talking of domination here, but legal aspects. For instance if the woman ets pregnant.
Anyway, you do not need to clear the women in Africa or Nigeria up on their rights, theyare vrty much aware of their rights.
The greates enemy to human rights or womens rights in Africa today is simply poverty.

It's obvious now that this bunkbobo fellow has to direct his brillance and persuasive power to something else.
The practice of paying bride price varies even in the different societies where it's practised.
The first time I heard some of my classmates declared, 'nobody is paying any bride practice or dowry on me' I was shocked,because I had sisters who got married and their husbands/in-laws pay dowries on them and I'd never seen anything wrong with it,even now.
Well,I tried to understand that they were bro't up with different orientation from mine although their argument didnt sway me one bit,even when they lamely tried to use the bible.
I pointed to them that cultures are different,even the Jews have it in their culture.
My own attitude is if I'm marrying a lady and its part of their culture I'll do it(if I have the money!),on the other hand if she's a 'Westernized' sort of person whose family don't do it,then its just as well.
Granted,it could be abused(commercialized),but on the whole it's not in anyway demeaning as most of the women here have said.

great post pearl

obong:

great post pearl

Thanks my bros!

someone should please define bride price? then define dowry? then define that list that the inlaws bring which includes so many items some of which you can never see in this life time.

that list can include motor cycle, a white cock with one eye, one geepee tank, 10 george wrappers, etc, etc, etc - i mean at the site of it some people have suddenly developed temporal memory loss cos it amounts to some good cash.

i wonder whats the point if after doing all the requirements you get into debt and can't even live life with the woman you love.

i am still waiting.