GIRLS USED TO SAY:
1970: Love me But do not touch me.

1980: Touch me, But do not kiss me.

1990: Kiss me, But do not do any thing else.

2000: Do everything, But do not tell anybody.

2011: Do everything, Otherwise I will tell everybody that you can't do anything!

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well,
Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state- of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was, God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how, She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.

The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned." He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun
fighting. He asked why they were fighting. The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it.

where are the jokes?