NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES



SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY:
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

-- Management

Na your company policy be dis abi you just wan set up your own company

Eh!ehh!,na waoo

Shuooo GeeCee this is serious Ooo.

and fony

ANY VACANCY THERE
AM READY OH

even the staffs of "hell fire" get better working conditions than this one

OMG this company is an enemy of progress lots of

I'd luv to sue that company to court.

nice joke BRO
I ll sure burn the company 1 day

I think this companyb rule apply to those working in Nigerian ports, that is why they went on strike.

Bu the time they are giving this rules i'll be signing my resignation letter.

EXTREMELY FUNNY WHAT A POLICY

I suggest this is Nairaland Employment Policy No wonder seun is the Only staff

check out if na only this one be the work wey dey this world i no go work oooooooooo

Rich Dad:

I suggest this is Nairaland Employment Policy No wonder seun is the Only staff

lol

@Mdsocks what da h**ll hv i done to u to deserve being thrown out of nairaland. Tell me what i hv done or did i in anyway ridicule you or was it my younger sis well if it is her i assure you that i would get her on her knees. She would have to plead to the whole nairalander's. So far so good you hv hated me. So pls lol i beg of you.

There we go again.
Luk just register all ova again wit anoda username then try and be more matured. That shuld do the trick. But, ACT UR AGE!!

God forbid bad thing,bloooooooooood of Jesusssssssssssssssssss,

@Migines i didn't even talk to you and you're already dissing me. *migines stepping on my toes*.

*laughs*
and wat u gonnna do?
Nd seriously boy, wat toes.

My father is a great farmer and people say I come after my father so I should be a good farmer. I did rather go my dad way than joining this 419 coy.

Migines you know what i'll do, i'll keep quiet. I don't to put up with you. I am a very peaceful person and i'll stay that way. *keep's quiet*

Okay migs *on kness speaking from his heart* i kindly ask for your forvigeness, losing a friend like you would cause a lot of trouble. I kindly ask for your forgiveness.

@mdsocks i ask for your forgiveness too, in whatever way i might have offended you just look over it and welcome your buddy back.

just imagine this

i no dey work. na by force?

:-x

Wait oh!!! Na for which country that kind company dey? Me for like just burn the place

i don dey head to the place with 10 liters of fuel and lighter. wenm i burn am, i'll flash ya all

No need itueo i'll give you 20 gallons for free. And 20 cartons of matches. If it isn't enough just call me i'll send you more.