I would honestly like to know how many African muslim men would actually like to marry a hijabi. I know for Arab men, the vast majority of arab muslim women wear it so they are accustomed to it and prefer their women that way. However, for African muslims, many of us don't wear it so men also have many options of choosing women who do not wear it. I told my mom I was thinking of beginning to wear the hijab and she said she's afraid it might hurt my marriage prospects. She said that we are different from arab women and that it is their culture. However, this is something that a MUSLIM woman should wear regardless of their culture or race as anyone can be muslim. Besides, not all arabs are muslims and the Christian Arabs do not wear hijab. I know I will wear it in the future, but I am afraid only backwards extremist muslim men would be attracted to me. How many "modern" and well-educated AFRICAN muslim men would actually want a hijabi or would they think she is backwards or unattractive. I think this is why so many women who wear hijab try to do extra things to look attractive b/c they have to compete with non-hijabis who can do things with their hair and show more skin.

Also, I don't want to start a war between hijabis and non-hijabis or arguments about who is better than the other. You cannot know someone's inner character for sure. This is simply a question about outside attraction to men. Yes, the point of a hijab is to be modest, but modest does not mean you have to look unattractive or cannot look pretty. I think it is important for your future husband to have some type of physical attraction to you whether you wear hijab or not.

I understand what you mean OP but before agreeing or disagreeing with you, I think knowing the current country you live in would help. As for me, I am as ambitious as any young man can be irrespective of his religion and I do think that at the level that I have reached in terms of exposure to Islam, the woman I would want to woo to be my wife should be comfortable with Hijab. Like you said Hijab is not everything in a woman and believe me there are many Muslim women who don't use Hijab that have great character but that point just sticks-out like a sore thumb against them.

In short, if you are as refined and accomplished as your post suggests, your using Hijab would not prevent me from finding you attractive and thinking of you seriously as a potential wife if your other qualities came through to me by observation or interaction.

Hijab is a covering that implies modesty, there could be a drop-dead gorgeous babe under it now.

nene1:

I know I will wear it in the future, but I am afraid only backwards extremist muslim men would be attracted to me. How many "modern" and well-educated AFRICAN muslim men would actually want a hijabi or would they think she is backwards or unattractive. I think this is why so many women who wear hijab try to do extra things to look attractive b/c they have to compete with non-hijabis who can do things with their hair and show more skin.

May Allah help you in this regard
Think about this too
But some men would be afraid that only backward extremist muslim women will be attracted to them if they wear long beard
Everyone has their fears. May Allah help us all

Each person can only speak for himself. For me intelligence and sincerity are the top two qualities. Hijab would be a wonderful bonus because it requires courage to wear it.

Looking great is important, but we know that this can change eg due to an accident. And of course what do we actually contribute to beauty? It is just given to us and I don't believe in discriminating unduly on account of something that we have no control over

I am a woman and your question isnt directed at me But I know from experience(avn quite a number of brothers ,etc) that hijab makes you more attractive for marriage. the 'not so serious Muslims' even want to date an hajia- it gets annoying sometimes, I tell you!- every1 wants something good .

of course the inner character matters but the outside one does too and yh! we work hard to look good anyways.

And about the backward Extremist-looking Muslims, am not quite sure of what that means. many pple looking that way to you are probably degree holders in different fields. I dont think it is ok to judge who is extremist or not merely by their dressing. Understandably though, its hard telling who is who but that generalisation does more harm than good. I'd give anyone looking down on me because am in hijab the most outrageous look they can ever imagine cos that is just annoying. #IDOITSOMETIMES

deols:

I am a woman and your question isnt directed at me But I know from experience(avn quite a number of brothers ,etc) that hijab makes you more attractive for marriage. the 'not so serious Muslims' even want to date an hajia- it gets annoying sometimes, I tell you!- every1 wants something good .

of course the inner character matters but the outside one does too and yh! we work hard to look good anyways.

And about the backward Extremist-looking Muslims, am not quite sure of what that means. many pple looking that way to you are probably degree holders in different fields. I dont think it is ok to judge who is extremist or not merely by their dressing. Understandably though, its hard telling who is who but that generalisation does more harm than good. I'd give anyone looking down on me because am in hijab the most outrageous look they can ever imagine cos that is just annoying. #IDOITSOMETIMES

Just take it easy. I understand what Nene1 is saying about backwardness, it is not about degrees it is about how people think. It can be annoying sometimes to see people not being able to think outside the box!

I would honestly like to know how many African muslim men would actually like to marry a hijabi

.
many of them, I believe.

However, for African muslims, many of us don't wear it so men also have many options of choosing women who do not wear it

this is very true. I must say that some have the attitude of marrying a lady with the hope of convincing her to later wear it or to stop doing so. I'd like situations where both parties understand what they expect from the relationship b4 going into it.

I told my mom I was thinking of beginning to wear the hijab and she said she's afraid it might hurt my marriage prospects.

I like your idea of starting to wear hijab and I hope Allah makes it easy for you. Everything we do as Muslims should be first and foremost to derive the pleasure of Allah. Your hijab could be the exact thing that brings your dream man close to you. It is okay to have fears but that of Allah is the best. A Good Muslim man, would value the hijab on you and am sure is whom you deserve.

She said that we are different from arab women and that it is their culture. However, this is something that a MUSLIM woman should wear regardless of their culture or race as anyone can be muslim. Besides, not all arabs are muslims and the Christian Arabs do not wear hijab.

this is a very good point sis. You know what hijab is and that knowledge is the stepping stone. Go for it and Allah will pave your path by His grace.

I know I will wear it in the future, but I am afraid only backwards extremist muslim men would be attracted to me.How many "modern" and well-educated AFRICAN muslim men would actually want a hijabi or would they think she is backwards or unattractive

that is wrong, I reiterate. there are many educated, not extremist looking but knowledgeable Muslim men out there who are attracted to hijab sisters. I just mentioned my brothers as an example and they are 'big boys' mashaAllah. Anyone not covered is not it to them.

. I think this is why so many women who wear hijab try to do extra things to look attractive b/c they have to compete with non-hijabis who can do things with their hair and show more skin.

I think looking good is a 'women' thing. I dont see those things as extras but as normal. I believe we Muslims in hijab take pride in keeping our beauty hidden from men outside of our family . if you've known sisters, u'd know they are more prepared for when they get married and their 'hidden' beauty is a thing of 'surprise' to their husband.

Also, I don't want to start a war between hijabis and non-hijabis or arguments about who is better than the other. You cannot know someone's inner character for sure. This is simply a question about outside attraction to men. Yes, the point of a hijab is to be modest, but modest does not mean you have to look unattractive or cannot look pretty. I think it is important for your future husband to have some type of physical attraction to you whether you wear hijab or not.

true.

more men pls. let us know what you'v got to say.

@nene1; I am one of these african men. Almost all african muslim males I know are interested in hijabi women.
No muslim male or even real male wants his woman to throw the boys out there for the public.
Public materials are not always exciting.


Almost all the african muslim males I know wear beard; long or short, but wearing beard.

I fear Sweetnecta and Deols are painting a much too rosy picture of African Muslim men. I agree more and more people are getting interested in practising Islam better but there is still a lot of prejudice against Hijab even amongst women. Nene1's mum is not the only one discouraging her daughter from using Hijab. In fact, I just heard again of a man who is not happy that his wife is using Hijab based on her new job.

Yes, there are men who value Hijab, but there is still a lot of prejudice around. Don't let us be unrealistic with our submissions.

@ maclatunji, I agree. I understand sweetnca and deol are trying to be encouraging and I really appreciate their posts. However, in the non-arab world, there is a lot of prejudice against hijab. Even in some arab countries, there is prejudice against it. Tunisia banned the hijab in government plaes despite them being 99% muslim. I know some Indian and Pakistani girls who also struggle with it b/c there is prejudice against it in their community even though Pakistanis are also over 95% muslim. It is only among Arabs that it is widely accepted.

Seriously. I don't think you could say most African men like it. I ask about African men b/c as an African woman, that is who I will most likely marry. Arab men have their own arab women and a very unlikely to marry a black woman. So if most african men do not like hijab then it will make finding a husband hard.

Also, plus it is difficult to make hijab match with african clothes. I don't want to turn into an arab and still want to wear african clothes when I go to african events. I want to dress like a muslim not an arab. Their dresses are designed to match with the hijab, but ours are not. I still want to look attractive (not to sound cocky) in a hijab. I don't want to look backwards or unattractive. You can still look beautiful while covering. How else are you going to find a husband if no one finds you attractive?

in nigeria, i've never heard of hijab preventing women from getting husbands.

in fact, the ones who wear hijab often get engaged and married early on.

though who knows sha- it depends on the community.

I just feel like the African men who are college-educated and living in the Western world would not want a woman with a hijab. It seems like generally the ones who are extreme in following the religion, uneducated ones who like to marry many wives are generally the types among african men who are attracted to that. I am confused. I have been wanting to do it for about 2 years now, but have been putting it off for these reasons. I try to make excuses for myself and say I can still wear modest clothes without having to cover etc,

The thing is I want to try my best to improve the way I follow my religion. I know hijab is not the be all end all, but it is a big part of following the religion. Tt is a big commitment b/c even some very pious women still have not built up the courage to do it. I am sure we can all agree it is a tough choice to agree to do for a lifetime as for women hair is a big part of our beauty that we can do so many things with.  Yes, hijab doesn't mean you are perfect, but I feel like this one step b/c it is so difficult in itself. It shows you have at least some commitment to the religion. Also you can be very pious without hijab as I have seem some non-hijabed girls who are more pious than some hijabis. I have also seen hijabis do things that will leave your mouth open. However, those are not excuses not to do it. Just b/c some people don't do it the right way does not change the law.

Yeah I am from Gambia so maybe it is different in Nigeria and other African countries. Hausa muslims in Nigeria seem like a very devout group. From what I have seen it seems as if hijab is common among them? Is it? I haven't met that many Hausas so I can't make a judgment based on the few I know. In Gambia hijab is not common, however there is a trend in the younger generation where a lot of girls are starting to wear it. It's like a hijab movement is starting over there lol,

just feel like the African men who are college-educated and living in the Western world would not want a woman with a hijab

that's possible but could also be due to the exposure they get from travelling overseas.

its the same thing with black [nigerian] men and non-black women. They tend to date more when exposed to each other, than when they're not.

btw i'm not muslim but just contributing to the topic.

wouldnt want you to be under the impression i was.

From what I have seen it seems as if hijab is common among them? Is it?

yes it is.

@nene1, u are most probably speaking from the experience you have around you and that is exactly what I am doing too. There's a possibility therefore that we see different things and from different perspectives.So, when I mentioned knowing a good number of men, I meant it. I think a man with a good self esteem, and a good understanding of Islam would want his wife to practice it well. what you hear from those against are usually things like they want their wife to appear attractive. Seriously? a muslimah's body is not for show off.

I even mentioned the not so serious muslims, and that is in quote cos no one can really put anyone in any category. everyone knows what is good and this type want her for her good qualities with the hope of changing the ones they dont agree with(like her hijab) when they'r finally married.

let us not forget though that there are different types of hijab and i bet we'r considering all here? for with that u'd be seeing a very large percentage of Muslim men, for God or for love or for other reasons choosing women in hijab.

nene1:

I just feel like the African men who are college-educated and living in the Western world would not want a woman with a hijab. It seems like generally the ones who are extreme in following the religion, uneducated ones who like to marry many wives are generally the types among african men who are attracted to that. I am confused. I have been wanting to do it for about 2 years now, but have been putting it off for these reasons. I try to make excuses for myself and say I can sill wear modest clothes without having to cover etc,

The thing is I want to try my best to improve the way I follow my religion. I know hijab is not the be all end all, but it is a big part of following the religion. it is a big commitment b/c even some very pious women still have not built up the courage to do it. I am sure we can all agree it is a tough choice to agree to do for a lifetime as for women hair is a big part of our beauty that we can do so many things with.  Yes, hijab doesn't mean you are perfect, but I feel like this one step b/c it is so difficult in itself. It shows you have at least some commitment to the religion. Also you can be very pious without hijab as I have seem some non-hijabed girls who are more pious than some hijabs. I have also seen hijabis do things then will leave your mouth open. However, those are not excuses not to do it. Just b/c some people don't do it the right way does not change the law.

Nene1, where is your faith? Look at it this way, you are looking for only 1 man as a husband, do you think it is difficult for Allah to give you the man that is even beyond your dreams because you use Hijab? I know you know that is not true.

As for African clothes, there is no 1 type of Hijab, there are several styles, just find the ones that match your attires. I see ladies that have mastered this in Lagos virtually everyday.

At least, I think I have been objective, so I encourage you to take it up since you desire it so much. Let me tell you a little secret, nothing attracts me to a Muslim woman more than her intelligence, honesty and ability to comport herself with decorum. Hijab wouldn't prevent you from having these qualities and I am sure that I am not the only educated African Muslim man who thinks in such terms.

If for any reason, you find it difficult to find the Muslim man you want, I can recommend a few Muslim dating sites or two. I am sure you will get more suitors than you can handle if you go there or we can just ask Mukina2 to hook you up- I think she must know a few based on her job.

nene1:

I just feel like the African men who are college-educated and living in the Western world would not want a woman with a hijab. It seems like generally the ones who are extreme in following the religion, uneducated ones who like to marry many wives are generally the types among african men who are attracted to that. I am confused. I have been wanting to do it for about 2 years now, but have been putting it off for these reasons. I try to make excuses for myself and say I can sill wear modest clothes without having to cover etc,

The thing is I want to try my best to improve the way I follow my religion. I know hijab is not the be all end all, but it is a big part of following the religion. it is a big commitment b/c even some very pious women still have not built up the courage to do it. I am sure we can all agree it is a tough choice to agree to do for a lifetime as for women hair is a big part of our beauty that we can do so many things with.  Yes, hijab doesn't mean you are perfect, but I feel like this one step b/c it is so difficult in itself. It shows you have at least some commitment to the religion. Also you can be very pious without hijab as I have seem some non-hijabed girls who are more pious than some hijabs. I have also seen hijabis do things then will leave your mouth open. However, those are not excuses not to do it. Just b/c some people don't do it the right way does not change the law.

Well, I am college educated in the west and I still want to marry an hijabi (Insha Allah) and there are many brothers here who have hijabi wives.

The Hijab is beyond is cloth on your head, It is both outward and Inward: It is an act of Obedience.

Salam Aleikum,

my school is very small, so it is easy to know almost everybody. of the women in my school, the hijab sisters are the prettiest and the most respected (perhaps because it is an Islamic faith based institution). I like all of them, and I know a few that beat me academically till today. this is one of the reasons I value veiled muslimahs. I would love to marry one someday, she would be a blessing from Allah(swt) insha Allah (if she is intelligent and sound morally). the key is identifying with the Muslim community wherever you are and becoming an influential part of them.
I would like to state one other point though. it is good that you want to use a veil, but you have to be careful. sometimes we want to do good deeds but our worries and fears prevent us from doing them. granted it is not wise to rush into it, as there are other aspects of ones character and deen that one needs to work on. however after a while one starts to procrastinate. this is a very common thing to do. please do no lose sight of the main reason you want to use a veil, to seek the pleasure of Allah (swt).

maclatunji:

Look at it this way, you are looking for only 1 man as a husband, do you think it is difficult for Allah to give you the man that is even beyond your dreams because you use Hijab? I know you know that is not true.

Very important point. You only need to get just one person

nene1:

Tunisia banned the hijab in government plaes despite them being 99% muslim.

Tunisia is a bad example. Polygamy has been outlawed in that country since 1957. How bad can things get?
Even in Egypt, their dressing is westernised. Remember the cut of Mubarak's suits?

nene1:

It is only among Arabs that it is widely accepted.

The acceptability you want is from your husband. That implies he is comfortable with it. That is actually the easy part. He must also understand Islam and be able to stand his ground when members of his family makes requests that are not halal. Some male members of his family might call you "our wife", might want to touch you in the process, expect you to unveil in their presence.

I once listened to a lecture where a sheik related how members of a brother's family were protesting his refusal of certain things "what do we want to do with his wife? he says we cannot hold her, at family events she refuses to wear regular dresses like the wives of other family events etc" This is something that he must be able to deal with

Furthermore, he must accept that certain jobs would not be available to you. A lot of Nigerian christians nearly go into a fit when they see women in hijab. An example, about 3-4 years ago, the former DG of the Nigerian Stock Exchange, Dr (Mrs) Okereke-Onyiuke stopped all hijabi stockbrokers from coming to the floor of the Nigerian Stock Exchange to trade.

For several months, the jobs of these brokers were threatened. And news started filtering out as some of these brokers could no longer give the same quality service they were giving to their clients from the floor of the Exchange while some (eg from IBTC) felt that their employer could just not keep them on their payroll while not trading as stockbrokers.

Due to external pressure from muslim community, the DG now tried to get approval from the Council of the Exchange to back up her unilateral action. The Council stopped it

The moral is that some organisations headed by christians will not give you a job unless you remove your veil.

Finally, on the issue of western educated muslims. Actually depending on the level of their faith, people who are in the minority tend to hold on to their faith more than people in the majority. The average muslim in the west know more about Islam than those in Africa because they have to correct misconceptions all the time. So I believe that quite a number of them will only marry hijabi sisters.

Education does not have to come from the west. One can get quality education from Africa these days. There are a lot of brothers in this category. I also know that a lot of them will marry only hijabi sisters. And this hijab must be on before they even approach the sisters. It is not a matter of "I will persuade her later"

May Allah make it easy for us

nene1:

Also, plus it is difficult to make hijab match with african clothes. I don't want to turn into an arab and still want to wear african clothes when I go to african events. I want to dress like a muslim not an arab. Their dresses are designed to match with the hijab, but ours are not. I still want to look attractive (not to sound cocky) in a hijab. I don't want to look backwards or unattractive. You can still look beautiful while covering. How else are you going to find a husband if no one finds you attractive?

Looking attractive is relative. Trying to show your figure might defeat the purpose of the hijab.
There are different types of hijab like Bro Mac said. Some will cover your entire body. So it does not matter what you wear underneath
Some will only frame your face and cover half of what you are wearing on top. Wearing a tight fitting blouse and skirt with this type of hijab is possible, but for whose benefit is the tight fitting dress? Your husband's or future husband's?

Men are permitted only one look, but what you wear might make several furtive glances irresistible.

We all like beautiful things. But not all of us are born with looks that will make traffic stop. We can only try to improve on it within limits (we cannot shave our eyebrow and line it with pencil etc). For most men, an attractive girl will catch their attention very quickly, but only the intelligent one will last the distance

Salam Aleikun.
This is my first contribution on this section and that is largely due to deols's influence who brought me here from her comment on the Imam's body donning the front-page. Thank you deols.
@Op. For brevity sake, I'll ask u to look inward. Period.
And the rest of this my post goes to all muslims. Marital choices or aspirations shouldn't influence our using of hijab. For the females, the act of covering head is mandatory! As muslims we need to teach our wards-young and old- the basics in Islam. I don't have a sound stats but I'm certain that the percentage of those non-hijab users (muslim and christian alike) seriously searching for partner is higher when compare to the hijab user.
Let me quickly add that no reasonable man will marry solely because you are hijab user or non-user. Good morals, intelligence and religion top the list of many guys. Suffice to add that most girl who observe the five daily prayers uses hijab or better still will have no qualms with using hijab.
I'm a professional, and have got loads of friends-well read- in and outside the country that give anything for an intelligent, morally sound and hijab sister. And they we are big boys. And I mean Big. Alhamadullilahi. Salam!

Salam Aleikun.
This is my first contribution on this section and that is largely due to deols's influence who brought me here from her comment on the Imam's body donning the front-page. Thank you deols.
@Op. For brevity sake, I'll ask u to look inward. Period.
And the rest of this my post goes to all muslims. Marital choices or aspirations shouldn't influence our using of hijab. For the females, the act of covering head is mandatory! As muslims we need to teach our wards-young and old- the basics in Islam. I don't have a sound stats but I'm certain that the percentage of those non-hijab users (muslim and christian alike) seriously searching for partner is higher when compare to the hijab user.
Let me quickly add that no reasonable man will marry solely because you are hijab user or non-user. Good morals, intelligence and religion top the list of many guys. Suffice to add that most girl who observe the five daily prayers uses hijab or better still will have no qualms with using hijab.
I'm a professional, and have got loads of friends-well read- in and outside the country that give anything for an intelligent, morally sound and hijab sister. And they we are big boys. And I mean Big. Alhamadullilahi. Salam!

Salam Aleikun.
This is my first contribution on this section and that is largely due to deols's influence who brought me here from her comment on the Imam's body donning the front-page. Thank you deols.
@Op. For brevity sake, I'll ask u to look inward. Period.
And the rest of this my post goes to all muslims. Marital choices or aspirations shouldn't influence our using of hijab. For the females, the act of covering head is mandatory! As muslims we need to teach our wards-young and old- the basics in Islam. I don't have a sound stats but I'm certain that the percentage of those non-hijab users (muslim and christian alike) seriously searching for partner is higher when compare to the hijab user.
Let me quickly add that no reasonable man will marry solely because you are hijab user or non-user. Good morals, intelligence and religion top the list of many guys. Suffice to add that most girl who observe the five daily prayers uses hijab or better still will have no qualms with using hijab.
I'm a professional, and have got loads of friends-well read- in and outside the country that give anything for an intelligent, morally sound and hijab sister. And they we are big boys. And I mean Big. Alhamadullilahi. Salam!

Salam Aleikun.
This is my first contribution on this section and that is largely due to deols's influence who brought me here from her comment on the Imam's body donning the front-page. Thank you deols.
@Op. For brevity sake, I'll ask u to look inward. Period.
And the rest of this my post goes to all muslims. Marital choices or aspirations shouldn't influence our using of hijab. For the females, the act of covering head is mandatory! As muslims we need to teach our wards-young and old- the basics in Islam. I don't have a sound stats but I'm certain that the percentage of those non-hijab users (muslim and christian alike) seriously searching for partner is higher when compare to the hijab user.
Let me quickly add that no reasonable man will marry solely because you are hijab user or non-user. Good morals, intelligence and religion top the list of many guys. Suffice to add that most girl who observe the five daily prayers uses hijab or better still will have no qualms with using hijab.
I'm a professional, and have got loads of friends-well read- in and outside the country that give anything for an intelligent, morally sound and hijab sister. And they we are big boys. And I mean Big. Alhamadullilahi. Salam!

^^ am glad you'r here and are most welcome.

PresidentT:

Salam Aleikun.
This is my first contribution on this section and that is largely due to deols's influence who brought me here from her comment on the Imam's body donning the front-page. Thank you deols.
@Op. For brevity sake, I'll ask u to look inward. Period.
And the rest of this my post goes to all muslims. Marital choices or aspirations shouldn't influence our using of hijab. For the females, the act of covering head is mandatory! As muslims we need to teach our wards-young and old- the basics in Islam. I don't have a sound stats but I'm certain that the percentage of those non-hijab users (muslim and christian alike) seriously searching for partner is higher when compare to the hijab user.
Let me quickly add that[b] no reasonable man will marry solely because you are hijab user or non-user[/b]. Good morals, intelligence and religion top the list of many guys. Suffice to add that most girl who observe the five daily prayers uses hijab or better still will have no qualms with using hijab.
I'm a professional, and have got loads of friends-well read- in and outside the country that give anything for an intelligent, morally sound and hijab sister. And they we are big boys. And I mean Big. Alhamadullilahi. Salam!

i chuckled at the big boys. .lol

wa alaykum salam

Thank u deols. And pardon my multiple post. Salam!

the percentage of those non-hijab users (muslim and christian alike) seriously searching for partner is higher when compare to the hijab user.

that's very possible.

@ topic


it could also be influenced by the partner/husband sometimes.

a man could be attracted to a non-hijab user and then require her to wear hijab later. Or vice versa.

it all depends.

Tpia@ is really getting close to becoming a Muslim- methinks!

***Runs off before Hurricane Tpia@ lands***

^ it wld be a great pleasure

deols:

^ it wld be a great pleasure

Shuush! Don't disturb her thinking processes with noise. It is her private journey to be embarked upon with the utmost peace and decorum.

My sixth sense says I should ask you how you are doing- so how are you doing?