She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. - Family - Nairaland
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| She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by Nobody: 6:14am On Mar 14, 2012 |
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| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by chioma134: 8:41am On Mar 14, 2012 |
@poster,I understand how u feel. I know u love ur mother as well,so I'd advise u not to hurt her further by giving her a piece of ur mind,as u put it. U may hurt her in d process,n if she's as "un-forgetting" as u say,she'll carry d hurt in her mind to her grave. Rather,correct her in love. If she still doesn't relent,talk to any of her sisters or close friends or pastor so they can talk to her. It's not easy for an ambitious woman to give up her dreams cos of marriage. She probably pressed to complete her educatn,but ur father refused. And now,she has to bear d brunt alone. I know a matron,registered nurse n midwife who went back to study medicine. She was just a class ahead of her first son n she passed out without repeating any course. She told me she had to threaten to make life hell for him b4 her husband allowed her go back to school. Her husband had promised that she'd continue schooling b4 they got married but reneged on his promise after they got married. She's now a medical doctor n d most important thing is that she is fulfilled. I believe women should endeavour to pursue their live ambitions,to avoid blaming another person when it is too late. |
| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by chioma134: 8:43am On Mar 14, 2012 |
@poster,I understand how u feel. I know u love ur mother as well,so I'd advise u not to hurt her further by giving her a piece of ur mind,as u put it. U may hurt her in d process,n if she's as "un-forgetting" as u say,she'll carry d hurt in her mind to her grave. Rather,correct her in love. If she still doesn't relent,talk to any of her sisters or close friends or pastor so they can talk to her. It's not easy for an ambitious woman to give up her dreams cos of marriage. She probably pressed to complete her educatn,but ur father refused. And now,she has to bear d brunt alone. I know a matron,registered nurse n midwife who went back to study medicine. She was just a class ahead of her first son n she passed out without repeating any course. She told me she had to threaten to make life hell for him b4 her husband allowed her go back to school. Her husband had promised that she'd continue schooling b4 they got married but reneged on his promise after they got married. She's now a medical doctor n d most important thing is that she is fulfilled. I believe women should endeavour to pursue their live ambitions,to avoid blaming another person when it is too late. Shalom. |
| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by ifyalways(f): 11:05am On Mar 14, 2012 |
@OP,are you and/or your other siblings grown and employed now?Y'all can pool funds together and get your mama back to school to pursue her lifelong dreams. |
| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by kelz88(f): 11:31am On Mar 14, 2012 |
Nigerians and respect!! You let this go on too long. Put your mom in her place. Let her know she's being unfair and so wrong blaming your dad cos she could have studied, etc but not have a job. She could have gone to school and left the kids in the hands of a relative who could have gone on to abuse her kids, etc. After all these years being bitter isn't it time she lookded at the bright side? If your dad made so much while he was alive she would be singing a different tune. What's done is done! She needs to get over it and start sharing the good times with the younger ones so they have a nice memory of their father. Unless she wasn't happily married to your dad?? |
| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by queensmith: 2:17pm On Mar 14, 2012 |
Your mother only has herself to blame, unfortunately it's easier to blame someone else and even easier the dead. She has to let go, make peace with her mistakes. She should have worked, yes she should have, but she didn't and the time has gone. She can only pick herself up now and be grateful for what she has. That is where you come in, it will only make things worse if you agitate the situation, just try and be a comfort to raise her spirits whenever she's down. Eventually she will get over it. |
| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by Nobody: 10:07pm On Mar 14, 2012 |
Thanks@ y'all. I forgot to mention that she went back to school in '06 (my dad died in 05) for her degree, and den she's yet to get a good job. Also, I'm yet to start work so things aint too easy. The thing is, she could have gone back to school and died, but she keeps blaming my dad. Now my little sibs think my dad was one callous man that didn't give a f*****ng s**t about her. It hurts! But, thanks, won't confront her. |
| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by maclatunji: 2:24pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
mollytinrox: I'm trying not to be bitter about this, but my mum keeps blaming my dad for not allowing her continue her education after marriage. She had her OND when they got married and couldn't continue cos my dad wanted her to stay home and look after the kids and all that. Now, he's been dead for like five years and things have been kinda rough, but we've pulled through. My mum uses every slight opportunity to tell us it was my dad who kept her where she is today. I've been keeping quiet all this while but one of these days I may just have to give her a piece of my mind! My dad was responsible, wanting the best for his family(kids and wife). He had his shortcomings but what human doesn't ? I have two siblings that were 7 and 4 when he died, and my mum's picture doesn't help their thoughts of my dad. Pls what do I do? People who had their masters back then will still find it difficult to raise five kids in today's Nigeria. Pls how do I tell her? Yet she says she loves my Dad. It hurts me to hear her say my dad ended her life. Awwwwwww, I know you mum's type; the 'perpetual victim'. Unfortunately, she is likely to continue like that until you give her 'a moment of truth.' Just let her get into 'complaint mode' and when she has reached the story's climax, just say: "Mummy" Eni ti e n soro e yi ma ti di oku.' Ko ba ti e buru koja bi esen juwe e yii, O ye ki e ti le fi gbogbo oro yen le latarape o ti pakoda." Translation: "This person you are talking about is now dead, even if he was worse than you are describing, you should have left all of this complaints by now because he is now late." Believe me, she will get the message that you don't like it. I hope she is really mature because she may just become sulky after that. Pet her back to 'happy mode' after that. She needed to hear it for you and your siblings. |
| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by ronkebp(f): 4:52pm On Mar 15, 2012 |
Poster, my mum was in that situation too, my dad did not want my mum to work or further her studies, he just wanted her and the kids to be available to him 24/7, but my mum, for where? she went to school, did her NCE, Bachelors and has her masters, infact she was thinking of going for her doctorate when we all screamed, for what?? My point, your mum was supposed to motivate herself, let her know that it was not your dad's fault but hers, if she desperately wanted to go to school, she would have sought the means to, i did not talk about the fights that happened between my dad and mum because of her school thingy,(that one is a different story) but she was so determined, and now, it is paying everyone, especially herself off. |
| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by Nobody: 2:47pm On May 28, 2012 |
ronkebp: Poster, my mum was in that situation too, my dad did not want my mum to work or further her studies, he just wanted her and the kids to be available to him 24/7, but my mum, for where? she went to school, did her NCE, Bachelors and has her masters, infact she was thinking of going for her doctorate when we all screamed, for what?? |
| Re: She Blames Him For All Her Misfortunes, And It Hurts. by taryour(f): 3:05pm On May 28, 2012 |
mollytinrox: I'm trying not to be bitter about this, but my mum keeps blaming my dad for not allowing her continue her education after marriage. She had her OND when they got married and couldn't continue cos my dad wanted her to stay home and look after the kids and all that. Now, he's been dead for like five years and things have been kinda rough, but we've pulled through. My mum uses every slight opportunity to tell us it was my dad who kept her where she is today. I've been keeping quiet all this while but one of these days I may just have to give her a piece of my mind! My dad was responsible, wanting the best for his family(kids and wife). He had his shortcomings but what human doesn't ? I have two siblings that were 7 and 4 when he died, and my mum's picture doesn't help their thoughts of my dad. Pls what do I do? People who had their masters back then will still find it difficult to raise five kids in today's Nigeria. Pls how do I tell her? Yet she says she loves my Dad. It hurts me to hear her say my dad ended her life. does dat mean she stayed home as a house wife all tru,no bizness wotsoever? If she ad a bizness dion n earned her own money den she wuld need to blame anyone. Not every woman who as bsc end up doin office jobs, ur are still young n ur siblings too,advice her to raise mony n start a biz,if she as enuf she should enroll for p.time while running her biz and get her hnd. Its never to late for anyone to succed untill death. |
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