I have been married for 9years with 3kids. My marriage is ok but there is no spark in our love life.anytime i bring up the issue of lack of intimacy between us he claims theres no problem between us. We maintain separate bedrooms & i feel that contributes but he does not want us to maintain one. We make love only when he feels like it & even then its onesided cos its over when he has climaxed. I know he cares about us but i dont feel any love on his part. I dont hear the words "I LOVE YOU". I have sort of resigned myself to fate but its getting to me. I have tried repeatedly to talk about it but its pushed aside passively. Isnt marriage meant to be enjoyed? I am not enjoying my marriage. PLS WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK? (Pls serious contributions only). (p.s - we dated for 4years before marriage)

Read this thread https://www.nairaland.com/890612/want-husband-friend-too, all the advice you want (and don't want) are there. You are in the mid-30s I assume.

Romance doesn't come naturally to many guys. they are told from an early age to be strong, don't cry, take it like a man.....i.e. to hide their feelings.

Keep yourself in shape. Go for a few runs every week, so he stays interested. I don't know if you do or not but make sure you don't neglect your own physical self.
Wear a light perfume in the night and just a long t shirt with no bra n panties.go to his bedroom. seduce him. Initiate sex'. Cuddle him. Kiss him. don't be shy And you will see the spark developing into a raging fire.try to (Switch it up and be creative in bed smiley , that should wake him up.
also Try doing things like sexy role play. Hopefully that spices things up

This is precisely the problem with women. All they want to do is TALK. Your solution to every problem is TALKING. All I see in the OP's post is she wants to TALK. How about some action? How about you take the initiative and introduce some romance and spice into your marriage life.

I dont just TALK which i have done alot of. I have initiated lots of moves but it gets thrown back at me. I try 2 organize outings but hes not interested. I try 2 involve him in what i do but its more like thats your business. I initiate sex but its me trying 2 satisfy him while i'm left dry. I have tried over the years to bring back the spark but to no avail. I tried moving to his room but i realised its better i lie in my own bed alone cos i'm not noticed there. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO

Pinkzs: I dont just TALK which i have done alot of. I have initiated lots of moves but it gets thrown back at me. I try 2 organize outings but hes not interested. I try 2 involve him in what i do but its more like thats your business. I initiate sex but its me trying 2 satisfy him while i'm left dry. I have tried over the years to bring back the spark but to no avail. I tried moving to his room but i realised its better i lie in my own bed alone cos i'm not noticed there. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO

Ahh yes an all to familiar story one that I know too well, in short this relationship is the exact same thing as mine except we still sleep in the same bed. Well I can see that you have tried and its easy for some folks on here to say do this, do that, but until they are in the enviornment and see the constant rejection they truely wont understand. My sister i feel for you and your not alone in this many women are suffering like yourself. I can't give advice becuase i have not even found a good solution for my own problem but what i can tell you is what is working for me now: try and be happy for yourself, dont depend on this man for happiness, like if your kids are laughing or being silly do they same, learn to laugh again. I also made my hubby open a business for me so that is keeping me busy these days. For example do things with your kids and invite them out to the playlands, where they have games, ask hubby to come along, before you know it he will be playing with the kids and having a good old time. Talk to him about the good old days when you guys where dating and how he use to make you feel.

Me and my hubby have also been together for 9 years and i know how hard it is to keep the flame alive after having children. I really think the first step is to move back into his room, some nights if he does not want sex just ask him to hold you, or do other things and one thing may lead to another. I am no expert but im just sharing with you some of the things im doing and hopefully they can help you. Everyday try to look at him as a human being and not the SOURCE OF YOUR LIFE MISERY. This has allowed the peace to remain in my house. I know it seems like you are doing all the work, but with that type of husband its sadly the only way to go. ALso are you certain there are no other women involved, that may also be distracting his attention he gives to you?

Pinkzs: I dont just TALK which i have done alot of. I have initiated lots of moves but it gets thrown back at me. I try 2 organize outings but hes not interested. I try 2 involve him in what i do but its more like thats your business. I initiate sex but its me trying 2 satisfy him while i'm left dry. I have tried over the years to bring back the spark but to no avail. I tried moving to his room but i realised its better i lie in my own bed alone cos i'm not noticed there. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO

Awww, this is also partly your husband's fault. Do you mind giving his age range? I think you should try to be subtle in trying to get him to think passionately about you. Try and cook more of natural aphrodisiacs that will turn him on without realizing why. There is a word that married woman need to make their friend, it is 'Allure'. You have to be alluring to your husband. I hope you haven't gotten fat O.

Try and keep yourself busy with other things in the meantime. Leave the man to his devices.

I sympathize with you cos i know its really painful when you get shunned by someone you love and you have tried your possible best to make things work. But all the same i'l advice you to keep yourself busy with your kids & what makes you happy & when you dont give him so much attention & start falling over him, i believe he'l start to notice you once again. Goodluck

Thanks all for sharing this burden with me. I feel much lighter. I do appreciate it. I'l be more involved in making myself happy & praying that things change for the better but i'l still put in more effort to make things work cos marriage is for better & for worse. Thank you. Goodnite

Hehehehe hehehehe, another silly thread. For better for worse ko, for s3x and no s3x ni

Why is these forum cursed with these low esteem women? Tufiakwa

@ CC the feeling is mutual as much as you disagree with me i also disagree with many things you say! I have decided not to join the divorce club with is the popular beleif on this forum, in comparison to you regulars i see myself as a free radical, someone who thinks outside of the box and I will not conform to your beleifs and post what you want to hear in this section, so get used to to or let them ban me. Futhermore you feel bad for me hmmmm ok, let me tell you dont feeel sorry for me, i got many options available to me, i am not one to be pitied. Look @ the end of the day no human being weither it be husband, child, mother,father should bare the responsibility of making another person happy. In my post i was telling the poster to look outside her husband for happiness, if she is playing with her children then enjoy it get lost in their world, and forget for a few minutes all the things she is lacking, what is wrong with that? I also told OP to be happy for herself find the happiness with in her, again what is wrong with that? Their is nothing wrong with the advice i gave her period. Your beef with me is that you dont like the fact that i have accepted to have an alternative marriage and i know its a lot for your brain to process but people have it and it works for some. I will continue to post here as much as i like, so you can continue to"so call" ignore me.

agiboma: @ CC the feeling is mutual as much as you disagree with me i also disagree with many things you say! I have decided not to join the divorce club with is the popular beleif on this forum, in comparison to you regulars i see myself as a free radical, someone who thinks outside of the box and I will not conform to your beleifs and post what you want to hear in this section, so get used to to or let them ban me. Futhermore you feel bad for me hmmmm ok, let me tell you dont feeel sorry for me, i got many options available to me, i am not one to be pitied. Look @ the end of the day no human being weither it be husband, child, mother,father should bare the responsibility of making another person happy. In my post i was telling the poster to look outside her husband for happiness, if she is playing with her children then enjoy it get lost in their world, and forget for a few minutes all the things she is lacking, what is wrong with that? I also told OP to be happy for herself find the happiness with in her, again what is wrong with that? Their is nothing wrong with the advice i gave her period. Your beef with me is that you dont like the fact that i have accepted to have an alternative marriage and i know its a lot for your brain to process but people have it and it works for some. I will continue to post here as much as i like, so you can continue to"so call" ignore me.

Take it easy, your views and choices are respected. Don't take offence at Chaircover's comments. #Ladiesslowdown

Agiboma, We talked about this, Attacking people ad not the subject is not the way to go. Madam CC Differed with your oppinion, You personalised it, Madam CC is never a divorce advocate, blame me for that, I have even been angry with her for advicing battered women to stay, we have had several issues and she has always maintaned that she wouldnt advice another woman to do what she cannot do. Maybe recently she has become a little liberal with the D word but she has never been a divorce advocate.
Please I beg you, try to focus on the issues and stop attacking personalities when you respond, she differed with your oppinion and clearly stated reasons, i am not trying to take sides but you seem to go around thinking particular peoples oppinions are to be personally attacked. Like she said you personally know no one here, everyone comes asks for advice and gets different advices, feel free to differ with the oppinions but let us please leave the individuals out of this, we are mostly mothers here let us differ but respect each other. once again No One has a Problem with you, they may just have a different oppinion

^^^Your begging her is beginning to annoy me. leave her now, wetin? She is frustrated and is unleashing her frustration on every woman. Begging her is annoying abeg. Let her continue to show people how unhappy she is.

I blame her not, I only blame those that read her dumb silly posts and agree with. Even an eediot is entitled to an opinion, she is only exercising her ediotic rights to an opinion.

You women should let me hear word jooo. I cannot even concentrate on the kpekus job Ify assigned me to.

chaircover: Aigboma beef with you ke? beef with someone I dont know? Someone I will pass in the street and not even recognise. You really think a lot of yourself.

What is my business on whether you decide to stay with your husband or not? Are you my sister?

You brought your issue to NL and were advised accordingly. If you choose to take that advise or not; who bears the brunt or enjoys the results? Is it not you at the end of the day?

My dear do what you want to do, be a free spirit, enjoy your life. Life is too short for internet beefs as you call them.

ok CC

@DB well i was only responding to her post on disagreeing with me, that is all. For the most part my views will always differ from you regulars and that's ok, lets just come to an understanding until i get ban thats the way its gonna be. So in the future if no one calls me out and comments how useless my advice is, I will have no need to respond to them. At this point lets just agree to disagree. Although i post here often this is not the area of the forum where i make the most contributions, neverless i wont avoid this section.

No One will ban you, no one wants you out of this section and no one wants you to have the same oppinion but we all disagree in our oppinions from time to time and let us keep it at that disagreeing with oppinions and not attacking individuals and what we think they stand for. Let us do that and aviod unnecessary issues abeg. She said she disagreed with your advice and you could have just validated what you believed in without attacking who you think she is. Like I keep shouting NO ONE HATES YOU, It is a forum, let us differ with oppinions and stay there, please.
Jenny, abeg leave me jare, go and do ya kpekus, after you have promised me no more name calling you are vexing me today too oh. Leave Agi for me jor, I love to beg her.

debrief08: No One will ban you, no one wants you out of this section and no one wants you to have the same oppinion but we all disagree in our oppinions from time to time and let us keep it at that disagreeing with oppinions and not attacking individuals and what we think they stand for. Let us do that and aviod unnecessary issues abeg. She said she disagreed with your advice and you could have just validated what you believed in without attacking who you think she is. Like I keep shouting NO ONE HATES YOU, It is a forum, let us differ with oppinions and stay there, please.
Jenny, abeg leave me jare, go and do ya kpekus, after you have promised me no more name calling you are vexing me today too oh. Leave Agi for me jor, I love to beg her.

lol np db

And please there is no divorce club. Some people namely ME has seen a different view to the normal "stay in a marriage cos no one else will want you" advice, I have seen that to be a lie and I owe it to other women going through hell to offer them a contrary view, a few people here may agree with me but it doesnt make it a club. I only advice divorce in extreme circumstances when nothing else seems to work, go through my posts, most times I am advicing women with issues how to make it work, I only advice divorce when there is extremem and constant violence, because I wish someone else had adviced me earlier I may have left sooner with less scars that is all. This doesnt mean I loved the fact that i had a failed marriage and i encourage others to do the same, NO, that is one of the darkest spots in my life even though i have a good life now, sometimes I wonder if like people say i will go to heaven because I divorced and remarried, sometimes I have nightmares still but I owe it to others who are being told there are no options than to stay and die in an unhappy situation the truth. That being said it is just advice, to be taken or ignored.

@ db i totally agree with you , btw you wont go to any hell for having a divorce, so stop having nightmares ok

Lol thanks dear, I know that but sometimes i just wonder what if what if they are right lol. The nightmares have greatly reduced and am told in time they willl be a thing of the past. Thanks jare. Oya no more fighting, you want to beef anybody for saying divorce, na me you go beef. lol.

lol np

aWWWWW!!!!!! sO SWEET GUYS!!!!! don't have anything to add, except, poster, go and dust your sneakers, get nice booty shorts and head straight to the Gym, that will also keep you busy, add that to your todo list.... for other advices, mail me at ronkebp@yahoo.com.

agiboma,
Am loving the new you.
Taking no bull~ Sh~t from nobody.You are becominhg stronger girl.
seriously,Loving the new,Confident agy.
Now the next step is to transfer this energy and face your hubby.
AM NOT ADVOCATING DIVORCE,BUT COMMUNICATION,between you and your hubby.
Transfer this new felt power to tackling him~dont waste it tackling faceless people on NL.
Good luck![b]agiboma,
Am loving the new you.
Taking no bull~ Sh~t from nobody.You are becominhg stronger girl.
seriously,Loving the new,Confident agy.
Now the next step is to transfer this energy and face your hubby.
AM NOT ADVOCATING DIVORCE,BUT COMMUNICATION,between you and your hubby.
Transfer this new felt power to tackling him~dont waste it tackling faceless people on NL.
Good luck![/b]agiboma,
Am loving the new you.
Taking no bull~ Sh~t from nobody.You are becominhg stronger girl.
seriously,Loving the new,Confident agy.
Now the next step is to transfer this energy and face your hubby.
AM NOT ADVOCATING DIVORCE,BUT COMMUNICATION,between you and your hubby.
Transfer this new felt power to tackling him~dont waste it tackling faceless people on NL.
Good luck!

debrief08: Lol thanks dear, I know that but sometimes i just wonder what if what if they are right lol. The nightmares have greatly reduced and am told in time they willl be a thing of the past. Thanks jare. Oya no more fighting, you want to beef anybody for saying divorce, na me you go beef. lol.

Deshort, i say give me that your ex- hubby's number and address, let mi gals treat his f-k up!!!!! you no gree, because he might be unleashing strength on another woman oooo. i don talk my own. ;d

Richvkunt: agiboma,
Am loving the new you.
Taking no bull~ Sh~t from nobody.You are becominhg stronger girl.
seriously,Loving the new,Confident agy.
Now the next step is to transfer this energy and face your hubby.
AM NOT ADVOCATING DIVORCE,BUT COMMUNICATION,between you and your hubby.
Transfer this new felt power to tackling him~dont waste it tackling faceless people on NL.
Good luck![b]agiboma,
Am loving the new you.
Taking no bull~ Sh~t from nobody.You are becominhg stronger girl.
seriously,Loving the new,Confident agy.
Now the next step is to transfer this energy and face your hubby.
AM NOT ADVOCATING DIVORCE,BUT COMMUNICATION,between you and your hubby.
Transfer this new felt power to tackling him~dont waste it tackling faceless people on NL.
Good luck![/b]agiboma,
Am loving the new you.
Taking no bull~ Sh~t from nobody.You are becominhg stronger girl.
seriously,Loving the new,Confident agy.
Now the next step is to transfer this energy and face your hubby.
AM NOT ADVOCATING DIVORCE,BUT COMMUNICATION,between you and your hubby.
Transfer this new felt power to tackling him~dont waste it tackling faceless people on NL.
Good luck!

Thank you Rich im still working on him

OP, read this (I copied from Facebook)

Technical Support.

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Flatulism 6.2
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck

Ronke dear, lol, thanks oh. Leave am, no add to wetin dey worry am now.

Nice 1 mac

That is so funny Mac, nice!!!