If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar,
they cancel each other out.

If you eat standing up, it doesn't count!

If you eat the food off someone else's plate,
it doesn't count.

Cookie pieces contain no calories because the
process of breakage cause calorie leakage.

Food used for medicinal purposes have no
calories. This includes: any chocolate used for
energy, brandy, cheesecake, and Haagen-Daaz Ice
Cream.

When eating with someone else, calories don't
count if you both eat the same amount.

Movie-related foods are much lower in calories
simply because they are a part of the
entertainment experience and not part of one's
personal fuel. This includes: Milk Duds, popcorn
with butter, Junior Mints and Snickers.