jossy26: If a newly wed of just 6months can post all these, I wonder what you will post after two years of marriage. You have got no respect for your hubby bringing up issues that should be sorted within your confines to the public. Am afraid of ur marriage young woman. Marriage is a Sacred institution not for Babies

she is asking for advices, like any body would....since her hubby seems to be hard headed. why should that be a problem?

Goldieluks: You are married, start bearing fruit for your family. It is only a lazy woman that would go ahead and complain or worry that her children would come in the way of her education or dream. Speaking from experience here.

shouldnt you also say that : it is only a SMART woman who will make sure that she is adequately prepared to have and cater for a child, in case anything happens to her man? children are NOT coming in the way of this lady's education because the plan was NOT to have children until her education is over. so, if anything is "in the way", it is that man's changing mind who is in the way of her education

MRbrownJAY:

she is asking for advices, like any body would....since her hubby seems to be hard headed. why should that be a problem?



shouldnt you also say that : it is only a SMART woman who will make sure that she is adequately prepared to have and cater for a child, in case anything happens to her man? children are NOT coming in the way of this lady's education because the plan was NOT to have children until her education is over. so, if anything is "in the way", it is that man's changing mind who is in the way of her education

I agree. My own issue is their income, part time student workers does not go down well with me.

^^ yep they clearly have no idea what it takes to raise a child PROPERLY. how are they going to have enough money to care for their whole family with that man's part time pharmacy job? and who will be there to help the OP cope , since the guy would always be away (if not in school then at work).....and the kind of strain such lifestyle will put on their union is the reason why MANY fall apart.

sadly, there is not much we can tell them that will change their minds.

True MBJ. If they had a good job she could use up her maternity leave hours, he could stay home for a week's parental paid leave and help her out, but if she's going to have the baby, she has to stay home and her husband cannot AFFORD to stay at home cos he has to be the only working, won't be spending much time at home helping her out, paying for bills, paying the rent and so on. How does he even think he can cope with that?

Maybe he has a friend who is telling him to start taking control of his home but come onnnnn, is he a day old child? he should know better. This request of his is absurd and I am so happy to read a man's opinion on this

jennykadry: True MBJ. If they had a good job she could use up her maternity leave hours, he could stay home for a week's parental paid leave and help her out, but if she's going to have the baby, she has to stay home and her husband cannot AFFORD to stay at home cos he has to be the only working, won't be spending much time at home helping her out, paying for bills, paying the rent and so on. How does he even think he can cope with that?

Maybe he has a friend who is telling him to start taking control of his home but come onnnnn, is he a day old child? he should know better. This request of his is absurd and I am so happy to read a man's opinion on this

hahahha he is over confident of himself, because he is seeing some girls getting pregnant out of wedlock for those stoopid boys, that don't even care for them yet they go ahead and born the child.

Jennykadry:

True MBJ. If they had a good job she could use up her maternity leave hours, he could stay home for a week's parental paid leave and help her out, but if she's going to have the baby, she has to stay home and her husband cannot AFFORD to stay at home cos he has to be the only working, won't be spending much time at home helping her out, paying for bills, paying the rent and so on. How does he even think he can cope with that?

Maybe he has a friend who is telling him to start taking control of his home but come onnnnn, is he a day old child? he should know better. This request of his is absurd and I am so happy to read a man's opinion on this

well we can all understand that this man is very young....the fact that he is saying that:"it is better for a woman to born young, so she can later work on her body and still look better, instead of leaving it when you are a bit older." shows us all that this man values looks/body over education. his woman's looks is much more important than her education, and therefore, they should dismiss her education in favor of her looks.

also, unless they want to have only ONE child (which i doubt), there is no way this lady will raise her child and then in a few yrs go back to school...... and then continue their family after she finally finishes her education. that whole plot is just a way to get her to start the family and comp0letely forget about her education.

Yes, come to think of it,y do men marry?
answer... Men marry to get replica or their replacement and in time to get energy and resources to train the children b/4 his bones get feeble and weak.
Now our Dear lady is married and she dont want to make babies for her huby at least 4now.
You did not tell us how long that study will last. But no matter what CHILDREN ARE THE ALTIMATE GOAL IN MARRIAGE AS FAR AS AFRICAN PERSPECTIVE IS CONCERN. You are not in the west. So obey as your huby demand of you.

Rokiatu Honey, concerning your "secret" marriage, congratulations are in order.

Was just going through the "advices" people are giving you on the forum and one thing is for sure - Nairaland is full of villagers.

I think so far, Jennykadry has given you the best advice.

Good Girl: Rokiatu Honey, concerning your "secret" marriage, congratulations are in order.

Was just going through the "advices' people are giving you on the forum and one thing is for sure - Nairaland is full of villagers.

I think so far, Jennykadry has given you the best advice.

Didn't you get the memo?

basher:

How does having a baby wreck a woman's body? I used to know this single mum that had 7 kids, she was still good to go!

Jesus the kids of now a days are so naive. Do you have any idea the state of that womans p. uzzy? Seven kids = expressway.

Op, I wish u'd waited for him to atleast finish before u got married. Having and catering for a child is not easy, but ur husband too wants to be called 'daddy'. I don't tink its cos he's insecure, I tink its cos he's a married man and he feels its high time he starts having his own kids... No matter how unrealistic it myt turn out to be.
I won't advice u to av a child now, so it wld b gud if you could talk to him again. Heart to heart, u guys av a bunch of life n years ahead of u... Diaz still time. Be sweet and make him understand, but if he's still reluctant, my dear u can't just disobey him like that. Have the kid, that shdn't stop your education.
U said u re not mentally ready, u work towards being ready.
U c, Jennykadry's advice is actually good, bt it wld av been perfect if given months or weeks to your wedding. If u decide to go with ur wish n make ur husband unhappy... U might not like the outcome.
All the best

Well i'm sure that better experienced people have adviced enough. My own here na to do aproko...
So even Madam Rokiatu needs advice? Eh?

my dear pls dont play pranx here ok.jst give him wat he want or he'll get a baby somewhere n dat will b a hrtbrk 4 u.
he needs a child now n not later.be wise n dnt b carried away by wat u tink is good 4 ur tot.shikina

Hey madam you make ur stand clear b4 the marriage! yeah every man would go by that. But after marriage its a different ball game.in this matter you have to submit to ur husband

@Rokiatu if u aint ready to bear kids for now, i think Hotie tima is willing to help u out.
Atleast whn she don shoot one out then ur eyes go open

maclatunji:

Didn't you get the memo?

I did not oo!

Johndoe100:

Jesus the kids of now a days are so naive. Do you have any idea the state of that womans p. uzzy? Seven kids = expressway.

The level of sexist comments from disrespectful males on here is alarming.

Next time you want to use that "expressway" terminology, think of your mother. Let's see if you'll still want to be sexist.

Good Girl:

I did not oo!

Well, the memo states that: Most Nairalanders are villagers and we are happy to remain such.

life is not as we think so do wat wil plead him

madam i do not know but what i'll tell u is what i'll tell my sister if she were in your shoes. What is worth doing is worth doing well, the essence of marriage is to legalise sex as no man can be charge for wrong doing for consentually sleeping with his wife so why reject God favor. If u had known u were not intending to get pregnant soon why get married. U see sometimes a man loves his kids because because of their mother and other times a man loves his wife because of his kids. So what would u do when u beloveth husband turns cold towards you. On what bases do u appease him. A word is gud enough for the wise

rokiatu: Please how can I make my new husband understand that I am not yet ready to have kids? I have said everything under the sun, but he don't seem to understand. I luv him very much but I want to complete my study before I start having my kids. I told him that, but he insist I have atleast one, and then complete my study. And before marriage, I told him my plan i mean this has never been a secret to him. Now suddenly he have changed his mind and seem to be sticking to it. I don't want to disrespect my husband, but then again, I am not at all ready for motherhood. Please how do I make him come to term with this decision of mine?

Or if you have any other suggestion please do say.

SILLY MENTALITY OF WOMEN, when they are pretty young they give silly excuses of not wanting to marry yet, later in life they get frustrated and become desperate to marry. if they eventually marry, they come again with silly excuses of not wanting to have kids yet, later in life they start going from one miracle church to another crying for pregnancy and children.
once again i call it SILLY MENTALITY OF WOMEN

this doesnt make any sense, since you aint ready for child bearing, why get married i hope d guy gives ur neighbor belle, yeye girl

If u dont want to lose your dear husband to another woman that is ready to give him want he,i will advice you to consider him first then any other thing can come after.

^^only insecure women think that way.

Chimezie198: @Rokiatu if u aint ready to bear kids for now, i think Hotie tima is willing to help u out.
Atleast whn she don shoot one out then ur eyes go open

E diot, Tima is married. And I ran away from the romance section and posted this here cuz I needed serious advice. LOL Seriously I don't know how u landed here.

maclatunji:

Well, the memo states that: Most Nairalanders are villagers and we are happy to remain such.

Maclatunji is happy to be a villager? Okay, I see.

Good Girl:

Maclatunji is happy to be a villager? Okay, I see.

You forgot that you are from a hamlet pretending to be city gal.

dovenice: If u don't want to lose your dear husband to another woman that is ready to give him want he, i will advice advise you to consider him first then any other thing can come after.

SMH. Spoken like a true desparado. The type I recently discussed on . . .
https://www.nairaland.com/896093/can-you-go-down-knees#10424761

Dovenice Sweetie,
Getting married doesn't mean losing your individuality. You still have your individual dreams and ambitions to pursue. A marriage is a complimentary institution - in that, the two of you uplift each other where the other one cannot do it alone. However, you don't lose yourself in the process. It's a friendship, so the issue of relating with him in fear of losing him to another woman shouldn't arise (the assumption here is that you are friends). Both husband and wife can come to an understanding about how far they are both willing to go to make the other one happy as friends first. Am sure they can meet each other halfway.

And about this attitude of yours that you must give him a baby before another woman does. . . . What makes you think he cannot have another baby with another woman even after you've given him 4 children? Most times, couples need to have serious conversations concerning the decisions they make in their marriage. Either of you cannot impose your ideologies down each other's throats. If for instance your husband throws a key into the ocean and says "Fetch!", will you dive into the ocean without questioning him? Oh, let me guess. You will "fetch" because if you don't, another woman whose ready and willing to drown will snatch your husband, right?

maclatunji:

You forgot that you are from a hamlet pretending to be city gal.

Okay. Now that hurts Maclatunji. That really hurts.

Good Girl:

SMH. Spoken like a true desparado. The type I recently discussed on . . .
https://www.nairaland.com/896093/can-you-go-down-knees#10424761

Dovenice Sweetie,
Getting married doesn't mean losing your individuality. You still have your individual dreams and ambitions to pursue. A marriage is a complimentary institution - in that, the two of you uplift each other where the other one cannot do it alone. That's why you must both be strong for each other. You don't lose yourself in the process. It's a friendship, so the issue of relating with him in fear of losing him to another woman shouldn't arise (the assumption here is that you are friends). Both husband and wife can come to an understanding about how far they are both willing to go to make the other one happy as friends first. Am sure they can meet each other halfway.

And about this attitude of yours that you must give him a baby before another woman does. . . . What makes you think he cannot have another baby with another woman even [i]after [/i]you've given him 4 children? Most times, couples need to have serious conversations concerning the decisions they make in their marriage. Either of you cannot impose your ideologies down each other's throats. If for instance your husband throws a key into the ocean and says "Fetch!", will you dive into the ocean without questioning him? Oh, let me guess. You will "fetch" because if you don't, another woman whose ready and willing to drown will snatch your husband, right?

Good Girl Gone Bad!

The problem with women like you is that with all of your fancy concepts and ideologies, you still whine and complain when we men react to your "Individuality" by acting out our own version of "Individuality" be it through a second wife or woman.

How ironic can you believe rokiatu that has given some sensible piece of advice to people is herself now acting dumb. You don't need NLDERs to tell you you are making a mistake just go and tell your parent's what you just wrote up there. If they support you then I wish your husband Goodluck. Omo ale jatijati to ro pe australia lo n wa.

Guitarlife: How ironic can you believe rokiatu that has given some sensible piece of advice to people is herself now acting dumb. You don't need NLDERs to tell you you are making a mistake just go and tell your parent's what you just wrote up there. If they support you then I wish your husband Goodluck. Omo ale jatijati to ro pe australia lo n wa.

Oga, why the insult now?