Check out this project: SHADOWS OF SUNLIGHT, Uba's Project. You can download screenplay, review and rate script. Follow project progress on Amazon studio to become a Hollywood movie. Pls kindly rebroadcast. Thanks.
http://studios.amazon.com/projects/9803

Interested in a standard 13 episode TV scripts? Drama, intrigue, suspense? TV rights for Mind Games is available. Contact me. mydaxz@gmail.com .

I have three movies in nigeria cinemas. If you are a producer, you should be talking to me.

You're the writer of the above mentioned script?

Yes I am. Hope you like it.

mydaxz: Yes I am. Hope you like it.

Kudos for the effort.

One of the things about scriptwriting is we as Nigerians do too much 'tell, tell, tell instead of show, show, show'. At the very start I noticed 'Germany 1976' and started reading. I am pretty sure no teacher from that era, and especially not in Germany, would ever tell her students to address her by her first name in class... it just would not happen.

Back to the basics between 'telling' and 'showing'... if we can't SEE it on the screen then don't write it. Remember once it comes to 'Hollywood' it is so hard to get the first 10 pages of your script read.
Second paragraph of the script you write - Eva is... 'painfully shy'; Isabella is... 'the sort of girl that attracts attention' - those character traits have to be SHOWN not TOLD of - figure out how to let the 'audience' see what you are thinking.
Immediately after that you write - We SEE Eva's father's car parked outside the house - How do we know it's her father's car? Again you've told us... not shown us.

The general life of a 'script' here is that it will pass through a 'reader' first... this is a practically bottom-of-the-ladder kind of guy that can easily have 100 scripts to go through... many get thrown into the bin on page ONE. Also don't write any form of CAMERA DIRECTIONS ie CUT TO window, BURN INTO room - things like that will guarantee a script being tossed immediately.

Seriously it's so not like Nigeria where I guess everything will be read, I know it sounds pretty harsh but it's the simple truth for UK/US. Do a ton more research into scriptwriting then rework the script. The first problem Nigerian filmaking runs into is a lack of good scriptwriters but once again, a good effort. Keep on learning, read as many 'produced' Hollywood-type scripts as you can to see what made them pop and how things are written so we can SEE... and realistic dialogue; it was pretty easy to notice that the 'white' people really don't speak like that... and had Nigerian mannerisms.

Good luck with everything.

Thanks so much. I am actually aiming to rework the script to make it more of spec. Not that its any justification, but the script was one of my very earliest when I was just starting writing 7 years ago.Now I have discovered final draft. I will redraft it and address these good observations. It's very dificult writing about a foreign country where one has not been to and I am aware of this lapses. I see many foreign films depicting Africa and Africans and I smile to myself. I guess I am guilty of not doing enough research also. Thank you for your objective criticism. The redraft will certainly be an improvement. Good one!

You're welcome. My writing was exactly the same when I started; all my teachers could see I wrote dialogue as a Nigerian and also did too much 'telling'... it was funny though. But one of the good things about being Nigerian is we HAVE stories.
Final Draft is pretty good; I think I started using it when it was on version 5 or so... also look into Celtx which is free and very good too. I'll send you an email to share some stuff and keep in touch.

Thank you so much. I look forward to your mail and getting to know you better. Cheers.

Followin d thread & enjoyin every bit of it. @villageboi, i like d way u dished out d corrections without hesitation, a bit harsh but so in order. The stuff u get only from ppl who care.

@mydaxs, gud work. & the way u acknowledged ur mistakes is so matured & i tink u‘ll improve greatly. Ur efforts are in place.

Am a script writer too, an actor & a producer. I really had a hard tym producing my first movie cos of the “tell“ instead of “show“ tin. A bit of my saving grace was cos most of the artists i used are professionals (Jim Iyke, Ngozi Ezeonu, Chiwetalu Agu etc) they help me a lot. & cos my story was unique, so unlike the storylines we hav on screen in nollywood, so the movie was a success. After i noticed d nuaces, i started downloadin produced hollywood scripts 2 read & improve. I‘ll appreciate if u guys carry me along too.
I can be contacted @ risingstarsfilmproject@gmail.com.
Thanks guys

Followin d thread & enjoyin every bit of it. @villageboi, i like d way u dished out d corrections without hesitation, a bit harsh but so in order. The stuff u get only from ppl who care.

@mydaxz, gud work. & the way u acknowledged ur mistakes is so matured & i tink u‘ll improve greatly. Ur efforts are in place.

Am a script writer too, an actor & a producer. I really had a hard tym producing my first movie cos of the “tell“ instead of “show“ tin. A bit of my saving grace was cos most of the artists i used are professionals (Jim Iyke, Ngozi Ezeonu, Chiwetalu Agu etc) they help me a lot. & cos my story was unique, so unlike the storylines we hav on screen in nollywood, so the movie was a success. After i noticed d nuaces, i started downloadin produced hollywood scripts 2 read & improve. I‘ll appreciate if u guys carry me along too.
I can be contacted @ risingstarsfilmproject@gmail.com.
Thanks guys

Hi Terry, welcome to the conversation and thank you. I have just sent you mydaxz an email. I hope you both find it to be interesting.

Thank you very much, terry and villageboi. I got your email. I will reply. I believe we have a lot to benefit from each other. Thanks.

Great! I'm looking forward to hearing from you guys. I think there is so much we can do if we are determined and put our brains and skills together.

Watch the trailer copy of my first film here http://vimeo.com/43151929. Please let me know what you think.

[img]http://www.50centloseweight.com[/img]

VillageBoi: Great! I'm looking forward to hearing from you guys. I think there is so much we can do if we are determined and put our brains and skills together.

I like this.

Gents I must apologise to Terry & Mydaxz... so sorry I have not been around. We did email a few times and I will write to you guys again. Totally enjoyed our convos. Welcome to the tread Murphy... I checked out your trailer.

Welcome back villageboi, welcome 2 d thread murphy, & hello mydaxz. I hope u guys watched d trailer of my 1st production.
Well i did it last year, i‘m proud of it 4 few reasons;
1. Its my first work.
2. I‘ll get lots of honest criticisms from it which i‘ll learn from & hopefully get beta.
3. I wrote it.

Well brothers, I have a much bigger dream, to make movies the way movies should be made. Right now i am workin on a soap opera which i intend 2 make a huge difference. Maybe i should send you guys a mail, cos i need all d advice i can get, i also need writers 4 the story. I hav d story, i‘ve started screenplaying it already. But i need more creative writers since its large.

Oops, I think I'm the only one without contact info here. My email addy is - aneleonwuka@btinternet.com