Some may find this hard to believe but the title for this note has been on my mind for the past nine months. To sit down and write was just something I could not bring myself to do. And it became like a thorn in my mind.

Dale Carnegie, in his classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, said, “The most important desire of a man is the desire to be important.” This note will tow along that line.

Everybody needs attention. We all crave for a listening ear, a pat on the back, a hug. When I look around today and see the spate of obscene dress codes all around I try to look beyond the veneer of seduction like most people will claim as the reason behind it. What I see are people crying for attention.

Shrinks know this better. Most of the people that pay them for those sessions are just there because they need someone to talk to. Marriage counselors will also affirm this. Many of the challenges couples face will melt away if they spent a little more time to talk. Sometimes all the lady needs is just a hug from her man. But when that hug is missing, things that would have been unimportant now become important. That’s when where to press the toothpaste tube now becomes a big issue.

A large chunk of the ladies we see that dress in ways guys term “seductive” are not really out to seduce guys. Most of them dress that way because it gives them the attention they don’t get when they dress otherwise. Deep down is a lady who just wants to be hugged; a lady who just wants to be listened to; a lady who wants to share her story but has no one to listen to her.

It takes a higher level of discipline to find your sense of self worth in yourself. For most people, their self esteem is derived from those around them. And when they can’t get that hug, in a manner of speaking, from those around them, they either withdraw into their own shells or do everything possible to get that attention, even if it means walking naked.

Even a child wants you to recognize its presence. Nobody wants to feel worthless. So if we will learn to be a little bit more receptive to people, a lot of things will change. Your productivity is also a function of your sense of self-worth. So, if we make those around us feel important they will perform better. John Maxwell will always say, “If you treat people like a ten, they will ultimately perform like a ten.”

I need a hug, don’t let my masculinity deceive you. You need a hug; we all need hugs. To the man: When was the last time you just held her in your arms? Not because you want sex, but just to let her know you really love her. To the woman: The last time you sat on his laps was five years ago, before you got married, when the butterflies were still flying. What happened after you said “I do?”

When she’s telling you about her day in the office, it’s not because she wants you to show your prowess in problem solving. She just wants to empty her tank. All she wants you to do is to listen.

You see, when we begin to realize that lots of people are just craving for attention, it will help put a lot of things in perspective. All those “irreconcilable differences” that we hear about every now and then leading to divorces will just fizzle out if both parties will just learn to pay attention to one another. When she says, “I have a headache.” All she could be saying is, “Please hold me in your arms I need a hug.”

Thanks,
Mute Efe (www.facebook.com/mutehimself)
+234-803-874-9796