Extract from Guilt and Redemption

Drained of colour. That’s how she looked as she lay there in the foetal position with her uncombed long hair, spreading out on to the pillow behind her, while the rumpled white hospital bed sheet was pulled up to her chin. There was a drip stand on the side of her bed nearer the wall and a tube ran from the drip and disappeared beneath the covers of the sheet. Tanya’s babushka sat on a plastic orange chair at the other side of her bed and was backing me as I walked in.

My eyes met with Tanya’s. And I noticed that hers looked so swollen; these are the eyes of someone who has shed a lot of tears. They have started to well up again with tears as I approach. Babushka must have sensed that somebody is approaching because at that moment she had turned around to face me.
Tanya’s cracked lips started to open; those lips, which are usually full of colour now look so pale and almost lifeless. She almost killed herself…

“Kasi…” she called out weakly”….you came”
“But of course…”
“Babushka, this is Kasi…the person I talk about all the time…”
She looked at me. There was no anger in her pale blue eyes…there was no blame. Hers was the probing eyes of someone trying to understand something…trying to remember, as though she was staring inwards into the past.
“Have we met before…somewhere?”
“I don’t think so…”

“But I have seen your face before…I can’t remember where, but I have seen you before…”
“I don’t remember…”
“I will leave you two to talk, but I will remember…” she said getting up from her chair and as she did so I noticed that she was a very tall woman and was quite hefty in her body build. But there was no other physical resemblance to Tanya other than the height.
“Tanya, why did you try to kill yourself…?” I started saying once babushka left the room.
“I didn’t want to…I didn’t want to live anymore, I…”
“But why!”

“I saw you with that girl…that…” her voice sounded so weak, as If she was straining to talk” …excuse me, my throat is so dry … I need a glass of water…it’s on the table over there?
“What did you take?”
“I took all the tablets from my babushkas medicine cabinet…”
“But Tanya…”
“You told me that there was nothing between you and that girl…but I saw you”
“That girl is just my colleague…”

“But she’s that same person you had stared at…at that party and…”she started to cough.
“We don’t have to talk about this now you know…”
“No we need to…”
“It’s because of her that you can’t tell me that you love me anymore…”
“But…but even if that is true, that’s no reason for you to kill yourself”
“Is it true then? I cannot continue to live if you do not love me!”
“I care for you a lot. Honestly, but I…”
”You don’t…love me…!” she whispered “…say it”
“This is not just about love…I need to sort out the way I feel about myself. I no longer understand myself. I don’t even know what love is anymore!”
“But you told me that you love me…”

“Maybe I do, but we both need time away from each other…”
“You promised that you will never leave me…” the tears had started to roll down her cheeks again-tiny rivulets of crystal clear teardrops, rolling down her ashen face. She looks so fragile…and it’s all because of me…
“Tanya, please…try to understand”
“I understand and I can’t live without you…”
“I’ll be away for the next six weeks. I am travelling to England. You need the time away from me to recover and I will use the time to sort out my feelings. I am leaving for Moscow tomorrow…”
“Tomorrow?!” she whispered and I could sense the burden of fear in her voice.
“Yes, but…please don’t do anything to yourself again….I will not be able to live with myself if you do.”

At that moment, babushka popped her head around the door. “Are you two finished talking? I remember why I think I have seen you before!” she announced as she came in without giving us the opportunity to answer her question. “…I have seen those eyes before…I have seen them in some very old pictures. You will come around to my place and I will show you the pictures”
“Whose pictures are they?” both Tanya and I asked at the same time surprised.

“They are pictures of Tanya’s father…”

Thanks Angel_empty!
It is a book-in-the making and is not yet out in the market.

pls can i get some more excerpts?

The book should be out next year.

If romance and psychological thrillers are your interests, then I would advise that you wait for the book;the wait will certainly be worthwhile…I promise.

About the book:
Do people still fall in love at first sight or is it just an idle fantasy, which is found only in the make believe world of literature and movies? Or is love at first sight the acting out of an unconscious psychological narrative?

This story tries to answer these questions and gives a biographical account of a young man’s quest to be redeemed from an inexplicable guilt, in the process of which he also learns to resolve a distressing love conflict. The story is set in the late 80’s and begins in Nigeria but gradually unfolds in the Southern Russian city of Rostov-on-Don during the last days of the USSR…

Here are links to some of the excerpts, which I have posted on this forum:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-89244.0.html

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-93184.0.html

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-97249.0.html

If you feel up to it, you can click on my blog and you will be able to read a considerable rough draft of the manuscript there. The problem with that is;
1. The online draft is not properly edited.
2. Offline there’s been a lot of revisions from what’s on the blog
3. I have stopped posting on the blog because I wouldn’t want to spoil the fun for the people who would like to enjoy the book proper.

@Angel_empty,

1. I find the following resource to be useful:
http://www.writersworkshop.co.uk/resources.htm#writing

2.  I have been experimenting with different writing styles and i am finding that writing in the present tense allows me to express myself a lot better.

All the best and thanks once again.

Beneli,
I want you to try the best publishers for this book.

Seek out the Nigerian novelists in the UK and let them help you to make sure that this book is well published.

I know a very well established Nigerian thriller writer who spends over $5, 000 to edit each of his novels, and the grammar is perfect, but the novels are not yet well appreciated.
The readers have not been hooked.

@Angel_empy
I apologise for the mispelling!
The reference I gave you the links for has really helped me in my characterization and plotting. I will also take some of their advice on avoiding cliches and other such things that makes for a good novel. Hopefully i should be starting on the final draft within the next few weeks.

@Orikinla
I'll do my best to make contact with the Nigerian novelists who are based here, as you have advised. I want to polish up  the book first and then i'll start reaching out to them-it will probably be through their agents though.

But thanks again for your encouragement and kind words.