Am a married woman,got married 2yrs ago.i was working with an it firm wen i got married.my husband lives in europe.our marriage was going well until we agreed i quit my job cos of my visa processing to join him and then learn a handiwork either †☺ sew or braid.i moved back to ♍Ɣ parents house last year and since then,♍Ɣ husband has changed from good to worse.anytime i ask him for money for ♍Ɣ upkeep,he tells me he doesnt have even though A̶̲̥̅♏ pregnant.NB: he uses †☺ send ‎​♍Ε enough money wen i was working,ΒƱζ now,τ̣̣ђё story is exactly the opposite.
I've been wondering y he changed,is it because i moved in with ♍Ɣ parents or wat, aπϑ ♍Ɣ parents are not rich,they are struggling to survive,so i keep wondering y he should just quit taking care of his pregnant wife.if i wasn't pregnant,i wouldn't mind ΒƱζ A̶̲̥̅♏ pregnant aπϑ almost due(our 1st baby).

Right now,am so frustrated dat most times i cry myself to sleep,I've thot of ways †☺ make things better for ‎​♍Ε,ΒƱζ no one ѠȊ̝̊̅ℓℓ employ an almost due pregnant woman.

Right now,i have made up my mind to get a boyfriend for myself once i deliever my baby,cos I've got †☺ make ends meet,I've got ♍Ɣ struggling parents †☺ take care of,♍Ɣ siblings are still in school,and a baby on the way,i cant just fold ♍Ɣ hands aπϑ watch uus suffer.♍Ɣ parents are trying and they cant continue taking care of ‎​♍Ε(financially and otherwise) now dat am married.

Will getting another bf solve ur problm? Y dnt u go and meet ur husband's parents and explain the situation to them so they can talk to their son and if possible move in with them (parents inlaw)

And that is the best solution you can profer for yourself? How will a boyfriend solve your problem? How about getting a job after the baby? How about using the craft you learnt to start making ends meet?

uboma: Will getting another bf solve ur problm? Y dnt u go and meet ur husband's parents and explain the situation to them so they can talk to their son and if possible move in with them (parents inlaw)

His mum Iڪ late and his dad stays in the village,i should move in wit him and add to his burden?

iaabc: And that is the best solution you can profer for yourself? How will a boyfriend solve your problem? How about getting a job after the baby? How about using the craft you learnt to start making ends meet?

Still i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ process of learning a craft,and i stopped for a while cos am having a little complications in ♍Ɣ pregnancy so ♍Ɣ doctor advised i should stay off stress.getting another job,i'll be due i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ sept, aπϑ i cant just leave ♍Ɣ baby till maybe after 3months before getting another job

I'm trying to understand something - in your current state what is on your mind is getting a boyfriend? na wah o!! marriage vows are very cheap these days!!

Have you asked your husband why he is behaving like this?

cotton101: I'm trying to understand something - in your current state what is on your mind is getting a boyfriend? na wah o!! marriage vows are very cheap these days!!

Have you asked your husband why he is behaving like this?

Yes,getting a boyfriend is τ̣̣ђё only thing on mind,he comes back twice a year, aπϑ doesnt send money for ♍Ɣ upkeep,(dat's some marriage resposibilty)
Ask him y he Iڪ behaving like dis? Wen he calls ‎​♍Ε everyday †☺ reassure ‎​♍Ε of his "love for ‎​♍Ε"
I know wat you are thinkin, aπϑ i thot about it too,nobody Iڪ going †☺ approve of it even myself ΒƱζ am so frustrated right now,i stay up @ night thinkin aπϑ ♍Ɣ bp is above normal for a pregnant woman and @ ♍Ɣ age too.i cant be a faithful wife in τ̣̣ђё grave and if anything happens †☺ ‎​♍Ε,i bet he ѠȊ̝̊̅ℓℓ dump ♍Ɣ kids wit ♍Ɣ parents aπϑ get married sharply

Whoever is your adviser is doing a good job at it as I can see

Have you ever taken responsibility for your own very dumb and silly actions? Which woman in this day and age will quit her job because a man told her to without a back up plan in place?

How very wise of you

And †☺ think dat wenever he comes home,he spends dat money dat he says dat he doesnt have,like his lie Iڪ going †☺ end the next day. I dont feel like a wife @ all,i feel like a pregnant girlfriend.

jennykadry: Whoever is your adviser is doing a good job at it as I can see

Have you ever taken responsibility for your own very dumb and silly actions? Which woman in this day and age will quit her job because a man told her to without a back up plan in place?

How very wise of you

Yes i understand you and A̶̲̥̅♏ regretting it too,ΒƱζ he was nicer then aπϑ i quit †☺ learn a craft cos,it fetches more money in europe ,cos even wit a masters degre, Ɣ☺ΰ‎​​ cant get τ̣̣ђё kind of job dat'll pay well i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ europe,xcept Ɣ☺ΰ‎​​ go †☺ their language school go for a job training for six months or a year,nd all dat Iڪ going †☺ take almost 2yrs.so i quit †☺ learn a craft, aπϑ @ dat time it wasn't a bad decision,ΒƱζ now,i can see its sooooooo wrong a decision †☺ take

poster I quit my job cos my husband told me to (so jenny lay off her - yes it was a stupid decision and I have carried the cross) But I had a lot of money saved so. anyway.............moving on to boyfriend issue

poster my child is over 1 and from the moment of conception until tomorrow I have not seen a kobo from her father - did I get a boyfriend - na wah o - man was the LAST thing on my mind, what do you plan to teach ur child when he/she is born - when the going gets tough commit adultery?? I don't even want to start to say I understand what your going thru cos being pregnant with no money is completely different from being pregnant and broke in the UK. But my dear boyfriend is not the way forward. What are u even going to be doing with him heavily pregnant??

I suggest you stop talking to this ur husband cos calling him is not doing anything for you, when he calls answer him after all he is still ur husband but stop calling and crying cos it is obviously not touching him. Is there nobody who can talk sense into him - honestly I don't know why these men place curses on their own irresponsible heads - and then tomorrow wonder why bad things keep happening to them - KMT.

I can c u married him 4 d word europe or d money he had. Is ur type dat wont even mourn 4 a month. Y nt put him in prayer

cotton101: poster I quit my job cos my husband told me to (so jenny lay off her - yes it was a stupid decision and I have carried the cross) But I had a lot of money saved so. anyway.............moving on to boyfriend issue

poster my child is over 1 and from the moment of conception until tomorrow I have not seen a kobo from her father - did I get a boyfriend - na wah o - man was the LAST thing on my mind, what do you plan to teach ur child when he/she is born - when the going gets tough commit adultery?? I don't even want to start to say I understand what your going thru cos being pregnant with no money is completely different from being pregnant and broke in the UK. But my dear boyfriend is not the way forward. What are u even going to be doing with him heavily pregnant??

I suggest you stop talking to this ur husband cos calling him is not doing anything for you, when he calls answer him after all he is still ur husband but stop calling and crying cos it is obviously not touching him. Is there nobody who can talk sense into him - honestly I don't know why these men place curses on their own irresponsible heads - and then tomorrow wonder why bad things keep happening to them - KMT.

‎​​†h♌nkڪ

chaircover: First of all I dont think that the husband is financially able in the first instance and that is why 2 years after marriage, wifey is still In Nigeria. If he is on good standing financially/immigration status, visa processing shouldn't take 2 years. Maybe he is one of these people who borrow money or work triple shifts just to make enough money to show off for a 3 week holiday in Nigeria, thus bamboozling people into thinking that they are financially OK when they are actually living hand to mouth.

The fact the husband did not rent a house even if it meant downsizing to a smaller property for his wife, but sent her back home to live with her parents speaks volumes. It also leaves a bad taste in the mouth because a serious husband will send his wife to HIS family and not back to hers.

The problem with many of us is that we choose not to think and we leave important decisions that concern our life to be made by other people. Yes he told you to quit your job and learn a trade but did you carry out any investigations on his actual financial capability or whether in fact you can still work and learn a trade part time. What is his immigration status over there and how long were you told that it will take to get your papers? Did you even think about learning the trade in Europe; must the trade be learnt in Nigeria only? Her husband told her to give up her job fair enough, but did she come up with any reasons why it isnt a good idea not to give up that job just yet and humbly put those across to him?

Anyway back to the question, IMO the boyfriend angle will only complicate issues. What you should concentrate on is finding a job or finishing that training ASAP and get back on your feet.

Wishing you all the best

If he wasn't finanicailly able dear, i won't be dis bitter,i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ ♍Ɣ post dis Iڪ a new behaviour which i dont understand started after i moved back home and got pregnant,which i still dont nderstand y,as for taking 2 yrs †☺ process a visa,he Iڪ financially able aπϑ his status,he Iڪ a legal citizen aπϑ works i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ a good firm.he has sent all τ̣̣ђё neccessary docments and letter of invitation for family reunion,there was just a little disparity i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ ♍Ɣ mum's signature wit ♍Ɣ age affidavit aπϑ they had †☺ leagalize ♍Ɣ arriage documents only aπϑ told ‎​♍Ε †☺ go bak aπϑ redo τ̣̣ђё age declaration aπϑ wait for their lawyers †☺ come again for verification,so τ̣̣ђё travelling part isnt his fault aπϑ by τ̣̣ђё time they'll come again,i'd already put †☺ bed or i won't be fit †☺ travel,so we decided †☺ wait dis time till after delivery plus i moved back home cos it was parenys address i used i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ all ♍Ɣ documents so it was there τ̣̣ђё lawyers came.♍Ɣ problem Iڪ dat he finds it difficult †☺ send ‎​♍Ε money these days for ♍Ɣ upkeep aπϑ hospital checkups, aπϑ for τ̣̣ђё fact dat ♍Ɣ health doesnt move him. Or Iڪ it becos A̶̲̥̅♏ home and dat watever happens,♍Ɣ parents are there.

Cotton101

Did you see the part where I wrote "without a back up plan" or you just chose to ignore it because you are guilt of the same thing?

Why would a woman give up her job(who does that now) because a man told her to and blame the man for not financially supporting her? Even if he was and all of a sudden stopped for reasons best known to him or reasons he had no control over, isn't it the more reason why a woman who has a good job in Nigeria needs to keep her job as one source of income can be very dangerous?

Even I cannot give up my career because a man asked me to, that man can disappoint me tomorrow and who will get the blame? Me

The problem With we Nigerians is, we are so eager to apportion blame to everybody but ourselves . Op should accept it, she fcuuked up big time. Leave a good job to learn sewing? You've got to be kidding me

jenny we dey fight - na wah o!! I didn't blame my ex after all love was blinding me to quit a very good job to become a housewife - difference is I had my own house and money saved in the bank as back up but sitting home everyday as a housewife - gosh some of us women are not built for that "career"

The one that is annoying me is the boyfriend issue - I did so much to make ends meet and not completely finish my savings - heck I even had a holiday b4 i started working again. my point is what kind of man will sustain u, ur baby ur ante/post natal bills and accept u as a married woman, i'm just wondering what kind of moves u plan to do in the bedroom with ur ever expanding stomach

We no dey fight at all we are both saying the same thing but I guess I am addressing it right from the root. She left her good paying job cos a man told her to without any second plan. Now that the said man does not give her a dime she wants to get a boyfriend to pay her bills how low can she get? Can it get any lower? If she was not silly enough to give up her job in the first place would all this unnecessary drama of looking for a job or moving back in with her parents crepe up in the first place?

She is the architect of her problem, she is busy making excuses for herself. She is blaming her husband instead of blaming herself and accusing his lack of financial support for being the reason why she wants a boyfriend. I don't support this man but someone needs to slap this op in the face and be done with it.

I don't see the crime she has committed by quitting her job to learn a craft. It was a plan between she and her husby. It made sense at that time. For goodness sake they are married and people make sacrifices to keep a marriage afloat. The man let her down. Whether quitting her job or not was an error and lack of foresight on her part I really can't say. What if she refused to quit her job and learn a craft, he probably would have said she is too proud, uncooperative, not submissive etc.

We must always take in to fact that he used to be a good provider so the change to a meanie is recent. What went wrong? At first I was of the opinion that he is not financially stable but you say he is financially ok. Could you do a double check on his financial situation.

Boyfriend will not solve your problem and why should you die because your husband stopped providing for you? Don't be weak. Yes parents are poor, you got siblings but right now they are not your problem. Your problem is your welfare. What can you do to help yourself. Trading? We know what the job market is in Nigeria it may take you a long while before you get a job so you must create other alternatives.

In the meanwhile try to present your situation to your husband logically without tears and cursing. Something went wrong somewhere.

Despite the Nigerian situation, for you to think of getting a boyfriend while married speaks a lot. It seems to me you are used to taking the easy way out. This time don't.

That is the problem with some of you Naija. You think because someone is in Abroad means that person is rich and your problems are solved. Don't marry someone that will remain in Abroad and you yourself will remain in Naija and always think twice before entering such relationship. Well what can i say, pray that he send some money to you or else you will suffer... Good luck.

Don't mind them. What happened to going part time or looking for a part time job? You just relaxed because oga said so. The same oga you don't know what he does except believe what he told you. You have no idea how his business or work was fairing you just chose to make a life wrecking decision. You said he ws capable , do you live with him? How you take know? Oh yea he was sending you EURO's every month. Wish you well in your quest for a boyfriend. Hiss

@ jennykadry i agree with you my dear ahe deserve more than a slap cheers to her in her quest for a boyfriend

jennykadry: Whoever is your adviser is doing a good job at it as I can see

Have you ever taken responsibility for your own very dumb and silly actions? Which woman in this day and age will quit her job because a man told her to without a back up plan in place?

How very wise of you

for your information poster remember your wedding vows for richer for poorer learn to live with it its your choice and your decision

u are just bein selfish av u eva ask ur self,hw he s managin the crisis, especially in europe my dear,dont be 2 self centerd....try and really find out what the mater is wit him..as u can see,jobs are bein close down,because of the crisis they are facin.mayb,he hard try talkin to u,but u choose not to understand.

. One of the very funny threads I have read. Madam you come across as one of those girls that will only marry and be faithful to the highest bidder as long as the money comes in constantly. Now, I believe your husband knows this and may have lost his livelihood but is scared of telling you because you will dump him. You come across as very childish. I think your pregnancy hormones are also contributing to your present state of temporary madness. I think if you actually and calmly ask him what is going on, and assure him that you will not dump him, am sure you will hear the truth. In more ways than one, you have told us about your ability to get boyfriends even in your present state. Calm and free your mind, also relax and think about ways you can support your young family. Going to sewing school in your condition will not kill you.You can also send a younger one to buy things in the market you can resell at home or to your work colleagues. Your husband can also send things you can resell. Sometimes when a gift like a baby is about to come, you go through some tough times. But when the baby arrives everything will start to get better. Just calm down, understand the you are hormonal and most likely irrational right now. Try to think about having your baby safely and contributing well to your young family. Am sure the guy didn't mean bad for you. He may be going through a lot of things he doesn't want to bother you with in your present situation.

The craft you learnt why don't you put it to use here in Nigeria instead of waiting till you get to europe.

Op i think you married this man cause of his money,if not u wunt leave ur job now there is no money you dey vex. Did u say boyfriend Which right thinking sane man will date a lady nursing a newborn baby?

Instead of u to fashi dat ur hubby for now,be strong forurself and ur unborn child,run around to friends,familymembers and see if u can raise some money to set up a small bizness to hold u and ur child in place till dis man relises his mistake....

For christ sake, if you have worked in an I.T firm before it means you are a graduate and if you are graduate it means you can get yourself a job. FYI, Europe is not a place to reside now. The recession is terrible, probably the fact your husband is not sending you money (the man must have even lost his job). Thinking of a boy-friend is absolutely ridiculous.

Read all your posts aπϑ ‎​​†h♌nkڪ y'all for your opinions aπϑ suggestions,i needed τ̣̣ђё trashing aπϑ every thing i got from you guys,that's y i came †☺ nairaland,ΒƱζ it still didnt make ‎​♍Ε feel any better cos wat kind of a man claim †☺ love a woman aπϑ not care abot her wellbeing,
Just last night,he called †☺ tell ‎​♍Ε he bought some clothes,shoes aπϑ other stuffs for ‎​♍Ε aπϑ τ̣̣ђё unborn baby, aπϑ he has excess luggage from τ̣̣ђё things he bought. He prefers i wear clothes aπϑ shoes than sending money for his wife's aπϑ unborn baby's upkeep?
Ɣ☺ΰ‎​​ guys have said Ÿ̲Ơ̴̴̴̴͡uя bit aπϑ i understand perfectly,ΒƱζ he who wears the sgoes knows where it pinches him

jennykadry: Cotton101

Did you see the part where I wrote "without a back up plan" or you just chose to ignore it because you are guilt of the same thing?

Why would a woman give up her job(who does that now) because a man told her to and blame the man for not financially supporting her? Even if he was and all of a sudden stopped for reasons best known to him or reasons he had no control over, isn't it the more reason why a woman who has a good job in Nigeria needs to keep her job as one source of income can be very dangerous?

Even I cannot give up my career because a man asked me to, that man can disappoint me tomorrow and who will get the blame? Me

The problem With we Nigerians is, we are so eager to apportion blame to everybody but ourselves . Op should accept it, she fcuuked up big time. Leave a good job to learn sewing? You've got to be kidding me

Thanks for this post....You dont know what you have saved by writing this.

MtcheWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

heygal: Read all your posts aπϑ ‎​​†h♌nkڪ y'all for your opinions aπϑ suggestions,i needed τ̣̣ђё trashing aπϑ every thing i got from you guys,that's y i came †☺ nairaland,ΒƱζ it still didnt make ‎​♍Ε feel any better cos wat kind of a man claim †☺ love a woman aπϑ not care abot her wellbeing,
Just last night,he called †☺ tell ‎​♍Ε he bought some clothes,shoes aπϑ other stuffs for ‎​♍Ε aπϑ τ̣̣ђё unborn baby, aπϑ he has excess luggage from τ̣̣ђё things he bought. He prefers i wear clothes aπϑ shoes than sending money for his wife's aπϑ unborn baby's upkeep?
Ɣ☺ΰ‎​​ guys have said Ÿ̲Ơ̴̴̴̴͡uя bit aπϑ i understand perfectly,ΒƱζ he who wears the sgoes knows where it pinches him

My dear...stop blaming your hubby..do you want to kill him?..do you know what type of job he is doing where he is to make ends meet? do you know all the bills he has to pay and how many jobs he has to work??

He asked you to leave your job, am sure only because you had been bugging him about leaving it in the first place, and you did, without no "back-up plan' [as jenny has said] and now you are looking for a boyfriend to meet your financial needs, really It is women like you that give women bad names and bad image....you better go and be teaching or find something to do. you had not even gotten the visa yet and you left your job!!!! this is serious!!!

@op It's time to wake up and stop blaming the man. I can't count the number of men I came across abroad who were struggling. One of my friends has been away from his wife and kids for over 6 yrs, going from one friend's house to another, sometimes sleeping on the streets, doing any kind of jobs to make ends meet and when he finally gets some euros, he sends to the wife instead of planning for his future. Guess what, the lady is reproaching him the exact same thing as you do to your husband. She is not there to see him fasting, praying, crying, struggling everyday. I'm telling you, if the guy wanted an easy way out he would easily have found someone to marry for papers and got himself a comfortable life, he can't even consider the idea because he respects and love his wife, who is blaming him for not sending more money and flying her to Europe...

This story is just one among many. Pls, trust us when we tell you things might not be rosy. You don't know what your husband went through to buy some clothes for you and the baby. Give him the benefit of the doubt, at least, the man is still calling and caring. It is a tough phase but you'll make it through. Try and complete learning the craft you wanted to learn, you might be able to fly to europe after delivering the baby or get another job in nigeria.

Good luck.

Right now,i have made up my mind to get a boyfriend for myself once i deliever my baby,cos I've got †☺ make ends meet,I've got ♍Ɣ struggling parents †☺ take care of,♍Ɣ siblings are still in school,and a baby on the way,i cant just fold ♍Ɣ hands aπϑ watch uus suffer.♍Ɣ parents are trying and they cant continue taking care of ‎​♍Ε(financially and otherwise) now dat am married.

My Dear,is better you end it well,,, is a pity,,,,but i must tell u....Take ur destiny into ur hand,,,,DONT just get a boyf,,,Get a very Rich boyf that can buy TOOLs from ME To BOMB dat moderfker ......Kill them all .Cheers,,,,